Getting too close too fast?

[Jannes]

So I didnt have a hookup with a girl but it was very similar to a hookup in that I got really close to the girl, we intensely chatted for hours on end, I slept at her place, we snuggled multiple times, we just didnt have sex. She was a little fucked up from drugs she took earlier in the evening and also sad she had bad experiences with hookups. Now it feels so weird. On the one hand we got really close and I feel a deep connection there on the other hand we got close way to fast and I dont feel a basic connection. The world feels upside down. 

Edited December 28, 2024 by Jannes

[Buck Edwards]

( Her negative experiences with hookups likely influenced her behavior and the way she interacted with you. This could explain the intense emotional connection while avoiding sexual activity.) 

 What specifically feels "weird"? Is it the intensity of the connection? The lack of a clear definition of the relationship? The uncertainty about the future?

[Jannes]

Just now, Buck Edwards said:

( Her negative experiences with hookups likely influenced her behavior and the way she interacted with you. This could explain the intense emotional connection while avoiding sexual activity.) 

 What specifically feels "weird"? Is it the intensity of the connection? The lack of a clear definition of the relationship? The uncertainty about the future?

Likely yes. 

I have conflicting feelings. On the one hand I feel a deep emotional connection on the other she feels a bit like a stranger to me. Usually you become not strangers to each other and then a deeper connection can take place. Here the order is changed. 

We live in different cities anyway so I am pretty sure I dont want a relationship anyway but maybe a good friendship. But it's the same deal, it also feels a little weird for that. 

[NoSelfSelf]

You have no leadership.

[Jannes]

8 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

You have no leadership.

Can you explain your point further?

[M A J I]

On the one hand I feel a deep emotional connection (your heart) on the other she feels a bit like a stranger to me (your mind).

Always follow the heart, no matter what. Express your feelings, see what happens.

[Buck Edwards]

48 minutes ago, Jannes said:

We live in different cities anyway so I am pretty sure I dont want a relationship anyway but maybe a good friendship. But it's the same deal, it also feels a little weird for that. 

Do you really like this person and do you really feel there's a possibility of a long term connection? Only then it's really worth even considering let alone having. 

[NoSelfSelf]

7 minutes ago, Jannes said:

Can you explain your point further?

Well it seems you wanted a hookup then all this hours of talk,cuddling,being there is because the wind and her leading the situation.That's why you havent gotten what you wanted and she will always move you to a friendzone ,if you not leading where you want it to go.

It obvious to me from your thread you are just sponteniously doing things hoping something will happen well that strategy "works"(by work i mean you actually being on top of situation not situation dictating you being in reaction)sometimes,that's why its not optimal.

[Jannes]

7 minutes ago, M A J I said:

On the one hand I feel a deep emotional connection (your heart) on the other she feels a bit like a stranger to me (your mind).

Always follow the heart, no matter what. Express your feelings, see what happens.

No we literally got super close without really getting to know one another beforehand. 

[M A J I]

Just now, Jannes said:

No we literally got super close without really getting to know one another beforehand. 

Then get to know each other? Whats the dilemma here, maybe I misunderstood?

[Jannes]

8 minutes ago, Buck Edwards said:

Do you really like this person and do you really feel there's a possibility of a long term connection?

No I dont think I really like this person. We vibed and there is a bit of an emotional dependence almost, like I needed some deep hugs that I got from her. If we got to know each other more, maybe something long term is possible but I dont think it's likely. 

8 minutes ago, Buck Edwards said:

Only then it's really worth even considering let alone having. 

You mean sex?

[Jannes]

2 minutes ago, M A J I said:

Then get to know each other? Whats the dilemma here, maybe I misunderstood?

I am writing with her and I have mixed feelings. 

[AION]

She was waiting for you to pull it out. 

[Jannes]

11 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

Well it seems you wanted a hookup then all this hours of talk,cuddling,being there is because the wind and her leading the situation.That's why you havent gotten what you wanted and she will always move you to a friendzone ,if you not leading where you want it to go.

It obvious to me from your thread you are just sponteniously doing things hoping something will happen well that strategy "works"(by work i mean you actually being on top of situation not situation dictating you being in reaction)sometimes,that's why its not optimal.

Yes but when I was in the club I felt very socially awkward. I needed to warm up. It was a blessing talking to her as she got close very fast to me with body contact and stuff. I liked the atmosphere as I warmed up socially a lot and enjoyed her company but it also confused me a little. I asked if she was up to sex pretty early and she said she wasn't which was cool to me as we vibed but it confused my mind why she got and stayed so close to me. 

[M A J I]

Hmm... Needing some deep hugs reveals me that there is emotional wounds there you need to address. Often as males we need more of the feminine energy, and that can also be accessed within ourselves if we cannot share or exchange with another. How is your relationship with your mother? Often these wounds or needing to fill a void stem from motherly or feminine wounds in need of nurturing and nourishment. Some ideas. She also could be using your masculine energy to feed of the similar energy in reverse.

Edited December 28, 2024 by M A J I

[Buck Edwards]

6 minutes ago, Jannes said:

 

You mean sex?

I meant having a relationship. 

[Candle]

2 minutes ago, M A J I said:

Hmm... Needing some deep hugs reveals me that there is emotional wounds there you need to address. Often as males we need more of the feminine energy, and that can also be accessed within ourselves if we cannot share or exchange with another.

Lack of feminine energy (being single) sucks a lot. It depresses me sometimes. 

@Jannes why don't you correct the grammar in the title? "too close too fast" instead of "to close to fast". 

Edited December 28, 2024 by Candle

[Jannes]

4 minutes ago, AION said:

She was waiting for you to pull it out. 

WTF NO! 

I started some sexy things and asked for consent which I didnt get so I stopped. Be civil. 

[Jannes]

4 minutes ago, M A J I said:

Hmm... Needing some deep hugs reveals me that there is emotional wounds there you need to address.

Yeah...

4 minutes ago, M A J I said:

Often as males we need more of the feminine energy, and that can also be accessed within ourselves if we cannot share or exchange with another. How is your relationship with your mother? Often these wounds or needing to fill a void stem from motherly or feminine wounds in need of nurturing and nourishment. Some ideas. She also could be using your masculine energy to feed of the similar energy in reverse.

All true. My relationship with my mother is pretty okay, I dont know if I should rely on her emotional support as an adult though, if thats what you mean. 

Yes maybe she was filling a void as well. 

[Jannes]

5 minutes ago, Buck Edwards said:

I meant having a relationship. 

I thought about friendship. I am not primarily thinking about a relationship with her, we just live to far away.