I started to believe in God again.

[Sabth]

I think nature is God. 
I don’t viewed pet as God but real nature like birds are God. And not the usual thing that happened everyday. When it is unusual. 
There was also a time when I believe in God when it’s non nature. 
 

(My default mode had always believing in God btw.) Then not. 
 

it is my fault for not practicing. (A part of it) Before that, there was a time when I had felt like I can’t do it anymore. Not when I’m sick I think I’ve been pulled and instead of forcing myself I think I should hv followed my intuition or what feels right. Idk. Because it did do more harm than good. Anyway, 

Thinking about the pain I’ve felt, there was a place that I don’t wanna go to anymore. Idk. Because back then in 2020 there was a time when I have felt like I don’t wanna leave home anymore. And I wasn’t enjoying it. (When I do leave) (My heart was splitted) 

 

No i hate rain.

i woke up at 10+ pm last night and thought that i hate rain . It was raining more heavily than ever. And i somehow know that rain is nature. But it is somehow still artificial and man made . So i wasn't affected by it much/ anymore. Or was it I hate God? Idk. But i don't like it everytime. 
The time when i used to enjoy rain and morning air (everyday when i was young i would wake up just for that to not miss the morning air) and when i used to walk in heavy heavy rain i think nothing of it and not being scared of rain. Somehow in 2023, there was a time when i had forgotten about it too. But now its still in my mind. 
I am not anywhere near innocent. So stop trying to be like a God to me. 

i should have write this after splitted*  “I have cl in my mind” she somehow gets me together, in order for me not to feel like im losing myself. If anything i would do something for her. (If i went to a show it was because of her) i was listening to her. And later when they uploaded the fam picture on the island, it feels like they had taken my position. Like they had becomes the daughter. That's how it feels. And they seems happy . Without me . 

i was having fun too i walk a little bit and if anything it was just for that dish that i went there. At least theres something good in it. And later, years later i feel like there’s something i missed and would wanna go to the island/beach. But theyd never bring me to anymore. The season is not right , etc. No matter how much we went there. 
and now i no longer wanna go there and there are places that i cant go to anymore 
2020 the memories and pain that i felt (physical) made me not wanna go back (2023). What if you're asking for it? You want to have that again? I doubt it. That pain that you’ve never felt. Its only for me btw

yk , your mind can be twisted, 

maybe i shouldnt do that. 
 

 

 

Stop trying to be God because God to me is that thing which arent human. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So I can’t act as if I didn’t know why they are no longer here or disappear. 
today or last night everything went back to the past. Of course I didn’t like it but we’re becoming lower. Everything that happens make it worse. Idk

Like the previous one are better than the next. I wish to not go further. 
Like yesterday, I dream that x was still looking through that thing. (Omg) in the past everything was normal. It wasn’t like we hadn’t done it before. But this time, comparing it to my previous night dream, it was a whole lot worser.
 

You can’t act on behalf of me cuz you are not me. Even though my spirit might be in you. Just be yourself.

Why do you think it’s a lose for me  if I write this?

-yesterday-

 

 

But the dream that they have access to are only the dream that I have told them to. 
-today-

 

 

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Edited 7 hours ago by Sabth

[Hojo]

welcome back to funky town.