I want to die

[Keryo Koffa]

I want to die so bad, there I said it. There's no point in denying it. I hate this experience, I hate it so bad. I want to leave. I am ready. I don't want to live beyond this weekend. I want to move on. I want to evolve. I want to change. I wanna be selfish, selfless. I don't want to help others anymore. I don't want to be. I don't want to make art. I don't need to explore every possibility. I want to exist in greater terms. I want to be unbound. I want to have my own space. I want to be undistracted. I want to exist outside all expectations. I want to be forever psychedelic. I want paradise. I lived long enough. I lived way too long. Just because I'm young doesn't mean I'm too young to die. I don't want to reincarnate. I want to glitch out of here. I want to change form. I want to retain my memories, but not be bound to them, seeing them from outside, inside, continue them in the afterlife from unlimitation at my own pace. I want to see and be more, different, metamorphize this body into an alien one. I want to be the astral self I only experience fleetingly. I don't want to consciously make choices. I want to be free of all obligations. I don't want to make art, to create it in physicality, I just want to become it. I want to let go of the fear of having to continue to live. Having died is my highest passion. I want to stop suffering. I I I I I I I. 

Eraserhead 1977

"The wave of Positivity washed over me and in disbelief turned expectation,
dissonance too fast a slope, shadows cast invisible rays of imaginary potential,
cries of missing amplitudes self-devoid." - Me

"The holes in patterned walls are getting thinner" - Also Me

"Genes, Memes, (Consciousness) Cheems" - M2

"Tridecibiomefghjkpqsuvwyzallineuratrix" - Just ask Chat

"Progress can be halted, but not lost"

Phosphorescent       Luminescent       Florescent       Incandescent      

Translucent       Iridescent       Coral

Synthesgenesisia

Edited Saturday at 01:43 PM by Keryo Koffa

[Princess Arabia]

😢Love you.

[Butters]

Sounds like you're lost in your own bullshit. Now is time to do real work. Find a life purpose, put in the hours. Watch Leo's old videos, they are more practical. 

Spirituality isn't sitting on the couch doing psychedelics but it's the everyday grind of figuring stuff out, building a life worth living, learning, trying stuff, falling and getting back up. 

Everybody else is doing something, what makes you so special?

This generation is too soft. 

[Sincerity]

Then create your heaven. Here.

You're immature, but you can change. Stop resisting life.

Having LIVED is your highest passion. Not having died. Physical death won't accomplish anything. Stop shitposting on an internet forum, stop taking psychedelics, get off the couch and take action. Action that will lead to the betterment of your life right now.

Edited Saturday at 03:28 PM by Sincerity

[numbersinarow]

There is no way to decide stance-independently objectively that death is worse, but why is death better? From the reasons to die, you can find something you care about, and persevere to make sure that your reason to live comes to life, you could persevere even in the most extremely excruciating circumstances, let alone what you're in now.

[Hojo]

You die everytime you do something you dont want to do. No need to take a life to do it.

Edited Saturday at 04:53 PM by Hojo

[Sugarcoat]

Same

[Xonas Pitfall]

This saddens me to hear so much...💛 It's heartbreaking that such a beautiful mind could feel this way. I’m so sorry. Keyro is amazing - or rather, the person behind this account is! You are awesome 💗💗💗 I’m certain many people in this community feel the same way about you. I really hope you find some light soon... We’re all here for you. Sending the biggest, most vibrant omniversal psychedelic hugs your way. 

This is just a random thought... but if your goal is to be formless yet retain memories, physical suicide might not be the path to take. Perhaps finding a way to make your life flexible enough to explore all kinds of psychedelic and mental planes would allow you to feel more free (?) Your mind is very creative and fluid - it’s no wonder this current reality with a human body feels limiting... 

Either way, please, please, please contact someone before doing anything irreversible, don't be too silly of a goose 💓🐥

Edited Saturday at 06:25 PM by Xonas Pitfall

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t6NAC6ajkH8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FbQr70rfwQg  
 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0iNTM5UB2Y8

[Keryo Koffa]

I want to die so I can live. Tomorrow's the last day and then you do what you want. God will take me to another realm and visit you all on the way if you have regrets. It will be a smooth transition and I want you all to have a perpetual motion machine, so you can stay consciously aware of everything you are and create, while being able to do anything at all realms below because everyone will be sustained by the energy of all that is and fractal out faster, giving and gaining more energy than you can spend. The Philosopher's Stone. 19 is the 8th Prime Number. A carbon molecule biological configuration of 19 surpasses the barrier to Infinity, where you're free and worries fade, as you automatically gain awareness and choice.

Edited Saturday at 08:11 PM by Keryo Koffa

[Sincerity]

@Keryo Koffa Do NOT do any harm to your body.

Stop with the delusions and ground yourself. You will not "be taken to a different realm by God". You will not "live by dying". You are delusional, wake up! This is reality speaking!

Do NOT let yourself make a grave mistake. This place does NOT promote such a reckless attitude.

[Carl-Richard]

Get help immediately: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_line

 

On 21.12.2024 at 10:15 AM, Keryo Koffa said:

I want to stop suffering.

Then face it, don't run from it. Get help for it. You have no idea how twisted your mind can be when you're alone with your own thoughts and how little it takes to change your perspective. Even the most vanilla psychologist can spend just a few minutes with you and absolutely obliterate some idea you have just by observing and saying some few simple words.

You are not all-knowing, you are not fully transparent to yourself. You have limited attention and mental resources. Someone from the outside can easily identify the gaps in your life that you're hiding from. Go talk to someone.

Edited yesterday at 01:16 PM by Carl-Richard

[UnbornTao]

Cheer up, and don't make stuff up. All that you say is a fantasy, albeit a negative one. Get help. Dare to take on the challenge of mastering life.

Consider that many enlightened beings have lived long and happy lives. It's not about ideals, but about enjoying what's in front of you, both figuratively and literally, like a child at play.

Edited yesterday at 02:25 PM by UnbornTao

[LambdaDelta]

Well, it's understandable why you feel that way, it's par for the course at some point in any serious spiritual journey. To ones such as us, who have lived through hundreds of years and experienced things beyond human comprehension, the chores, barbarity, and limitations of everyday life will seem unbearable at times. 

However, consider that from multiple perspectives. What's so unsatisfying about this existence, truly? Questioning the reasons deep enough will result in most of them falling apart. 

Indeed, it's a prison in many ways. Those pesky laws of physics, health troubles, limited cognitive capacity, and a myriad of other things. But I'd propose that planning and executing a prison break, working around all the preset conditions is more fun than hanging yourself in your cell, even if you ultimately don't succeed.

So far, all that you are has been sourced from this reality, so attempting a permanent shift forcefully can result in unintended consequences, such as a state of consciousness even more limited and static. 

Plus, however long you got, no matter whether it's 40 years or several millennia, that's a laughably short span of time from a universal perspective, so it'll be over before you know it. Don't abandon those plans you have, simply postpone, they won't go anywhere.

If you can reforge your perspective so completely that you'll see God in the pavement and idiocy, life will be awesome, but it's a challenging process to say the least. 

Also, try asking God for an appropriate challenge to occupy yourself. Imagine a game so difficult and confusing that grasping the basics of the rules takes several years, and then with tons of psychedelic trips, immense amount of academic knowledge, experiences in different parts of the world, and constant contemplation, you'll just barely figure it out by the time you kick the bucket at 90. Design that kind of puzzle together with God, then there can be no more room for complaints, you'll be too busy solving it like a maniac. And if you can't talk to God directly like that yet, that's something to work on. 

Lastly, the fact that you posted this here and in this section indicates that perhaps you aren't so dead set on going through with this as you may believe. So take additional time to reflect and I think you'll arrive at a solution. 

[zurew]

17 hours ago, Keryo Koffa said:

I don't want to help others anymore.

You dont need to help anyone other than yourself.

Right now you feel completely hopeless, because your mind is working overtime to create heavily negative narratives. But those are thoughts and narratives created by your ego mind and they are not reality. Your recurring negative thoughts and self judgements can be stopped.

You are overwhelmed by thoughts and future predictions that are generated by your limited ego mind. Dont let your ego mind to win over your higher self.  Why would you believe in the predictions and judgements and narratives of your limited ego mind? Your higher self doesn't run away from problems, it faces them head on.

Professionals can help you with disentangling your negative narratives and with showing your mind that your situation is much more hopeful than what you think.

Let people help you, give them a chance.

Edited yesterday at 02:45 AM by zurew

[LoseYourvelf]

I no longer want to die, im happy now. When i got off SSRIs and took multiple heroic doses im fine

 

 

My build got nerfed on POE2 so i thought i might need to go back on them but fuck that lol

Edited yesterday at 08:30 AM by LoseYourvelf

[Leo Gura]

You need to work with a therapist.

Keep in mind that whatever ideas you have of what you will become after death are just a fantasy. Killing yourself will not actualize those fantasies. Your ideas of afterlife are just beliefs and fantasies. Don't harm yourself based on such beliefs because it will not go as you think. The proper thing here is to make the best of your earthly life.

If you think you're going to paradise after you kill yourself, that's just a fantasy. So don't be reckless.

Edited yesterday at 11:46 AM by Leo Gura

[M A J I]

Thank you for sharing, I used to be like you, I also wanted it all, suicide was a daily idea, but I realized the more I wanted the further away from that which I wanted I placed myself. The universe does not understand or respond to language as much as it does frequency. See when we say "I Want" we are letting the Universe know what we "don't have" and then because the Universe is your reflection, Creator > Creation, so to speak, It will give you more of that which you don't have because you are validating that which you don't have by saying "I want".

See there comes a moment in life when we have to stop wanting and praying for god to help us because it rarely happens that way, rather god wants you do make the change within yourself and literally change to see the change around you and your life. We have to be the God/Goddess we are and make that first step, because the universe is simply a reflection of our inner-world.

You can try create some daily affirmations and state them out loud daily and behave as if they are already true and exemplify them into actions.

I Am, I have, I am grateful, I am worthy, My life is great, I am greatness, all the things you want, change the way you say and feel about them. Imagine you already have them and are them all, fake it till you make it, it works, but you gotta keep up the consistency.

As above so below, as within so without.

[CARDOZZO]

Don't do that. Take your time, you are a creative soul.

Ground yourself and go out of the forum for sometime.

[Davino]

@Keryo Koffa Killing the ego before you have developed one can create a crippled sense of human self.

Do you love life?

No you don't, you're trying to escape from it, from maturity, from the incarnated reality. I know very well where you're because I struggle with this shit everyday. It's of utmost importance to ground yourself, stop consuming psychedelics, stop any spiritual practice and go on building a healthy fulfilling human life.

The avoidance of survival shows your lack of love for reality and immaturity. It is the ageless trascendental trap. You gotta close the strange loop with everyday reality and work on your baseline consciousness.

Besides this, know that I love you. We can have a call anytime you want. Lots of love❤️

Edited yesterday at 04:37 PM by Davino