Toxic dating works better and it's killing me - how to stay authentic?

[Miguel1]

15 hours ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

Not even thinking about demi-sexuals.

I have no sex drive unless emotionally engaged/connected to a person.

Can you become demi later on in life?

I’ve started to contemplate deeper that I’ve become a demi or something similar.

Wasn’t like this in my younger years.

Or maybe I just matured lol.

Edited Wednesday at 04:50 PM by Miguel1

[Emerald]

7 hours ago, AION said:

If even Emerald doesn’t get it, it is a lost cause trying to explain it. I think it is part of the zeitgeist though. 

There's nothing Leo is saying that's difficult to understand. It's just reductive and reinforces false narratives. It's ideology in disguise as reason.

[integral]

@Princess Arabia @Emerald okay guys what advice would give to a men who is struggling to get a gf, maybe he's a virgin maybe lets say he's 22. What strategy should he use to be more attractive or find himself with a gf?

Edited Wednesday at 05:04 PM by integral

[Leo Gura]

It is important to see things from the feminine perspective, but you also have to check it against cold hard reality. In this case it just doesn't pass the check.

You can believe whatever you want about dating, but then reality will crush your ideas to pieces. Women can hold ungronded ideas about it because they never need to face the cold hard reality of the man's situation because that is irrelevant to them.

Edited Wednesday at 05:07 PM by Leo Gura

[Buck Edwards]

2 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

It is important to see things from the feminine perspective, but you also have to check it against cold hard reality. In this case it just doesn't pass the check.

You can believe whatever you want about dating, but then reality will crush your ideas to pieces.

What part of the feminine perspective do you agree with? 

[integral]

22 hours ago, Princess Arabia said:

I know this forum is mostly male, but do you ever see any of the females on this forum making threads about toxic men and how men are this and how men are that in the dating world. How they've watched videos on dating and they say men are this and that, and is it true. No, we don't care about that stuff. We go out and see for ourselves and be with these men to get the experience for ourselves and decide from there and we don't need toxic videos about men to tell us anything. We're not afraid to delve right in and be hurt or whatever.

If every man you came into contact with rejected you and gave you no dating opportunities you would go on youtube and seek advice on how to attract men. Can you see the false comparison being made?

Edited Wednesday at 05:11 PM by integral

[Leo Gura]

34 minutes ago, Buck Edwards said:

What part of the feminine perspective do you agree with? 

The part where dating cannot just be about manipulating women into sex, it has to be about integrity, emotional connection, intimacy, communication, and all that stuff.

Character matters inside the relationship.

Edited Wednesday at 05:41 PM by Leo Gura

[whh2222]

I think character is more valuable in the long term. After being around a person for so long, having good character enforces the relationship going forward. But I would say it matters a lot less when initially attracting someone. Though I do find a sweet and kind woman very attractive. 

Edited Wednesday at 05:32 PM by whh2222

[Miguel1]

I’m drawn to anyone be it male or female, if they have good character - because it’s so rare, and I value it so much.

Now, whether it’s sexual or not, that’s a different story.

[Candle]

17 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Attraction dynamics will never make sense to women when they are explicated, because as a woman you have no interest in the dynamics, you care about your agenda. You do not care about the mechanics of dating or what men need to understand to attract women.

So true. ✅

17 hours ago, Staples said:

Men and women will never understand each other. One would need two lifetimes as both genders to start to get it.

Language fails us here as we do not have the tools to convey the deep emotional responses we feel.

Good. ✅

22 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Of course women are not attracted to character. Men are also not attracted to character. You don't watch porn for her great character.

I have experienced this. I was attracted to a female and bcz of this attraction, I had a bias that " I liked her bcz of her great character. "

We use "character" as an excuse to hide the fact that we are attracted to "good looks". 

We do appreciate good character, but it's never the cause of "attraction". No matter how great their character is, if they are ugly, we'll not like them. 

 

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Character matters inside the relationship. ✅

Edited Wednesday at 07:33 PM by Candle

[Candle]

3 hours ago, Miguel1 said:

I am definitely attracted to character in girls.

But perhaps that’s due to my own high character development.

If she looks ugly but has a great character, would you date her? 

Edited Wednesday at 06:02 PM by Candle

[Miguel1]

12 minutes ago, Candle said:

We use "character" as an excuse to hide the fact that we are attracted to "good looks". 

Yes, when you are not self-aware enough to distinguish them.

[Miguel1]

Just now, Candle said:

If she looks ugly but has very great character, would you date her? 

If I had to pick her over a bombshell but is a fucking psycho?

What are you betting on?

[Candle]

1 minute ago, Miguel1 said:

Yes, when you are not self-aware enough to distinguish them.

I'm self aware now, that's why I have written that. In love, you get mad, you deliberately ignore the reality. 

Edited Wednesday at 06:04 PM by Candle

[Miguel1]

Just because character can make someone more attractive, doesn’t mean that it’s the only and biggest trigger.

Edited Wednesday at 06:38 PM by Miguel1

[Buck Edwards]

It takes a special breed of man to bypass looks and see the woman for what she is worth. 

[Miguel1]

5 minutes ago, Candle said:

I'm self aware now, that's why I have written that. In love, you get mad, you deliberately ignore the reality. 

You are talking about completely different level than what the thread is about.

In the thread, we are discussing initial stages of meeting people, initial stages of attraction. Not deep emotionally bonded monogamous relationship.

The deeper a relationship is, the more character affects.

But that doesn’t mean that you can’t be drawn to good character in the beginning - especially if you deeply value it yourself.

—

And if you are self-aware enough, you will be able to see your bias that you are pointing out here, thus distinguishing it from what really is the case. By definition.

Edited Wednesday at 06:11 PM by Miguel1

[Candle]

8 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

But that doesn’t mean that you can’t be drawn to good character in the beginning - especially if you deeply value it.

Agreed. I was attracted to an anonymous person online for their character. But I was attracted to my own image I created in my mind. 

Being attracted towards someone (biological)

is different than appreciating someone. 

Biological attraction cannot happen seeing someone's character. 

Edited Wednesday at 06:16 PM by Candle

[Miguel1]

I’m at a point in life, where I’ve exhausted my sex karma so deeply that I get proportionally more turned off the more someone behaves like a selfish moron.

And I can see right through all their unconscious bullshits.

Edited Wednesday at 06:37 PM by Miguel1

[Candle]

51 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

If I had to pick her over a bombshell but is a fucking psycho?

What are you betting on?

No she's not a psycho. She just looks ugly. She has everything, great character, etc.

except good looks. 

Would you date her? Maybe you can..

Forget bombshells for a moment. 

Edit : 

Why don't we date the SAME SEX, no matter how great their character is? Why only OPPOSITE SEX? (Assume heterosexual case). 

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

Character matters inside the relationship.

✅

38 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

like a selfish moron.

And I can see right through all their unconscious bullshits.

Mods should not cuss. It looks very ugly. 😠

Edited Wednesday at 06:55 PM by Candle