Post Your Biggest Challenges With Personal Development Here

[MPG1953]

Have been participating in the Self-actualization course for several months. Routinely listen to the recordings at night just before bed thinking the concept will be retained for future application. Also participate with SSRF an online spiritual group that provides a simple path to removing what they call personality defects using autosuggestion. Both require steadfast consistent maintenance no different than any self image/ self improvement regime. At 64, I'm finding myself starting a process to find my purpose after living a life that I thought was doing just that. Accepting that there is no endpoint to the process is the biggest challenge for me. There is no finishing line to cross.. It's a never ending process. I see that our lives are best navigated by observing nature and striving to not be attached to anything or anyone. Thank-you for organizing this valuable resource. 

[harisankartj]

FEAR OF EXISTENCE :- because it is ignorant of the needs of any organism.

FEAR OF NO SENSORY STIMULI:-  Meditation and self-inquiry revealed that sensory perception is not be taken on faith.This made somebody inside me feel ALL alone with NO SENSE OF SECURITY .

FEAR OF HAVING TO GIVE UP A LIFE :- cause FACE IT,if u take this journey you will reach a point where social interaction is pointless and i am afraid of that. This is an emotional argument. Once the dream of life is realised there will be no need to live it and i am scared.

In short,I am scared of the demons.

[Violet]

Accepting things as they are: I find I can't seem to accept and move on. This ranges from a variety of circumstances. For example, I have a hard time accepting that my friends will make mistakes and it's futile to persuade them to see the consequences of their actions. I still harbor resentments from events long ago that has no relevance in my life despite trying multiple ways to heal them (e.g. books, psychotherapy, introspection). I feel like I have been digging at this aspect of my personality for years and I just want to make more progress than I already have. 

Relax: I feel like I'm always go-go-go. This seems contrary to some of the posts here saying that they find motivation difficult. I'm trying to move away from "forcing" myself to do things because even though I end up doing them, I'm not happy in the process and I'm sure my output is not as good as it could be. I feel like my goal oriented approach makes me define myself by "doing" rather than "being". So I try to pack as much as I possibly can in a day with working, learning, exercising and compromise on other areas such as mindful eating and presence with other people. I worry that if I stop being this way, I'll "fall behind" on this arbitrary timeline I have.

Courage: The things I know how to do and is familiar for me, I have little resistance. This includes working out and continuous learning for my corporate career and spiritual development. The things I know I should be doing but are not doing is another story. For example, I know I can be better at planning for daily/weekly achievement, reflect on my day, practice certain visualization exercises, eat mindfully, do my physio exercises, preparing for the transition out of corporate, and on and on, but I face so much inner resistance that I just kind of throw my hands up and delay it. Then another week passes, another month, and then looking back I get really pissed. I want to get out of that cycle. 

Mind-body connection: Similar to "Relax", I have certain pains for years that I think are more psychosomatic in nature rather than physiological. For example, I have this knee pain that I struggle to heal despite having no injuries and seeing 20+ health care professionals. When I'm in Vipassana retreats, that area flares up along with hips, which based on my research, stores negative emotions. I'm finding more motivation and commitment to do my physio exercises which has led to some improvement. I'm curious to hear what Leo has to say about achieving better health.

Thanks for starting this thread, Leo!

[General 2]

having to do stuff and promote your values when actually used to live in an observant-like manner and be happy about it...

[FriendlyCatPerson]

Selfishness - I don't understand the difference between living for your own happiness and being selfish in the negative context. What does it mean to be Selfish and when is that a bad thing?

Edited May 23, 2017 by FriendlyCatPerson

[xeeky4]

1.What's bugging you?

2.What's keeping you up at night?

3.What's triggering you emotionally?

4.What's keeping you stuck?

5.What's got you confused?.

 

1..Family b.s

2..Fear of the unknown and uncertinty.

3..people trigger me emotionaly.. E.g friends

4. Big time Anxiety and self confidence issues

5. Self actualization.

[Abi]

My environment (home and work) are the things that are keeping me most "stuck" and always have. I feel as if I start making progress and then am constantly interrupted and exposed to negativity and a lack of support. I am uncertain on how to get into the environment that I want to be in, although in August I am moving to a new city. (I know that my environment isn't necessarily the cause of struggles, but more my reaction to it is the cause. So I am nervous that this will not go away even with the move). Thanks.

[Elton]

Why can't I just stop smoking?  I know its not good for health and it drains away my energy...  I have so much theory but still can't convert it into practice... Why is my body so mechanical?  

I struggle with being happy, I don't remember a time I was truely happy; 2 years ago was one instance when I had left smoking after 8 years and for two days I had a smile on my face I could not remove;after vipassna retreat too I felt really happy I want to experience happiness and self love.

Also self acceptance is not happening loving my sins to death is not happening. 

I have observed this new neurotic behaviour in myself, whatever everyone else is doing I have always a theory for why truely they are not happy and they don't even know about it... I derive some saught of satisfaction in knowing that the other person is trapped in either ignorance or materialism or any other actulization concepts. 

I find it difficult to love others maybe because I find it difficult to love myself.

I have fear of poverty and don't even think of leaving my job to start a new business although I fantasise about starting one but don't have the balls to do so... The biggest fear is of me loosing my job.

Meditation is the only thing thats on track in my life but this year after vipassna I have backslided a lot..  Every week I miss a day or two last year everything was so nice meditation was going on everyday smoking had stopped I had installed new habits but now everything is gone for a toss like I've lost my powers.

I am struggling with making the change I'm procrastinating making the change and I don't know why.

The fear of living? 

 

[Elton]

I think I require a lot of time maybe 3 years more and I'll be a better person cause my life purpose is to self actualize. 

BREAKTHROUGH question... 

Why after I fail in quitting smoking I decide to start tomorrow and not now?  Why do I resist trying again now and postpone it to tomorrow?  Is this a fear of success?? 

 

Edited June 8, 2017 by Elton
I had a insightful question

[Veggies]

Thanks Leo for making this topic. It services manybody.

1. Bravery. How can I be braver? I was trying to jump into water from a high place. A friend of mine did, I couldn't. Perhaps because I'm not spiritual or think about gods. If I did, I could be as fearless as those Mideast soldiers.

 

4. Family. How to stop thinking about a family you don't want to associate yourself with? Impossible. They're rude TV-watching hermits. "No one is a prophet in their own land." Jay-Z

Veggies make me fart.

Edited June 10, 2017 by Veggies make me FART

[Joseph Maynor]

Well, I've figured it out already, but the last category that I had to figure out and deal with is the category of "Soft Addictions".  I think you should do a video on that subject.  It would be very useful and is needed.  Until I investigated this, I had no idea how many I had.  And it's like -- if you don't identify the problem, you can't deal with it.  So, if I had been aware much earlier in my life about Soft-Addictions, I would have been much better off in my personal development.  But I'm glad I am getting it handled now, and I'm getting huge results from doing this work of identifying and removing soft-addictions.   

Edited June 11, 2017 by Joseph Maynor

[Anirban657]

Neurosis is one big obstacle that I face. It robs me of my peace of mind. Whenever I do any serious work like studying or writing a project ,thoughts both positive and negative keep coming up constantly not letting me focus. And then the rest of the day I would have serious monkey chatter that does not let me even make any sane decisions.

My Shadow aspect which happened due to childhood traumas.

I want to work hard and achieve my goals but my neurosis kills me from the inside. I mean its not like I am lazy. Its not like I keep resisting or that I can't sit down to begin the work. The problem is inside me. The neurosis, the shadow, the part of me that just seems to hold on to the past. 

I sometimes get scared of myself when I look in the mirror. Knowing that my only enemy is me and that its not the world that I need to fight but only me. The more personal development I do the more I realise that I am responsible for the quality of my life. But this "I" is divided inside me. Facing my inner demons is way harder than facing my outer obstacles.

 

 

[dude]

I'm not able to focus on one topic. I decide something and then 3 days later I forget about it. I'm in constant distraction.

The first day I'm like yes lets do this, the second day too, the third day I just do it, the fourth day I just do it, the fifth day I get distracted. 5 days later I remember that I wanted to do something. Then I say fuck it. Concoct a new plan and repeat.

[Veggies]

2 hours ago, Snick said:

Biggest obstacle is that you do need social skills in life, it's not only important to you, but to others as well. It smooths things out, it calms the social context with people with social skills! 

However, they are build on lies, not lies in order to gain something from others, but lies in order to smooth and easy the social context! 

Spiritual work is radical honesty in a way, which is good also. 

But you can't work on both areas since they are polar opposites in respect to how you develop your persona! 

That's a challenge right there! 

Socialising in general has to do with a lot of compromising.

[Elton]

Hey Leo, this is something I've identified in my self actulization journey...  For the past 6 months I have been under a brutal homeostasis spell however last week through journalling and praticing mindfulness outside the meditation practice I've had improvement and insights...

However in the last six months I haven't really been able to tap into and practice what you have been advocating... I haven't seen the last 3 vedios of actulized.org too...

I certainly am drifting, I want to stay on track Leo can you give me some tips on what I can do?  

[TeamBills]

This probably won't make any sense but I will try my best. 

I feel like the books from the book list, the meditating, enlightment, and following Leo's content is helping me in small areas in my life. I don't feel like they are helping in the big areas of my life. I don't notice any difference in those areas. I get I have only been working on this for a year and half and that it takes time, but I guess in some ways I still don't. I feel like people have small problems that cause problems in their life, and then they have big problems that fall around the suicidal category. I'm starting to think that this path I'm taking might not be able to chip away at the problems in the suicidal category. I'm starting to think that all this self help stuff treats problems in life under the same umbrella. Everything is equal. I'm staring to think that small and medium problems and problems that cause suicidal thoughts/actions should be 2 separate categories in personal development. They shouldn't be shoved in the same box. That they should be separated into 2 separate studies. I can't find work that solely focuses on the suicidal stuff specifically. 

Edited July 30, 2017 by TeamBills

[Afonso]

Feeling authentic when interacting with human beings. There's always this feeling that I'm not completely being myself or that something is blocking me from expressing myself 100%. I recently became aware of this.

Edited July 30, 2017 by Afonso

[Damir Elezi]

Media and porn addiction

Mental masturbation 

Lack of discipline (I know there are videos about that but they basically said to be disciplined in order to be disciplined I am looking for a way to remove distractions without cutting cell phone use or computer use completely because I still need those devices in my creative process, but they also cause a lot of distractions at the same time.)

And I have problems with honesty, as I don't want to hurt people's feelings but I see more And more that this behavior backfires on me all the time. How to develop radical honesty? And is it better to be compassionate or honest when there is a truth which would hurt another persons feelings but is not specifically necessary to speak out. Like the common example of telling your girlfriend she looks fat in that dress. Is it necessary to be honest there?

 

Just a few points I am struggling with at the time. Btw I loved your videos about understanding absolute infinity. Amazing stuff right there.

[Serge]

Realizing [through awareness (thanks Leo!)] that my life purpose is hollow and based on nothing else but my narcissistic values and starting to build a new, more fulfilling one.

Edited July 31, 2017 by Serge

[ThinAir]

On ‎31‎.‎07‎.‎2017 at 9:46 AM, Damir Elezi said:

 

And I have problems with honesty, as I don't want to hurt people's feelings but I see more And more that this behavior backfires on me all the time. How to develop radical honesty? And is it better to be compassionate or honest when there is a truth which would hurt another persons feelings but is not specifically necessary to speak out. Like the common example of telling your girlfriend she looks fat in that dress. Is it necessary to be honest there?

@Damir Elezi

I recommend the book "Radical Honesty" by Brad Blamton. He does a good job elluminating how lies, restraining Information, keeping secrets and not hurting someone elses Emotion is backfireing on you and everyone else in your life.