Toxic dating works better and it's killing me - how to stay authentic?

[Buck Edwards]

5 minutes ago, CARDOZZO said:

They do. 

Not wife material  

Wife material is generally a high quality woman. 

Thats kinda hard to find so I empathize with your struggle. 

Wife material is like 1 in a million. But such women calibrate and calculate a lot. They are often sought after by many men and they are very selective in the men they want to be with. Because they are perhaps looking for a perfect husband material 

 

Edited Friday at 04:06 AM by Buck Edwards

[Emerald]

6 minutes ago, Raze said:

Then what about this?

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S019188691500210X?via%3Dihub

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/248967485_Do_bad_boys_really_get_the_girls_Delinquency_as_a_cause_and_consequence_of_dating_behavior_among_adolescents

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s40806-019-00213-0

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25062930/

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2017/12/171214140807.htm

I'm just telling you what I've experienced.

When guys conceptualize themselves as a "nice guy" and get upset that "Only the jerks are getting laid. I'm going to be a jerk", they tend to express with more repellent behavior when they try.

I've been not he receiving end of it before.

But of course, people are not very conscious. Women are included in that.

And I've seen plenty of women in my hometown go for violent domestic abusers who ruin their lives.

But the preference really comes down to this...

"At least in the short-term, narcissists are frequently perceived as charming, popular, socially confident and entertaining."

The issue is that a lot of women see through rose-colored glasses and only see the charming, popular, and socially confident side. 

But if I think about my friend Randy (who is a super popular and warmhearted Masculine guy... and whose been with his partner for like a decade now), he was always super popular with his female peers because he was charming, popular, confident, and entertaining. And he was even a bit edgy.

And girls were very taken with him.

So, I take it more as a case of correlation and not causation. 

Women like confident men with an edge who push the envelope. And a lot of narcissists are confident men with an edge who push the envelope... but will also make life hell.

[Buck Edwards]

This reminds of the quote: "You won’t find a good wife at a bar or club, but in libraries and universities“

Or men want a woman who is hot and attractive like a porn star but faithful as a good wife. Madonna whore complex that a lot of men suffer from where they begin to pigeonhole women a bit too much. 

Just like a woman cannot get a great loving husband and a bad boy wrapped into one, a man cannot get everything he wants in a woman. You want a woman that twerks like a porn star but is working in wall Street and has the solemness of a librarian. I mean you want everything in a woman. That's impossible. I have seen women who are intelligent, in  academia and very well mannered but they aren't highly sexually attractive, they don't drink at a bar. I mean life can't be that romantic. 

You men fantasize too much. Maybe Hollywood corrupted you a bit. I blame pop culture for this. 

Edited Friday at 04:36 AM by Buck Edwards

[Emerald]

48 minutes ago, Tenebroso said:

It's very clear from everything I have seen and experienced that being a good man means absolutely nothing to women. If women care about the qualities they say do, they have a funny way of showing it. 

I'm just going to give it to you straight because it would do you a disservice otherwise.

You don't really give off the vibes of a good man. And you don't come across as kind or nice.

I'm not saying you come across as bad or evil... but you come across as self-deprecating and having the potential to be quite toxic because of your victim narratives.

And that makes you a potential emotional and physical danger from a woman's perspective because you see women as more powerful than you and are very attached to how women think about you... and you won't be attuned to the fact that you actually have more power than them physically.

[Emerald]

28 minutes ago, Buck Edwards said:

Wife material is like 1 in a million.

Why frame it as such an extreme rarity?

It's probably more like 30% of people (men and women both) are capable of having a functional relationship.

And the only reason why that number is low is because the general populace has a lot more to learn about relationships, emotions, trauma, and authenticity in interdependent relationships.

[Buck Edwards]

Just now, Emerald said:

Why frame it as such an extreme rarity?

It's probably more like 30% of people (men and women both) are capable of having a functional relationship.

And the only reason why that number is low is because the general populace has a lot more to learn about relationships, emotions, trauma, and authenticity in interdependent relationships.

Yea I was exaggerating a bit. 

[Emerald]

Just now, Buck Edwards said:

Yea I was exaggerating a bit. 

Okay, I thought you meant literally.

[Raze]

37 minutes ago, Emerald said:

 

Women like confident men with an edge who push the envelope. And a lot of narcissists are confident men with an edge who push the envelope... but will also make life hell.

Then why do you assume any nice guy who gets rejected must secretly be a asshole person and the woman sensed the red flags? Maybe he actually is nice but isn’t confident and doesn’t push the envelope.
 

And why don’t they sense the red flags when it’s with the charming narcissist?

Edited Friday at 04:47 AM by Raze

[integral]

*   The ability to disappoint women is a vital skill for men to have successful relationships, as women tend to have a consumptive form of love.
*   Men often struggle to disappoint women due to a scarcity mentality, fearing it will jeopardize the relationship.
*   A woman's love is consumptive, meaning she wants all of your time and attention, and paradoxically, giving her everything she wants leads to her losing attraction.
*   Maintaining a relationship requires maintaining a high level of attraction, which means continuing to be the person she fell in love with.
*   Women can want to get what they want, but also on another level, they don't want to get what they want from you too often because it makes her feel unsafe.
*   Disappointing women communicates that you are centered in your masculine purpose, and can tolerate her distress, which allows her to relax into the relationship.
*   Women test men to see if they can turn them down, which demonstrates that they are maintaining frame.
*   Disappointing women sooner rather than later helps determine if she is mature enough to handle disappointment in a healthy way.
*   Rejection and disappointment can increase attraction, making the relationship more spicy and interesting.
*   Saying "no" to women can increase her attraction, much like when women reject men, it often has the same effect.

*   Beautiful women often appear "nuts" because they are rarely told the truth, creating a distorted perception of reality.
*   From a young age, attractive women experience differential treatment from men, who seek to please them rather than being honest.
*   Men often lie to beautiful women because honesty is not rewarded unless it aligns with what the woman wants to hear, and they learn that they get punished for speaking the truth.
*   Men who prioritize integrity or are on the autistic spectrum are more likely to be honest, but most men choose to lie to achieve their goals.
*   The presenter uses an analogy of a difficult manager to illustrate that men are not likely to risk telling the truth when there's a high probability of negative consequences.
*   Women often react negatively to the truth, getting offended or terminating the relationship, thus reinforcing men's tendency to lie.
*   Men learn to cater to women's models of reality, especially those of attractive women, which are often based on lies they have been told.
*   Less attractive women do not experience this as frequently because men are more likely to be honest when they don't have a vested interest in pleasing them.
*   The only exception where beautiful women might hear the truth is if they had strong male figures in their families who were not trying to sleep with them.
*   Ultimately, men lie to beautiful women because telling them the truth does not get them laid, and they find it's more effective to cater to what women want to hear.
 

---
 I did not post this because I agree or disagree.

---

It's interesting that one of my relationships ended exactly this way. Where I gave her everything and cater to her model of reality and then she  strongly pushed away when I started to tell her the truth. lol

Edited Friday at 05:00 AM by integral

[CARDOZZO]

POV: Nice guys talking on a online forum how to please women while she is dating like there is no tomorrow.

Do you see how pathetic this sounds from a women perspective? That's why women should love confident bad boys.

They just are who they are. Fuck society.

 

[Raze]

1 minute ago, CARDOZZO said:

POV: Nice guys talking on a online forum how to please women while she is dating like there is no tomorrow.

Do you see how pathetic this sounds from a women perspective? That's why women should love confident bad boys.

They just are who they are. Fuck society.

 

Let’s see if you maintain that attitude when your daughter comes home with a black eye 

[CARDOZZO]

Just now, Raze said:

Let’s see if you maintain that attitude when your daughter comes home with a black eye 

Being a bad boy ≠ beating woman.

Never touch them.

[Raze]

1 minute ago, CARDOZZO said:

Being a bad boy ≠ beating woman.

Never touch them.

now you think bad boys will follow your rules? Lol

[CARDOZZO]

Just now, Raze said:

now you think bad boys will follow your rules? Lol

I did not think anything.

Do what you want.

[Buck Edwards]

22 minutes ago, integral said:

*   The ability to disappoint women is a vital skill for men to have successful relationships, as women tend to have a consumptive form of love.
*   Men often struggle to disappoint women due to a scarcity mentality, fearing it will jeopardize the relationship.
*   A woman's love is consumptive, meaning she wants all of your time and attention, and paradoxically, giving her everything she wants leads to her losing attraction.
*   Maintaining a relationship requires maintaining a high level of attraction, which means continuing to be the person she fell in love with.
*   Women can want to get what they want, but also on another level, they don't want to get what they want from you too often because it makes her feel unsafe.
*   Disappointing women communicates that you are centered in your masculine purpose, and can tolerate her distress, which allows her to relax into the relationship.
*   Women test men to see if they can turn them down, which demonstrates that they are maintaining frame.
*   Disappointing women sooner rather than later helps determine if she is mature enough to handle disappointment in a healthy way.
*   Rejection and disappointment can increase attraction, making the relationship more spicy and interesting.
*   Saying "no" to women can increase her attraction, much like when women reject men, it often has the same effect.

*   Beautiful women often appear "nuts" because they are rarely told the truth, creating a distorted perception of reality.
*   From a young age, attractive women experience differential treatment from men, who seek to please them rather than being honest.
*   Men often lie to beautiful women because honesty is not rewarded unless it aligns with what the woman wants to hear, and they learn that they get punished for speaking the truth.
*   Men who prioritize integrity or are on the autistic spectrum are more likely to be honest, but most men choose to lie to achieve their goals.
*   The presenter uses an analogy of a difficult manager to illustrate that men are not likely to risk telling the truth when there's a high probability of negative consequences.
*   Women often react negatively to the truth, getting offended or terminating the relationship, thus reinforcing men's tendency to lie.
*   Men learn to cater to women's models of reality, especially those of attractive women, which are often based on lies they have been told.
*   Less attractive women do not experience this as frequently because men are more likely to be honest when they don't have a vested interest in pleasing them.
*   The only exception where beautiful women might hear the truth is if they had strong male figures in their families who were not trying to sleep with them.
*   Ultimately, men lie to beautiful women because telling them the truth does not get them laid, and they find it's more effective to cater to what women want to hear.
 

---
 I did not post this because I agree or disagree.

---

It's interesting that one of my relationships ended exactly this way. Where I gave her everything and cater to her model of reality and then she  strongly pushed away when I started to tell her the truth. lol

Yesterday I watched this video by Teal Swan. I must say she has exceptional insights on woman's behavior and psyche and thank God she exists. 

The video dispels a lot of myths about beautiful women and I relate to it a 100%. Most insightful video I saw so far. 

A lot of these myths are actually created and spread by men, one such example is your post. 

Maybe you should watch this video too. Give it a try if you care. 

 

[Buck Edwards]

I want to share a bit of my own experience which some of you might find absurd. I often feel conflicted inside because of this experience. 

This is about my ex. He was initially attracted to me. Within a few months of the relationship he said that he had lost attraction for me. He was attracted to this girl online. He used to chat with her a lot. He said that I was more beautiful than her but she was more exciting to him. He told me that he is attracted to women who love drama and who are spicy. He told me that I wasn't spicy enough for him, that i was a plain Jane in comparison to the woman he was attracted to online. He liked her because she would be dramatic, start fights and make him chase her. She would play hard to get and he liked it about her. He told me that he doesn't like the fact that I'm always cool and never start a fight, I don't give him the chase. 

I felt humiliated and I dumped him. 

He also told me that I was an exceptionally good woman but he would have liked me more if I had the spicy personality of that woman he was attracted to. 

I feel very confused about men after this. I'm not sure if this is an isolated experience. I always thought that men are attracted to women who are straightforward, no drama and maintain a cool temperament. They say they don't like "drama" woman and they hate women who bring that energy. They also say they want a good woman. And they often say they don't like a woman who plays hard to get. 

I think in my situation, he didn't really love me or like me. He probably likes the chase more than the woman. It's like the more she is "unattainable" the more he is attracted to her. 

In my relationship with him, he got progressively more hateful and abusive and he would start fights, act like a jerk and provoke me for nothing. It's like he loved the stimulation of drama, fighting, tension, conflict. 

I finally found my wholesome man who loves and appreciates me being peaceful with him. 

To this day that experience with my ex has left me confused about men. Men say women are attracted to bad boys. Is my experience the male version of it? Maybe even men are attracted to toxic women, they probably find good women boring no matter how beautiful she might be. At least that's the gist I got from that experience. 

Or maybe it was a toxic dating experience. And I shouldn't base men off of that experience. 

[BlessedLion]

9 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Lol

You make it sound like the women in Vegas are some special breed of materialistic sluts, when the women here are just normal women who fly in from all over the world.

I think being in a place like Vegas you almost filter out materialistic, transactional, shallow women. You’d probably be blown away by the types of women you can meet in places aligned with higher values and conscious living 

[BlessedLion]

1 hour ago, integral said:

*   The ability to disappoint women is a vital skill for men to have successful relationships, as women tend to have a consumptive form of love.
*   Men often struggle to disappoint women due to a scarcity mentality, fearing it will jeopardize the relationship.
*   A woman's love is consumptive, meaning she wants all of your time and attention, and paradoxically, giving her everything she wants leads to her losing attraction.
*   Maintaining a relationship requires maintaining a high level of attraction, which means continuing to be the person she fell in love with.
*   Women can want to get what they want, but also on another level, they don't want to get what they want from you too often because it makes her feel unsafe.
*   Disappointing women communicates that you are centered in your masculine purpose, and can tolerate her distress, which allows her to relax into the relationship.
*   Women test men to see if they can turn them down, which demonstrates that they are maintaining frame.
*   Disappointing women sooner rather than later helps determine if she is mature enough to handle disappointment in a healthy way.
*   Rejection and disappointment can increase attraction, making the relationship more spicy and interesting.
*   Saying "no" to women can increase her attraction, much like when women reject men, it often has the same effect.

*   Beautiful women often appear "nuts" because they are rarely told the truth, creating a distorted perception of reality.
*   From a young age, attractive women experience differential treatment from men, who seek to please them rather than being honest.
*   Men often lie to beautiful women because honesty is not rewarded unless it aligns with what the woman wants to hear, and they learn that they get punished for speaking the truth.
*   Men who prioritize integrity or are on the autistic spectrum are more likely to be honest, but most men choose to lie to achieve their goals.
*   The presenter uses an analogy of a difficult manager to illustrate that men are not likely to risk telling the truth when there's a high probability of negative consequences.
*   Women often react negatively to the truth, getting offended or terminating the relationship, thus reinforcing men's tendency to lie.
*   Men learn to cater to women's models of reality, especially those of attractive women, which are often based on lies they have been told.
*   Less attractive women do not experience this as frequently because men are more likely to be honest when they don't have a vested interest in pleasing them.
*   The only exception where beautiful women might hear the truth is if they had strong male figures in their families who were not trying to sleep with them.
*   Ultimately, men lie to beautiful women because telling them the truth does not get them laid, and they find it's more effective to cater to what women want to hear.
 

---
 I did not post this because I agree or disagree.

---

It's interesting that one of my relationships ended exactly this way. Where I gave her everything and cater to her model of reality and then she  strongly pushed away when I started to tell her the truth. lol

Psych hacks is wack, that dude is clearly bitter and scarily obsessive about over analyzing all this shit. Just come back to the Heart. Realize that both men and women are imperfect and have needs from each other. Laugh about it and relax, instead of hyper analyzing and subtly trying to control and protect yourself and your stupid ego from getting hurt. Consider that Love is natural, and you don’t need to do all this analyzing it’s insane 

[Buck Edwards]

3 minutes ago, BlessedLion said:

I think being in a place like Vegas you almost filter out materialistic, transactional, shallow women. You’d probably be blown away by the types of women you can meet in places aligned with higher values and conscious living 

The link didn't take me to your channel. I searched for lions heart, it didn't show up. Can you post a video from your channel so I can see it. 

[Buck Edwards]

@BlessedLion ok found it. Thank you.