Death of control on a 16 minute car drive.

[Infinite Tsukuyomi]

So last night, I was headed to a friend's house and stared driving over there. My car's bluetooth picked up my music where it left off which was a binaural beat youtube video that said it was good for ADHD. I was listening to it earlier in the day while doing some other work.

 Two hours prior I did NN DMT, 3 decent hits from a vape pen thing, the experience lasted 10 minutes or so, as it normally does. Immediately after, I sat upright, cross legged for open eyed meditation. Strong determination style, allowing itches, the pain in my knees from being cross legged etc. During this time, it felt like the right thing to do to treat my thoughts as if they were coming from a little kid, I would give them an inner smile. I meditated for about 1/2 an hour then started getting ready for my drive. Getting ready took me another hour and a half or so.

Now back to the drive. At some point during the drive a sudden sense of having lost complete control came up. My car had gone from being driven by me, to me being pulled along by the car!. Each traffic signal, every car, every person on the sidewalks, the moon, the night . . perfect and uncaused and impersonal. The acceleration of the engine, each transmission shift, the decisions to change lanes, all of it perfect. The movements of the body (and the frightening realization that it was vulnerable and could die at any time), the thoughts that came in, teary eyes and now a racing heartbeat. 

"What the fuck?"

"Everything is moving by itself"

"Am I gonna die? (did I say that?)"

"Am I driving or . ."

Were among some of the thoughts that came up. It felt like I was being pulled along by something I couldn't see, and that it had been pulling me forever. The absurd idea that his house was a "house" when I pulled up. The 16 minute drive was wilder than the NN DMT trip I had a week earlier or anything from just a couple hours prior. It's been on my mind all day today, and honestly even after writing this I'm not quite sure that I've explained what I actually experienced. I didn't want to wait too long to mention this as I'm still processing it as we speak.