Why do people self harm? 🔪

[Candle]

I am genuinely interested in understanding the psychology and worldview of those who self-harm. 

• I can't even imagine of it, I don't have any tendency or courage to do it even in the most difficult times. So I am surprised how on earth one could do this? 

 

• Quote

  Emotional Release:
  Self-harm can provide a temporary release of intense emotions like anger, sadness, or frustration. For some, physical pain may feel easier to manage than emotional pain.

  Gaining a Sense of Control: In situations where life feels chaotic or out of control, self-harm may give a person a sense of control over their own body. [chatgpt] 

  How? 

 

• Have you ever done this or witnessed this? 

• Is there any similarity between them and sadists, who get pleasure in inflicting pain on others? 

• It's very gross. 

Edited December 30, 2024 by Candle

[Princess Arabia]

Energy has to go somewhere. Like the 1st quote from ChatGPT. It's a release of some kind. Amazing how energetic structures/patterns work. When I say there's no one there, people think I'm crazy, but it's an energic structure playing out on it's own. 

[Sugarcoat]

I have wondered the same. I’ve cut myself out of curiosity but I never had the balls to go deep, I did extremely shallow cuts, I don’t understand those who go deep, physical pain is my greatest fear

[Candle]

Just now, Sugarcoat said:

I’ve cut myself out of curiosity

Same thing I did a few times in early childhood. Micro suffering....I can't do it now. 

I cut my thumb out of curiosity. 🩸

[Sugarcoat]

Just now, Candle said:

Same thing I did a few times in early childhood. Micro suffering....I can't do it now. 

I cut my thumb out of curiosity. 🩸

Exactly just light cuts, I could never go deep

[Princess Arabia]

4 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

I have wondered the same. I’ve cut myself out of curiosity but I never had the balls to go deep, I did extremely shallow cuts, I don’t understand those who go deep, physical pain is my greatest fear

For the same reasons you go shallow. The difference is going on a long VS short trip. Remember my pain analysis where i said we seek out pain and that the human is very genius. You're demonstrating that right now. You denied or acted as if you were so oblivious to what I was talking about, and here you are admitting you've self harmed. Amazing.

Edited December 30, 2024 by Princess Arabia

[Princess Arabia]

3 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

Exactly just light cuts, I could never go deep

It's not that YOU could never go deep, it's that the energy found other ways of releasing the tension, or the tension wasn't as built up as the others. Think anger. Some intense, some not so intense. You have managed your pain to a point where you didn't feel an urge to go deep. 

[Sugarcoat]

10 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

For the same reasons you go shallow. The difference is going on a long VS short trip. Remember my pain analysis where i said we seek out pain and that the human is very genius. You're demonstrating that right now. You denied or acted as if you were so oblivious to what I was talking about, and here you are admitting you've self harmed. Amazing.

But I self harmed out of curiosity not because I felt bad, so it’s a different reason. I didn’t inflict pain on myself because the cuts were so shallow. When people self harm it’s usually because they feel bad.

[Candle]

Just now, Sugarcoat said:

But I self harmed out of curiosity not because I felt bad, so it’s a different reason. I didn’t inflict pain on myself because the cuts were so shallow. When people self harm it’s usually because they feel bad.

Same with me. 

[Sugarcoat]

7 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

It's not that YOU could never go deep, it's that the energy found other ways of releasing the tension, or the tension wasn't as built up as the others. Think anger. Some intense, some not so intense. You have managed your pain to a point where you didn't feel an urge to go deep. 

I didn’t do it from a place of pain

[Princess Arabia]

1 minute ago, Sugarcoat said:

I didn’t do it from a place of pain

Quite interesting. It's all about translations. Most would argue that deliberately cutting oneself implies one wants to feel something. Pain is a relative notion and someone may consider something painful while someone else does not. 

You're actually explaining away the same thing you said about how we run from pain, and I suggested you take another look at that. It's quite simple, yet complex. Ever seen someone so happy, they start to cry. It's like the same thing. It's not so much pleasure or pain in these contexts, but just feeling in general however that gets generated. 

[Sugarcoat]

6 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

Quite interesting. It's all about translations. Most would argue that deliberately cutting oneself implies one wants to feel something. Pain is a relative notion and someone may consider something painful while someone else does not. 

For me it wasn’t painful at all because the cuts were so shallow. 
 

I have cut myself twice and it was out of curiosity but it didn’t “do anything” for me in terms of some release or pleasure

7 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

You're actually explaining away the same thing you said about how we run from pain, and I suggested you take another look at that. It's quite simple, yet complex. Ever seen someone so happy, they start to cry. It's like the same thing. It's not so much pleasure or pain in these contexts, but just feeling in general however that gets generated. 

I still stand on my point that I run from pain

[Candle]

@Sugarcoat let it go. I understand you. 

[Sugarcoat]

9 minutes ago, Candle said:

@Sugarcoat let it go. I understand you. 

Thanks

[trenton]

@Candle attachment to control is key in my experience. When I was stuck in an abusive situation with my stepfather, I felt like I had no power. I wanted my suffering to stop. Suicide gave me a sense of control over my suffering because I had an out.

My thoughts of self harm stopped when I received news that I wouldn't have to live like this for several more years. I also had homicidal thoughts though the process. I didnt want to become that kind of person and spend the rest of my life in prison because I would only suffer more. I thus preferred suicide, but I didn't have a firearm.

No amount of pills was enough to save me.

[Jannes]

[Jannes]

Because you have to love. If you can't let it out you let it out in self destruction. 

[Candle]

On 12/30/2024 at 7:15 PM, trenton said:

@Candle attachment to control is key in my experience. When I was stuck in an abusive situation with my stepfather, I felt like I had no power. I wanted my suffering to stop. Suicide gave me a sense of control over my suffering because I had an out.

My thoughts of self harm stopped when I received news that I wouldn't have to live like this for several more years. I also had homicidal thoughts though the process. I didnt want to become that kind of person and spend the rest of my life in prison because I would only suffer more. I thus preferred suicide, but I didn't have a firearm.

No amount of pills was enough to save me.

I'm so sorry for what you have been through. How are you doing now? In family? In career? I can relate to you. I have a similar story. 

All I can say is that whatever you have to do, decide carefully using your wisdom. Have some faith....

Have you considered therapy? For ptsd etc. 

On 12/30/2024 at 7:15 PM, trenton said:

My thoughts of self harm stopped when I received news that I wouldn't have to live like this for several more years.

I didn't get it. can u explain? 

[Xonas Pitfall]

Let me try to put as much as I can think of... <3

Emotional Release / Coping Mechanism:

For some, self-harm provides temporary relief from overwhelming emotions like anger, anxiety, or sadness. When emotions feel uncontrollable, physical pain offers a way to manage or distract from those feelings. If you've ever felt so overwhelmed by panic or a deep, almost numbing depression, where you can't move or function, literally anything that grounds you and brings you back to clarity can feel good. You will take anything you can get. It's often coupled with intense self-hatred, so pleasurable things won’t seem to help because you don’t feel like you deserve them. You may feel emotionally numb and incapable of reaching out for something that could bring you comfort, so you turn to pain as the only thing that feels "real" or like something you deserve.

More scientifically speaking, self-harm also triggers endorphins, the body’s natural painkillers, giving a brief sense of comfort.

Emotional Numbness or Dissociation:
On a similar note, self-harm can serve as a way to "feel something" when individuals feel emotionally disconnected. If you've ever had a long, intense crying session or an overwhelming release of emotions, you may understand the clarity that follows, almost like a heightened awareness. In the same way, self-harm can temporarily bring a person back to the present moment, counteracting the feelings of disconnection from reality or their own emotions. It helps ground them in the here and now, instead of in the numb, dissociated state they’ve been trapped in.

Self-Punishment:
For others, self-harm becomes a form of self-punishment, driven by feelings of guilt or shame. They may feel they deserve the pain due to self-loathing or a sense of failure. It's an externalization of internal self-hatred, a way of manifesting the belief that they are worthless or "bad." I hope you never have to experience this, but it can be incredibly painful, both physically and emotionally. In those moments, you truly believe you deserve to suffer, that you’re useless, disgusting, and better off hurt. You might wonder why others can lead happy lives while you feel trapped in a cycle of misery, feeling as if you’re better off gone or broken. The pain becomes a reflection of your internal belief that you’re undeserving of anything good.

Expression of Inner Pain:
Sometimes, self-harm is a way of expressing inner pain that can't be put into words. It’s like a “cry for help,” even if the person doesn’t directly ask for support. For some, it’s not just about seeking attention—it’s a manifestation of their emotional turmoil. There are also individuals who may feel a deep sense of physical discomfort with their own bodies. For example, if someone feels ashamed of their weight or how they look, they may not want to treat their body with care, but instead harm it as a reflection of their negative feelings. It's like when you’re in a difficult spot emotionally, and instead of caring for yourself, you let everything go because you don’t feel like you deserve anything good. This self-harm becomes a way to demonstrate how they feel inside: broken, unworthy, and unfixable.

Control:
For people feeling powerless, self-harm may offer a sense of control over their environment or themselves. It becomes a way to regain agency when everything around them feels out of control—like in abusive relationships or stressful situations. I actually remember watching an interview with someone diagnosed with NPD who said all of his self-harm and suicide attempts were actually a way to gain control over the environment. Subconsciously, he wanted to guilt-trip others or actually show them, "Do you fucking see now how much you're harming me? Do you see how much I'm going through?" He didn’t feel heard, and since his ego and pride were so high, he took it to the extreme because the pain felt like that to him. It could also have been a last call for help, not an actual desire to die. I actually had a friend who had self-harming scars covered up, but she’d subconsciously or semi-consciously show them through her sleeves, hoping someone would notice and help. Luckily, I did. But yeah, sometimes asking for help feels very shameful and complicated.

Social or Psychological Factors:
Isolation and loneliness can drive people to self-harm, especially when they feel misunderstood or invisible. Self-harm may serve as a way to express distress when no one else is around to listen. Unfortunately, there are online subcultures (like on platforms such as Twitter or Discord) where people glamorize self-harm and even encourage others to join in. It can become a toxic sense of community, where pain is shared as an aesthetic or a form of bonding. Some teens or individuals might engage in self-harm because they see others doing it or feel like it’s part of a "dark" identity. This kind of harmful environment makes it harder to break the cycle, especially if others are normalizing it or even romanticizing the pain. There are subcultures of all kinds of self-harm, whether it's burning, cutting, starving, or weight gain—there are people who even pay for it.

Trauma or Abuse:
People who’ve experienced past trauma—whether physical, sexual, or emotional—may turn to self-harm as a way to cope with the intense emotional fallout. It’s a way to re-enact pain they’ve already gone through, a way to feel in control of something that once felt uncontrollable. Sometimes, trauma becomes like a familiar, if painful, home. In abusive environments, whether in a family or relationship, pain becomes associated with love or care, making it harder for someone to break free from the cycle. They may subconsciously associate pain with comfort, even if it's harmful, because it's all they've known.

Addiction to the Feeling of Relief:
For some, the temporary emotional relief that self-harm provides can become addictive. Over time, the behavior becomes habitual, a way of coping with stress or overwhelming emotions. Even if other coping methods could be healthier, the familiarity of self-harm often feels like the only option. It’s like an addict turning to their substance of choice when they’re in distress—whether that’s cigarettes, alcohol, or a workout. Self-harm can feel like the only way to regain some control over their emotions, even though it brings long-term harm. Think of how a gym-goer might go to the gym to cope with loneliness or heartbreak, while a smoker will go straight to his cigarettes. Familiar addictions are the easiest to fall back into when in distress.

Quote

“My thoughts of self-harm stopped when I received news that I wouldn’t have to live like this for several more years.”

I think this is an excellent example, actually. The person likely felt overwhelming despair and a loss of hope. When you endure any kind of prolonged suffering, whether physical or emotional, and you don't know if it'll ever change or get better, that's suicidal thoughts 101. When you finally get some hope that the environment might change, it can make you want to fix things. Unless you've gotten so deep into despair that you feel like you're incapable of getting better. Luckily, most people are far more resilient than that.

Edited January 1 by Xonas Pitfall

[Xonas Pitfall]

Quote

Don't write long answers. No one will read them. 

Oooh... well, oops! ^^