Post Your Biggest Challenges With Personal Development Here

[Leo Gura]

3 hours ago, TeamBills said:

I'm a little bit confused here. Is this thread about struggles and questions with trying to become actualized or is it about the biggest problems and fears in our life in general? Thanks for asking Leo.

What's the difference?

If you've got big problems and fears, hopefully you're making an effort to actualize out of them. And then you get stuck. And then you post your problem here.

[mariustuhut]

I'm struggling with my lack of FOCUS. Is there a distinction between FOCUS and CONCENTRATION? 

[Afonso]

21 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

I want to understand you better, to better tailor future content to your needs and to be a better teacher.

To that end, post here your biggest challenges and obstacles with self-actualization, personal development, success, productivity, etc. Leave out obstacles related to enlightenment and spirituality because we'll have a separate thread for that in the Spirituality sub-forum.

I don't need to hear your entire life story and all your petty problems. Try to condense it down to two or three core issues that you feel really stuck on. These might include challenging life circumstances like not knowing how to get a job, or a deep-seated fear that you can't seem to shake, or something you feel you don't understand about life which is causing you to stall, or a bad case of procrastination, or not being sure which career to pursue, etc.

• What's bugging you?
• What's keeping you up at night?
• What's triggering you emotionally?
• What's keeping you stuck?
• What's got you confused?

Note: This thread is not meant to be me coaching you or giving you solutions to your problems. I just want to gather some data to better understand you. In the process, you may also better understand yourself.

Thanks!

It's all fear.

Fear that I'll waste my life.

Fear that I won't find anything that I'm truly passionate about, and I'll keep dabbling around like I've always been because I lose motivation and interest quickly.

Fear that this Self-Actualization could be all bull-shit.

Fear that my Shadow is preventing me from living an authentic life and I can't seem to work on it effectively.

Fear that I won't be able to make something amazing out of my life.

Fear that I'll never truly be able to express myself without any emotional barriers like when I get drunk.

 

 

Edited May 6, 2017 by Afonso

[egoeimai]

3 hours ago, Afonso said:

 

Fear that I won't find anything that I'm truly passionate about, 

 

 

Why is this even important for u ? Arent u here for the journe? Enjoy then!

[Afonso]

Just now, egoeimai said:

Why is this even important for u ? Arent u here for the journe? Enjoy then!

If there's nothing I'm truly passionate about then I have no purpose, no mission, and I'm not enlightened yet

[Socrates]

Where is the line between self-development and spirituallity: Do they overlap, are they connected once or not at all?

Theory vs practise: What goes first? Does armchair philosophy really offer anything? 

Dealing with all kinds of people: Considering you don't deal the same way with everyone, what are the nuances? 

Intelligence related to self-development: Does it matter? Do i need to be smart to even understand some stuff let alone use them?

More practical everyday stuff: How to find a job, procrastination part2, judjment part2 etc

Making your videos more complete: This probably bothers me the most. Although this one would be basically imposible, try making videos more complete. I feel there are alot of grey areas that are not covered on crucial topics which is actually confusing especially on controversial ones.

[Leo Gura]

2 hours ago, Socrates said:

Making your videos more complete: This probably bothers me the most. Although this one would be basically imposible, try making videos more complete. I feel there are alot of grey areas that are not covered on crucial topics which is actually confusing especially on controversial ones.

Could you list which topics and grey areas you mean?

That would be very helpful.

[Extreme Z7]

Selecting The ONE Right Life Purpose out of Multiple Possible Ones: This is one I've struggled with for almost two years now. I have a passion for visual art, music and game development and a little bit in storytelling and have varying degrees of skill on production in all these fields. I recognize the problem of pursuing all of them equally so for several months I've been pondering to pick one field to really focus and become a master on. Recently, I came to a decision that game development would likely be my real life purpose and have since had increased motivation when coding my current game project. However I still have nagging thoughts in my mind to also spend some time in my other fields. I do not wish to abandon my lesser passions completely in order to pursue my main passion exclusively. For me, this problem has led to a lot of stress, workaholism and indecision.

Embodying My Authentic Desires: The way I act around my current environment is very disconnected with the how I feel and I think. For example, I'm a college student who is very unsatisfied with still living with his parents who have been brainwashed by the modern education system's narrative of "Go to school, Get good grades, Get a job". They don't know what my true desires are and they assume that I just want what they tell me I want. It's very difficult for me to actually act they way I want to act in this environment. On the outside, it seems like I'm completely okay with whatever they have planned for me but deep down, I've got my mind focused on my authentic desires. This is just one example out of many scenarios in which I cannot embody my own feelings.

Obsessive Thoughts: Enough said...

[JKG]

Dealing with ordinary people, especially those who have a lot of influence on you. I feel for example that my father is holding my back a lot. I still live at home with my family and am dependent on his money. I would love to go to a vipassana retreat, but what should I tell my family? I would love to take some psychedelics, but at home are always people around me. I would love to meditate much longer, but then my family would start to worry about me because I could become too spiritual.
And they are also discouraging. "Don't meditate so much! Eat cake! Watch television. Don't become so weird, stay normal. Don't be spiritual."

There are already such videos out there, but it would be helpful to see this social stuff from a sage-like perspective.

[Samuel Garcia]

 

Can't focus -- went to 10-day Vipassana and was just thinking all the time; did not improve in concentration at all. My concentration is very poor -- I can't even focus for 30 seconds without wondering. Always wander -- cant fix this. Concentration practice isn't working. Perhaps this is a medical issue. I'm trying to get drugs for ADHD but its taking a while. As result, I can't be aware of my actions, I struggle to change, time goes by so fast and ultimately lost in thought unaware for most of the day and I'm very unproductive in doing work and it is taking me a long time to write this as my mind keeps going to another place (but I don't know where). And if I can't concentrate and it isn't improving, is mediation/self-inquiry worth the time? Because I feel liberation is almost impossible for some people including me.

Feeling very lonely; I love talking to people but seem incapable of making friendships as I don't connect with people. Plus those who are willing to be friends just seem to not fulfill. I'm just different from others. Even on this forum, I feel like I'm very different to others as I'm not getting the results others seem to be getting. Why do I desire attention form others so much? What is the 'cure' for loneliness? I also value a select few people but they are not willing to be around me.

I just don't feel happy; fundamentally unfulfilled. I meditating for 1 hour a day for since the start of this year but seems to not help me be fulfilled (perhaps this is not enough). I look at other people's lives at university and they seem to be quite fulfilled. They are outgoing, they go on holiday with their friends, are able to find intimate relations easily, able to succeed in their work, are not needy for validation, are high self-esteem, are not-victims,  don't complain, and are just happy -- whilst I'm not. Perhaps it isn't fair to compare, but they don't even do personal development. I just find it difficult to believe I can live a profound life by doing personal development. I don't do self-inquiry but I find it hard to see how I will get benefits from it. 

Lack of energy to do take action. I feel tired in the morning. I eat fairly healthily; don't eat too much. Blood test said I got vitamin D difficency and I'm taking prescribed tablets but still feel tired. I try to avoid ejaculating, but in the bed unconsciously I do so and that also depletes my energy. It's difficult to stop this since, I am unaware when this happens. But when I am awake, I have no real urge for sex. 

Low Self-esteem as I feel scared of doing new things like traveling abroad, feel incapable of partying, clubbing and having fun like I hear other people do, incapable for success at university work, scared of getting a job which I would like when I'm older. I feel like have no real strengths too. When I hear other people do all these really outgoing things like skiing or doing volunteer work in Africa, a whole physiology reaction occurs.

I feel that my problems are a little bit more specialized /unique (or perhaps not). But I feel like I don't know what to do now. I feel hugely stuck.

 

Edited May 7, 2017 by Samuel Garcia

[Jedd]

I feel stuck with this conflict between getting tattoos and employment as I want the majority of my body to be tattooed like alot of my rolemodels. My love is for the health and fitness industry but I feel stuck because I'm unsure about how I will be perceived and the impact that could have on me financially if I'm unemployed etc. Do I follow my desire to get all the tattoos I want and believe thing will work out employment/business wise or am I falling into some sort of trap?

[PetarKa]

(1) Right now this is the thing that keeps me back the most:

Though I've worked through it to some extent (it's still bad though...). To elaborate: I cannot get myself motivated to pursue self-actualization (partly) because of this depression and also because of some belief in the back of my mind that I will continue sabotaging myself and that I'm doomed to live with self-sabotage for the rest of my life. Also because I say to myself "I refuse to accept other people's advice, I am just stubborn!". I don't know how I got myself into this mess. I think a lot of small things came up simultaneously, things like: hearing about no free will, reality is neutral, also some bickering with my parents and getting angry more often. I don't know what attitude to take about life and these topics. I don't know which of my beliefs are "rotten" and what kind of model would be a healthy model to take, given my specific situation...

[Jonson]

1) Communicating and socializing with others :

Sometimes i feel that social anxiety  coming from nowhere ... then i begin to mumble and stutter (maybe because i speak 4 languages ).. then i worry about what the people i talk to think about it .. but other times i speak really well when i am with my friends or when i am just confident. It also may be that i am not interested in them.

2) Figuring out what i want to do in my life:  

There are more things that i could be doing (others say i have talent in and i like) :

                                                                                                                                Become an Actor,producer ( i don't really have the self confidence to this one , cause i have this social anxiety sometimes , it would be hard to work with other people unless i get over my social anxiety)

                                                                                                                                  Graphic Designer ( this one would be an "easy" one cause i have talent in drawing and i already have some photoshop skills , and had experience  but i don't know if this would fulfill me or if i would live up to my highest value with this one , but it is still much less riskier than acting)                  

3) Developing a learning habit for school.

                                                                                  BTW i'm 16 .                  

                                                                                                                                  

                                                                                                                                  

 

[Timotheus]

People pleasing

Indecisiveness

Happiness (although it's getting better)

Self esteem

Lack of meaning

Opening myself up for other people

Sleep

[Anirban657]

• Inability to execute abstract concepts is something I struggle with. I want to turn them into direct experience but I don't seem to get anywhere. 

1. My bug- the mind, it always cooks some BS up always. 
2. Keeping me up all night- to have to have patience and to persevere through the long term to get results after doing the exercises consistently. How do I speed up and the process?
3. Emotional trigger- when there is battle going on inside my head between the lower and higher self. How do I stop this conflict? 
4. Keeping me stuck- How am I supposed to get the big results for myself? What will work the fastest for me? How am I supposed to fit all the habits in my busy day and still keep a balance? Is self help supposed to be slow or is it just me?
5. Confused- my mind demands justification for everything I do. I roll my eyes, mind says,"What is the explanation for that?". 

•  I have bought over 200$ of self help books and am I supposed to buy another book for another problem?. One problem ends and the other begins. I get rid of my judgements and then I start doubting my mind. I thought of buying " Taming your gremlin" by Richard Carson but that's more money and I want results.

P.S.- The solo retreat really inspired me @Leo Gura. I will surely do it in the future.

[Lukas Urbanski]

1. How to encourage people to join self-actualization path?

2. Perfect time distribution for meditation, self-inquiry, contemplation and concentration.

3. I constantly chase after being in the egoless state without any negative emotions - pure awareness. Kind of exhaustive journey for me- question: How to simply let go and immerse in the present moment?

Edited May 8, 2017 by Lukas Urbanski

[SFRL]

I think your newest video takes a good direction. It's more of a lead by example approach. 

[WaterfallMachine]

Underestimating myself. I tend to underestimate my own skills and my own good traits at times, though it got a lot better after more than a year of reading and doing what I can around this fear, but it's still there at times. It tends to come from the ability to see how much mistakes I have, awareness of people more knowledgeable and wiser than me to learn from and being able to envision what else I have left to do without much awareness of how much I know. The more I know, the less there is to know. It is good to be humble to a point — but it can cause inaction and stagnation. 5 years of personal development have taught me how to deal with my own fears like this and it seems that fear never goes away, it evolves. It evolves to fear much more bigger and ambitious tasks but it still stops me from what I want to do.

Theory and practice of The Graves Model Spiral Dynamics. I don't actually seem to fully understand the levels even as I recently bought a few books on the topic to read. (I finished 1. Starting to read another by Ken Wilber. ) I would wish there could be some sort of questionnaire to write where someone would figure out where you are in the system or a self -assessment test with different options for this to see where I am. Some way to measure progress. Or even a whole forum to discuss each level's experiences in a concrete way but I'm guessing I won't see any of my hopes on this soon. I also can't seem to figure out much of a practical use that brings out its full potential with these. There was a thread on this yet it didn't really seem in depth compared to other resources around here but maybe I'm mistaken as I haven't explored the site deeply yet. But I'm doing the best with the material and ideas I have on hand at least and am off to learn about new perspectives. How does this apply well to specfic areas of life — in helping people, in health, in studies/career etc.? I mean. Or specific ways to develop for each level. (I seem to be around Orange and Green apparently. Gradually getting away to the ideas of achievement and scientific thinking to learn more about the more altruistic and more spiritual ways of thinking.)

How to influence people for the better. I don't really know how to do this. I haven't settled on some life purpose or mission in life somehow. And I don't know how else to do so. Maybe I'll try to consider Leo's life purpose course for this though.

 

Edited May 9, 2017 by WaterfallMachine

[HelloThere]

Kind of lacking passion for/not fully buying into/not committing to life due to being on the fence of how real it is. I mean if everything is so relative and governed by perceptions which are oh so different depending on who you are or where you are at in your own life even then there is no one "truer" life or experience. It's really debilitating passion wise to not think there is a meaning to life since it's all just perception and so malleable, so uncertain. All perceptions are different though feel just as real so even the real thrilling ones that feel very engaging might very well be just as real as the ones I might consider boring or hollow or shallow or unconscious or "evil" or "divine" or whatever. Can't really immerse yourself in life and be in flow unless you forget about all these doubts/questionings of reality and just are in whatever situation you are in and taking things as they come whatever they may be and not evaluating them. This produces a kind of flow state (e.g. at work being committed to trying to solve whatever problem comes your way) which in turn makes time fly past so fast that it becomes kind of worrying  and scary that it will be all over soon and maybe I was just unconsciously flashing through life. So you arrive back at contemplating the meaning of life and if I should stop and reevaluate my habits/beliefs towards another goal. Then again all choices seem pretty equal in their having a point in the grand scheme of things so you might think fuck it, try to be yourself and enjoy life and enter back into some form of unconscious flow or doing things that make you feel like you're doing lots of things and start this infinite loop again
The main dilemma is basically deciding on moving from this first person view of experiencing lots of stuff to this 3RD person view of contemplating the meaning of everything and the realness of the things you experience which is a dark and creepy place often. It gets rid of this feeling of immersion in magic that you've talked about as one thing that every person wants or needs in their life. It would be nice to always be centered without having to cling to some ideology that is your center. Focusing on being yourself through intuition seems to help. Probably because you stop contemplating. Also being in the mountains with a tent without any real comfort (not even a fire) really dissolved all these contemplations so that's the emergency button to clear these kinds of worries. That was probably because I kept busy with "surviving" and there is no time for these seemingly "pseudo problems". I could probably scrape/have scraped some stuff from your different videos to address this cyclic behavior but it remains #1 nevertheless.
tl;dr: I could probably use some form of a video titled "How to not be so open minded your brain falls out"

@username Good input, thanks.

Edited May 9, 2017 by HelloThere

[Michael569]

How can i stay content with what is right now? 

I have recently discovered my LP and am very slowly moving the direction of it. Going back to Uni and doing a lot of self study. However I still feel like things are moving too slow, like there is something I have to be doing. I meditate and do daily visualisation and affirmations, repeating my LP to myself, yet sometimes I get anxious that I am not progressing enough. 

Any suggestion on how to stay grounded and content with the way things are? 

Thanks a big one!!!