P*rn-addiction, self-sabotage and being friendlier with myself

[mmKay]

Have you tried just avoiding p*rn but fapping is okay? Worked just right for me. Almost 1 year off and I'm planning to stay off for good. There's more stuff that worked for me, let me know what's your biggest struggles

Good luck!

[Leeo_SA]

On 6.1.2025 at 10:51 PM, mmKay said:

Have you tried just avoiding p*rn but fapping is okay? Worked just right for me. Almost 1 year off and I'm planning to stay off for good. There's more stuff that worked for me, let me know what's your biggest struggles

Good luck!

@mmKay Yes I tried. But I am afraid a bit that I overdue fapping as well. 

My biggest struggle is that I see myself, that I have periods of 3-4 months were I fap to porn regularly followed by 3-4 Month where I dont even think on porn. I tried several methods for recognizing the thought which triggers the behaviour for looking at porn at the end. And that works at the moment well. But when I have the urge again in a few weeks or months, than I don't remember, that I need to look at my thoughts and bring distance in between. But that is also just a believe I think ...


Date: 6.1.25 - 8.1.25

Relevant incidents: Just today: i fapped in the shower, felt good!

Sleep: very good

Difficulty P: 2/10, M: 8/10

Supplements: nothing

What I am proud of: I meditated again but stopped today in the second meditation. I asked myself, why I am overdoing it. Further I had again a really nice conversation with a friend.
I feel like I am in a transition. Topics Enlightenment is very present at the moment and also letting it go.

[mmKay]

Don't worry about overdoing fapping; at least it's natural and doesn't fry your dopamine circuits. If it keeps you off online content, then it's worth it. Imperfect consistent progress is better than perfect progress followed by backsliding.

The cycle of abstinence followed by binge is actually a more insidious use than regular use in some cases, as the reward system is activated stronger than ever, solidifying the cycle of cue → thinking of reward (pre-spikes dopamine to incentivize taking action) → behavior → reward.

If you aren't familiar with this site, it's the bible for quitting porn

https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/

[Leeo_SA]

@mmKay Thank you for your reply. I understand know, why I am more tempted after a phase of abstinence. 

I read the book several years back. But since then I forgot a bit, will do some research. 

[mmKay]

9 hours ago, Leeo_SA said:

@mmKay Yes I tried. But I am afraid a bit that I overdue fapping as well. 

I tried several methods for recognizing the thought which triggers the behaviour for looking at porn at the end. And that works at the moment well. But when I have the urge again in a few weeks or months, than I don't remember, that I need to look at my thoughts and bring distance in between. But that is also just a believe I think ...

Make a habit of whenever you want to control your horniness , excitement or anxiety ( can be confused with horniness) , to say to yourself mentally " I am here " , to get yourself very in touch with the present moment , aware of your current emotions and behavior. Whenever a mental picture of reaching for online content appears, ground yourself in the present moment and in the worst case immediately distract yourself with something else ( pick a healthy distraction if possible) . 

Make sure to use this method as well to stop fantasizing and reminding / thinking about porn,  as it can trigger you into giving in.

Edited January 9 by mmKay

[Leeo_SA]

12 hours ago, mmKay said:

Make a habit of whenever you want to control your horniness , excitement or anxiety ( can be confused with horniness) , to say to yourself mentally " I am here " , to get yourself very in touch with the present moment , aware of your current emotions and behavior. Whenever a mental picture of reaching for online content appears, ground yourself in the present moment and in the worst case immediately distract yourself with something else ( pick a healthy distraction if possible) . 

Make sure to use this method as well to stop fantasizing and reminding / thinking about porn,  as it can trigger you into giving in.

Good Idea! Thank you for that Input! That makes Sense!

 

date: 9.1.25

Relevant incidents: nothing

Sleep: very good

Difficulty PM: 2/10

Supplements: nothing

What I am proud of: I got invited for an Interview. I Spoke the truth about myself that I want to be Self employed in the Long run. I am Proud about that and that I dont let my anxiety take over.

further I had a hard but nice day. I got another offer for an interview as well as a Coaching request 🤗

[Leeo_SA]

Date: 10.1.25

Relevant incidents today: Had back pain again. Went to medical center.
Sleep: good sleep
Difficulty: 0/10
Supplements: Tyrosin
What I am proud of: Was happy altought I had pain. In the evening, before I went to the doctor, I had a nice conversation with a new Client from HI.

 

Date: 11.1.25

Relevant incidents today: M in bed today, without yes / no, Yes / no thoughts. was nice! I have the controll, not my automatic behaviour!
Sleep: good sleep
Difficulty: 3/10
Supplements: Tyrosin
What I am proud of: Worked for about 2h, organized my dashboard in notion aso. Was a nice day!

[Leeo_SA]

Date: 11.1.25

Relevant incidents today: There were some ads of nude woman when I watched a TV show on a streaming platform. It didnt botter me at all.
Sleep: good sleep
Difficulty: 1/10
Supplements: Tyrosin, Omega 3, Ginko Bilboa, Magnesium
What I am proud of: Worked for about 90min, did alot of personal work and had a nice day!

[Leeo_SA]

Date: 11.1.25

Relevant incidents today: No self-sabotage, nothing special.
Sleep: good sleep
Difficulty: 1/10
Supplements: Tyrosin, Omega 3, Ginko Bilboa, Magnesium
What I am proud of: Worked for about 90min and started after that my day with my clients. Had a conversation with a guy who probably is going to be a client and had an interview for a part time job, which went pretty well.

[Leeo_SA]

Date: 14.1.25

Relevant incidents today: M in shower, was nice. 
Sleep: good sleep
Difficulty: 3/10
Supplements: Tyrosin, Omega 3, Ginko Bilboa, Magnesium
What I am proud of: Worked for about 90min and started after that my day with my clients. Had not so much motivation for work so I did a break in the afternoon. 

[Leeo_SA]

Date: 15.1.25

Relevant incidents today: M in bed after a 1min struggle if I should or shouldnt.
Sleep: good sleep
Difficulty: 7/10
Supplements: Tyrosin, Omega 3, Ginko Bilboa, Magnesium
What I am proud of: I worked through 3-4 limiting beliefes today. Worked for about 90min and started after that my day with my clients. Further I applied for around 8 jobs and had a great time with one of my clients.

[Leeo_SA]

Date: 16.1.25

Relevant incidents today: Noting
Sleep: good sleep
Difficulty: 1/10
Supplements: Tyrosin, Omega 3, Ginko Bilboa, Magnesium
What I am proud of: Worked through some limiting beliefs.

 

Date: 17.1.25

Relevant incidents today: Nothing
Sleep: good sleep
Difficulty: 1/10
Supplements: Tyrosin, Omega 3, Ginko Bilboa
What I am proud of: Worked through some limiting beliefs. Was happy today, had some rest time in between my clients.

[Leeo_SA]

Date: 18-21.1.25

Relevant incidents today: The urge came up and noticed some changes in my behaviour with Social Media and pictures of woman. On 21. I relapsed in bed (power nap on noon) and in the evening. But I dont know why. I feel strange, I got a job today. Was not really excited about that bc I want to continue my self employment but I need the money. I wasnt stressed, I wasnt in a bad mood. I was anxious of getting back to porn and so it was. Why can I see some picture and I dont bother and then if I am sensitive (however that happens) I am anxious that I fall in this trap? It is like I see those pictures with two different personalities.

Sleep: good sleep
Difficulty: 9/10
Supplements: Tyrosin, Omega 3, Ginko Bilboa
What I am proud of: Got the job!! I can finally stop doing applications. 

[Leeo_SA]

Because I had several relapses I choose to attain a self help group for my behaviour. Due to that, I will close this journal and continue with them. I do a journal for myself.

[Something Funny]

13 minutes ago, Leeo_SA said:

Due to that, I will close this journal and continue with them.

Not so fast!

Before you go, check out this 4 minute habit tracker video. And if you get interested, the whole concept of bullet journal in general.

I think this is a much more positive mindset, because you stop looking at relapses as relapses, just a part of your journey to rewire your brain.

And also imagine tracking it for like a year, and seeing yourself gradually improve, a few percent at a time. 

[Leeo_SA]

29 minutes ago, Something Funny said:

Not so fast!

Before you go, check out this 4 minute habit tracker video. And if you get interested, the whole concept of bullet journal in general.

I think this is a much more positive mindset, because you stop looking at relapses as relapses, just a part of your journey to rewire your brain.

And also imagine tracking it for like a year, and seeing yourself gradually improve, a few percent at a time. 

@Something Funny I do habit tracking on my phone and short events on notion, so I have this already implemented. I know that relapses are a part of my journy to be sober but I need to take more serious action because I am struggling since more than 8 years now. On my own I managed a lot but for the last bit or if I am chronicly addicted, for the rest of my life, I need support.