My Partial God-Realization on 5-MeO-DMT

[Tristan12]

I use 5-MeO-DMT only in small doses, for emotional healing purposes. I'm not ready to dive into ego-death or other deep spiritual experiences yet. My ego is too sensitive and fearful for that right now, and I've seen a few times when I've taken doses that have pushed my limits for what I can handle, I get very fearful and resistant and I can tell there is no way I'd be able to get myself to surrender, so I stick with small doses for now.

Last night I took a small dose (one hit of a vape), and my intention was to receive deep love to help me cry out and release a lot of the emotional pain I've been dealing with lately. I wanted to see that true love is possible, because I've noticed lately that deep down I really doubt that it is, but I need to be open to receiving love to be able to heal. So I wanted to see that real love is possible.

I started to feel into a lot of the pain I've been dealing with lately, and crying it out. It soon started to feel like I was communicating with something, like I was crying out my pain to this higher power. I wasn't fully conscious of God, but I think I was experiencing a very mild and introductory version of it, like I was starting to become conscious of God. I felt like I was crying to God, showing God my pain. 

I started thinking to myself, it's really beautiful that I'm able to have this interaction with God, without having to go through an ego-death that I'm not ready for. It felt like the intelligence of the substance made that happen for me, so that I could have this beautiful experience in a way that I could handle. As I had that thought, I suddenly realized, it's not the intelligence of the substance doing it, it's me (as God) doing it to myself! I as God am giving myself this experience fully catered towards me, so that I can start to awaken. As I realized that, Leo's words "God is gently pushing you to awaken" (or something like that) I think from his video "the ultimate structure of reality explained", came to mind, and it felt like that's exactly what was happening.

I felt like I as a human have always been at the centre of a ball of yarn, tangled in all these strings of illusion and deception, and I felt like I had started to claw my way out of it and stick my head up out of the ball of yarn, and I could see that this whole time I was God stuck in all these illusions, and I was waking up to myself and what I am. Watching the transition happen from me being identified with my human self, and gradually starting to dis-identify with him and awaken to myself as this higher power/God, and looking back at my human self and seeing that all he is is an illusion that God is stuck in, until I, as God, wake up to myself, that was absolutely incredible to watch. From that point of view, I felt like I was watching my human self (Tristan) like he was my child, and I wasn't identified with him in that moment.

I started to think about painful things that have happened throughout my life, and it was so clear that none of it was actually real, and I've been imagining all of it. I looked outside, at the trees and the sky, and it was also so clear that it was all my imagination.

There's more that happened in this trip, some emotional healing related things, and also some other spiritual experiences, but this was the most significant part, and I wanted to share it on the forum. 5-MeO-DMT is such an incredible substance, I've noticed multiple times now the intelligence of it, and how it seems to recognize what you need and cater your experience towards that. I think it was so cool that I was able to have a partial, introductory God-Realization that didn't require me to go through an ego death that I'm not ready for.

Edited Friday at 11:25 PM by Tristan12

[Leo Gura]

Yes! Excellent work. You will require some dozens of trips to work through your human emotional baggage before you are ready for the heavy metaphysical, reality-melting trips.

So stick consistently with your process, don't get ahead of your skiis, and a year or two from now you will be ready for full God-Realization.

Edited 15 hours ago by Leo Gura

[Davino]

Congratulations, really happy to read this!

14 hours ago, Tristan12 said:

1. My intention was to receive deep love to help me cry out and release a lot of the emotional pain I've been dealing with lately. I wanted to see that true love is possible, because I've noticed lately that deep down I really doubt that it is, but I need to be open to receiving love to be able to heal. So I wanted to see that real love is possible.
2. I felt like I as a human have always been at the centre of a ball of yarn, tangled in all these strings of illusion and deception

I would advise you to focus on these two aspects for progressing further.

1. Love is the ultimate healer, bask in Self-Love as deeply and as open as possible. When you can no more, take a deep breath and breakthrough that and love yourself a tiny bit more. Love all the crap of your psyche and self, infuse it with the light and love of pure Consciousness, understanding and all-embracement.
2. The ball of yarn you're describing, it might feel as one thing more of the trip but I would like you to consider it as absolutely central to your healing process. Understand the entanglement your mind is in, the blocks and tensions in your body and the trip will guide you towards "resolving" and unknoting the ball of yarn.

I consider myself an experienced psychonaut and I'm heavily still working in these two points. I hoped I would have recognised their importance sooner and focus on them as they are a constant developmental axis both inside tripping and with real lasting implications on everyday life.

Wish you the best and very very happy for your immense success! Most people struggle to reach such realizations even with lots of spiritual practice and many trips, so really you do have a talent here. Consider yourself an unpolished diamond, take it with patience and perseverance and everything will arrive, I promise!

Edited 13 hours ago by Davino

[RendHeaven]

Brilliant. Proud of you bro.

That's exactly right.

And it only gets better from here

[OBEler]

@Tristan12 you are not alone in this. I do it also the slow way because I fear ego death even though I never experienced that. I don't do it for healing but I like the body load. It feels sometimes so relaxing and fresh.

5 Meo DMT is absolutely amazing on lower doses (I am on 5 Meo right now so I speak from direct experience).

[Davino]

5 hours ago, OBEler said:

I fear ego death

It's like taking a cold shower

You never get to love the process but you can see the benefits