Taking pictures for online dating / profile building feels to me fakery

[Lucasxp64]

What If I'm an introverted intellectual guy that isn't moving around to visually interesting places just to take some photos?

Or some say, "Take pictures showing your hobbies". What? How the hell, I'm supposed to be taking pictures of foreign language learning and book-reading, or meditation I do sitting in my room? I don't even have physical books!

I think this whole ordeal is about displaying some genuine-ish displays of status. Furthermore, I personally cringe as well with people's selfies indoors, specially when they are average-looking. 

It feels like to build a great profile, I'll have to do some stuff just for the sake of the pictures, because that's not how I live, I have nothing visually interesting to show.

I know, it will mostly come down to how attractive the guy actually is, and he can get away with any photo. So does hot women, obviously.

Edited 20 hours ago by Lucasxp64

[Leo Gura]

Take pics in whichever locations look coolest, not your hobbies.

You should not be posting pics from inside your white room. You must go around town and find interesting and clever places. But even simple and ordinary locations can have interesting frames.

Edited 19 hours ago by Leo Gura

[Buck Edwards]

Take a picture in a coffee shop.

[Michael569]

Online dating is primarily looks-based platform. Doesn't mean that's where it ends but you want to show something that sparks immediate attraction in the opposite gender. As a guy you are competing with tens of thousands of others and you have only a split second time to peak her interest.

The first few months of most new relationships are usually pretty carnal so you want to invoke a little bit of that "wow, he's cute" rather than "oh cool, he reads so many books." You don't want to come across as boring, patronising or self aggrandising . You want to excite her primal drive a little bit so she browses through other of your pics and maybe opens a profile and maybe reaches out. 

In practical terms this would mean: 

• hobby (example) - a nice picture of you in hiking overall out in the mountains that shows clearly your face and a bit of your body. It shows you like a bit of adventure, that you are healthy because you spend some time outdoors and that you are at least stage green person (if thats the kind of your you want to attract) 
• personal picture - a nice picture of you, not too retouched and not too filtered. Clean clothes.  Nice, natural smile, tidy hair, clean face, ideally clear from acne and visible skin conditions where possible.  trimmed facial hair, ideally taken in natural light with an unspecific background not as a selfie in your kitchen at 10pm. No cheesy AI edited photos. 

Also think that if you are looking for more than a quick shag, you are seeking a high quality conscious woman. She will be looking at your looks and judging if you are a suitable partner and potentially father of her kids one day. She is not looking for a supermodel but she doesn't want a scruffy-looking dude in Buddhist linen outfit, sitting against a wall holding mudras (no direct offence meant at all, I'm generalising ). She wants to see that you are a relatively attractive-looking dude, who looks easygoing, confident in his own skin and fun to be around. And if those photos can "stir her loins" a little bit that's even better but you don't need that if that's not your thing. 

If you don't think that's right for you then maybe online dating isn't going to be your thing, there are tons of other ways to meet women that allow for a more holistic expression although the pool of available women will shrink proportionately. 

And finally, the answer the question of inauthenticity. Yes, online dating is a bit unauthenthic but you have to play that game a bit. Its all about getting that first date and selling to her more of your real personality. Until then, you have to play the attraction game or you'll end up being ignored by all women who have options. If you can't swallow that pill and post a little bit of show for yourself, you'll end up alone. 

Edited 18 hours ago by Michael569

[AerisVahnEphelia]

2 hours ago, Michael569 said:

Online dating is primarily looks-based platform. Doesn't mean that's where it ends but you want to show something that sparks immediate attraction in the opposite gender. As a guy you are competing with tens of thousands of others and you have only a split second time to peak her interest.

The first few months of most new relationships are usually pretty carnal so you want to invoke a little bit of that "wow, he's cute" rather than "oh cool, he reads so many books." You don't want to come across as boring, patronising or self aggrandising . You want to excite her primal drive a little bit so she browses through other of your pics and maybe opens a profile and maybe reaches out. 

In practical terms this would mean: 

• hobby (example) - a nice picture of you in hiking overall out in the mountains that shows clearly your face and a bit of your body. It shows you like a bit of adventure, that you are healthy because you spend some time outdoors and that you are at least stage green person (if thats the kind of your you want to attract) 
• personal picture - a nice picture of you, not too retouched and not too filtered. Clean clothes.  Nice, natural smile, tidy hair, clean face, ideally clear from acne and visible skin conditions where possible.  trimmed facial hair, ideally taken in natural light with an unspecific background not as a selfie in your kitchen at 10pm. No cheesy AI edited photos. 

Also think that if you are looking for more than a quick shag, you are seeking a high quality conscious woman. She will be looking at your looks and judging if you are a suitable partner and potentially father of her kids one day. She is not looking for a supermodel but she doesn't want a scruffy-looking dude in Buddhist linen outfit, sitting against a wall holding mudras (no direct offence meant at all, I'm generalising ). She wants to see that you are a relatively attractive-looking dude, who looks easygoing, confident in his own skin and fun to be around. And if those photos can "stir her loins" a little bit that's even better but you don't need that if that's not your thing. 

If you don't think that's right for you then maybe online dating isn't going to be your thing, there are tons of other ways to meet women that allow for a more holistic expression although the pool of available women will shrink proportionately. 

And finally, the answer the question of inauthenticity. Yes, online dating is a bit unauthenthic but you have to play that game a bit. Its all about getting that first date and selling to her more of your real personality. Until then, you have to play the attraction game or you'll end up being ignored by all women who have options. If you can't swallow that pill and post a little bit of show for yourself, you'll end up alone. 

Lame. I like to think and be in my room or having deep conversations.

I have high rate of success on app, usually one per day.

All girls are so lame I wish I found a nerd one like me who only likes to go out high once or two a month and just chill all the time.

I have nothing of a nerd on the vibe, but I can't deny myself, hiking , coffee yeh fine once in a while.

My highest hobby right now so far is drawing in silence and doing AI stuff or learning Japanese.

Don't chase people that won't work with you, complete waste of time.

If you do drugs, it's already dead with all the ones that don't. 

If you sober it's dead if she/he do drugs.

Be logical about it. Introvert will have the worst time with an extrovert despite the exception.

 

[something_else]

The pics of me that have made the biggest difference to how many matches I got were:

• A photo of me holding a giant rat, in combination with a bio like "Yea, I'm holding a giant rat. It's a long story". It got a lot of girls to message me asking me why I was holding probably the biggest rat they'd ever seen
• A selfie I took of me and a group of 7 people I went camping with at sunset in great lighting. This works well because it creates such a cool, chill and relaxed vibe, and also subtly makes me look confident in front of a group because I'm the one taking the selfie
• A photo of me on top of a mountain at sunset with messy af hair. Kinda similar to the camping one, it creates a cool adventurous and slightly rugged vibe

These all work so well because they are naturally occurring situations where you want someone to take a photo. They aren't staged photos specifically taken for online dating. 

It also helps a lot if your photos give off a specific vibe. A lot of online dating photos are very boring, even if the guy looks good, because the photos don't convey any emotion at all.

I can't stress enough how big of a difference having interesting hobbies will make to your online dating results. Even just going on some hikes and getting your friends to take cool photos of you is probably the easiest way to get a decent photo. If you solo hike, find a cool spot with good lighting, prop your phone up and start recording video and just sit/stand in front of it, relax, try some poses, look around etc. for a few minutes. Then at the end, scroll through your video and you'll almost certainly have some good frames in there to use. If you have a phone with optical zoom, use it. It'll make your proportions look much more true to life.

Edited 15 hours ago by something_else

[Hojo]

According to reddit you must jerk off alot so the veins in your hands get really big then wear a flannel shirt roll up your sleeps start kneading dough and take a picture. Thats the perfect picture for women on reddit 

Edited 13 hours ago by Hojo

[Michael569]

3 hours ago, AerisVahnEphelia said:

I wish I found a nerd one like me

that'll be hard with that sort of superior attitude, at least judging from your post which comes across incredibly arrogant and dismissive

Edited 13 hours ago by Michael569

[whh2222]

I see a lot of people post pictures of them when they were kids on their profile. Or pictures of just their pets.  Am I supposed to think thats cool? 

Oh and pictures of their own kids. Really fuckin weird  to post pictures of your kids to strangers online.

Edited 13 hours ago by whh2222

[Princess Arabia]

Anybody can learn how to maximize a profile pic, just like you guys are recommending. Do this, do that,.. .then what. If you're an idiot, you're still an idiot. If you're a jackass you're still a jackass. Profile pics mean very little to me. I only say little because of course I wouldn't pick white squall, no teeth and 3eyes or else I would say means nothing. I also wouldn't pick no shirt with a six pack. Who cares, shut your eyes, roll the dice, open your eyes and pick one. Real test happens after you meet. I just read what they have to say. That's more relevant than any pic. Of course the pic is within reason. Attractiveness is overrated and can get old.

But then again, I'm in a whole different world. 

 

Edited 11 hours ago by Princess Arabia

[Sugarcoat]

It’s your choice to either play the game of the online dating apps or not. Maybe it feels like sacrificing some authenticity but I would say it doesn’t really matter in this context depending on to what extent you do it. And the reason being that the very initial attraction that makes someone swipe right on you (or maybe it’s left I don’t remember but I mean the direction that suggests they like you) is pretty much always going to be very superficial anyways. It’s gonna be based on your looks and then a little bit on the context of the image and the caption. It’s during the later interactions after you get a match that you get to showcase your authenticity and build something deeper there.
 

I’d say don’t make yourself completely fake like making pictures that look like you have a hobby you don’t but a little bit of “fake” is fine. Like you said you like books and you don’t have physical ones, I think it’s fine if you’d go to a nice library or something and take a pic (maybe that’s not very interesting but you get my point so a little bit of fake is fine all the initial attraction is gonna be very superficial anyways)

Edited 11 hours ago by Sugarcoat

[Lucasxp64]

3 hours ago, Princess Arabia said:

Real test happens after you meet.

Yeah, that's true. I'm the type that wants to move online interactions to phone calls ASAP, because I want to make them click with me ASAP, and to a date soon...

6 hours ago, something_else said:

The pics of me that have made the biggest difference to how many matches I got were:

• A photo of me holding a giant rat, in combination with a bio like "Yea, I'm holding a giant rat. It's a long story". It got a lot of girls to message me asking me why I was holding probably the biggest rat they'd ever seen
• A selfie I took of me and a group of 7 people I went camping with at sunset in great lighting. This works well because it creates such a cool, chill and relaxed vibe, and also subtly makes me look confident in front of a group because I'm the one taking the selfie
• A photo of me on top of a mountain at sunset with messy af hair. Kinda similar to the camping one, it creates a cool adventurous and slightly rugged vibe

Yeah.

A few months ago, I got a better selfie, this one outdoor, but the background isn't that interesting, although it has some greenery and the sky in it. (swapping from an old and crappy selfie I had from 2018 with some fucking car in the background and a bland haircut, and a hoodie), and my results in a language exchange platform (I selected women in my own country and native language LMAO) I was into for getting possible dates improved dramatically. But it's still not good enough, not the consistency with the women I want... I saw some dudes that look just like me there, and their results (by the reviews of women that did leave to them) were much better than mine.

That's not to mention on Instagram.

I know a high-quality profile will increase my SMV.

The pictures I have don't even display anything about myself, there is nothing interesting about it, it shows no value. I look like just another boring dude, and I don't even show like I go out to nice places, or I'm social, and even had TWICE being told that I look FAKE because I had a single photo. On Facebook, a girl even told me that having just 7 friends and one picture from 2 years ago on Facebook looked like I was fake.

3 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

the reason being that the very initial attraction that makes someone swipe right on you [...] is pretty much always going to be very superficial anyways. It’s gonna be based on your looks and then a little bit on the context of the image and the caption.

I feel like I'm losing on a lot of value by not building even an AVERAGE profile. I want to think about it once I start getting more resources to be going out, etc.

I see the Instagram/Tinder (Although, I use tinder for Insta leads, I don't bother matching, I swipe negative on all of them) profile of most local women, they appear like they have an actual life. It makes me feel like a BASEMENT RAT in comparison.

3 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

 that makes someone swipe right on you

Using Tinder the normal way never worked for me. What I did was to slide into their Instagram from Tinder profiles with Instagram handles (so I'd know they are single AND they are geolocated). I had some closes, but I didn't have the money to go on dates with them LMAO. But still. The quality of my Instagram profile will determine if they want to know more about that guy that's leaving interesting comments, and get them excited to call and have a date.

I do get some of them answering to my DMs, somehow I have that magic of coming up with something interesting to tell them on the comments, on the DMs. I had women above my league actually bothering to answer (That I'd not in a million years match in Tinder). So online game is not something I want to give up on, I even thought about moving to the biggest city in my country, that has as many people as my entire state, so online dating would become more effective.

I also did it on Facebook, with some degree of success. Actually, the only women I ever dated I found them there, one of them I kissed and had sex for the first time, another we ended up on a date once got to kiss but I ended up being short on cash to pay for a hotel and she didn't want to do it on her home LMAO.

But I think if had interesting images, I'd do WAY BETTER or more consistently...

But I don't want this to become a crutch against doing cold approaches... But, it might even enhance them somehow. But even then, I think having some nice pictures to do show-and-tell that I'm not a basement rat would seem good. Because these women they tend to be very social and out-going, I could give them some good vibes in person I think, but... I definitely don't wanna give the impression that I don't go out... 

I once had a chick I found hot asking me online if I was always really that extroverted. LMAO.

 

Edited 8 hours ago by Lucasxp64

[Lucasxp64]