Toxic dating works better and it's killing me - how to stay authentic?

[Princess Arabia]

1 minute ago, Emerald said:

Exactly.

And as a word of warning to others about these hard-headed advice-giving guys and in general... don't take advice from anyone who doesn't already have the results that you want to achieve.

Don't take advice about how to become a millionaire from someone who isn't already a millionaire.

Don't take advice on how to fly a plane from someone who isn't already a pilot.

And don't take advice about how to have a relationship with a woman from someone who doesn't already have the kind of relationship you want to have... or that you may one day want to have.

You'll end up having to unlearn so many things, which is a lot more difficult once those ideas are already imbedded.

❤️❤️

[Buck Edwards]

Always take the advice that resonates with your personal experience. In fact advice is not even necessary. What's more important is to go out and get your own field experience and gradually learn from that. 

[Natasha Tori Maru]

Agree with Emerald in her assessment here.

It's unusual to find someone so diligent regarding radical open-mindedness, yet so closed off when it comes to the dynamics between men & women.

I enjoy the depths Leo brings in other areas.

This one I will have to tap out.

I know when to pick my battles.

Leo won't understand the message until someone comes along to totally smash apart these beliefs.

And it will take someone, and not a chemical, to do this.

Peace 

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

2 hours ago, ricachica said:

Interesting. What does your dating life look like?

It's honestly a completely irrelevant question and only made to discredit what I'm saying. Absolute majority of guys who are successfull with women wouldn't even be able to tell you why they are successfull with them (because they're successfull because of their looks of course) they certainly don't need some PUA MF to tell them how to. And most certainly don't need female friend to tell them how to either. But I'm sure you'll keep hanging on this point which I could not care less answering just to discredit me and stroke your ego in the process.

T.L.D.R.. : "Attracting women" isn't something you're supposed to "learn" how to do. Even an idea of that is retarded

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

7 hours ago, Buck Edwards said:

What benefit are you looking for? 

Only sex at this point. I love women but only physically. I don't like the software. To be completely honest with you

[AION]

If even Emerald doesn’t get it, it is a lost cause trying to explain it. I think it is part of the zeitgeist though. 

[Buck Edwards]

30 minutes ago, NewKidOnTheBlock said:

Only sex at this point. I love women but only physically. I don't like the software. To be completely honest with you

Haha. What do you not like about the software? Just curious. Do you think women have been toxic to you in the past? I'm curious to know because a lot of men don't open up. 

[Consept]

In terms of the character being attractive I dont think its overly complicated, it basically works this as i see it: When a woman goes on a first date with a man she has a certain attraction criteria box that she needs to check off, this could be she thinks hes good looking or interesting or fun but its personal to her. There are guys that most women would find attractive and guys that most wont but every guy falls within this polarity. This box basically means that she would see him again romantically and if the attraction and comfortability grows she would sleep with him. 

Once this box is checked off, she will then look at where to put him in terms of someone she would consider a long term option, she may just think hes a short term hook up, if this is the case she may not even sleep with him or she will sleep with him but not really take him seriously. If she decides hes a long term option, this will be based on character, kindness, resources etc as well as how much she feels he likes her, then she will try and do things and show signs that she wants something long term, this could also include just outright telling you what she wants and asking whether you feel the same. At that point its up to you in terms of what you want

 

[Buck Edwards]

6 minutes ago, Consept said:

In terms of the character being attractive I dont think its overly complicated, it basically works this as i see it: When a woman goes on a first date with a man she has a certain attraction criteria box that she needs to check off, this could be she thinks hes good looking or interesting or fun but its personal to her. There are guys that most women would find attractive and guys that most wont but every guy falls within this polarity. This box basically means that she would see him again romantically and if the attraction and comfortability grows she would sleep with him. 

Once this box is checked off, she will then look at where to put him in terms of someone she would consider a long term option, she may just think hes a short term hook up, if this is the case she may not even sleep with him or she will sleep with him but not really take him seriously. If she decides hes a long term option, this will be based on character, kindness, resources etc as well as how much she feels he likes her, then she will try and do things and show signs that she wants something long term, this could also include just outright telling you what she wants and asking whether you feel the same. At that point its up to you in terms of what you want

 

To be frank, we don't carry a laundry list when we go on dates. A woman's attraction pattern is whimsical although there's still some survival logic woven into it. But we don't put a lot of thought when we want a man, it's mostly spontaneous, we like a guy, it can be anything from his looks, his personality, his mannerisms, it doesn't really matter to us if we're attracted to him, there's no fixed definition to it, if you asked random women why they are attracted to their boyfriends or husbands they won't be able to come up with a definite answer because we don't plan ahead, we are opposite of the masculine, we dwell in the moment and experience spontaneous attraction and the man is lucky if many women like him or even if one does. The thought process usually happens later. We observe everything about the man we're interested in, women have a hawk eye for this. Women don't experience attraction rationally, but rather intuitively. So much of our mental operation in attraction happens subconsciously and without any calculation. One thing that most women calculate is resources. If the guy is not resourceful, most women are turned off whether they're independent financially is irrelevant. 

[gettoefl]

7 hours ago, Staples said:

Men and women will never understand each other. One would need two lifetimes as both genders to start to get it.

Language fails us here as we do not have the tools to convey the deep emotional responses we feel.

Better to just play in the mystery.

He wants as many as possible; she wants as few as possible.

[Buck Edwards]

Just now, gettoefl said:

He wants as many as possible; she wants as few as possible.

Women were socially conditioned from historic times to be with one man. 

[gettoefl]

6 hours ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

If this is your repeated experience, then, perhaps there is something to be learned.

You discount any experience that doesn't fit your narrative.

What I've noticed is women personalize everything and men generalize everything

In general I mean, which I can say since I am male.

[gettoefl]

4 minutes ago, Buck Edwards said:

Women were socially conditioned from historic times to be with one man. 

Yes. Hard to uncondition this.

[AION]

9 hours ago, Staples said:

Men and women will never understand each other. One would need two lifetimes as both genders to start to get it.

Language fails us here as we do not have the tools to convey the deep emotional responses we feel.

Better to just play in the mystery.

Nah, it is possible to understand the opposite sex as a guy from my experience. One really needs to go of one's identity to be able to. Especially on psychedelic trips it is possible to go in a woman's paradigm.

At the end we both have the masculine and feminine pole. The problem arises is when women come here and tell men what to do and how to think from their own POV.

Current zeitgeist is very feminist dominated so they have a lot of blind spots in the same way in the times of the patriarchy, guys had their blind spots, and when you would say something about it they would go in a hissy fit.

Edited Wednesday at 11:24 AM by AION

[Staples]

17 minutes ago, AION said:

Nah, it is possible to understand the opposite sex as a guy from my experience. One really needs to go of one's identity to be able to. Especially on psychedelic trips it is possible to go in a woman's paradigm.

At the end we both have the masculine and feminine pole. The problem arises is when women come here and tell men what to do and how to think from their own POV.

Current zeitgeist is very feminist dominated so they have a lot of blind spots in the same way in the times of the patriarchy, guys had their blind spots, and when you would say something about it they would go in a hissy fit.

Nope, you fail to appreciate that:

You have never once experienced the social pressure of being a woman.

You have never experienced what it's like to have a woman's genetics, hormones or period.

You've never had heterosexual sex from a woman's POV.

In a psychedelic trip you are just theorizing what being a woman is like, without real sober experience.

Real direct understanding of the feminine is impossible for men. Because you cannot escape the male paradigm you see through.

And vice versa for any women who think they understand men.

Edited Wednesday at 11:43 AM by Staples

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

2 hours ago, Buck Edwards said:

Haha. What do you not like about the software? Just curious. Do you think women have been toxic to you in the past? I'm curious to know because a lot of men don't open up. 

Yes girls have been toxic to me during early puberty. I have been humiliated a lot by girls, called a loser, laughed at and so on. For no particuliar reason at all. One one them even lunged at me and started beating me up just because I said some word she didn't like or whatever, I did not return anything back and tried to play it off as cool, the whole room laughed at me afterwards

But contrary to what you may think, I don't give a shit about any of this because the real reason why I don't like women software-wise is because I find them annoying in general. Just from the things you talk about, to the way yall talk about them, to the way you think. All of it is annoying to me. But I like the physical part very much.

[AION]

2 hours ago, Staples said:

 

In a psychedelic trip you are just theorizing what being a woman is like, without real sober experience.

 

Psychedelic trip can be more than the real thing. I think you are theorizing about me allegedly theorizing but as I said each human has its male and female pole. Your dad was a male and your mother a female.

Men not being able to understand women is like saying we couldn't understand electricity. For the first human who saw it it was mysterious and wondrous "something we will never understand" but it is quite simple and straight forward if one de-mystifies it.

When somebody says "we will never understand this" all of your alarm bells should go off. Women are very straight forward in their nature once you stop listening to them and start understanding them

Edited Wednesday at 02:16 PM by AION

[Consept]

3 hours ago, Buck Edwards said:

To be frank, we don't carry a laundry list when we go on dates. A woman's attraction pattern is whimsical although there's still some survival logic woven into it. But we don't put a lot of thought when we want a man, it's mostly spontaneous, we like a guy, it can be anything from his looks, his personality, his mannerisms, it doesn't really matter to us if we're attracted to him, there's no fixed definition to it, if you asked random women why they are attracted to their boyfriends or husbands they won't be able to come up with a definite answer because we don't plan ahead, we are opposite of the masculine, we dwell in the moment and experience spontaneous attraction and the man is lucky if many women like him or even if one does. The thought process usually happens later. We observe everything about the man we're interested in, women have a hawk eye for this. Women don't experience attraction rationally, but rather intuitively. So much of our mental operation in attraction happens subconsciously and without any calculation. One thing that most women calculate is resources. If the guy is not resourceful, most women are turned off whether they're independent financially is irrelevant. 

I agree my point was more that they have to find him attractive to them, which is why i wasnt saying specifics. I'm also trying to put it in terms that a guy will understand, im aware women may not be thinking rationally like this, but from personal experience they do have a criteria even if they havent consciously thought of it, thats also not to say that criteria cant be subverted by someone. 

[Miguel1]

On 31/12/2024 at 8:02 AM, Shodburrito said:

I want to be genuine and caring. But I can't deny that showing less emotional investment often leads to more attraction.

I'm struggling to find a healthy balance between maintaining strong boundaries and genuine care. How can I be authentic while still maintaining enough emotional distance to keep attraction? Is there a way to be both caring and maintain healthy challenge/mystery in relationships? I don't want to play games, but I also don't want to fall into patterns that kill attraction.

The key is to meet so many women with your love balanced with charisma that you are in deep abundance of girls.

When you are in such abundance, naturally you won’t be able to give the time of the day to all the girls, unless she really deserves it - in which case, she will greatly appreciate it, since she has had to work for it.

[Miguel1]

18 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Men are also not attracted to character.

I am definitely attracted to character in girls.

But perhaps that’s due to my own high character development.