Passing time until I can lay down and meditate

[LookingForTruth]

Hey cool it's 1111 right now I've been seeing that a lot lately although I don't attribute it to any meaning but it might have meaning and what is meaning does anyone have moments where they have no idea what anything that goes through their head is I have moments like this for instance I ask what belief means then I realize I have no idea what belief is because I only have my thought and a feeling to tell me what that is and I don't know if it's correct because I have nothing to compare it to sometimes I realize that everything is imagination in my mind and I cease to believe anything at all in my head only for like 5 minutes or so then I go back to sleep by watching YouTube videos and getting lost

I really like ASMR Glow wish I could be with her she's such a unique woman I have this silly fantasy where if I find out who I am then maybe I can be with her but if I am infinite then eventually I will be with her

I'm distracting myself from back pain if you're wondering why I can't meditate right now I sure did put myself in quite the hellscape if I am the truth God universe whatever sometimes I resent myself for it because I have this belief system that I have adopted that all is 1 I am like a child in my head whining and complaining quite often really my voice speaks hope but my mind is poison

for me I am aware that direct experience is king right now in this moment is the only one that exists perhaps

I don't know if people believe what they say on these forums but some wild stuff has been said for me I find comfort in the belief of nothing although it's hard to retain it's so beautiful Being free of thoughts

it's very hard creating strings of logic in my mind now probably because I've been doing do nothing meditation for quite a while I think it's a blessing in a way because ignorance is bliss kind of like that guy from the matrix who ate the steak

well my intuition is saying that's enough so onto something else bye me

 

Edited January 1 by LookingForTruth