Girlfriends

[Shane597]

I can't get rid of Loreena's name, so this is just for SFRL. Again you are making asumtions that are very understanble. I just went of topic, i will keep the friends subject and dating subject seperate. But it does not mean i am indesive about dating women, yes I know I said I would prefer to just be friends at first, but realistically that usually won't work, because they like to see if the guy will fuck them and if they do they are a man, so I will play the game and have some fun. I do agree that i have a scarcity mentality, thank you for pointing that out.@Loreena@SFRL

[Loreena]

@Shane597  The kind of guy that you are, you'll probably not get a mate on an online dating website. This world too complicated for that. And I figure they are just playing games or something. 

On online dating sites, they're usually looking for more sexual fun, because of the privacy and anonymity over there. So lot's of folks are sexual there. Happened to me and I was a bit surprised. Didn't expect that. But these sites are mostly for fun. Lot of married people use these sites too with no intention of actually taking the relationship forward but just for ways of spending time and sexual fun.. 

So not recommended for soulmate searching..but you can have fun too for a short while, gain some experience in learning how to gauge people on the basis of their reactions, over time you can become an expert at having interesting conversations, doesn't hurt on the pocket and you get to learn stuff and no actual risk. Just be aware of risks because lot of catfishing, don't meet without prior verification, and be safe...

If they're looking for a guy to fuck, it may not necessarily be their expectations out of a date ....you know they could be looking for someone to pay money for sex..like escorts, prostitu## you know what I mean...you can never figure out their intentions without actually meeting them...plus some of them could be gold diggers looking for something easy you know...so don't take that shit seriously and don't think that everyone around is like that...maybe the wrong kind of folks are on that site! 

Stay safe and take care. Not your fault. You just want deeper connections before getting sexual and that's normal. In fact, I would be wary of a guy who immediately wants to get sexual even before getting to know me better. Who knows what he wants.He could be one of those online predators you know. 

So don't take serious. Work on yourself on the side and keep meeting people and extend your circles. 

But focus more on meeting people in real life...after all virtual is virtual.. people may not be what they pretend to be online..but meeting in real life doesn't carry the risk of mingling with the wrong folks....you know what I mean....you will have some clarity when meeting in real life.. 

So take care...and no you're not being wrong, just normal. It's absolutely fine. 

[alyra]

@Shane597 I am sorry if it appears as such, but I am not making any assumption. All that I see is that your discourse is regularly using the word "women" as if that word represents a prize or goal, and am advising you who has asked for assistence on how to be happy with a partner that this discourse represents a conceptual trap wherein you are trying to "get women" - and this in and of itself prevents attaining a persistent, positive connection with a partner long-term. That is just sustained happiness, of which being with one person or another or no one is not the main focus. 

If you want a healthy sustained relationship with women, men, parents, children. you need to focus on ... well I am not really confident in giving words to show such a path. it is simply a generalist path of self-improvement. well, actually self-actualization is a good way to frame it. and I am not trying to sell some idea that leo or that psychologist in history has, it is just a very useful word to describe the process... of looking to what you can do yourself, to become more.. idk... "authentic" so to speak, IDK. 

 

pursuing "women" will only grow your skill in one night stands. pursuing generalistic self improvement will bring wholesome togetherness, authenticity, idk. words are hard to find. 

[alyra]

naturally this is just an opinion I present. just words that I ramble through. any belief there is projection is itself a projection. I do not know you, I just know text and respond with some ideas that could be helpful. even if those ideas are fictional for you, that fiction can help reveal what is true for you..

[Shane597]

Thanks guys@Loreena@SFRL

[Shane597]

How do you attract older mature women, l@SFRL like at least two years older than me, I am 20? 

[SFRL]

@Shane597 how much older are you talking about? 

A girl who is 2 - 5 years older then you is still only 22 - 25 years old. I think most girls that age don't want a younger guy. Pretty much everybody at a younger age wants to get older and go up and up and up. So girls that age range still generally want and older guy. 

But once people go past 30 they want to hold on to their youth. So then they are more likely to date someone younger because that makes them feel less old. 

On average the women I dated are about 2 years older then me. But now I am 33 I am not that interested in 35 year olds. I rather have a girlfriend in the 25 - 31 range. 

When you are younger you look at older people baggage and you label that as experience and you might find that sexy. But when you are older all that baggage that the typical 30+ year old has collected, it's just baggage. I rather be with someone fresh.

So long story short, when I was younger I liked older women as well, but now I get older  I am starting to like older girls. 

Now on the point how do you attract them? At your age probably by having a kick-ass personality. With a really good sense of humor. But as you get older around the 30 year old mark women are more open to dating guys that are a few years younger. They may even be freaks and go for a 20 year old. That's probably your best bet. Hit up some women in the 28 - 33 year old range who want to use you for sex. Lol 

You can tease them a little bit. When you text them you can call them "Cougarina". Derived from the term cougar. They often find the term "Cougarina" very funny. It has worked for me. Also read up on the terminology Puma and Jaguar. 

[Shane597]

@SFRL Okay, I have been trying hook up apps like tender and I am geting no luck. I have like 20 matches, but more than half don't respond. But some I actually 4 girls to agree to meet up, but two flaked and they say they want to go on a date, but their actions don't match, some may actually be busy, but they are slaves to their emotions. Am I just getting bad luck or is it really this hard? My profile is pretty good. Is it worth buying a boost? 

Edited June 4, 2017 by Shane597

[Girzo]

2 hours ago, Shane597 said:

Is it worth buying a boost? 

It is worth buying a self-esteem boost and going out into the city to cold approach. Why are you sticking so much to online dating? It's mainly used to only hook up and many girls there just play games, not interested in anything.

Learn non-needy perception when it comes to girls, learn how to be funny and do the thing that is the most emotionally difficult (online dating vs. real-life pickup) <<< Leo has a video for every of these topics.

[Shane597]

The town I am at has very little girls during the summer.  Also, I like online dating because I like to break the ice that way.

Edited June 4, 2017 by Shane597

[Shane597]

I am just looking to hook up at this point in my life.@Girzo I need experience.

[SFRL]

@Shane597

5 hours ago, Shane597 said:

@SFRL Okay, I have been trying hook up apps like tender and I am geting no luck. I have like 20 matches, but more than half don't respond. But some I actually 4 girls to agree to meet up, but two flaked and they say they want to go on a date, but their actions don't match, some may actually be busy, but they are slaves to their emotions. Am I just getting bad luck or is it really this hard? My profile is pretty good. Is it worth buying a boost? 

I think you are doing fine. It doesn't seem like you are really that terrible at getting girls. Just keep at it and look up dating advice online. 

Rather put more focus on developing some other passion or skill in tour life though. It will pay off more and give you bigger rewards in the long haul. It's to easy to get addicted to women and sex. And I think you are well on your way. 

 

[Girzo]

23 hours ago, Shane597 said:

The town I am at has very little girls during the summer.

Then I would suggest to make friends with people who ride to other cities on weekends to party and go with them, so you can do pickup in larger city.

[Shane597]

Thanks guys@SFRL @Girzo

[SFRL]

@Shane597 if you choose to spend money on dating websites go for a subscription on Match.com. From my experience the quality of women on there is a little higher then POF or Tinder. Also because they paid for a subscription as well they are more serious about dating. So it weeds out the people that are on there just for entertainment. Also on Matc.com you will have all the possibility to make contact available to you. You don't just depend on swiping. When you like someone you can send them a well thought out message and take the initiative like that and make a good first impression. 

*Also you think of these apps as "Hook-up" apps. But the women that use them usually don't. So if you approch them with that mindset you will be less successful. They may hook-up but that's not their rational intent. 

Edited June 6, 2017 by SFRL

[Dizzy]

On 5/5/2017 at 4:38 PM, Shane597 said:

I think it is because I have a hard time with verbal communication. I say something and I realize it is not what I want to say, but I can't fix what I say while I talk because on the fly I am present. I think it is because I kind of have an awkward vibe too.

@Shane597 do you meditate or do yoga ? I would reccomend starting one of the 2, or both 

They are many good breathing techniques that goes along with meditation and yoga.

I used to have verbal communitcation issues, but as simple as it gets, when I learned how to breath properly it did affect my whole life, including overall communication. I no longer say things that my monkey - mind will try to throw out there. 

What do you mean by awkward vibe ? Like you are shy ? 

[Shane597]

@Fidelio I don't know, I just am not giving off a sincere vibe a lot. I am more introverted than shy.