Wanting to adopt & ethical consideration

[gambler]

I’ve been thinking about one day in the future adopting a kid or a pair of siblings to create a family of my own, but one thing that makes this seem impossible is that, should I adopt them, I would have to go out of my way to find someone biologically related who is willing and suitable to take and raise them. Surely there’s someone in the family tree who would be willing and it would be my obligation ethically to not deprive them of that opportunity. If the family is unknown, then it is still my obligation to reunite them with a family member by doing my best to find a paper trail and having them genetically tested. The databases of companies like 23andme or ancestry would be sufficient to eventually find and contact family members. So in either case, I don’t see how there could be a scenario where I wouldn’t find a single related and suitable person who wants to be reunited with their kin. So how would I be able to create a family with this method? 

Edited December 22, 2024 by gambler

[Leo Gura]

1) There are plenty of kids without anyone.

2) The only thing that matters here is if the mother and father want to be their mother and father. Which, if you are adopting, they clearly don't or can't. Your job is just to be the new parent. Other family is not an issue. The kid can see extended family members but none of that can replace a devoted parent. Extended family is not going to raise a child. You can treat extended family like in-laws.

3) Reuniting is only reasonable if the people are sane and decent. If they are a bad influence then you don't reunite until the kid is grown up.

Edited December 22, 2024 by Leo Gura

[Buck Edwards]

There are lots of children who don't have parents or families. You can adopt such children. 

[gambler]

2 hours ago, Buck Edwards said:

There are lots of children who don't have parents or families. You can adopt such children. 

That's hard to believe that their entire family tree is decimated. Even war orphans probably have living relatives in their diaspora. I'm sure there's someone out there from their extended family that could, wants, and is decent enough to raise them.

Anyways, thinking about it more, I guess the only way to know is to adopt and see for myself what the situation is.

In the end it's a win-win. If I'm able to unite them with sane, decent and capable biologically-related family, that's a win. And if not, they still get a family, and that's a win.

Edited December 23, 2024 by gambler

[M A J I]

Before we adopt children we have to ask ourselves the hard-hitting questions.

Are we truly happy? Do we feel mature ourselves and healed most of our own family, mental and emotional wounds?

Do we have a deep connection and understanding of ourselves and nature? Do we eat meat or how do we treat nature and animals?

Do we know how to survive in the wild, grow food, build a house, the basic needs of human living? Do we own our own land and have a lush garden full of vegetables and fruit trees and enough space for children to play and learn about nature?

Do we have a healthy community and gather by the fire and tell stories to children, do we have elders who come and share wisdom?

All these things are very important for a child's development, because if you think just taking them to school and raisng them in a box will be enough, they will grow up mostly traumatized and not full expression of their souls, eventually they will lose themselves in the system then have to free themselves from it and will usually grow up resenting the parents who brought them into this world of madness and suffering.

If you live somewhere peaceful far away from the disease and toxicity of the modern world and city environments and have most of these checked-off, then maybe it may be a good idea, otherwise I would save it for when the world or your world becomes a wholesome place to live in.

Children are very sensitive, they will pickup 1000x the rate that adults will, and its important to consider this.

Edited December 23, 2024 by M A J I

[gambler]

6 minutes ago, M A J I said:

Before we adopt children we have to ask ourselves the hard-hitting questions.

Are we truly happy? Do we feel mature ourselves and healed most of our own family, mental and emotional wounds?

Do we have a deep connection and understanding of ourselves and nature? Do we eat meat or how do we treat nature and animals?

Do we own our own land and have a lush garden full of vegetables and fruit trees and enough space for children to play and learn about nature?

Do we have a healthy community and gather by the fire and tell stories to children, do we have elders who come and share wisdom?

All these things are very important for a child's development, because if you think just taking them to school and raisng them in a box will be enough, they will grow up mostly traumatized and not full expression of their souls, eventually they will lose themselves in the system then have to free themselves from it and will usually grow up resenting the parents who brought them into this world of madness and suffering.

If you live somewhere peaceful far away from the disease and toxicity of the modern world and city environments and have most of these checked-off, then maybe it may be a good idea, otherwise I would save it for when the world or your world becomes a wholesome place to live in.

Children are very sensitive, they will pickup 1000x the rate that adults will, and its important to consider this.

These children already exist and part of the system, this consideration would make more sense before bringing them into the world. But now that they are here, they need a family. And the consideration for me becomes doing right by them in terms of making sure that all opportunities to re-unite them with capable and suitable family members are exhausted.

I don't believe me raising kids is going to ruin their development.

Edited December 23, 2024 by gambler

[M A J I]

10 minutes ago, gambler said:

These children already exist and part of the system, this consideration would make more sense before bringing them into the world. But now that they are here, they need a family. And the consideration for me becomes doing right by them in terms of making sure that all opportunities to re-unite them with capable and suitable family members are exhausted.

I understand that, I would say as long as you are not removing them much from a natural environment that is very important and beneficial for them, and putting them in the city boxed in by 4 walls and electronics. You have to think about how much time you can actually spend with them, if they have nature for nourishment of their bodies and souls, have animals and insects to play with and observe and learn to grow with not toys which limit their intelligence and growth, being present with them and traveling with them rather than buying them toys and presents and going to work leaving them home alone on gadgets. Knowing how to garden and teaching them about working with nature, growing food and planting trees. All these things I feel are very important for any child's development. There are some schools called Steiner schools, they are generally more conscious and in tune with natural growth and development, somethings you could also consider. There are also Schetinin schools in Russia which have some of the most highly developed ways of teaching and raising children, where they children excel far more than others schools as they themselves teach one another and teachers remain more as observers like a council of sorts, its fascinating stuff. Just my 2 cents.

Edited December 23, 2024 by M A J I

[gambler]

2 minutes ago, M A J I said:

I understand that, I would say as long as you are not removing them much from a natural environment that is very important and beneficial for them, and putting them in the city boxed in by 4 walls and electronics. You have to think about how much time you can actually spend with them, if they have nature for nourishment of their bodies and souls, have animals and insects to play with and observe and learn to grow with not toys which limit their intelligence and growth, being present with them and traveling with them rather than buying them toys and presents and going to work leaving them home alone on gadgets. All these things I feel are very important for any child's development. There are some schools called Steiner schools, they are generally more conscious and in tune with natural growth and development, somethings you could also consider. There are also Schetinin schools in Russia which have some of the most highly developed ways of teaching and raising children, where they children excel far more than others schools as they themselves teach one another. Just my 2 cents.

These are things that I would consider. And important to me in order to successfully raise a child for sure.

Edited December 23, 2024 by gambler

[M A J I]

20 minutes ago, gambler said:

These are things that I would consider. And important to me in order to successfully raise a child for sure.

Glad we agree on such things, I felt the need to mention them as many people do not, nor even consider them.

I love the flower on your profile photo, do you know what type it is?

[gambler]

17 minutes ago, M A J I said:

Glad we agree on such things, I felt the need to mention them as many people do not, nor even consider them.

I love the flower on your profile photo, do you know what type it is?

Thanks, and unfortunately I don't.

[Leo Gura]

6 hours ago, gambler said:

I'm sure there's someone out there from their extended family

Why are you assuming that extended family will raise a child? They won't. If that was a serious option it would have already happened.

You're worrying over an unlikely issue.

Meeting extended family vs raising a child are two totally different things.

Edited December 23, 2024 by Leo Gura

[Basman]

What exactly makes it ethically imperative in the first place to connect an adoptee with their biological family? Its the first time I've ever heard of such being a concern.

Its presumptious as a premise if you think about it as you assume the child even wants to meet their biological parents. How do you know? It also assumes biological kinship to have some kind of special significance. Does it? In my experience, my connections are what I made of them. Being family made it simply easier to bridge that connection but there is no guarantee that would apply to everyone equally. They already have your family in that case.

[gambler]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

Why are you assuming that extended family will raise a child? They won't. If that was a serious option it would have already happened.

You're worrying over an unlikely issue.

Meeting extended family vs raising a child are two totally different things.

I understand that. But I don’t know if all possibilities have been explored by whoever before the kids get put up for adoption. If I have this story correct, my cousin in Australia lost custody of his kids, it was given to his ex’s mom, but she was considering putting them up for adoption? This, if I’m not mistaken, was hurtful to my aunt who was willing and capable to adopt them and raise them. So I think she got a lawyer but I don’t know how the story ends. Do they actually go through every single living relative? I don’t know. 

Edited December 23, 2024 by gambler

[gambler]

1 hour ago, Basman said:

What exactly makes it ethically imperative in the first place to connect an adoptee with their biological family? Its the first time I've ever heard of such being a concern.

Its presumptious as a premise if you think about it as you assume the child even wants to meet their biological parents. How do you know? It also assumes biological kinship to have some kind of special significance. Does it? In my experience, my connections are what I made of them. Being family made it simply easier to bridge that connection but there is no guarantee that would apply to everyone equally. They already have your family in that case.

Yes biological kinship does have special significance to most people. But the premise isn’t based on the biological parents. If they’re being put up for adoption I’m assuming the parents either can’t raise them or do not want them. 

Edited December 23, 2024 by gambler

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, gambler said:

Do they actually go through every single living relative?

If someone is up for adoption that pretty much means no one is around to take them. If a serious pseudo-parent was available the kid would already be with them. Extended family will rarely have the means to raise a kid for 20 years.

You should be more worried about whether you are mature enough to take on such a massive commitment. That is the real issue.

Edited December 23, 2024 by Leo Gura

[gambler]

5 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

You should be more worried about whether you are mature enough to take on such a massive commitment. That is the real issue.

I hear you on that one.