The Princess Diaries

[Princess Arabia]

I don't look at what I want to become, I look at who I'm being right now.

[Princess Arabia]

Spiritual people will tend to feel more empty inside after a while than the hedonists because there's so much one can do spiritually and the options aren't as much as in the regular world. The ego is constantly searching for more and it WILL become bored with it's practices and WILL get to a point where it doesn't see itself advancing like it thinks it should. It will start to blame others or thinks it has to go seek out more advanced teachings or sources for it's growth. It will hop around seeking , and it depends on the reasons for it's search, it will get back to the initial point of 'not good enough". "They" aren't giving me what I want. I've outgrown this and it moves on and on, practice more and more, take more and more, until it just starts to feel empty and void because nothing is working to accomplish it's never-ending goal of feeling fulfilled.

In the hedonistic world, there are plenty of things to do and new inventions are always in play to satisfy the ego. Always something bigger and better to strive for and consume. They can also get to a point of boredom, but their choices are more varied and more people indulging, so it doesn't become as empty for a while. Society makes sure of that. Always some new news, invention and marketing strategies to accommodate the ego. Lots of emptiness and loneliness in this community because it's limited and most are searching for something that's already there but can't be seen because of the search. Temporarily, yes, but NEVER reaching anywhere permanent. If its something they really and truly enjoy, not so much because that's self-fulfilling and speaks for itself; but if it becomes a chore or something to get, that's more transitory and will leave them feeling more empty than when they started and start to develop a grudge for the community until it does a 360° and it becomes a cycle. NOTHING EVER ENDS BECAUSE NOTHING EVER TRULY STARTED.

Edited March 22 by Princess Arabia

[Princess Arabia]

I use this section to express my thoughts and feelings and they are usually sporadic and spontaneous. I write with intention and with a specific topic for each post, but the words just come out as I go. 

Now, I also use it to express how I feel about some particular post I've seen on the forum that i would not necessarily voice on the particular thread for consideration purposes even though I'm still cognizant of what I post here in regards to that, as I'm aware it's still being read; by whom I don't know and is irrelevant. I try not to start conflicts, and I try to keep a lot more of my opinions to myself and am not as boisterous and open as I used to be here and have toned down my rhetoric a bit on the forum because some would take it too personally or I would be misunderstood because of my style of communication. I'm very open and speak matter-of-factly and sometimes without censors and with lots of passion and sometimes without thought of the other person's feelings and just with the intention of getting my own thoughts across. That's selfish and unnecessary, and a bit arrogant so I've learnt to tone that down a bit as it really doesn't serve any purposes other than to piss people off. I'm a bit thick-skinned and can usually handle criticisms as long as they're respectably done, so I tend to see others in the same light or I tend to not be aware of when I'm going overboard in that respect because of my tolerance level. I don't see things as personal attacks as much as I see attacks as coming from something personal. About them. So I try to see my own attacks as such. It's not easy to self-retrospect and can feel painful, that's why it's rarely done, but for my own sanity, peace and compassionate side, I try to do it often, to avoid those feelings of regret. 

This forum has taught me a lot in these aspects and i've also learnt a lot about myself and human behavior. It can be utilized as a place for learning if one is interested about expanding themselves and their knowledge about human behaviors and ways of communicating. I tend to use everything as a learning tool even if it means being vulnerable and exposing my own human bullsit.

[Princess Arabia]

Can't really explain "NOTHING". Hard for nothing to explain nothing. You're going to find a lot of different definitions and a lot of people disagreeing with the definitions of nothing precisely because they are nothing. Saying no-thing is even contradictory because "thing" implies something and is saying  it is not a thing but something else. Tricky. I think it can be intuited, though.

[Princess Arabia]

Life is not such a mystery anymore. Reality is to me. More interesting. People have become so predictable and the same things keep happening only with different content. Can't find sex, have no money, I'm anxious or depressed. I've been traumatized. (Not mocking, just pointing out). I'm the first one to feel other's misery and feel compassion. I hate to see others suffer and feel emotional pain because I too have been there. I know the feeling. This is not about that.

We can always expect drama, gossiping, confusion, anger, hatred, suicidal thoughts, envy, comparisons, malicious competitions (who is better than whom). Shootings, murder, rape, bad weather, catastrophes, political warfare.....i mean the same ole, same ole.  New generation, same ole, same ole. It's like life is just going in a circle with different faces. Things calm down for a minute then something happens to stir the pot. Doesn't take long. I mean globally. The news never stops. Always something new but same essence. 

This is why I talk so much about Reality. Existence. Metaphysics. Non-duality. It's more interesting to me. Not in the sense of just conceptual but non-duality cannot be applied and nothing can be gained from and I don't talk about it outside of here much so it's my little cave of communicating with myself about it. As far as reality and existence goes, to me, there's a lot that can be talked about because real life situations can also be applied and integrated into it. I can turn any mundane thing into spiritual talk because it's hard to differentiate the two now because I see them as one of the same. 

There's not much work that needs to be done in this way for me other than with the mind and that goes everywhere with me and is forever present. So I'm constantly "doing the work", in an abstract manner. I can stop in the middle of anything and be anything. Meaning, I can be in one state in one sec and another in the next. It's all about states. I'm constantly going within. I'm also constantly looking at energetic patterns and seeing how myself and others reflect what I've been "taught" and see the "evidence". Just by observing life. 

I see Reality as a project (somewhat). In the way of a science project, not as something to study as much as to observe. Like a mermaid in a giant fish tank. I even observe my cat and her behaviors. I notice how present she constantly is and how her love is so unconditional but also conditional at the same time. I even notice the fucking wind.

[Princess Arabia]

We're all looking for a release. Relief. Relieving of pain. A relief from ourselves. It's fucking tiring to that energy. For that energy. However it's phrased. As if it's not enough, we search for more stress, more circumstances and experiences to need relief from. Why? We'd rather do that than die. 

[Princess Arabia]

What Leo said in that clip in the Joe Roegan thread about how everything is nothing and how that explains everything or whatever he said about what explains everything , is why I've realized there's no one and how the me energy operates and functions. That explains just about everything. I am yet to find anything that disputes the no one theory. I'm aware I've turned it into a concept at times but that's what talking about something does. No one can actually practice not being a me and doing the work to not be a me anyway, so it doesn't really matter. They can only build a story around the no me concept plus there's no one actually doing that. 

 

 

 

Edited Saturday at 11:21 PM by Princess Arabia

[Princess Arabia]

I haven't seen the use of the word "suffering" this much since I got into Spirituality. Before spirituality I usually only heard the word when describing Jesus's crucifixion, maybe people with severed limbs, tortured animals or people that starved to death. On a few other occasions but never this much as I've seen in spiritual circles. Maybe I just see it used more because of the global use of the internet, but it's everywhere. Don't think a week even goes by on the forum where it's not mentioned and used in a comment, post or thread. Gosh, I think I suffer just from hearing the word. 

This energy is really going through a hard time. We have to glorify it to ease it's impact. Nothing worthwhile comes easy, we say. Yet without air we die and it's the easiest thing to get. It's available to everyone. All our bodily functions takes no effort on our part, unless we're sick, but we still insist on believing we should struggle for worthwhile things. The rain doesn't struggle to fall and the sun doesn't suffer when shining. We have been so deeply programmed and we will fight for the rights of those programming. It's not until we get exhausted and the suffering gets unbearable that we ease up a bit and say it was great to suffer because it brought me here. That may be true, but do you really think it's the suffering or that you just got tired of trying everything. Life has beaten you up to exhaustion. The energy that has carried you has worn out. Couldn't start up anymore. Needed a new engine. Maybe it's that most people just aren't exhausted enough. The ego knows how to cope and does it very well.

I don't think things should come easy or we wouldn't know the value of appreciation and gratitude, but to suffer just to awaken to whatever is a bit much; especially extreme suffering. We've invented so many stories in life to cope with the fact that it's not personal and then we say suffering is good to wake us up. The human energy is the worst kind. The me energy. It's brutal and cruel to the one that it arises within. Don't know why it happens but it's brutal. It causes so much pain and suffering it turns us neurotic and insane. It needs to go away; far far away and never return. Even though the human isn't really, it sure feels like it. Then we say the feeling is the secret. Jesus, who invented all this stuff. It's genius. Only way to have a world. Only way to keep this going. My goodness, no wonder no one sees through this shit. Even those that have, there still remain remnants and they have to keep up with their practices or else the ego tightens up again. It's brutal. Go away. Oh sorry, it's the only way to reach God. Another Invention of the ego to deal with the pain. It's clever, very clever. I don't buy it, sorry. I think it's all inventions of the ego to cope.

There's definitely an intelligence at play though. Working on that. I don't feel the way I do out the blue. Too many turn to Spirituality and even Religion because of suffering but Religion is more of a conformity. Group think. Tradition and programming and culture. There's a reason for that other than an inherent need to know what's true. I have to think and see things outside the box in order to come up with my own thing. Put the pieces together. I didn't search out this stuff, I stumbled across it. It found me, so-to-speak. I'm glad I did because I've found a goldmine even if it's just my personal gold mine and to reality it's nothing. I have a very fluid mind so things change all the time. I'm not stuck and attached to belief systems, so those change too. The only thing that doesn't change is what doesn't.

 

Edited Sunday at 03:02 AM by Princess Arabia

[Princess Arabia]

Nothing is more obvious to me that life is just going it's thing and that there's no one in control of anything. So obvious. More obvious than even my existence. More obvious than me knowing I'm alive. More obvious than my image in the mirror looking back at me.

[Princess Arabia]

I don't really get involved with suicidals anymore, especially in severe cases. I have seen through that too. I will be careful with what I say here on the topic because I don't want to offend anyone and who knows who's reading this. What I see is an energy transformation. Everything depends on the situation at hand. On the story behind it. Most of the times it just needs a release. Expression. Somewhere to go; it's compressed. When a person is really suicidal, they really don't talk about it. There's usually nothing to really say. Most suicidals want to live, they just don't know how. 

I can read or hear the story behind it and notice how they respond and tell how severe the issue is. Most times it's not and is just a way of expressing feelings and that alone may help with the situation in and of itself. When I say severe, I mean how severe the energy is compressed or contracted or how severe the feeling. If the story is mostly of comparison and comparing theirs to others and mostly about whose is more severe and who is suffering more and how no one knows what they're going through and mine is worse than yours and you just can't imaging the pain I'm going through and all that, that's the energy relieving itself. It was so compressed and had nowhere to go but to self-nihilate. Ever tried to open a jar. When you hit the bottom it released air within the bottle and makes it easier to open and when you open it, you hear the pressure releasing and it makes a pop. Something like that. 

No sense in trying to talk that person out of it or make suggestions because it's already doing it for itself or doing it on it's own by telling the stories. When there are no stories present and there are just feelings expressed, then it's a bit more in the infancy stage. I'll stop here and these are just my own analyses. Take everyone seriously and try to show compassion. I've seen how this can turn around once relieved and things turn out to be even better than before. They definitely don't need any non-dual teachings at this point or in these stages because non-duality cannot be applied and is not a reward system for someone to gain something from; if anything it's a loss. 

Edited Sunday at 05:13 PM by Princess Arabia

[Princess Arabia]

Things are just popping in and out of existence out of nowhere. You think the money in your bank account came from your job or a check or from you earning it. It came from nowhere. That man crossing the road in front of you came from nowhere. This post came outta nowhere. Shit's just appearing in and out of existence and coming from nowhere. That long lost cousin, went nowhere. That forum user that was on here earlier and is not on right now, is nowhere. Your hunger just appears outta nowhere. Your belly feeling full didn't happen because you ate, that fullness is new and isn't caused by anything. That girl that cheated on you isn't the same girl you met. You met no one. Ok, that's enough. Hehe.

[Princess Arabia]

Just because someone told me there is a God, doesn't mean I have to believe it. Just because I was told about God Realization, doesn't mean there's such a thing. Just because people believe in awakening and enlightenment, doesn't mean I have to. Doesn't mean I shouldn't either. I could go either way. Why do I go towards one way over the next. Is it because I was told. Are they just beliefs. Is it because I need it to be true. Is it a feeling. Do I intuit it. How do I know I can trust my intuition. How can I know I can believe in what I'm being told. How can I know that my verifications aren't illusions. How can I know that what I've come to realize is actually the case. 

They say I'm dreaming, hallucinating, there is no self, thoughts and feelings isn't who I am, but how can I tell if I'm not or won't be dreaming awakening and enlightenment; dreaming Realizing God. What does any of that even mean. I mean truly. Like really truly mean. Are they another set of beliefs. Almost like doctrines, buttered up to seem different from religious beliefs. Wrapped up in pretty wrapping paper to seem more important than believing in the 10 commandments and Jesus raising Nazareth from the dead. Why do YOU believe in God Realization. How do you know everything is God. Did God tell you this. Psychedelics told you. Who told you. Is it God telling itself everything is God. How can I tell anything. Yes, things seem a particular way but how can I tell anything without comparison. Anything I think I know is because I relate it to something else I know. What if I didn't know the previous thing, would I know the current thing. 

I think Religion is bullshit and think Spirituality makes more sense. Why is that. Can anything actually stand on it's own. If so, what. What exists independent of anything else. God? I thought God was everything. So, without anything there is no God? .......to be continued......

 

[Princess Arabia]

Don't think I asked those rhetoric questions because I have doubts...or not. For a specific reason....or not. I don't believe or do believe, don't know or not know. Curious and not. Being led and not. One thing I've definitely realized without a doubt and can't be told otherwise is that whatever it is that exists is all there is. Don't know what it is, but there's nothing else. Everything else are effects. Reflections if you may, but I'm not comfortable with that word reflection. Doesn't matter, it's just a word. 

I bet you for every question I asked above, rhetorically or not, I will see something in the coming days strategically placed in my view to answer those questions. Not in a way to be definite answers but I will experience the symptoms of those questions. I will see things whether circumstances, experiences or situations reflecting the essence upon which those questions were built upon. Not sure if I said that right. Doesn't matter, I know what I'm trying to say. I can guarantee that much. Always been the case, why would it stop now. Why would I stop this game I play now. Why would the evidences of myself stop now. Jesus Christ, Jesus fucking Christ, all of my silly queries, all of my questionings, all of my musings and games and silly jokes are distractions. Distractions from nothing. Even saying they are distractions is a fucking game. 

Time doesn't really exist but I feel like my journey home is close. I feel like what I designed for myself is coming to an end. I feel like I'm about to solve the puzzle. I feel like I want to stop this joke. I feel like it has gone too far. I feel like this human thing has run it's course. I feel like I pushed it too far. I feel like it's too limited. I feel like it's about to explode. I feel like I need to start over. I feel like....like...like...nothing.

[Princess Arabia]

Listen to all those stupid silly excuses people that ask for advice make for themselves. Yes, but. It's a fucking game. I've seen through this shit. They don't want advice, they don't need your stinkin' silly advice. They aren't looking to be told what to do, they are playing this silly fucking game of I am here and you are there. We are separate beings and I'll play stupid and ask stupid questions. What else is there to do. I'll act as if I'm a horny twenty year old looking to get laid and make you come up with silly answers to make me feel good about myself and I'll act as if I'm desperate and have you waste your precious little time on me, advising me because that's also me bullshitting myself and have nothing else to do in this finite infinite infinity. No one there but a bunch of questions and answers talking to itself.

Yes...i get what you're saying, but...... But nothing, go jerk off to infinity and go play with yourself somewhere else.

Edited Monday at 02:52 PM by Princess Arabia

[Princess Arabia]

Told you, as soon as I got off this thread and went on the forum, first post I saw/read was related to something i wrote today. I'm not joking with this shit. All one has to do is live life, observe and notice shit to notice shit. It's all you, baby. That's all folks. Next topic. I need to talk about food and recipes next.

[Princess Arabia]

The only way to free the mind is to stop trying to awaken or to get enlightened. That's what's keeping it in bondage. 

[Schizophonia]

@Princess Arabia You told me you smoke a pipe, right? Maybe I'm confused.

I just bought one.

[Princess Arabia]

Just now, Schizophonia said:

@Princess Arabia You told me you smoke a pipe, right? Maybe I'm confused.

I just bought one.

No, I don't smoke pipes.

[Princess Arabia]

This is how most go through life....until....the energy tire and they surrender. If you can be there now, you'll be ahead of most.

This is us against the world. The end actually made me weep. It's heartbreaking to see us in so much distress. 

OMG, I love this clip so much I can't stop watching it. 

Edited Tuesday at 07:28 PM by Princess Arabia

[Princess Arabia]

What I think Solipsism actually is.

We were born alone and we die alone. We're actually living alone. No one breathes for us. No one feels for us, digest our food for us. We are independent of others in these respects. We don't need other to survive and basic survival can take place without other so we're actually living alone. No one sees for us. Every action of the body, the body does independently of other. Even orgasms, even though two people unite to have sex, it's still a sole experience; no one orgasms for us. There are lots more ways we're living alone that wasn't mentioned but this was just to give an idea of the concept. 

This isn't what Solipsism is, but it damn sure gives a new meaning to being all alone, doesn't it. Personally, I do think Solipsism is the case, but it depends on the definition one gives it. What I explained also might not seem as anything to think about in this context, but to me it does. I couldn't think of one thing that another human being does to or for us that we rely on for our physical survival. Nothing that another person needs to do to the body for it to function on it's own. In this context, to me, we're all living alone.

 

Edited Tuesday at 11:26 PM by Princess Arabia