Kundalini keeps telling me I am going to die. I think something is wrong with me.

[decentralized]

A little backstory - Last year I had a partial kundalini awakening and shit hit the fan quickly. I got blacked out and hospitalized for 2 months. I changed cities and right now I’m not working or going to school, I have no hobbies, no friends, no money, even though I’m 26 years old I feel like I don’t have any good skills to earn myself some money. I am biased though. 

I have some Kundalini symptoms. Kundalini gives me a bunch of spontaneous mudras everyday and it “talks to me” through my mouth - I have some unhealed traumas from past relationships and when I ask “it” questions about it it crosses my eyes to the tip of my nose and gives me an answer light-fast. I am not controlling this. It has been telling me that I am going to die in the same way of crossing my eyes and giving me mudras, the point is my life is seemingly so out of control I am not going to have a happy life in this lifetime so when I die I am going to reincarnate and by this way there will be better conditions for my awakening. 

I know kundalini is not something separate from me. Some people told me this was my own escapism, or Kundalini is actually telling me about my ego death, I don’t know but I actually know that all the answers are within me. Until I figure it out, I want to focus on improving my skills, get a job and get some friends. 

What do you think about this?

Edited December 13 by decentralized

[decentralized]

BTW I am not taking drugs anymore. The reason I blacked out was because I mixed psychedelics with Kundalini so in my path I can only work with Kundalini. I don’t have access to psychedelics anyways. I don’t know anyone here. I need help on how to manage the energy correctly and how to tailor a spiritual practice for myself so I can explore further & integrate what I learned without going insane. 

[PurpleTree]

What are spontaneous mudras?

And i’ve never heard of Kundalini talking through someones mouth.

Are you sure it’s not something else going on?

[Hojo]

The part of your brain telling you you are going to die is not kundalini Its ego. You could have 15 centers of the brain talking to you you cant know which one is which. We can assume this because you are telling us you don't know. 

You shouldn't assume anything specific is talking to you you have no idea.

Edited December 13 by Hojo

[decentralized]

1 minute ago, PurpleTree said:

What are spontaneous mudras?

They are mudras that occur on my hands involuntarily. I’ve had more than 50 different hand gestures and maybe 100+ different variations, they happen in any time of the day. They change rapidly in accordance with the emotions I’m feeling or the answers I am receiving. 

I haven’t heard of K speaking through someone’s mouth either, however everyone’s experience with the energy is different and through my experiences I can say such things are possible.

I am trying to be objective and distinguish it from self delusion. The line is so thin, because I am aware that I am the Kundalini itself so when “it” says that I am going to die, I am saying it. If it’s not Kundalini, what else can it be? Maybe my higher self (the Godhead) is preparing me to overcome my fear of death & merge with infinite love. 

[decentralized]

4 minutes ago, Hojo said:

The part of your brain telling you you are going to die is not kundalini Its ego

If you were inside my brain you would see that it feels like Kundalini. It feels different from my other thoughts and the way it manifests itself is different. The thing that makes it puzzling for “me” is the fast eye-crossing movement that I have no control of. 
 

Have you ever had an ego death?

[Hojo]

@decentralized Yes twice. it might be showing you that your nose is not real. There is a form of yoga that you stare at your nose and you see that your nose is not real. It goes away.

Sadhguru talks about it. If you stare for long periods your nose dissapears and you are left with 2 seperate realities looking at each other and you are trying to merge them by holding the state.

Also when I had kundalini I heard an audible voice talking to me In my head. But it didn't last days or weeks or years it was like 6 words.

It felt like my ears turned on when I heard the voice. Like if you were alone in a room and heard a voice your ears sort of turn on and you think who is this in kinda shock. Vs listening to a tv you hear the voice and your ears don't 'turn on if you understand.

Edited December 13 by Hojo

[decentralized]

@Hojo 

how can I have an ego death experience without drugs? From what I’ve learned ego death means merging with infinite love but that’s a fleeting experience. I believe the main reason I got blacked out is because my ego was getting in the way of kundalini so much. I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t actually resisting though, I was “in the ride” and it has shown me infinity of God’s mind. I mainly saw the darker side of consciousness, but I also merged with love & bliss momentarily. 
 

Here’s my first encounter with insanity. I can’t even get into the other ones, there’s actually a storyline to them that won’t make sense to anyone else besides me. 

 

[Hojo]

@decentralized i don't know both times were on drugs. It feels like you are looking around but you can't find yourself. Like you have an aura field surrounding you and the aura field is the feeling of being you. Ego death is like your aura field shuts off and the aura field of the universe comes into you. I cant read the other thread rn I'm at work.

Edited December 13 by Hojo

[decentralized]

@Hojo please give it a read when you’re available. I experienced something similar to you. Have you experienced infinite love, like you’re being washed up by it during your ego death? What did you experience exactly? I am very interested 

[Hojo]

@decentralized yes I was with God and God was saying I love you you are beautiful you are perfect over and over again. I will comment more after work.

Edited December 13 by Hojo

[decentralized]

@Hojo okay 👍 

[Sugarcoat]

So I’m not the only one with some seemingly insane things going on…

May I ask though how do you know it’s kundalini energy? I’m open to this.

So each mudra means something and the kundalini talks to you by making you do involuntary mudras throughout the day you mean? Apart from speaking through your mouth, so it’s your voice speaking?

[Javfly33]

Dont hold any mudras that you dont know because you will manipulate things in your energy system in ways you do not understand. 

Once you Catch Yourself doing a mudra stop it inmmediately.

The best way to get Yourself out of this rut probably is regular exercise, be outside, go to events, sign to a running club, whatever, meet people. Lower your state of consciousness consciously (ironically), because is clear a door has been opened for you that your system was not ready.

The plan is easy; behave like a normie and do normie chimp stuff as Leo would say. Maybe you can even go party a bit and drink a beer or two and smoke a cig. Chill. You Will go back to those perceptions when you are ready. Not like this. The way is happening is not the right way.

Edited December 13 by Javfly33

[decentralized]

23 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

So I’m not the only one with some seemingly insane things going on…

Would you like to share what you have experienced?

Firstly, it crosses my eyes light fast without giving me time to think. I think I can’t explain how I know (it might be, we are investigating this together) it’s Kundalini without mentioning colors. When my K was very active I had an insane experience: Kundalini means coiled serpent and during my meditation session I kept getting Palli Mudra in my hand. Palli means gecko, when I learned about it I was washed with this new insane energy called “Palli” - it took over me and my body started dancing and vocalizing like I was possessed. Each movement was breaking down a blockage and freeing me from my limitations. I was seeing my infinite nature as God. So while I was experiencing this, I was associating this experience with reddish brown. It’s kind of a synesthesia thing I guess. When Kundalini is speaking to me in the way I mentioned, I am seeing this color with my minds eye. 
 

Yes its speaking through my mouth but with a different tone.

I think my mudras represent the flow of qi / kundalini and they mean something because they seem to respond to the questions I’m asking or the emotions I’m feeling. They sometimes have a certain order but they change so rapidly it’s hard to memorize or recreate them

The image I attached is Palli Mudra 

Edited December 13 by decentralized

[decentralized]

@Javfly33 thanks for your comment. It’s actually almost impossible to hold any of them in my hands because they change so rapidly on their own. I’m not trying to hold any specific Mudra on my hand and let them come and go naturally. I don’t know exactly why are they coming to me, but I realized if I’m stressed I am having a certain set of mudras and they calm the nervous system down. I am not practicing anything spiritual but I have recently realized that my body wants me to practice yoga. I’ve been postponing this because I know that yoga will cause kriyas (involuntary muscle movements due to kundalini breaking down the blockages) but some types of asanas will work for grounding  

My family does not let me go out of the house while I’m alone so sadly I can’t go to parties  I don’t even have any close friends. I want to focus on doing work related stuff to improve my skills to get my mind off of this “you’re going to die” message I keep receiving. Do you think working on your financial goals itself can balance lower 3 chakras? I think another reason I got unstable was because my upper chakras are active while lower 3 are not so active

[Javfly33]

@decentralized Maybe some basic Hatha Yoga would help for stability and balance, which is what seems is lacking for you.

The problem is see is not with the kundalini, but that your system lacks the preparatory steps to handle that kind of energy. 

As is with everything a great supply of energy can fry your laptop or provide stable charge depending on the foundations of the electricity circuit. So you have to work on your foundations now, make your body a stable rock.

It wouldnt hurt you to learn to sit in ardha siddhasana. If you Only can master this one you could temporarily block what you dont want as long as you are home and can sit like that.

Edited December 13 by Javfly33

[decentralized]

@Javfly33 thank you 👍💪

[PurpleTree]

49 minutes ago, decentralized said:

Would you like to share what you have experienced?

Firstly, it crosses my eyes light fast without giving me time to think. I think I can’t explain how I know (it might be, we are investigating this together) it’s Kundalini without mentioning colors. When my K was very active I had an insane experience: Kundalini means coiled serpent and during my meditation session I kept getting Palli Mudra in my hand. Palli means gecko, when I learned about it I was washed with this new insane energy called “Palli” - it took over me and my body started dancing and vocalizing like I was possessed. Each movement was breaking down a blockage and freeing me from my limitations. I was seeing my infinite nature as God. So while I was experiencing this, I was associating this experience with reddish brown. It’s kind of a synesthesia thing I guess. When Kundalini is speaking to me in the way I mentioned, I am seeing this color with my minds eye. 
 

Yes its speaking through my mouth but with a different tone.

I think my mudras represent the flow of qi / kundalini and they mean something because they seem to respond to the questions I’m asking or the emotions I’m feeling. They sometimes have a certain order but they change so rapidly it’s hard to memorize or recreate them

The image I attached is Palli Mudra 

I think that’s a gang sign bro.

And you know gang comes from the indian river ganges which stems from the indian goddess ganga which comes from the guru gangaji so it’s a circular thing like your ring finger and thumb touching. 
 

and that’s just a story ^

[_Archangel_]

@decentralized Get to the basics, come back to earth. Create a goal for yourself, join some free free education course or get some certifications if you can (you might even apply for some low-skill job to get some cash going), do some Physical exercise (even just cardio is great) and get some therapy if you can. Having a voice in your head telling you things, is NEVER a good thing. You have to feel like you are the one the one making the decisions.

In the meanwhile i would suggest you toput aside the piritual imaginary and culture for now (Reincarnation, ego death, chakras etc). 
Stay away from energetic practices stuff like Kundalini and Kriya Yoga. If you do that kind stuf without a mentor it can ruin you.
Don't fall into the trap of spiritualizing you problems. Very few issues are purely spiritual and most can be resolved by taking action in the world.

I think you should just leave the habit of doing some do-nothing meditation like 30 min everyday and let go of everything that appears in your experience, if you get kriyas, let it do their things, accept and kidly let go off of every thoughts you find intrusive or negative. Simple Hatha Yoga can be can be good aswell.

Focus on getting beck on track with life in general. Once you get the boat going you can dive deep in spirituality again.