My name is Sara

[Buck Edwards]

I feel a bit mixed today. 

[Buck Edwards]

Naa I have better things to do with my life. 

[Buck Edwards]

I was so happy yesterday my husband gave me so much of his time. 

[Buck Edwards]

On 07/07/2023 at 10:21 PM, Buck Edwards said:

I'm making a short poem collection. Posting my poems here. Just simple stuff, nothing special. 

 

 

On 07/07/2023 at 10:33 PM, Buck Edwards said:

 

We're in the middle of this game. 

Too much, too long, too thin, too strong. 

The stars are a witness, a million galaxies have seen 

The art of trance, perfected by you 

This is the game of life, we are stuck. 

Never seen, never heard, never known 

The stars are a witness, a million galaxies have known 

True story bleeds from the seeds of fiction 

 

On 07/07/2023 at 10:51 PM, Buck Edwards said:

The open wide sky the open wide sky. 

The lost moon the lost moon

The whole night will fly before our eyes

How will you be able to sleep

 

When the fickle wind started blowing 

When the fickle wind started blowing 

The heart buds began blooming 

There's agitation happening in my heart's alley 

That someone should be called, oh, call them please 

 

Stars float and so do the sights. 

With me, they are all wandering. 

Signals are coming from all directions

Telling me that I belong to someone else 

 

On a drenching night like this, 

hand in hand, if they were with me, 

I would tell them my heart 

 

For whom I can disappear 

For whom I would ruin myself 

They sit quietly without saying a word 

Someone please tell them 

Not to test me like this 

 

The open wide sky the open wide sky. 

The lost moon the lost moon

The whole night will fly before our eyes

How will you be able to sleep

 

 

The lost moon the lost moon 

 

 

On 08/07/2023 at 3:06 AM, Buck Edwards said:

God knows where my courage went 

It was here just now. 

Why did it dull itself on someone's charms 

Maybe, did it turn into a rat out of fear 

I looked for it everywhere, in every nook and cranny 

No idea where it went 

God knows where my courage went 

It was here just now. 

Why did it dull itself on someone's charms 

Maybe, did it turn into a rat out of fear

Please look for it, as it's getting late. 

God knows where my courage went 

It was here just now. 

Maybe someone charmed it. 

Someone throw their gaze of affection at it 

Because it's hungry in this lonely world. 

God knows where my courage went 

It was here just now. 

 

On 08/07/2023 at 7:50 AM, Buck Edwards said:

In my dreams, you promise me

Another life, another world. 

In my dreams, we are the only one.

In my dreams, I transcend you 

You must fight. You must win. 

Because this is the life you are given 

Oh o.. 

In my dreams, the darkness of this moment

Can wash away my pain. 

But cannot overshadow my dreams 

You're the brightest most beautiful 

When you come, the comet strikes like a light beam 

In my dreams, we promise 

In my dreams, I promise 

In my dreams, you promise 

This darkness will cease to exist 

I wanna drink 

I wanna drink 

I wanna drink

I wanna drink through your eyes 

In my dreams, my soul keeps dreaming 

 

 

On 08/07/2023 at 0:59 PM, Buck Edwards said:

Eternal forest, like a beautiful landscape against the horizon 

You're full of goodness, grace and myrrh 

Nature's beauty is around us everywhere. 

In twilight I see incarnations of her generous gifts 

She teaches me to love in her mystic blur

I can't help myself, I have fallen in love with nature 

Dewdrops, butterflies wait for me each morning 

Red poppies, corn and wheat fields everywhere

Dear mother nature, take me under your wings 

Make me alive again, give me another day. 

 

 

On 08/07/2023 at 1:08 PM, Buck Edwards said:

Glistening amber

 

Birch. 

 

Your rhapsody enthralls me. 

I yearn in misery, I crave for peace

 

 

 

On 08/07/2023 at 1:10 PM, Buck Edwards said:

The beautiful scent of sandalwood 

 

 

So much, so much, so much... 

I live in madness. 

I crave for me. 

Your rhapsody enthralls me. 

 

 

On 08/07/2023 at 1:12 PM, Buck Edwards said:

Your beauty fills me, your voice reverberates, cracking through the thick wind. 

Beautiful nature, eternal forest come save me. 

 

On 08/07/2023 at 1:13 PM, Buck Edwards said:

In your company, I forget loneliness 

In your company, I'm safe. 

 

 

On 08/07/2023 at 1:23 PM, Buck Edwards said:

Look at the high mountains 

Look at the deep ravines 

Look at the sinking valleys

Look at the clear skies

Look at the still rocks 

Look at the melting ice 

Look at the vast meadows 

Hear the cold distant sounds

Of strange and mystic cries 

 

 

On 08/07/2023 at 1:27 PM, Buck Edwards said:

Gems, rubies, sapphires and stones. 

Glistening gold, scriptures, new and old. 

 

On 08/07/2023 at 1:33 PM, Buck Edwards said:

Panchamrut. 

When I fall asleep, Panchamrut wakes me up. 

Thinking thinking thinking thinking 

Now they say, don't just think.. Also listen

 

 

[Buck Edwards]

On 15/07/2023 at 9:21 PM, Buck Edwards said:

Recovering from autism naturally 

 

 

On 16/07/2023 at 4:26 AM, Buck Edwards said:

 

 

On 16/07/2023 at 4:33 AM, Buck Edwards said:

 

 

 

On 16/07/2023 at 4:45 AM, Buck Edwards said:

 

 

 

[Buck Edwards]

On 20/05/2024 at 11:22 AM, Buck Edwards said:

 

 

On 20/05/2024 at 11:23 AM, Buck Edwards said:

Sensory therapy definitely works for me. 

 

On 20/05/2024 at 11:29 AM, Buck Edwards said:

 

 

On 20/05/2024 at 11:33 AM, Buck Edwards said:

 

 

On 20/05/2024 at 11:35 AM, Buck Edwards said:

I was diagnosed with autism. I now understand a lot of my behavior. 

 

On 20/05/2024 at 0:09 PM, Buck Edwards said:

 

Which 3 activities are important to you? 

 

- organization

- writing important information

- using an app

 

 

 

Sunglasses and hoodies to block sunlight and light related sensory overload. 

 

Get into a routine to reduce overloads.

 

Practice mindfulness. Centering and grounding practices. 

 

These are really nice. I need to be in a cocoon to feel better. Just focus. 

 

Stimming can help. 

Stimming can help people cope with emotions, reduce anxiety, calm the individual, stimulate the senses, cope with sensory overload, express frustration, or relieve physical discomfort. It is common among people on the autism spectrum. 

 

 

I often tend to touch my hair or tap my fingers as a part of stimming. 

 

 

 

 

Daily hack - 

Identify activities that bring you joy and prioritise them.

Incorporate small joyful rituals into your day. 

 

This one is better. 

This video makes me happy.

 

 

 Happiness hacks 

1. Do something good for someone. Volunteer.

2. Exercise. Endorphins. 

3. Spend time in nature. 

4. Tap into your inner child. 

5. Meditation. 

6. Gratitude

This made me laugh so hard. Instantly.

This is a really informative video on the true essence of joy. 

 

 

 

On 20/05/2024 at 4:01 PM, Buck Edwards said:

Select one question out of a pack of 10 questions. 

Will some of the high consciousness rub on me? 

 

She is happiness herself.

 

Skip to end of comments for actionable task and one sentence summation. // OR... read on for detailed summation of the slooooooowly spoken soft monotone talk interspersed with pauses when she smiles like a Chesire Cat and closes her eyes. Perhaps listen to it with the Youtube speed cranked up to maximum. HA!

Can skim read... and then can do the meditation at end and save yourself time.
Question 1: Are you having a good day? Or are you having a bad day?
Question 2: If you are having a good day, then why? If you are having a bad day, then why?
Question 3: Tomorrow would you rather have a good day or a bad day? What about day after tomorrow, would you rather have a good day or a bad day?
We want to have a good day and everyday. We have a good day when we are happy. We want to be happy everyday. Whether or not we have good day or a bad day depends on how we answer the second question. Her teacher says that much of the time our minds are like "a balloon in the wind blow here and there by external circumstances". When things are going well and going our way, then we feel happy. If things go wrong or have to be with people we dislike or something doesn't go our way, then our happy feeling disappears. If our reasons for being happy are a list of external conditions of people and circumstances that we can't control everyday, then our happiness will be in the hands of others and whim of our circumstances. Our happiness will be very unstable and elusive.

Firstly, if you really wish to have a good day everyday, then you need to stop outsourcing our happiness or our unhappiness on the people and circumstances. We need to stop attributing our happiness to what is happening externally and stop blaming others for our unhappiness. Secondly, know that "Happiness and unhappiness are states of mind and therefore there real causes cannot be found outside the mind". If we have a peaceful state of mind, then we will be happy regardless of people or circumstances. If we are not peaceful, then we will find it impossible to be happy. It is not what is happening that is making us happy or unhappy, but how we are responding to those things that determines whether we are happy or unhappy. Our state of mind is what determines whether we are happy or unhappy.

So... how do we cultivate this stable peace of mind that we can rely upon regardless of circumstances. Her answer is using meditation, which is she defines as the mental action of concentrating on a peaceful positive state of mind. This can be done in formal practice sessions or can be cultivated to be done throughout our daily life all the time. Be determined to bring the mental peace from meditation into your day to benefit yourself and others.

======================================
Basic summation: Our state of mind is what determines whether we are happy or unhappy. 

Actionable:
11:48 She does a "let's try it" - meditation on breathing with peaceful positive state of mind and walks you through a 3 minutes session of meditation.

======================================

Summary 

1. Need to stop outsourcing our happiness.
2. Actively cultivate a source of peace and happiness from inside.
3. Happiness and unhappiness are both states of mind, therefore, their real cause can't be found outside the mind.
It is not what happens to us but how we react to it that creates happiness and unhappiness.

 

On 21/05/2024 at 1:18 PM, Buck Edwards said:

With autism you need to focus on a couple of areas - 

 

• Self improvement 
• Communication 
• Motivation 
• Focus
• Self reflection and self awareness 
• Energy levels
• Productivity 
• Foundations 

 

 

On 21/05/2024 at 5:19 PM, Buck Edwards said:

Executive functions - 

 

• Memory 
• Focus 
• Motivation
• Energy levels 
• Productivity 
• Time management 
• Allocation 
• Coordination and organization
• Management and optimization 
• Communication 
• Articulation 

 

 

On 22/05/2024 at 8:25 AM, Buck Edwards said:

 

The twelve executive functioning skills -

 

self-restraint,

 

working memory,

 

emotion control,

 

focus,

 

task initiation,

 

planning/prioritization,

 

organization,

 

time management,

 

defining and achieving goals,

 

flexibility,

 

observation,

 

and stress tolerance.

 

 

On 22/05/2024 at 8:47 AM, Buck Edwards said:

Reiki healing for autism.. 

 

 

On 22/05/2024 at 10:00 AM, Buck Edwards said:

 

 

 

On 22/05/2024 at 10:02 AM, Buck Edwards said:

Body areas to focus on in routines. 

• Neck 
• Shoulders 
• Posture 
• Lower back 
• Hips 
• Hamstrings 
• Quadriceps 

 

 

On 22/05/2024 at 10:06 AM, Buck Edwards said:

General health concerns that affect routines 

• Arthritis 
• Chronic pain 
• Dizziness 
• Fibromyalgia
• Heart condition 
• Herniated disc
• High blood pressure 
• Injury
• Osteoporosis 
• Pregnancy
• Sciatica 
• Surgery 
• Vertigo

 

 

On 22/05/2024 at 10:09 AM, Buck Edwards said:

Specific areas of caution 

• Feet
• Ankles 
• Toes 
• Calves 
• Shins 
• Knees 
• Quadriceps 
• Hamstrings 
• Groin
• Hips 
• Pelvis 
• Abdomen
• Buttocks
• Fingers
• Hands 
• Wrists 
• Forearms
• Elbows 
• Biceps 
• Triceps 
• Chest 
• Lower back 
• Upper Back 
• Spine 
• Shoulders 
• Neck 

 

On 22/05/2024 at 10:14 AM, Buck Edwards said:

These are my main goals from routines for autism. Moderate physical exercise for autism. The goals are following - 

• Improve flexibility and movement 
• Improve health and longevity 
• Reduce pain and prevent Injury 
• Reduce stress and anxiety
• Improve athletic performance 
• Improve circulation and blood flow
• Accelerate muscle recovery
• Improve balance and coordination 
• Strengthen core
• Improve Posture
• Improve sleep quality 

 

On 22/05/2024 at 10:22 AM, Buck Edwards said:

I found work at a nearby factory. 

 

 

On 22/05/2024 at 10:25 AM, Buck Edwards said:

I need to start saving some money.

 

On 22/05/2024 at 10:41 AM, Buck Edwards said:

My psychiatrist has placed me on a new drug for autism. Won't reveal the name. 

 

On 22/05/2024 at 10:44 AM, Buck Edwards said:

Autism symptoms in adults can vary widely in range and severity, but some common characteristics include:

Social difficulties

Difficulty initiating and maintaining social interactions, understanding others' points of view, and making friends

Communication difficulties

Difficulty with verbal reasoning, problem solving, and high-level language skills

Repetitive behaviors

Tendency to engage in routine or repetitive behaviors, and difficulty multitasking

Intense interests

Special interests or obsessions, and fixation on a particular idea or subject

Executive function

Difficulty with complex planning and thinking, and needing support to set long-term goals

Emotional sensitivity

Difficulty regulating emotions, and often having intense emotional reactions

Nonverbal communication

Difficulty interpreting facial expressions, body language, or social cues, and using unique phrases and descriptive words

Other characteristics

Preference for routines and schedules, and lack of awareness of time and space 

 

[Buck Edwards]

On 20/05/2024 at 11:22 AM, Buck Edwards said:

 

 

On 20/05/2024 at 11:23 AM, Buck Edwards said:

Sensory therapy definitely works for me. 

 

On 20/05/2024 at 11:29 AM, Buck Edwards said:

 

 

On 20/05/2024 at 11:33 AM, Buck Edwards said:

 

 

On 20/05/2024 at 11:35 AM, Buck Edwards said:

I was diagnosed with autism. I now understand a lot of my behavior. 

 

On 20/05/2024 at 0:09 PM, Buck Edwards said:

 

Which 3 activities are important to you? 

 

- organization

- writing important information

- using an app

 

 

 

Sunglasses and hoodies to block sunlight and light related sensory overload. 

 

Get into a routine to reduce overloads.

 

Practice mindfulness. Centering and grounding practices. 

 

These are really nice. I need to be in a cocoon to feel better. Just focus. 

 

Stimming can help. 

Stimming can help people cope with emotions, reduce anxiety, calm the individual, stimulate the senses, cope with sensory overload, express frustration, or relieve physical discomfort. It is common among people on the autism spectrum. 

 

 

I often tend to touch my hair or tap my fingers as a part of stimming. 

 

 

 

 

Daily hack - 

Identify activities that bring you joy and prioritise them.

Incorporate small joyful rituals into your day. 

 

This one is better. 

This video makes me happy.

 

 

 Happiness hacks 

1. Do something good for someone. Volunteer.

2. Exercise. Endorphins. 

3. Spend time in nature. 

4. Tap into your inner child. 

5. Meditation. 

6. Gratitude

This made me laugh so hard. Instantly.

This is a really informative video on the true essence of joy. 

 

 

 

On 20/05/2024 at 4:01 PM, Buck Edwards said:

Select one question out of a pack of 10 questions. 

Will some of the high consciousness rub on me? 

 

She is happiness herself.

 

Skip to end of comments for actionable task and one sentence summation. // OR... read on for detailed summation of the slooooooowly spoken soft monotone talk interspersed with pauses when she smiles like a Chesire Cat and closes her eyes. Perhaps listen to it with the Youtube speed cranked up to maximum. HA!

Can skim read... and then can do the meditation at end and save yourself time.
Question 1: Are you having a good day? Or are you having a bad day?
Question 2: If you are having a good day, then why? If you are having a bad day, then why?
Question 3: Tomorrow would you rather have a good day or a bad day? What about day after tomorrow, would you rather have a good day or a bad day?
We want to have a good day and everyday. We have a good day when we are happy. We want to be happy everyday. Whether or not we have good day or a bad day depends on how we answer the second question. Her teacher says that much of the time our minds are like "a balloon in the wind blow here and there by external circumstances". When things are going well and going our way, then we feel happy. If things go wrong or have to be with people we dislike or something doesn't go our way, then our happy feeling disappears. If our reasons for being happy are a list of external conditions of people and circumstances that we can't control everyday, then our happiness will be in the hands of others and whim of our circumstances. Our happiness will be very unstable and elusive.

Firstly, if you really wish to have a good day everyday, then you need to stop outsourcing our happiness or our unhappiness on the people and circumstances. We need to stop attributing our happiness to what is happening externally and stop blaming others for our unhappiness. Secondly, know that "Happiness and unhappiness are states of mind and therefore there real causes cannot be found outside the mind". If we have a peaceful state of mind, then we will be happy regardless of people or circumstances. If we are not peaceful, then we will find it impossible to be happy. It is not what is happening that is making us happy or unhappy, but how we are responding to those things that determines whether we are happy or unhappy. Our state of mind is what determines whether we are happy or unhappy.

So... how do we cultivate this stable peace of mind that we can rely upon regardless of circumstances. Her answer is using meditation, which is she defines as the mental action of concentrating on a peaceful positive state of mind. This can be done in formal practice sessions or can be cultivated to be done throughout our daily life all the time. Be determined to bring the mental peace from meditation into your day to benefit yourself and others.

======================================
Basic summation: Our state of mind is what determines whether we are happy or unhappy. 

Actionable:
11:48 She does a "let's try it" - meditation on breathing with peaceful positive state of mind and walks you through a 3 minutes session of meditation.

======================================

Summary 

1. Need to stop outsourcing our happiness.
2. Actively cultivate a source of peace and happiness from inside.
3. Happiness and unhappiness are both states of mind, therefore, their real cause can't be found outside the mind.
It is not what happens to us but how we react to it that creates happiness and unhappiness.

 

On 21/05/2024 at 1:18 PM, Buck Edwards said:

With autism you need to focus on a couple of areas - 

 

• Self improvement 
• Communication 
• Motivation 
• Focus
• Self reflection and self awareness 
• Energy levels
• Productivity 
• Foundations 

 

 

On 21/05/2024 at 5:19 PM, Buck Edwards said:

Executive functions - 

 

• Memory 
• Focus 
• Motivation
• Energy levels 
• Productivity 
• Time management 
• Allocation 
• Coordination and organization
• Management and optimization 
• Communication 
• Articulation 

 

 

On 22/05/2024 at 8:25 AM, Buck Edwards said:

 

The twelve executive functioning skills -

 

self-restraint,

 

working memory,

 

emotion control,

 

focus,

 

task initiation,

 

planning/prioritization,

 

organization,

 

time management,

 

defining and achieving goals,

 

flexibility,

 

observation,

 

and stress tolerance.

 

 

On 22/05/2024 at 8:47 AM, Buck Edwards said:

Reiki healing for autism.. 

 

 

On 22/05/2024 at 10:00 AM, Buck Edwards said:

 

 

 

On 22/05/2024 at 10:02 AM, Buck Edwards said:

Body areas to focus on in routines. 

• Neck 
• Shoulders 
• Posture 
• Lower back 
• Hips 
• Hamstrings 
• Quadriceps 

 

 

On 22/05/2024 at 10:06 AM, Buck Edwards said:

General health concerns that affect routines 

• Arthritis 
• Chronic pain 
• Dizziness 
• Fibromyalgia
• Heart condition 
• Herniated disc
• High blood pressure 
• Injury
• Osteoporosis 
• Pregnancy
• Sciatica 
• Surgery 
• Vertigo

 

 

On 22/05/2024 at 10:09 AM, Buck Edwards said:

Specific areas of caution 

• Feet
• Ankles 
• Toes 
• Calves 
• Shins 
• Knees 
• Quadriceps 
• Hamstrings 
• Groin
• Hips 
• Pelvis 
• Abdomen
• Buttocks
• Fingers
• Hands 
• Wrists 
• Forearms
• Elbows 
• Biceps 
• Triceps 
• Chest 
• Lower back 
• Upper Back 
• Spine 
• Shoulders 
• Neck 

 

On 22/05/2024 at 10:14 AM, Buck Edwards said:

These are my main goals from routines for autism. Moderate physical exercise for autism. The goals are following - 

• Improve flexibility and movement 
• Improve health and longevity 
• Reduce pain and prevent Injury 
• Reduce stress and anxiety
• Improve athletic performance 
• Improve circulation and blood flow
• Accelerate muscle recovery
• Improve balance and coordination 
• Strengthen core
• Improve Posture
• Improve sleep quality 

 

On 22/05/2024 at 10:22 AM, Buck Edwards said:

I found work at a nearby factory. 

 

 

On 22/05/2024 at 10:25 AM, Buck Edwards said:

I need to start saving some money.

 

On 22/05/2024 at 10:41 AM, Buck Edwards said:

My psychiatrist has placed me on a new drug for autism. Won't reveal the name. 

 

On 22/05/2024 at 10:44 AM, Buck Edwards said:

Autism symptoms in adults can vary widely in range and severity, but some common characteristics include:

Social difficulties

Difficulty initiating and maintaining social interactions, understanding others' points of view, and making friends

Communication difficulties

Difficulty with verbal reasoning, problem solving, and high-level language skills

Repetitive behaviors

Tendency to engage in routine or repetitive behaviors, and difficulty multitasking

Intense interests

Special interests or obsessions, and fixation on a particular idea or subject

Executive function

Difficulty with complex planning and thinking, and needing support to set long-term goals

Emotional sensitivity

Difficulty regulating emotions, and often having intense emotional reactions

Nonverbal communication

Difficulty interpreting facial expressions, body language, or social cues, and using unique phrases and descriptive words

Other characteristics

Preference for routines and schedules, and lack of awareness of time and space 

 

[Buck Edwards]

On 22/05/2024 at 10:47 AM, Buck Edwards said:

High Functioning autism. 

 

 

On 23/05/2024 at 5:10 PM, Buck Edwards said:

I took a mental test and these are the results. 

 

 

 

On 25/05/2024 at 8:22 AM, Buck Edwards said:

I should read 3 poems a day. 

 

On 11/06/2024 at 6:09 AM, Buck Edwards said:

 

 

 

On 12/06/2024 at 7:48 AM, Buck Edwards said:

There is victory in failure too. The only way to be is through forgiveness. 

 

On 12/06/2024 at 1:43 PM, Buck Edwards said:

At the end of the day what remains true is yourself. 

 

On 13/06/2024 at 8:33 AM, Buck Edwards said:

 

 

On 25/06/2024 at 3:52 PM, Buck Edwards said:

I think I should focus more on self inquiry. 

 

On 25/06/2024 at 4:43 PM, Buck Edwards said:

Graphic content warning. 

This is how I felt while in the mental hospital. I just couldn't stop myself and my ptsd was full blown panic mode. It was just the worst experience being claustrophobic trapped in a tiny room with a small window and thrown in there like a jail. People can be cruel to mentally ill. 

 

 

On 27/06/2024 at 6:32 PM, Buck Edwards said:

And I was thinking about having a structured day. Just to get that flow. Maybe I should switch to something else. I recently started playing a game. And I don't know why I feel like that game will satisfy my urges to feel full. Just this kind of emptiness that I need to fill. Maybe another coping strategy. But it's not giving me the satisfaction I'm desperately looking for. Let's see how it turns out. Still a struggle. 

 

[Buck Edwards]

I have a lot of work to do today. 

[Buck Edwards]

So I partially completed my book. 

[Buck Edwards]

Woke up this morning and no nightmares. Yoohoo.

 

[Buck Edwards]

Genuinely tired. I have to write a lot still. 

[Buck Edwards]

On 15/11/2023 at 8:55 PM, Buck Edwards said:

What is religion? 

 

On 15/11/2023 at 9:25 PM, Buck Edwards said:

I had this nightmare but when I woke up from it, it felt like a blessing in disguise. 

Things were opening up to me. 

 

On 18/11/2023 at 3:13 AM, Buck Edwards said:

And this is what I saw. 

 

On 18/11/2023 at 3:23 AM, Buck Edwards said:

 

I felt like there's a supernatural realm somewhere. It contained a portal of hope at the far left end. Two dots that represented Godly phenomena or forces. One that was the God of Hope. Beautiful, serene, peaceful, kind, gentle. The Energy was veery loving. The other was a red one, the energy was dark yet protective like the serpentine gods, of reptilian colors. It took me to another world in the past. 

We live in reality which is not real. This is just a matrix. A matrix of lies. This connects us to the deeper matrix. Both of these are connected by the web of deceit. The more sincere we are the better it is. The more we get closer to this Supernatural Realm. The more insincere we are  (sincerity being absolutely important), the worse it gets and we begin to gradually slip away from the zone or realm of Hope into the Realm of Chaos. Towards the far end of the realm of chaos, lies another portal the portal of chaos, we can fall into it if we get too deceptive and become evil, it gets murkier and murkier and pulls us right into it and then the destruction of our souls begin. 

The portal of hope is to save our souls. All lost souls can go there. The portal of chaos is a dangerous portal. Souls are eaten up in  there, never to return. 

Both the Realm of Hope and the Realm of Chaos are present within the same realm of the Supernatural. 

This matrix is just below our reality matrix. 

 

 

On 18/11/2023 at 3:24 AM, Buck Edwards said:

I can't blame my own inadequacy on other people

 

 

 

On 18/11/2023 at 3:58 AM, Buck Edwards said:

Natural protective sense 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On 18/11/2023 at 4:14 AM, Buck Edwards said:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On 18/11/2023 at 5:28 AM, Buck Edwards said:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On 18/11/2023 at 6:22 AM, Buck Edwards said:

 

 

 

On 18/11/2023 at 6:23 AM, Buck Edwards said:

 

On 18/11/2023 at 6:29 AM, Buck Edwards said:

Leopard v7 browser. 

 

 

On 18/11/2023 at 6:56 AM, Buck Edwards said:

I don't know why this image makes me feel calm. But it does.

 

 

On 18/11/2023 at 7:01 AM, Buck Edwards said:

I cried straight three days about the whole Gaza situation. I couldn't take the suffering of the children. It was just too much. They didn't deserve to lose their parents. The whole war is a terrible evil joke. 

 

On 18/11/2023 at 7:03 AM, Buck Edwards said:

I'm combining forces and elements that I want. Manifest them through my life. Life is all about the hunger for wholeness. This image makes perfect sense. 

I've been living in unwholeness the whole time. 

 

On 18/11/2023 at 7:25 AM, Buck Edwards said:

So what's the meaning and goal of life? 

 

On 18/11/2023 at 10:49 AM, Buck Edwards said:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On 18/11/2023 at 11:02 AM, Buck Edwards said:

Love exercise... Natural protective sense.... Understanding the meaning of love... Clarity of mind.... 

 

The love exercise means - loving someone who is helpless and vulnerable. How can you help them? It's like loving onself through proxy route. 

Have an abundance mindset. Reject scarcity mindset. 

God is all around you. God appears to you in different forms and ways. 

Life is governed by a certain set of forces. Either these forces bring order or these forces cause chaos. If you're constantly doing wrong things, then you'll be enveloped in the web of deception. It will not lead to anything productive. So be sincere from the get go. 

What is the meaning of life? 

Life is survival. There are different aspects at various stages of spiral dynamics that have to be integrated. Stage Red integration is absolutely necessary. 

We are never truly at fault. We are just incomplete. We are not whole. When we become whole, we automatically come closer to God, is what I believe. There is a hunger for wholeness. The absence of these forces is the real problem in the world. Wherever these forces are found, there will be no chaos in that place. So chaos is the indication that these forces are not present in that place. 

There are both malevolent and benevolent entities out there. There are both benevolent and malevolent forces. 

We can never be truly wrong. We are innocent. The only problem is that we are not whole. Life has a way to make you whole. There's only one principle. And that principle is wholeness. So when we become whole, we do the right thing, we have the right manifestation and the right outcome. It's like we are on the right path. So there's only one path. I mean this is the logical conclusion. So when we try to outsmart the system and do wrong things, or don't have clarity of mind as a result of unwholeness, we are never going to truly win. It's a facade, like self deception. So either we are on the right path, or we are deceiving ourselves, one out of the two, either or. So there's no point in trying to experiment too much, in doing things which are unnecessary, rather direct your energy into doing things which are necessary. So the universe is already coded. The path is already laid. You just have to walk on it. And if you don't walk on this path, it's your loss, not the loss of the universe.

As long as you are feeling that unwholeness in you, you'll always be on the wrong path. 

So whatever you do, the outcome will always be wrong, because it does not have that wholeness. Your ego will win temporarily yet the outcome will always be dismal. 

It's not about being right in the eyes of the world but you have to be right in the eyes of the universe. And this needs you to be whole. When you are whole, you'll be completely different person with a different perspective and all self deception will vanish. Ultimately all deception is self deception. 

. So what's the goal of life - 

The goal is to not only attain wholeness but to manifest this godliness and or wholeness in existence. Life is governed by the forces of this very wholeness that make up God. So the goal of life is the manifestation of God through our living. And you might ask why. Because that's what life is all about. Life is living the truth in the most authentic manner. Life is not living a lie. 

 

 

On 18/11/2023 at 11:05 AM, Buck Edwards said:

Integrate Stage Red masculinity. 

 

On 18/11/2023 at 0:05 PM, Buck Edwards said:

There's also a rudimentary dark aspect to God. 

 

On 24/11/2023 at 6:30 AM, Buck Edwards said:

 

 

On 26/11/2023 at 2:41 AM, Buck Edwards said:

Did you meditate?

 

On 01/12/2023 at 3:38 AM, Buck Edwards said:

I shouldn't blame myself. Autism is not my fault. 

 

On 01/12/2023 at 3:40 AM, Buck Edwards said:

I constantly suffer a guilt complex. Your weaknesses are not your fault. 

 

 

On 05/12/2023 at 11:41 PM, Buck Edwards said:

God is about guidance and power.

 

 

 

[Buck Edwards]

I feel so guilty that I slept. 

 

[Buck Edwards]

Why do I always want everything to be perfect?