Can't evolve from stage Red

[Michael569]

3 hours ago, Capital said:

But no matter how much I tried, I always seemed to fall back into my old behaviors and manipulation techniques whenever an opportunity presented itself. If I saw a chance for personal gain—whether it was money, validation, or even attention from women—I couldn’t resist. It’s like the temptation of immediate benefits always outweighed the long-term values I was trying to build

I think a sign of healthy personal growth isn't that those things stop being tempting altogether, its that you sort build up a resilience to resist them a little bit better. Even a stage Turquoise person selling a course or a book might be tempted to take an "orange" shortcut such as label his book "NY Times Bestseller" or engage in some sort of marketing scheme that will give him an unfair advantage. 

No, I think those things will retain their seductive potential but you just get better at saying " you know maybe not today" and each time you do, your internal locus of control strengthens. 

So like Leo said, start by just observing those tendencies in you or even better, catch yourself in the middle of engaging in one. Next time you cheat or lie to your boss, try to actually think about what you're doing while  not necessarily stopping, you may even notice some form or resistance or disgust building up somewhere inside of yourself or a conflict between two voices...that would be a sign of growth . As you slowly give way to stage Blue persona inside of you, you'll notice yourself moralizing about things more and more. That will be a good thing. 

Good luck! Also i think "Road less Travelled" by Scott Peck would be an enjoyable reading 

Edited 4 hours ago by Michael569

[El Zapato]

35 minutes ago, Buck Edwards said:

Cheating on your girlfriends is not a good idea. Try to place yourself in their shoes. Maybe you can start with not lying to them. 

I'm happy to say, I've never had such faults, they beat it out of me in parochial elementary school.  Nah, not really, ok...ok, really!

[wuatenigenu]

4 hours ago, Capital said:

For years, I thought I was at the Orange stage of Spiral Dynamics, but after some deep self-reflection on my thoughts and behaviors in the real world, I’ve realized that most of my psyche—about 70%—aligns with the Red stage. Here’s what I’ve observed about myself:

    1.    Manipulative Behavior: I’m highly skilled at manipulating people to get what I want, with no regard for their feelings or how my actions affect them.

First of all you might ask yourself why you need to manipulate people in order to get what you want. Why can't you be honest and straightforward when it comes to your wants and desires in your relationships? 

 

Is it because you assume that others operate under the same manipulative pretenses as you? 

 

Having no regards for their feelings indicates that you don't care about what consequences your actions have on the world. Think about what this could mean for yourself (if everyone acted like you) and also for how we work as a society. If everyone would act in this manner we could throw out civility. 

 

4 hours ago, Capital said:

    2.    Dishonesty in Relationships:

    •    I talk to multiple women (more than five at once) and make each believe I love them, without them knowing I’m seeing others.

    •    I cheat in relationships and pretend to care about my girlfriend when I don’t.

Pretending to love someone is an assault on one of the deepest emotions that someone can have. Likewise, it is an assault on what you could have with another person provided you both feel the same way. 

 

Pretending to care about your girlfriend is another manipulative mindset. You want your cake and eat it too. Have girlfriend, but not the commitment. Reflect on what this means for her. 

4 hours ago, Capital said:

    3.    Workplace Deception:

    •    In my sales job, I often lie to my manager to get what I want.

Your manipulative mindset extends to your workplace where you use it for monetary gain, unfair towards the other people in this game who play by the rules. 

4 hours ago, Capital said:

    •    I manipulate clients into buying from me, acting like I care about their needs when my only concern is making money.

Maybe you could refrain this. If you approached it from a less manipulative side and instead said to yourself "how can I be the most charming I can be to this customer" then you might exceed in business and also build your character at the same time. 

4 hours ago, Capital said:

    4.    Short-Term Thinking:

    •    My life revolves around finding shortcuts and playing mind games to achieve immediate gratification.

You're robbing yourself because the fact that you're gaslighting yourself into believing that this makes you happy really means that you're not paying homage to the things that are truly worthy. 

4 hours ago, Capital said:

    •    I live day by day, hour by hour, with no concern for long-term consequences.

This will catch up with you, and if it doesn't then you still need to reflect that it could catch up on you and it raises the question why you don't care about what happens in your future and also why you have such little regard to your own life that you're willing to short-circuit it. 

4 hours ago, Capital said:

    •    Planning or thinking long-term feels almost impossible for me.

Seems like this points in the direction that you don't really care about what happens in your life, you can't appreciate what's really good and you're not making steps to more constructive habits. 

 

 

Overall, I think it's good that you're aware of the fact that you're not living your fullest potential. I used to be a lot like you. 

 

 

 

Realize that everytime you try to trick life and rob it and you're not engaging deeply you are really robbing yourself. You're setting yourself up for future failure and your ways will disturb your relationship with others. I am convinced that life is not meant to be played on easy-mode and rewards those who play it with honest intentions. 

 

By gratifying your lower impulses this way you are ruining what could be fruitful to you. You don't always realize it, because the consequences aren't immediately visible. Double whammy: People might still be friendly to you and you might still be able to function in society. But eventually they will come to despise you and you won't notice it until it's too late. 

 

I used to be a heavy drinker and all I saw in my drinking was the positive aspect. However, what gets blurted out is that on the other side of that coin is the people who are judgemental (for good reason) and start to despise you. But because you are deeply involved in your lie you just don't recognize that and keep cementing your downfall. This might not be applicable to you, and maybe you are still functioning but clearly you are looking for a change and I think for good reason. 

 

 

 

[wuatenigenu]

3 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

@Capital Also, you wanna be careful not to truthbomb your girlfriends. You must balance truthfulness with them vs concern for their feelings. So breaking all their hearts is not necessarily the right way. There are some things you may withhold if it can spare them heartache.

Truthfulness does not mean you blow people up with truthbombs. Most people are not equipped to handle deep truth.

But you can at least stop putting yourself into such deep lies in the future. So, like, with your next new girl, try not lying to her.

Gotta love this contradiction

 

"People can't handle truthbombs." 

 

Indicating that other people shouldn't be given access to a basic right of honest and open communication (which of course, is not accessible to "non-Gods") basically just means that you don't see them on the same level as you. 

 

And then next, you admit that that's not honest and immediately backstep from it by advising @Capital

 

"Try not lying to her." 

 

Which one is it now?

[trenton]

@Capital you are showing great self reflection. I have met others like you who grew to regret their past actions and wanted to change. You will likely feel guilty or ashamed of yourself because of the harm you caused others. Remember the most important part is that at least you were willing to change. Most people in your position would never admit it and live like that forever.

If it makes you feel better, I promise my dad was worse. Not only did he have children by multiple underage women like my mom, but he also disowned those children and fled the state to avoid child support. My dad was completely unwilling to change, yet he put on this facade of being stage blue, preaching the bible to me as he justified his "honest" drug dealing while threatening me if I told anyone about his crimes.

So long as you are willing to change, you are more like my grandfather who was a man I admired. He used to be involved in gang activity, but wanted to change. He ended up working with the police to stop gang violence as he infiltrated the gangs. He had a lot of crazy stories about how he ultimately turned his life around. This includes one story where the gang tied up him and his best friend knowing one of them was a snitch, so they shot his best friend and let my grandpa go causing him severe PTSD. Unfortunately, he couldn't stop his son from joining gangs anyway, thus repeating the cycle.

I wish nothing but the best for you.

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, wuatenigenu said:

basically just means that you don't see them on the same level as you.

That's not a mistake.

People are not serious about truth. If you assume they are, you will create lots of trouble.

None of that is an excuse for lying or cheating.

Edited 2 hours ago by Leo Gura

[wuatenigenu]

20 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

That's not a mistake.

People are not serious about truth. If you assume they are, you will create lots of trouble.

None of that is an excuse for lying or cheating.

Let me get this straight. You enter into relationships with women who you assume to be vastly intellectually and emotionally inferior to. Then you get into arguments with them, where you can't get the point across because of said intellectual inferiority. But then you justify being in a relationship with them because it means that you can act out your God complex wich you have already made accessible to the public? The question remains why one would want to enter relationships where such a power differential exists and if one's own "truth" and that of the other is so different, what even the point of such a relationship would be. I find it highly unlikely however that it is possible for your partner not to understand your truth and that you have to hide it for that reason, especially becase as you have pointed out yourself it's lying. 

Edited 2 hours ago by wuatenigenu

[Leo Gura]

25 minutes ago, wuatenigenu said:

You enter into relationships with women who you assume to be vastly intellectually and emotionally inferior to.

It's not about intelligence or emotional superiority. It's about one's attitude towards truth.

If you are actually doing this work then you will be in the top 1% of mankind. Don't turn it into an ego thing. It's just what this work entails.

This does not make me a perfect or even a good person. I have plenty of personality flaws. And I'm not always truthful.

Edited 1 hour ago by Leo Gura

[wuatenigenu]

Just now, Leo Gura said:

It's not about intelligence or emotional superiority. It's about one's attitude towards truth.

 

Well, the truth as you see it and proclaim it. Millions would disagree with your views on what truth is and how to reach it. Many people would disagree that taking drugs is the way to truth. Since your base all of your final truths on truth on experiences fabricated in a lab, perhaps you should reconsider the genuineness of your discoverings. And perhaps you should reconsider whether or not your final stance on truth truly is the cause of your relationship problems or whether it's the fact that you definitively claim to know these things and that there is no way anyone could reach the heights you have reached. 

 

 

[Leo Gura]

4 minutes ago, wuatenigenu said:

Millions would disagree with your views on what truth is and how to reach it.

Truth is a meta thing. It's not about my personal set of ideas or beliefs or lifestyle.

When I speak of truth this notion takes into account the relativity of everyone's perspectival differences. It does not mean that my perspective is simplistically the right and only one.

In a relationship my perspective is not the only valid or legitimate perspective.

Edited 1 hour ago by Leo Gura

[wuatenigenu]

40 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Truth is a meta thing. It's not about my personal set of ideas or beliefs or lifestyle.

When I speak of truth this notion takes into account the relativity of everyone's perspectival differences. It does not mean that my perspective is simplistically the right and only one.

In a relationship my perspective is not the only valid or legitimate perspective.

 

That sounds awfully reasonable but honestly your YouTube channel portrays you in a different light

[Leo Gura]

10 minutes ago, wuatenigenu said:

That sounds awfully reasonable but honestly your YouTube channel portrays you in a different light

My channel goes above and beyond to emphasize the relativity of reality.

Edited 1 hour ago by Leo Gura

[Candle]

13 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

My channel goes above and beyond to emphasize the relativity of reality.

I praise you for your work and for writing short answers like this. Long answers are overwhelming. But sometimes in mails, comments etc. very short messages cause me micro-suffering, bcz I expect people to explain more. 

Edited 47 minutes ago by Candle

[El Rio]

Admitting this to your self (and others) is a great first step! Keep on the path.