Awakening The Architect

[caspex]

Creation starts with the belief that you can create. One of the biggest problems many of us face is that we do not believe that we can. This journal is about becoming the one who can.

The Architect is the one who can, and the one who does. The one that doesn't give up in the face of failure, pressure and calamity and carries through their will to the other end.
The Architect is meticulous. They observe, plan and do. Their action always have purpose, and that purpose is never shallow.

# -

There's a power in 'sacredness' that is learnt at Stage Blue, for that reason I will treat this journal with reverence.
'Focus' is important, and therefore I'll tackle one goal at a time.
Life right now is hard because of all the actions that preceded it, it'll be hard to catch-up/undo but it has to be done. Because of this this journal will start off Orange. Due to my laziness, I'll have to face the upcoming consequences, but I'll not be lazy anymore. Let's make tomorrow easier.
Baby steps is the key to breaking bad habits and building new ones.

Each goal will only get two posts - 'Seed' and 'Harvest'.
: Seed - Where I set the goal.
: Harvest - The fruition of the said goal. The Harvest may yield or may fail.

Edited 18 hours ago by caspex

[caspex]

Seed #1

I am tired of this powerlessness I feel towards my own actions. I cannot control what I sense, think and do. It's time for change. Here's what I want:

: Pass my upcoming exam;
:: It's within 20 days from now. It's a tough one and mentally I had given up. Despite having time and a full fledged plan, I gave up because I thought I could not. I faced a little failure and stopped. There are also a variety of other reasons that effected my mental focus. To give you an example, being sleep deprived throughout the day is literally like being hit on the head. You cannot learn as effectively and your problem-solving is in the dumps. Sleep is, very, very important. My diet consists of a lot of sugar and caffeine on top of normal healthy food. My mental diet consists of short-form content and porn. I had really let myself go this time. As of writing this post, I am at an all time low, but not for long.

Here's what we'll do:

1 - Prioritize sleep, even if it means not being able to finish your daily tasks. Let's keep it simple. Sleep on time, wake up on time. Sleeping on time is much more of a mental game than it seems. You need to get in the mood at least an hour before your actual bed time. I'll start winding down and keep away from anything stimulating for any of my senses.
2 - Lessen the Junk. I have tried before and I cannot go cold turkey on junk food; especially sugary drinks with caffeine in it. Reason? I like the energy boost it gives me because usually I would be feeling quite tired. So, no more solid junk food, only sugary drinks. One 750ml bottle per day will be the maximum (I am used to drinking 5 of these on a bad day) and only before 2PM. If I feel hungry, I'll cook something at home, but no sugar or caffeine after 2PM at all.
3 - No Porn. If I have to masturbate it'll be using my imagination and if I can't then I guess I won't. Once daily at evening is the maximum.
4 - Try For More Conscious Digital Consumption - No rules for content consumption as of now.
5 - Study the bare minimum - Seems lazy but it's not. After countless trial and error, the best approach for me is to start by learning the bare minimum to be able to pass the exams, then keep learning/practicing a bit more in order of priority.

# -

A recurring pattern is that when I face failure such as not being able to sleep on time, I give up entirely and go back to living the bare minimum. To become the Architect and build a better life, I need to embody those qualities and persist. I am expecting to fail soon and am eagerly anticipating it.

I am not going to make any other goals in this period. I am not even going to think about doing other stuff or trying anything out. Until it's fruition, this will be my sole goal.

I will not provide updates regarding the above goals. This journal will only be about creation. For that reason, the harvest will come after the fruition of the goal, see you after 2025.01.15