I get anxiety from all drugs. Is it over for me?

[Shodburrito]

I used to do drugs when I was a teenager and had no problems with them.

As I got older I started getting anxiety from weed. Then it go really bad to the point where I couldn't do the smallest bit anymore
Then I had a bad trip on shrooms.
Then other drugs I started getting anxiety on/full blown panic attacks
I haven't done anything in over a year, but occasionaly caffeine and getting tipsy will give me anxiety.
I can still microdose on shrooms but no more than 0.3g otherwise I start getting anxious.
I had a opiate a few weeks ago for a surgery, and did not have any anxiety on it besides the comeup.

Is my brain chemistry changing and I am just one of the unlucky few who can't do drugs? I do not have any anxiety problems in the slightest when I am sober.

I wish I could do psychedelics, but I just simply can't get myself to anymore.

[Davino]

You've talked about this several times.

Maybe it's over, for the moment.

Have you tried Ketamine? Give it a lost shot before taking the most logical and self-loving decision, which is to let them go.

[manuel bon]

I wouldn't consider myself unlucky if I were in your situation... Listen to your body, if you can't do drugs then don't do them, you don't need to know why

[Human Mint]

There are dozens of different psychedelics with completely different chemistry and effects. I would explore others if I was you and leave behind those that don't work with your particular body.

[Aaron p]

ok bro read this reply very carefully. @Shodburrito stay away from opiates but moreso stay away from weed. >>>>>>> its the weed <<<<

 

>>>>>>>>  The *weed* is the cause <<<<<<<<<<<

 

i wish someone told me this when i went through my weed torture phase. dude quit weed, quit wee, quit weed, quit wee, quit weed, quit wee, quit weed, quit wee, quit weed, quit wee, quit weed, quit wee, quit weed, quit wee, quit weed, quit wee, quit weed, quit wee, quit weed.

Then after you have quit for 2 years or so you can come back and smoke it MAX once every 6 months, no more. also dude, if youve noticed lasting anxiety from it consider going on a round of anti-anxiety or anti-depressant medications for 6-12 months. (you'll want to experiment with different ones (with your doctor)). Despite woke dogma that all antidepressants are terrible, they are very effective in certain situations and in certain ways. also be careful with all drugs. period. anything your taking repetitively (even from your doctor, but primary illicit substances) as that can have massive affects on your mind, personality and behaviour (you want to become *skilled* with your use of drugs). If your noticing that your just taking random drugs haphazardly (psychedelics and other random drugs) then quit them ALL for 12 or 24 months and recalibrate your approach friend. only use addictive ones rarely (mdma 1 time every 3 or 6 months...maybe 4). MDMA is interesting because martin ball trips on 5meoDMT and NN-DMT while high on MDMA to take away the fear. On the drug interactions chart its only a "caution" yellow. not even orange, so risks are minimal but dont do it just because i said it, you have to research the shit out of everything you take and test each batch carefully...if you notice these standards slipping then stop taking all drugs. 

 

there is a very real potential to fuck yourself up in this area. trust me

[Leo Gura]

Anxiety is not a function of a drug, it's a function of how you use your mind.

Clean up and train your mind and then you should be able to do psychedelics.

Contemplate why you get anxious. Don't treat it as something happening to you but something you are doing. Bottom line is, you gotta confront your fears.

Edited Wednesday at 01:15 PM by Leo Gura

[Clarence]

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Bottom line is, you gotta confront your fears.

How do we do that? Can we confront any fear?

One of my deepest fears (and I have so many) is to have my house catch on fire while I am gone—and so, to lose my four dogs in terrible fear and suffering, as well as all the objects I am attached to and hold dear (such as memories of loved ones, whether they've passed or not, and of my past). 

That makes me extremely anxious whenever nobody's in the house, which means I deeply fear going out in this scenario. I still do it, but in a constant state of anxiety. I don't feel at peace at all and don't enjoy my time outside, even if it is for something fun.

But how to confront that fear? Does it mean to imagine losing everything in a fire again and again, and to suffer through it, again and again, until the fear reduces? Would this eventually help the fear subside, or that is not what you mean when you say "confront your fears"?

The multiplicity of my fears sometimes affects my trips as well and makes them scary, but what is the process of turning a fearful, anxious and negative mind into a pure one? My "higher self" is very bright, but my ''lower self" is very scared and gloomy, and I tend to live much more in the latter—I even lost touch with what's best in me, as my fearful, anxious and critical side is constantly triggered.

I am clueless about how to change, as all of this runs so deep in my psyche. It feels almost impossible to change such core traits of personality. I don't know where nor how to start.

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, Clarence said:

How do we do that? Can we confront any fear?

Well, in the ultimate case you actually experience it and accept it.

You can experience the death of a dog or a house and realize that life goes on regardless, and you even grow from it, painful though it will obviously be.

Quote

One of my deepest fears (and I have so many) is to have my house catch on fire while I am gone—and so, to lose my four dogs in terrible fear and suffering, as well as all the objects I am attached to and hold dear (such as memories of loved ones, whether they've passed or not, and of my past). 

That makes me extremely anxious whenever nobody's in the house, which means I deeply fear going out in this scenario. I still do it, but in a constant state of anxiety. I don't feel at peace at all and don't enjoy my time outside, even if it is for something fun.

That's a pretty easy fear to build a system against. Why don't you just install a security system like SimplySafe, which offers 24/7 emergency response and sensors for fire and smoke? You could even build a remote control door which you can open for your dogs via your phone in case of emergency. SimplySafe will send a text alert to your phone if there is a fire. You could train your dogs how to use the remote controlled door.

This is not a confronting of your fear, but at least you can render the fear insignificant.

Fear has an important function, which is to alert you to preventative actions you should take. In the case of your dogs your fear is really just a message to buy a home security system.

Quote

But how to confront that fear? Does it mean to imagine losing everything in a fire again and again, and to suffer through it, again and again, until the fear reduces? Would this eventually help the fear subside...

That's one option. There could be others.

You could just realize that it's a silly thing to worry about.

I have a house. A few times I've worried about it burning down, but in total I spent less than 5 minutes in the last 4 years worrying about it. The question is, why do you spend so much time worrying about it? Clearly it's dysfunctional to worry about something so much which you 1) do not control, 2) you can easily prevent with technology.

Serious contemplation is a good tool for squashing excessive fears. By contemplation you can realize that your fear is out of proportion to reality and counter-productive. Or you can take preventative action and make your fear irrelevant. You can also use contemplation to see that you will still live on even if you fear is realized. Your dogs will die one day anyway, so that's a bullet you will still have to bite no matter what. And your house is insured so it can be rebuilt. And if it isn't insured then you should get proper insurance.

But most fears are not so catastrophic, so you can face those.

Through contemplation you can realize that the only fears worth having are the ones you can do something to prevent. Beyond that you don't bother to think about it since it is counter-productive and irrational. This is like a kind of CBT (cognitive behavior therapy).

Could I burn alive in my sleep tomorrow? Sure. But will I spend any time worrying about it? No. I got smoke alarms in the house so that's good enough. If I didn't have smoke alarms then the solution would be to install them or create some kind of better alarm system.

Edited Wednesday at 04:55 PM by Leo Gura

[Clarence]

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Well, in the ultimate case you actually experience it and accept it.

You can experience the death of a dog or a house and realize that life goes on regardless, and you even grow from it, painful though it will obviously be.

Yes indeed, but that would leave such a deep wound and trauma within me.

Just lately, I released field mice from my house into the forest, but the next days, it started freezing. I felt—and still feel—so much pain, guilt and remorse from having done that. I didn't even think about giving them food as I released them in a new environnent. I keep worrying about what I've done, wondering if they've survived and in how much pain they've been in because of my actions. 

And I feel unable to let go of those thoughts, despite trying and knowing I can't do anything to change what happened.

I trapped another mouse after that, but I released it right where I catched it, in my attic, as I couldn't deal with the pain again. They are "just" little mice, and still I get into so much suffering for them.

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

That's a pretty easy fear to build a system against. Why don't you just install a security system like SimplySafe, which offers 24/7 emergency response and sensors for fire and smoke? You could even build a remote control door which you can open for your dogs via your phone in case of emergency. SimplySafe will send a text alert to your phone if there is a fire. You could train your dogs how to use the remote controlled door.

This is not a confronting of your fear, but at least you can render the fear insignificant.

Fear has an important function, which is to alert you to preventative actions you should take. In the case of your dogs your fear is really just a message to buy a home security system.

I just bought fire alarms. They should send notifications to my phone in case there is smoke in the house. But I still worry about a notification delay (like losing wifi connection on my phone or in the house) or something like that. I'm constantly checking the home camera when I'm away to make sure everything is fine. I currently don't have enough money to invest in another kind of security system (and I doubt my mother would agree).

The remote control door is also a great idea, I would place it if I were living on my own, but as I live in my mother's house, it would be a lot of trouble. She doesn't share my fear and it would backfire against me if I tried to force it (even if I paid). It already was quite uncomfortable last months for the fire alarms.

We have the insurance, but I don't worry about the money really. I worry for the sentimental objects which can't be replaced. And everything is a sentimental object for me. I take so many pictures already, but still, it's is not the same as the objects themselves. And I also fear losing pictures despite my back ups (I fear doing it wrong, even though I likely am not).

When my grandmother passed, it was so hard for me to give away her clothes and her belongings we had to get rid off. I would have kept everything if it was me, because I am so attached to her and the moments we spent together. Her material objects was all I had left of her. I have such a hard time letting go of memories, people, and objects. I don't know why I am like this. Acceptation is very very hard for me. I either feel pain or reject the pain I feel (such as avoiding to think about my grandmother as it is too painful). But then I create shadows and trauma. I become more tensed and bitter because of all the pain. I don't have the keys to handle feelings properly, and I feel emotions so much strongly than the average person.

3 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

The question is, why do you spend so much time worrying about it? Clearly it's dysfunctional to worry about something so much which you 1) do not control, 2) you can easily prevent with technology.

Serious contemplation is a good tool for squashing excessive fears. By contemplation you can realize that your fear is out of proportion to reality and counter-productive. Or you can take preventative action and make your fear irrelevant. You can also use contemplation to see that you will still live on even if you fear is realized. Your dogs will die one day anyway, so that's a bullet you will still have to bite no matter what. And your house is insured so it can be rebuilt. And if it isn't insured then you should get proper insurance.

But most fears are not so catastrophic, so you can face those.

Through contemplation you can realize that the only fears worth having are the ones you can do something to prevent. Beyond that you don't bother to think about it since it is counter-productive and irrational. This is like a kind of CBT (cognitive behavior therapy).

I fully agree that most of my fears are irrational and counter-productive, but I just can't stop feeding into them. I really don't know how to accept things. I am not able to force myself to, but I also can't just let go. There is such a battle happening within me whenever I try. It is more painful than the pain itself.

I will one day make a list of all of my fears, to at least have a clear picture. There are catastrophic fears, but also near to insignificant ones, such as staining my clothes (especially when they are new), and I will overthink that every time I eat, get dressed, walk in the rain, brush my teeth, etc. The amount of mental energy I waist on all of my fears is phenomenal. I spend so much energy on them that I don't have any energy left to contemplate why I am so fearful and anxious in the first place.

Most of my fears would be fixed with more money, but I am too fearful and anxious to even work, or think about working, at this time.

What I am most worried about now, is that I've become fearful of taking psychedelics. I somewhat reduced the fear with contemplation, and I will still trip despite the fear, but it isn't so pleasant, as I get bad trips about half the time, if not more. Most of the time, during the comedown, when my 'self' slowly comes back to its baseline and all of my worries and emotions are enhanced. I happenned to experience my darkest thoughts at a level so intense I can't describe.

In one of my last trips, at the very end of it, I fully experienced my mother's death as if it was happening in the coming two years. She had a dream recently telling her that she had two years left, and now I can't let go of that thought. She can't do so either. It might obviously not happen in that time frame, but it also might happen. And now I can't go on with my life not thinking about that possibility everyday (not rational, not productive, nothing I can do but to change my way of living as if it were to happen).

I currently have to take a break from tripping because of ear problems. I suffered from a sudden hearing loss (about 30 dB in one hear), which I've struggled so much to accept (living in fear of not knowing the cause and whether or not it will come back, until recently—I learned that it won't come back and that it might get worse, and on both sides). In my last trip, I felt such intense pressure inside my ear and head that it turned into a horrible trip. I thought I had done something wrong which would cause the condition to get worse. I wasn't in the mood at all for the trip just starting anymore. And the anxiety after that remained as the psychedelic actually made my hearing worse for several weeks.

The bright side is that I trust myself to be able to deal with the pain and discomfort of bad trips, but it also brings me down a bit more each time, as I can't even do properly the one thing I truly care about.

[Leo Gura]

@Clarence You seem like one of those highly sensitive people. That is a challenging way to live. All I can say is that you gotta desensitize yourself to life somewhat. Life is a harsh and dirty business and things will get broken, lost, or die on you.

It is not your responsibility to babysit mice.

About your ear, I can relate because I went through some difficult ear problems. I suggest you visit an ENT doc and have him check your ears for wax and do some tests.

But in the end you will suffer a lot in life unless you get serious about letting go of all those excessive worries. You can't micromanage life that much. Let life flow more and surf the waves of chaos.

If you cannot even hold a job because of all your worries then that's clearly very dsyfunctional. You should fixation on safeguarding everything so much and focus more on being creative and productive. Don't pinch pennies when you could spend that effort making dollars. This requires a shift in your attitude towards all of life, from defensive to offensive. You need to live more offensively and boldly. Take some risk.

Edited Wednesday at 10:03 PM by Leo Gura

[Clarence]

I've already been to ENT doctors and did all the testing. The scan revealed bilateral otospongiosis. It's in the early stage, but I read it can get worse. I still haven't met the doctor since the scan. There are surgeries for that, but it is much too soon—the doctors seemed to tell me in advance.

Do you think it would be a good strategy to calm down from God-Realization memories? Just reading a blog post about the imaginary nature of reality brings me so much peace and clarity inside, but anyone I talk to about those things tells me it is an escape. And I hear the word "escape" as something bad.

Of course, I don't have to listen to them (I'm becoming deaf to make sure I can't hear painful things anymore), but there is some real confusion within me… I want to do what's right so much that I make the mistake of not doing anything out of fear of doing something wrong. Of course, this way of living is all wrong, so I feel terrible, stupid and failing.

Yes, I'm too defensive and dysfunctional. I'll try to shift that, though I have no idea how to accomplish it long term (I have spikes of energy and clarity, where I'm productive, at peace, focused, and confident, but that stops as abruptly as it started). I'm still in the process of adapting my treatment for Hashimoto's since my bloodwork worsened. I've been noticing some improvement in my mood already, which is nice. But I have so many facets to fix.

@Leo Gura Thank you for your help in this thread. It really means a lot to me. In a sense, you're the only one who can understand certain facets of me, as no friend or therapist knows what I am talking about when I speak of God, psychedelics, Solipsism or Consciousness. I feel somewhat isolated and I can't get good, fully customized advice from anyone, even if I pay for it.

11 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

This requires a shift in your attitude towards all of life, from defensive to offensive. You need to live more offensively and boldly. Take some risk.

I love that. I should print it out.

Actually, I should print out all the passages I love the most so I can benefit from them longer.

11 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

It is not your responsibility to babysit mice.

I like to hear this too.

As they've taken refuge in my house, I feel responsible for them, despite the fact that they're making a mess, causing me sleepless nights and expensive repairs from from eating cables.

High sensitivity is terrible 

Edited yesterday at 09:39 AM by Clarence

[OBEler]

@Clarence high sensitivity can be seen as talent/gift.

You need less of a dose of psychedelics, you can taste better, you can hear music probably more in detail, you feel emotions in more depth. I wish I could have such sensitivity.

[Clarence]

1 hour ago, OBEler said:

@Clarence high sensitivity can be seen as talent/gift.

I agree that there are good things about it—the fact that I am different and sensitive to psychedelics. I'm also extremely attentive to details, beauty, and perfection. I'm very empathetic and always careful not to hurt other people. I'm very good at analyzing, introspecting, and feeling.

But there are so many bad sides. I am constantly overwhelmed by outside stimulation. For example, I had to leave a job where they played the radio all day. It was driving me insane.

Whenever I go out, I get exhausted by the noise, smells, lights, movements, weather conditions, and so on. It is very hard just to go grocery shopping. I just can't handle full-time jobs because I completely burn out or become depressed from the exhaustion.

Simple daily tasks are a challenge too, and my mind is constantly active. It never stops. Meditation was so hard for me that just thinking about it now brings back hurtful memories.

1 hour ago, OBEler said:

you feel emotions in more depth. I wish I could have such sensitivity.

But this is really painful. In my life, it is so impactful. Negative emotions are very hard to handle, but so are positive ones. It exhausts my body and mind just to feel so much. I can’t focus on work or objectives because my emotions are so strong and dominant. As a result, very few things make sense to me, as my thinking is veiled by pain.

I also have to sleep a lot just to compensate, yet I still feel sleepy during the day.

High sensitivity is not as rewarding as you might think. Or only for individuals who've learned to manage it well, and even then, I think it's still very challenging. This world is not suited for highly sensitive people at all.

[Schizophonia]

You don't have anxiety "from all drugs" you have anxiety from all drugs famous to give anxiety and even paranoid turns (coffee, thc ans psychedelics) lol. 

[Schizophonia]

Benzodiazepines/barbiturics, gabapentinoids, dissociatives, antihistamines, opiates and even some neuroleptics such as quetiapine are used recreationally to reduce anxiety.

Edited 21 hours ago by Schizophonia

[Vibes]

@Clarence I understand you completely, fear and  pain tints everything in every area. And it really feels like it will materialize and you can predict it like an oracle. Almost like you can see the future. But think of the times your fears never materialized (at least not in this lifetime) to remind you that you could be wrong.

 

Once in a mushroom trip I experienced the pain and suffering of having my dad die.

It didn't solve 100% the fear of it actually happening, but it reduced it and it cleared it out of my mind. Because like Leo said, shit is gonna happen and you still keep going and hopefully will be able to integrate that pain.

 

 

Edited 20 hours ago by Vibes

[quantumspiral]

@Leo Gura Many drugs / compounds can cause what could be described as anxiety completely independently of the mind.

It could be a chemical sensitivity / histamine response etc

[Leo Gura]

53 minutes ago, quantumspiral said:

Many drugs / compounds can cause what could be described as anxiety completely independently of the mind.

Maybe for some people. But I have never gotten anxiety from 30+ different psychedelics.

I think one has to already be prone to anxiety to get that effect.

I think anxiety is also very self-created. Anxious people are just very bad at controlling it.

But it's hard for me to know since I don't experience it.

Edited 20 hours ago by Leo Gura

[UnbornTao]

Might want to quit caffeine and see what the effects are. 

Edited 17 hours ago by UnbornTao

[Ero]

46 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

 But I have never gotten anxiety from 30+ different psychedelics.

Outside of the usual suspects, is there a particular substance that you have found the most useful for epistemic and ontological work? More deconstructing the dynamics of consciousness rather than nondualistic/ Love/ God aspects.