P*rn-addiction, self-sabotage and being friendlier with myself

[Leeo_SA]

Date: 3.1.25

Relevant incidents today: Was horny when I woke up, had a filthy dream. In the evening I was in the internet and wanted to see, if there are some porn categories on an online stream plattform. As soon as I saw my thoughts, I stopped and shutted down the website.

Sleep: Good

Difficulty PM (mastrubation & porn): 7/10

Supplements: Didnt take anything today. Tomorrow Iboga and Tyrosin again.

What I am proud of: I really enjoy meditating now. I meditated today 2 times each 20 min. I was very still in the second meditation which was a nice preview of the next level in my meditation journey.

[Leeo_SA]

Date: 4.1.25

Relevant incidents today: Was horny in the afternoon, but had controlls over my thoughts. 

Sleep: very good

Difficulty PM (mastrubation & porn): 8/10

Supplements: 0.13g Iboga and 1 capsule of Tyrosin.

What I am proud of: I meditated today 3 times, 2 times 20min and 1 time 45min. Further I wrote applications for 90 min and read for about 90min. Was a good day!

[Leeo_SA]

Date: 4.1.25

Relevant incidents today: Nothing

Sleep: very good

Difficulty PM (mastrubation & porn): 1/10

Supplements: 1 capsule of Tyrosin.

What I am proud of: I meditated today 3 times, 2 times 20min and 1 time 45min with an online Meditation Group in the evening. Had many thoughts, I believe due to too much (unhealthy) eating and beeing tired.

[Leeo_SA]

Date: 5.1.25

Relevant incidents today: Was really horny the whole day. In the evening I had an orgasm with my GF. After that, my mood got uplifted like a withstand went away which was very surprising bc I didnt want to have an orgasm.

In the afternoon I felt a big resistance to work and to do anything.

Sleep: very good

Difficulty PM (mastrubation & porn): 9/10

Supplements: 0.12g Iboga and 1 capsule of Tyrosin. I stop now with Iboga. Maybe I do it again in one year in winter. The experiment with Iboga and Tyrosin was superb! I experimented a lot with different substances in previous years but this combination had the biggest impact on my mood and handling with anxiety. Every winter I am another man, have more interest in meditation and spiritual pratice but have also winter depression. With this combination (or also without Iboga) I am in another mood.

 

What I am proud of: I meditated today 3 times, 1x 30min, 1x 25min, 1x 20min. Tomorrow I start with walking meditation. Further I had a new client in my part time job: an 101 year old man, he runs like he is 40tish, he eats fruits (in comparassion to other elderly people who are eating just garbage), he is pretty optimistic and has a really good brain (no alzheimer or so). Was nice to be with him!
In the evening I made an exercise for introspection due to my resistance to work. Was also a great excersise! Further I applied to 5ish jobs.

[mmKay]

Have you tried just avoiding p*rn but fapping is okay? Worked just right for me. Almost 1 year off and I'm planning to stay off for good. There's more stuff that worked for me, let me know what's your biggest struggles

Good luck!

[Leeo_SA]

On 6.1.2025 at 10:51 PM, mmKay said:

Have you tried just avoiding p*rn but fapping is okay? Worked just right for me. Almost 1 year off and I'm planning to stay off for good. There's more stuff that worked for me, let me know what's your biggest struggles

Good luck!

@mmKay Yes I tried. But I am afraid a bit that I overdue fapping as well. 

My biggest struggle is that I see myself, that I have periods of 3-4 months were I fap to porn regularly followed by 3-4 Month where I dont even think on porn. I tried several methods for recognizing the thought which triggers the behaviour for looking at porn at the end. And that works at the moment well. But when I have the urge again in a few weeks or months, than I don't remember, that I need to look at my thoughts and bring distance in between. But that is also just a believe I think ...


Date: 6.1.25 - 8.1.25

Relevant incidents: Just today: i fapped in the shower, felt good!

Sleep: very good

Difficulty P: 2/10, M: 8/10

Supplements: nothing

What I am proud of: I meditated again but stopped today in the second meditation. I asked myself, why I am overdoing it. Further I had again a really nice conversation with a friend.
I feel like I am in a transition. Topics Enlightenment is very present at the moment and also letting it go.

[mmKay]

Don't worry about overdoing fapping; at least it's natural and doesn't fry your dopamine circuits. If it keeps you off online content, then it's worth it. Imperfect consistent progress is better than perfect progress followed by backsliding.

The cycle of abstinence followed by binge is actually a more insidious use than regular use in some cases, as the reward system is activated stronger than ever, solidifying the cycle of cue → thinking of reward (pre-spikes dopamine to incentivize taking action) → behavior → reward.

If you aren't familiar with this site, it's the bible for quitting porn

https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/

[Leeo_SA]

@mmKay Thank you for your reply. I understand know, why I am more tempted after a phase of abstinence. 

I read the book several years back. But since then I forgot a bit, will do some research. 

[mmKay]

9 hours ago, Leeo_SA said:

@mmKay Yes I tried. But I am afraid a bit that I overdue fapping as well. 

I tried several methods for recognizing the thought which triggers the behaviour for looking at porn at the end. And that works at the moment well. But when I have the urge again in a few weeks or months, than I don't remember, that I need to look at my thoughts and bring distance in between. But that is also just a believe I think ...

Make a habit of whenever you want to control your horniness , excitement or anxiety ( can be confused with horniness) , to say to yourself mentally " I am here " , to get yourself very in touch with the present moment , aware of your current emotions and behavior. Whenever a mental picture of reaching for online content appears, ground yourself in the present moment and in the worst case immediately distract yourself with something else ( pick a healthy distraction if possible) . 

Make sure to use this method as well to stop fantasizing and reminding / thinking about porn,  as it can trigger you into giving in.

Edited Thursday at 06:53 AM by mmKay

[Leeo_SA]

12 hours ago, mmKay said:

Make a habit of whenever you want to control your horniness , excitement or anxiety ( can be confused with horniness) , to say to yourself mentally " I am here " , to get yourself very in touch with the present moment , aware of your current emotions and behavior. Whenever a mental picture of reaching for online content appears, ground yourself in the present moment and in the worst case immediately distract yourself with something else ( pick a healthy distraction if possible) . 

Make sure to use this method as well to stop fantasizing and reminding / thinking about porn,  as it can trigger you into giving in.

Good Idea! Thank you for that Input! That makes Sense!

 

date: 9.1.25

Relevant incidents: nothing

Sleep: very good

Difficulty PM: 2/10

Supplements: nothing

What I am proud of: I got invited for an Interview. I Spoke the truth about myself that I want to be Self employed in the Long run. I am Proud about that and that I dont let my anxiety take over.

further I had a hard but nice day. I got another offer for an interview as well as a Coaching request 🤗