Is this much failure normal in self-development? What should I change? Whats missing?

[UpperMaster]

Hey everyone,

Lately, I’ve been feeling pretty frustrated with the lack of results in my life. My results making skills, and ability to "brute force" the work is very poor, and I am constantly trying for years to improve it. I’m not sure if I’m just overthinking or genuinely doing something wrong, and I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Over the past few months, I’ve been documenting my journey in the actualized journals. I’ve tried various productivity tactics, but I keep finding it hard to do the work consistently, even for things I enjoy. Focusing and staying on task long enough to get significant work done feels almost impossible. This has been a recurring challenge for a couple of years now. The journal has been helpful for spotting patterns in my thoughts and habits, but I still haven’t cracked the code on making real, lasting change.

I’ve talked to some of you here before about my struggles with staying productive, even considered ADHD might be a factor. Your advice has been incredibly helpful, and I’m grateful for it. Still, I’m really ambitious, and working just 2 hours a day isn’t enough to match my goals. Honestly, it feels like I can’t even meet basic expectations like school with that level of effort.

Recently, I started seeing a therapist to work through some of these challenges, including underlying trauma. It’s been a positive step, but there’s a lot to unpack, and progress feels slow.

So, here’s where I’m stuck:

Are these struggles normal?

Is it typical to fall short of your productivity goals everyday for a long time, even when you’re trying to improve? Should I just trust the process?

Or am I doing something fundamentally wrong? (everyday just seems like a new gimmick I am trying to be productive, and of course nothing is sustainable)

I can see that I’ve made progress, I’m definitely better off than I was two years ago but the pace is agonizingly slow, and it’s tough to reconcile that with my ambitions. Also, I failed the year, everyone my age that's around me have no trouble doing the work. I'm not gonna play the victim here, but I want to know what to do.

I know sitting at a desk for 6+ hours a day isn’t realistic for everyone, but my goals demand a lot, and I don’t know if I’m approaching this the right way. Any advice or perspective would mean a lot.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

 

Edited December 25, 2024 by UpperMaster

[LordFall]

What is your MBTI type? For a lot of types it's harder to do mindless work that you don't find enjoyable. For example I'm an INTP and really understanding the type has helped me find points of leverage that can bring my work project massively forward without relying too much on the tedious repetitive tasks like video editing, cold calling, outreach, etc.

Let's get specific what exactly is it that you're trying to do and why do you think you're behind in it? I wouldn't necessarily compare yourself to other people, everyone is on their own path and it's very literal. Plenty of people work 10 hours a day on nonsense, plenty of others waste 10 hours a day and plenty of others spend 10 hours a day on doing highly productive tasks for their life purpose.

So what is your life purpose, what is the progress that you've made on it this year and where would you like to be a year from now? 

[UpperMaster]

@LordFall I took Big 5 personality test. Haven't done Myers Briggs so I am not sure what my MBTI is.

Where did you do yours, can I do it online? 

 

My main goals are very straightforward

1. Pass all my exams in uni 

2. Learn the local language where I currently live to complete fluency 

3. Get a job, so I can buy the Life Purpose course and actually find my life purpose. 

finding life purpose is a super high priority goal. Passing uni and learning local language has to do with survival and is a non-negotiable. 

 

I also have a lot of emotional baggage and issues that I am working with my therapist, I have lower self-confidence and that's stunting I feel my ability to take major risks in life although I want to. Going to therapy is one of the most important things I am doing right now aswell. 

 

Other goals (very important to me, but not my main goals)

1. Exercise daily 

2. Continue Improving my humor 

3. become proficient with woman 

4. be a better older brother 

5. Job experience, maybe management consulting

 

I have no time to address any of the "other goals" because I am failing my exams, I have a language exam to study for and no matter what I do cant exceed 2 hours of study daily except if I am near a deadline. I started studying for this math test 3 weeks in advance and made little progress. I make the intention to be productive daily as evident in my journal, you see how frustrating it is? You try to work hard, but you can't. People surpass you. Worst of all I know deep inside that if I could just work, harder, longer with focus and consistency, I am capable enough to do something big. It's so frustrating. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited December 25, 2024 by UpperMaster

[UpperMaster]

26 minutes ago, LordFall said:

what is the progress that you've made on it this year

Got out of a messy a super unfulfilling relationship which broke my confidence. I fucked up on tests, social situations etc destroyed my self-confidence. 

Therapy is the biggest step I've taken this year. Writing an actualized journal consistently is also a huge step ive taken this year. I also contacted people on the forum and asked for help. I am taking action. 

Developing my humor is the area I made the most progress in my life. I failed 1000 times, but now I funny on a consistent basis and have good social skills. Looking back I am so happy I kept trying to land horrible jokes, because it has payed off. This was a multi year process, but going into uni I had so much more opportunity this year

Edited December 25, 2024 by UpperMaster

[UpperMaster]

26 minutes ago, LordFall said:

where would you like to be a year from now? 

accomplish main goals

[Ishanga]

This is something I discovered, its worked for me since discovering it!

First BE then DO then HAVE, or BE then HAVE then DO

What You and most ppl are doing is the opposite, they DO then HAVE then BE, or HAVE then DO then BE but they fail miserably in the Doing and Having part and never get to the BEING parts simply because they are suffering the Doing/Having part so much as You are.

 The end goal for every living Human Being is to realize their BEING. You only establish goals to become something You are not right now, so establishing Your BEING is just that, You want to make it so suffering is almost impossible, so that You at the least are naturally at Peace, no struggle or stress internally, You live at EASE, with this establish as a normal baseline Experience everyday, then You go out and perform Action to achieve some goal or get some stuff whatever it is..

 

Edited December 25, 2024 by Ishanga

[UpperMaster]

12 minutes ago, Ishanga said:

This is something I discovered, its worked for me since discovering it!

First BE then DO then HAVE, or BE then HAVE then DO

What You and most ppl are doing is the opposite, they DO then HAVE then BE, or HAVE then DO then BE but they fail miserably in the Doing and Having part and never get to the BEING parts simply because they are suffering the Doing/Having part so much as You are.

 The end goal for every living Human Being is to realize their BEING. You only establish goals to become something You are not right now, so establishing Your BEING is just that, You want to make it so suffering is almost impossible, so that You at the least naturally at Peace, no struggle or stress internally, You live at EASE, with this establish as a normal baseline Experience everyday, then You go out and perform Action to achieve some goal or get some stuff whatever it is..

 

Can you please give an example of how you do this.

I've tried I think this concept several times before that's why I am asking. This sounds like the similar thing described in atomic habits where you have to make an identity level change. I am familiar with this because I contemplated and tried this so many times before. 

For me when I try this, it sticks for a bit but then reality hits and makes you realize that you aren't as good as you believe.

Take pickup, can you BE, DO, HAVE with pickup? To me it makes sense that you can't just BE good with woman. 

I've tried this maybe hundreds of times. Maybe I am implementing this wrong that's why I asked how you do it.

I don't mean this in an offensive manner. Thanks for the reply.

 

Edited December 25, 2024 by UpperMaster

[Ishanga]

38 minutes ago, UpperMaster said:

Can you please give an example of how you do this.

I've tried I think this concept several times before that's why I am asking. This sounds like the similar thing described in atomic habits where you have to make an identity level change. I am familiar with this because I contemplated and tried this so many times before. 

For me when I try this, it sticks for a bit but then reality hits and makes you realize that you aren't as good as you believe.

Take pickup, can you BE, DO, HAVE with pickup? To me it makes sense that you can't just BE good with woman. 

I've tried this maybe hundreds of times. Maybe I am implementing this wrong that's why I asked how you do it.

I don't mean this in an offensive manner. Thanks for the reply.

 

So right now Your not intouch with Your BEING, your into Doing and Having (pick up is Doing, the Girl is Having) your only doing this to have a certain Experience right? If not then why do Pick Up, why have a Girl?? Apply this to anything, why have a career, or life purpose? Why have Money, or Success, or a Nice Car, or Travel to a Nice place You want to see? Whatever it is, it is to have a Grander Experience than You are right now.. 

What if You had an Experience of Completeness, Bliss, Clarity of Reality, would You still do Pick Up?

BEINGNESS is just this, Experiencing Completeness, Bliss, Clarity, at least on a small level..

I started a Yoga practice, 12 min a day, look up Isha Kriya, try it for a  month, see what happens...!

Edited December 25, 2024 by Ishanga

[UpperMaster]

@Ishanga Ok I understand what you mean, thanks for claryifying. Il be honest I want tangible results in life. I can see how Isha Kriya or many other practices can help me be happy right now, and thereby extinguish the need to do anything else (at least on a smaller scale). But I seriously doubt that it excuses me from other self-development work and working on the main goals I outlined. Maybe I am wrong.

Thanks anyway.

[Ishanga]

5 minutes ago, UpperMaster said:

@Ishanga Ok I understand what you mean, thanks for claryifying. Il be honest I want tangible results in life. I can see how Isha Kriya or many other practices can help me be happy right now, and thereby extinguish the need to do anything else (at least on a smaller scale). But I seriously doubt that it excuses me from other self-development work and working on the main goals I outlined. Maybe I am wrong.

Thanks anyway.

Well I think in a basic way, establishing a baseline of Joy as Your natural Experience will enhance everything else about You, Your Creativity, Intellect/Intelligence, Health, Well Being will rise because Your stress free, resistance free, able to go full stride ahead without Fear...

Goals and Ambition is just an expression of Desire, Desire is the same as Life, it always wants more, so for Us Desire is there to propel us forward, ultimately we want complete Boundlessness, Freedom, but we get there in small steps, first we survive, then we want more of this or that, then we establish more control, then we forget about control and go for Power, then we forget about Power and go for all Knowing, then we forget that and go all the way, forget this life of wanting and needing and just BE in the Moment Fully Alive and Present!

[Buck Edwards]

What are your distractions? 

[UpperMaster]

@Buck Edwards honestly I know this sounds weird but I usually get distracted by philosophy abs self-development. 
 

like as a deadline is approaching I somehow convince my self that a certain existential matter is more important than the exam.

So il be studying, 2 min later I have a certain question that I need answering and go down a rabithole. 

[UpperMaster]

@Ishanga i understnd

[Buck Edwards]

7 minutes ago, UpperMaster said:

@Buck Edwards honestly I know this sounds weird but I usually get distracted by philosophy abs self-development. 
 

like as a deadline is approaching I somehow convince my self that a certain existential matter is more important than the exam.

So il be studying, 2 min later I have a certain question that I need answering and go down a rabithole. 

Happens to me as well. You must be a pisces, joking. But you could keep existential matters aside and focus on the more practical side of everyday life. 

[integral]

6 hours ago, UpperMaster said:

I have no time to address any of the "other goals" because I am failing my exams, I have a language exam to study for and no matter what I do cant exceed 2 hours of study daily except if I am near a deadline. I started studying for this math test 3 weeks in advance and made little progress. I make the intention to be productive daily as evident in my journal, you see how frustrating it is? You try to work hard, but you can't. People surpass you. Worst of all I know deep inside that if I could just work, harder, longer with focus and consistency, I am capable enough to do something big. It's so frustrating. 

It's because you're doing it completely wrong. You need to be obsessed, mesmerized by the material. You need to be so deeply invested emotionally and interested in this topic that you can't stop thinking about it, that you're dreaming about it every night.

You have to set your psychology up for success by falling in love with everything that you do.

Everyday in the morning you wake up with a thousand new ideas about that topic writing down notes, making new discoveries making new connections. This is how intelligent people operate, this is how Einstein operated, this is how Leo operates.

Intelligent people are not half-assing it. They have the ability to fall in love with their work and self-deceive themselves to the point of infatuation.

When you gain this ability you become addicted to self-development, especially if you're young and physically healthy. You'll reach levels you can't possibly imagine right now.

Discipline is a lie, no one has discipline, they just have intrinsic-motivation. Some people are motivated through obligations, commitments, pursuit of wealth, Pride that they can't be poor, but intelligent people do it because they are in love with the pursuit of Truth and self excellence.

You must look upon your work mesmerized by its beauty.

"I have no special talent. I am only passionately curious." - Einstein

 

ElevenLabs_2024-12-26T03_22_07_Jessica Anne Bogart - Character and Animation_pvc_s50_sb75_se48_b_m2.mp3

Edited December 26, 2024 by integral

[UpperMaster]

@integral wow this was a great response. Matter of fact I was recognizing that every time I took drastic action I basically was obsessed by the goal. Whether it was understanding a existential topic or getting some girl ahaha.

 

im just unsure of whether you can self-deceive yourself into doing this. If so how, how to do it without it seeming like your gaslighting yourself. 

[Flowerfaeiry]

7 hours ago, UpperMaster said:

Are these struggles normal?

Very normal and very ok. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

7 hours ago, UpperMaster said:

Is it typical to fall short of your productivity goals everyday for a long time, even when you’re trying to improve? Should I just trust the process?
 

Very typical. It’s the nature of this work and it’s why change, when it happens, is so precious. Because it takes a lot of effort. 
 

Try and see where you can comfortably “brute force” something and where you find that titrating your work will be more beneficial. 
 

Yes, trust the process and also realize that this sort of “itching to just meet your goals” you feel is normal and part of what will fuel you. It’s not comfortable to have big dreams and to see all the work you need to do to get there. 
 

You sound like you’re doing good though. Big dreams, a hunger for more, you’re getting out there like seeking therapy. Sometimes big change happens in big moments and often it happens through all the small moments that have added up <3

[UpperMaster]

8 hours ago, Buck Edwards said:

You must be a pisces, joking

I am ahahahahaha

[UpperMaster]

@Flowerfaeiry Hey thanks.

 

Biggest reason I created this post is because I was confused on how to feel about my progress. Your response game me more of a relief. Yes I am itching to reach my goals, and you put it very well, change is very very previous. 

 

Thank you for the response

Edited December 26, 2024 by UpperMaster