My name is Sara

[Buck Edwards]

I started writing a book on December 9th and today is December 29th. 

I don't have a solid record of entries between the dates of November 23 and December 1. I think I lost them. 

Between the dates of December 1 and December 7th, I was busy creating my job resume for an interview. 

 

December 9th is when my husband got his passport. 

 

[Buck Edwards]

I was super duper busy between the dates of December 9th and December 20th. I only felt free on December 21.

On December 3, I applied for a job but failed to get it. I had prepared my resume that day. 

 

I was suffering mental stress due to the job interview between December 1 and December 3.

 

November 28th is a crucial date because this day a huge fight happened in my family over something I can't share here. My mom fought with my entire family and it was extremely stressful. 

I think November 21 is when I felt deeply betrayed and upset. I'm not sure of this date and time but it's somewhere in this time range. My husband promised me that he will take care of things and there was a slight tussle between him and my family. 

 

I wrote this post on December 2. So the fight must have occurred somewhere between November 28/29 and December 2. 

 

So my utterly stressful days of the year were  November 28, 29, 30, December 1,2 and December 3 when the feud ended (sort of). 

 

In the month of November, the dates of 15, 16,17,18 were uneventful days. 

 

Edited December 29, 2024 by Buck Edwards

[Buck Edwards]

Two-thirds of the month of December were spent in resume writing, applying for different jobs, thinking about money, writing a book, and processing my passport. Processing my passport occurred on December 18th.

[my grammar is not that accurate] 

December 18th is also my father's death anniversary. So it wasn't an easy day for me. 

 

[Buck Edwards]

I postponed my passport work because I don't have money right now. 

 

[Buck Edwards]

I can relax right now. I was worrying about my passport work.

 

[Buck Edwards]

Woke up early morning. It's December 31st. 

Happy new year. 

Feeling a bit apprehensive. 

 

[Buck Edwards]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited December 31, 2024 by Buck Edwards

[Buck Edwards]

I'm spending my 31st December night with my husband. Wow so lucky. 

[Buck Edwards]

Happy new year 

[Buck Edwards]

People are probably still celebrating new year.. 

[Buck Edwards]

I also have the anxiety of the new year. But I also feel like the new year will bring something good for me. 

[Buck Edwards]

I want to get rid of my neurotic tendencies and addictions. My addiction to internet in general. So I'll keep a goal to minimize that. I want a regular exercise habit and clean eating. I want to do proper time management too. I'm planning to jack up my productivity in 2025. For that I will need a modicum of discipline. Other baby steps are doing my own therapy, consolidation of my goals, reduction in distractions and more focus on contemplative spirituality. 

[Buck Edwards]

I feel a bit satisfied today. But still a bit awkward for no reason.. The new year anxiety might probably stay for a while. 

I have to get back to work. 

I'm not sure if I want to share things with the forum. Because I don't want to be too attached to any place. 

 

[Buck Edwards]

January 2, 2025.

I spent three months on the forum from October to December trying to stabilize myself as much as possible and it worked out perfect finally. No worries now. Because it had been irritating me for a while that I wasn't feeling perfect. I was just languishing. Did not feel like thriving. And I'm way too self conscious and overly concerned. But given my past and how I was traumatised it makes sense. I was constantly looking over my shoulder. Constantly scrutinizing every aspect of my life, even my presence on the forum, lot of things that didn't make me happy and I was too bothered by even the pettiest things. November 12 and 13 weren't good days. 

Some things women have to be very  particular about. These things men cannot grasp. I cannot blame men for this because men are very myopic when it comes to women in my opinion. 

I think we as women have been subconsciously trained to care too much about our self image. It's just what it is. A woman can spend her whole life curating her self image. I already see a lot of women do this. Maybe that's the reason why female ego is pretty strong. 

 

[Buck Edwards]

I have to do some self exploration. 

• My relationship with money 
• My relationship with food
• My relationship with this forum 
• My relationship with my husband
• My relationship with my life 
• My relationship with time 
• My relationship with humanity 

[Buck Edwards]

Starting new year I should also login and logout of the forum sometimes. 

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Edited yesterday at 04:51 AM by Buck Edwards

[Buck Edwards]

One thing that I regret about the last year is that I could not keep a track of time. Especially of the months between September and December. I feel like I wasted (not purposefully though) a lot of time between these months. I was also sick on and off and dealing with a friendship that I wasn't exactly quite comfortable with. 

Leo is a bit wacky in his responses. 

I'm not sure if women want to look beautiful. 

 

 

Edited yesterday at 04:56 AM by Buck Edwards