The Princess Diaries

[Princess Arabia]

Just random stuff about anything. 

[Princess Arabia]

I find it hard to keep track of anything. Well...maybe somethings. I can't keep my train of thought on one thing for too long. I guess that's called a lack of concentration. I'm not sure. It's not like I'm all over the place, but more, that was yesterday and this is today. It's hard to explain, but sometimes I wish it wasn't like that and sometimes it does work in my favor. It allows for not holding on to things but then again focusing becomes a problem.

I don't want to talk about an issue today and then talk about that same issue tomorrow, I want it to be done with. Not referring to important life issues or things of that nature or of importance, but petty shit or unimportant stuff. Even some important stuff.

Sometimes I don't even remember what it was I was bothered by and don't care to. People will bring stuff up and I'm like struggling to remember what, who, where, why and who done it. Like, Geesh why are we even going there. That has been erased. Who cares.

I need to develop a concentration exercise so I can focus a little better. I'll be starting one thing and moving unto something before finishing the first. Like cleaning the kitchen, then finding something in the bedroom to clean then going back to the kitchen then the living room. Gosh, I really don't care because I still get the job done but not in a structured manner, That's it, I need to be more structured. Hard to trace or figure out an unstructured person but it can get a bit unpredictable and the mind can be all over the place.

I know how I developed this trait or habit or whatever it's called. It's from years of working as an escort and the unpredictability of and in this field. Never know what's next and it has trained the mind to not be structured and predictable. It's very spontaneous; and that can work for or against you depending on the circumstance. It works for the field but not when trying to get things done for the most part. I find it hard to keep the mind on one track for extended periods. Maybe it's a certain personality type but I don't want to get into that stuff too much because of the unpredictability structure of the mind and it might start to confuse it into thinking it needs to be a certain way. I do function ok; it's just sometimes I wish I was a bit more structured. Oh well, maybe I am, but structured to be unstructured. I won't make a problem out of it, though, too many of those show up on their own.

I'm very reliable, though, and can be a very good confidant and can be efficient and I learn fast, and I adjust easily to situations and can fit in just about anywhere. That's the beauty of not being structured even though being structured has its benefits. I think a structured partner would suit me well. 

[Princess Arabia]

Questions I ask myself about life. Not necessarily to be answered, but more about why they are even a thing. What caused their emergence on an existential level. These are across the board and affects just about every race, nationality, ethnicity and gender.

Here goes:

* Why are we fearful

* Why do we have addictions.

* Why do most people shy away from talking about death - especially their own.

* Why do we hate.

* Why do we dream at night (or when we sleep).

* Why is society built on so much greed.

* Why do so many suffer from social anxiety.

* Where did ADHD, Autism, COPD, PTSD come from.  Not what causes them, but why are they even a thing.

* Why is depression and anxiety so prevalent.

* Why do we look down upon people just because of race, sex, height, ethnicity, color, educational background and status.

* Why are we so judgmental and critical of each other.

* Why do we love our pets so much.

*  Why do babies usually come out the womb crying. 

* Why are there different languages.

* Why are some emotions dreaded and some welcomed.

* Why do most animals have a tail and humans don't.

* Why is our true identity such a mystery.

* How our bodies can hold so many things as in organs, bones, cells, hair, body parts etc and we're still able to walk around freely.

* How is there a brain in my head and I know very little about how it works unless I study it extensively.

* How do we not know who we are unless someone tells us and that's even questionable. They say we can only be ourselves.

* How are there so many living things/matter in existence but humans seem to be the most troublesome. 

* How, if everything is energy, is God not energy. Are we calling this energy God. Is energy this intelligence we refer to.

* Why are there so many disagreements in life amongst our fellow humans. 

* Why are there so many different opinions. 

* Why is everything impermanent and the only constant is change.

* Why do we get horny.

* What makes for sexual preferences over one thing and not the other.

* Why are there no two fingerprints that are the same.

* Why don't we have two hearts. 

* How are transplants even a thing when each organ is supposedly unique to us. (How can one survive with another's heart, i.e.)

* Why is gravity even a thing.

* How can the earth be spinning so fast and we can't feel a thing. 

* Why are some born blind and some deaf.

* Why do we need water if water makes up most of our body's weight. 

* Why are certain things visible and some not. 

* Why is Existence/Life/Reality/God/Absolute is SO GODDAM MYSTERIOUS.

I'm not really looking for surface answers, nor am I really looking for answers at all. I do believe, though, that the answers to many of these questions, if there are any, would reveal quite a lot about the nature of existence. There is no real purpose to life but the reasons these things exist to begin with serves the purpose of understanding what life's about.

Edited Thursday at 11:31 PM by Princess Arabia

[Princess Arabia]

There is no I AM. The I AM is a dream. I AM what.....nothing, the absolute, God, walking, running, eating, talking writing. There is no separation so how can there be walking or running. It's the fucking absolute appearing as I am running or walking or typing. I am running is the same thing as I am pissing. Doesn't matter what I am doing, it's everything. 

I AM is the same as I am not. So saying I AM the I AM is the same as saying I AM not the I AM or I AM nothing, or I AM something, or I AM dogshit. So there is I AM just as much as there is no I AM. 

[Princess Arabia]

I don't want to pretend as if I don't know what's happening here anymore. Everybody is keeping this me thing alive because it wants to stay alive. It pretends to want to be awakened and enlightened, but that is also just a show. All the gurus and masters are there for the same show. They serve as me enhancers. The me is fighting for it's life. It tries to find a purpose and tries to find meaning. That's its purpose. To keep a world going. To make it seem as if something is actually happening when it's not. The me will have an existential crisis if it dies before it dies. The body doesn't really die because it's not really alive. Not separately alive anyway, apart from any other aliveness. It's not separate from the whole. Nothing dies. Nothing is ever born and nothing lives. It's just what is and what's appearing. It's all alive. It's one big poof of aliveness. It's not living because living implies dying. It just is. 

It appears as time, space, things, people, the earth, the sun, the stars, the moon, trees, animals, and whatever else but these things are really only appearing as separate from us because of the me. No me, everything just is. No relation, no cause and effect, no rhyme or reason. Me or no me, doesn't matter. Self or no self, doesn't matter, awakened or no enlightened, or no awakened or enlightened, doesn't matter; it's all the same thing. I don't have a life and i never had. It's just body walking and tongue moving and hands clapping but that's all just movement within the non-movement appearing to happen. It's already done. Jesus, it's so fucking obvious.

Edited Friday at 05:52 AM by Princess Arabia