The Princess Diaries

[Princess Arabia]

Just random stuff about anything. 

[Princess Arabia]

I find it hard to keep track of anything. Well...maybe somethings. I can't keep my train of thought on one thing for too long. I guess that's called a lack of concentration. I'm not sure. It's not like I'm all over the place, but more, that was yesterday and this is today. It's hard to explain, but sometimes I wish it wasn't like that and sometimes it does work in my favor. It allows for not holding on to things but then again focusing becomes a problem.

I don't want to talk about an issue today and then talk about that same issue tomorrow, I want it to be done with. Not referring to important life issues or things of that nature or of importance, but petty shit or unimportant stuff. Even some important stuff.

Sometimes I don't even remember what it was I was bothered by and don't care to. People will bring stuff up and I'm like struggling to remember what, who, where, why and who done it. Like, Geesh why are we even going there. That has been erased. Who cares.

I need to develop a concentration exercise so I can focus a little better. I'll be starting one thing and moving unto something before finishing the first. Like cleaning the kitchen, then finding something in the bedroom to clean then going back to the kitchen then the living room. Gosh, I really don't care because I still get the job done but not in a structured manner, That's it, I need to be more structured. Hard to trace or figure out an unstructured person but it can get a bit unpredictable and the mind can be all over the place.

I know how I developed this trait or habit or whatever it's called. It's from years of working as an escort and the unpredictability of and in this field. Never know what's next and it has trained the mind to not be structured and predictable. It's very spontaneous; and that can work for or against you depending on the circumstance. It works for the field but not when trying to get things done for the most part. I find it hard to keep the mind on one track for extended periods. Maybe it's a certain personality type but I don't want to get into that stuff too much because of the unpredictability structure of the mind and it might start to confuse it into thinking it needs to be a certain way. I do function ok; it's just sometimes I wish I was a bit more structured. Oh well, maybe I am, but structured to be unstructured. I won't make a problem out of it, though, too many of those show up on their own.

I'm very reliable, though, and can be a very good confidant and can be efficient and I learn fast, and I adjust easily to situations and can fit in just about anywhere. That's the beauty of not being structured even though being structured has its benefits. I think a structured partner would suit me well. 

[Princess Arabia]

Questions I ask myself about life. Not necessarily to be answered, but more about why they are even a thing. What caused their emergence on an existential level. These are across the board and affects just about every race, nationality, ethnicity and gender.

Here goes:

* Why are we fearful

* Why do we have addictions.

* Why do most people shy away from talking about death - especially their own.

* Why do we hate.

* Why do we dream at night (or when we sleep).

* Why is society built on so much greed.

* Why do so many suffer from social anxiety.

* Where did ADHD, Autism, COPD, PTSD come from.  Not what causes them, but why are they even a thing.

* Why is depression and anxiety so prevalent.

* Why do we look down upon people just because of race, sex, height, ethnicity, color, educational background and status.

* Why are we so judgmental and critical of each other.

* Why do we love our pets so much.

*  Why do babies usually come out the womb crying. 

* Why are there different languages.

* Why are some emotions dreaded and some welcomed.

* Why do most animals have a tail and humans don't.

* Why is our true identity such a mystery.

* How our bodies can hold so many things as in organs, bones, cells, hair, body parts etc and we're still able to walk around freely.

* How is there a brain in my head and I know very little about how it works unless I study it extensively.

* How do we not know who we are unless someone tells us and that's even questionable. They say we can only be ourselves.

* How are there so many living things/matter in existence but humans seem to be the most troublesome. 

* How, if everything is energy, is God not energy. Are we calling this energy God. Is energy this intelligence we refer to.

* Why are there so many disagreements in life amongst our fellow humans. 

* Why are there so many different opinions. 

* Why is everything impermanent and the only constant is change.

* Why do we get horny.

* What makes for sexual preferences over one thing and not the other.

* Why are there no two fingerprints that are the same.

* Why don't we have two hearts. 

* How are transplants even a thing when each organ is supposedly unique to us. (How can one survive with another's heart, i.e.)

* Why is gravity even a thing.

* How can the earth be spinning so fast and we can't feel a thing. 

* Why are some born blind and some deaf.

* Why do we need water if water makes up most of our body's weight. 

* Why are certain things visible and some not. 

* Why is Existence/Life/Reality/God/Absolute is SO GODDAM MYSTERIOUS.

I'm not really looking for surface answers, nor am I really looking for answers at all. I do believe, though, that the answers to many of these questions, if there are any, would reveal quite a lot about the nature of existence. There is no real purpose to life but the reasons these things exist to begin with serves the purpose of understanding what life's about.

Edited December 12, 2024 by Princess Arabia

[Princess Arabia]

There is no I AM. The I AM is a dream. I AM what.....nothing, the absolute, God, walking, running, eating, talking writing. There is no separation so how can there be walking or running. It's the fucking absolute appearing as I am running or walking or typing. I am running is the same thing as I am pissing. Doesn't matter what I am doing, it's everything. 

I AM is the same as I am not. So saying I AM the I AM is the same as saying I AM not the I AM or I AM nothing, or I AM something, or I AM dogshit. So there is I AM just as much as there is no I AM. 

[Princess Arabia]

I don't want to pretend as if I don't know what's happening here anymore. Everybody is keeping this me thing alive because it wants to stay alive. It pretends to want to be awakened and enlightened, but that is also just a show. All the gurus and masters are there for the same show. They serve as me enhancers. The me is fighting for it's life. It tries to find a purpose and tries to find meaning. That's its purpose. To keep a world going. To make it seem as if something is actually happening when it's not. The me will have an existential crisis if it dies before it dies. The body doesn't really die because it's not really alive. Not separately alive anyway, apart from any other aliveness. It's not separate from the whole. Nothing dies. Nothing is ever born and nothing lives. It's just what is and what's appearing. It's all alive. It's one big poof of aliveness. It's not living because living implies dying. It just is. 

It appears as time, space, things, people, the earth, the sun, the stars, the moon, trees, animals, and whatever else but these things are really only appearing as separate from us because of the me. No me, everything just is. No relation, no cause and effect, no rhyme or reason. Me or no me, doesn't matter. Self or no self, doesn't matter, awakened or no enlightened, or no awakened or enlightened, doesn't matter; it's all the same thing. I don't have a life and i never had. It's just body walking and tongue moving and hands clapping but that's all just movement within the non-movement appearing to happen. It's already done. Jesus, it's so fucking obvious.

Edited December 13, 2024 by Princess Arabia

[Princess Arabia]

Aliveness hides by being alive. The fact that one thinks they are alive and that they are a person living, that hides the fact that the table or chair is also alive. The table has no heart or liver or lung or eyes so the human sees it as a piece of dead furniture. It's not. It's just as alive. Leo once said in one of his videos that there's no difference between me and the coffee table. I never understood or grasp what that meant until now or rather lately. It is quite clear how that's the case. 

[Princess Arabia]

Contracted energy. Mothers to be have contractions. Hmmm. It's everywhere. Concept - at conception (birth).

[Princess Arabia]

Suffering is food for the human/person/individual. It needs that to keep going. Ever notice also how so many hate life, hates people and hate their life circumstances but are afraid to die. They don't want to die but they hate their lives. If death stares them in the face they get terrified and will fight for their miserable lives. A life of misery is better than no life at all for the individual. It is actually nothing without it's problems, agonies, pain, suffering and misery. NOTHING. It would die. It creates problems just to solve them. This is the story of me and how it maintains itself. It's genius.

Edited December 24, 2024 by Princess Arabia

[Princess Arabia]

 

[Princess Arabia]

The "me" is fucked. Simply put.

[Princess Arabia]

We tend to want things a certain way or have in our minds ideas about how life should be VS how it is. When it doesn't turn out the way we think it should, we get depressed or anxious about it and create all sorts of tug and war frictions within ourselves. It's rampant and we all do this to a certain degree but some more than others. 

I see how we are able to create a world from all these ways of being and how the timelines just keep getting constructed and constructed over and over again. We identify something as a problem. We try to fix it. Society already has in place the resources to go to for these infinite problems. I'm referring to the more psychological ones, not how to fix a car. Then those resources e,g therapists, coaches, books etc gives one a place in society and for people to look to to fix their problems they created by thinking it's a problem to begin with. They call it problematic because they don't like the way it makes them feel. All needs to be done, is allow for the feeling to be there and realize it's a part of life. Maybe by supper time, the feeling will be gone. Seeing it as a problem, and the storyline attached to the feeling is how the construction gets started and now we need to hire and bring in the help needed to help build on it. 

It's amazing to watch how human behavior is and how the individual is kind of creating their life story without them realizing how their doing this. One might say they don't like how they react to a certain situation but instead of just seeing it for what it is and moving on, they want to try and fix themselves so they don't react that way again so they won't have those feelings because it brought them shame or guilt or they felt a way that wasn't welcomed. Now, the goal is to find a therapist or aide of some kind that can help identify the problem by a made-up name that we invented and try to find a solution to a made-up problem. 

It's mind-blowing to me when I see how the world recreates itself through this human dilemma of problem solving and how it seems to be the driving force for this so-called contraction of energies that have believed itself to be someone with a life and a life that needs to be a certain way. 

I'm not exempt from this either even though with me, it's not as rampant because I don't tend to make too many issues a problem. I am not chasing certain feelings and whatever feelings arises, arises. No need to try and fix myself to feel a certain way over another way. I don't see life as this is wrong or bad but different. Obviously not speaking about crimes or things that are obviously not accepted when living amongst others. 

Edited January 18 by Princess Arabia

[Princess Arabia]

Reality cannot be understood. 

[Princess Arabia]

You can see the patterns and train of thought with people with anxiety, depression (not extreme or clinical, maybe sad-all-the-time depression). You see the unnecessary problems they place upon themselves. They usually think of the worse-case scenarios and usually expect the worse from people. They turn just about everything into a problem and then turn around to try and find solutions to the problem that was created with the same mindset. It's an endless loop.

"I feel this way about this thing and I don't like that feeling. The reason why I feel this or that way is because there's something wrong with that circumstance or the thing i experienced". Is the thought in so many words. Now, I must find a way to not feel that way and try to not let those experiences bother me. I don't want to go through that so i must fix it. 

If that happens to get fixed, then another scenario happens and it's the same thing. I wonder what is the common denominator amongst all experiences and all circumstances. The person and their perceptions of those circumstances. That's the common denominator.

This is why I say the "me" is fucked. It looks at everything as an outside problem not realizing that there's nothing outside. Nothing inside either. It's just what's happening. The "me" interprets it as happening to it and the endless tiring cycle of overcoming itself continues and never ends until.......it recognizes life isn't about it. It will just see things as whatever is happening and the responses that occur to whatever happens as just that - a response. 

All this will continue to be the case until the person gets tired, extremely tired. Tired of fighting life. Tired of the mind and thought battles. It will come to the realization that it will never win at life because life isn't a competition to be fought. The mind will tire itself out and become free of its own mess and melt into the ocean of love. It's the only way for it to become peaceful. This is why there's no such thing as a permanent peaceful state. This happens in sleep when the mind is at rest, when it awakens the uproar begins.

P,S. Nothing I write here I'm exempt from. I've either been there and have overcame the challenge, still going through, or just simply realize the dynamics. I'm able to spot things because I myself have been there. I've seen through certain things. I'm very observant and I notice a lot, with myself and others. I have a very keen sense of spotting patterns. Energetic patterns. They're everywhere. This how things can be predicted or expected or noticed and habits are formed. It's all imagination anyway and not really the case. Just within the dream of separation.

Edited January 22 by Princess Arabia

[Princess Arabia]

 

[Princess Arabia]

The reason why feelings seem to be the driving force of one's life is because the contracted energy, the individual, the separate self, the me, the I, doesn't feel whole. There is an awful feeling that comes with that energy. So it goes about life trying to feel it's way back to wholeness. This is why we're searching for a feeling in everything we do and why we never truly feel fulfilled and never will. This is already fulfillment appearing as not being fulfilled so how can that happen. There's no personal energy but the me feels personal and incomplete so it sets out on a journey to find and feel complete, but it will never happen. Why? Because it's whole and complete already. 

We seek love and marriage and kids and all those things trying to fill the gap that the sense of separation caused. The only reason why there's even a thing called having a relationship or getting married happens is because of this longed for need to find wholeness. It searches for it in these things. No one really sets out to not seek out companionship. When someone feels like they're not interested in those things after awhile it's because they are seeking it elsewhere, whether in money, fame or occupational wise. So, they bury themselves within that. The person seeking to get married and the person seeking to expand their business is seeking the same thing. There's no difference in what they're seeking. A feeling. To feel whole. No matter what you're seeking or not seeking there's a need to feel better than how you're feeling. 

There's nothing that can be done about it because no one is actually doing it. There's no personal reality; but when one feels like a person, everything then becomes personal. THAT'S THE ONLY ILLUSION.  One doesn't go around saying well, there's no person so I don't take it personally. No, there is no I to not take it personally and there's no one doing personhood. It's wholeness, boundless aliveness doing the person. So how can one say I will drop the person. 

This thing called life is utterly magical. 

All I'm saying here is in this video.

 

 

 

[Princess Arabia]

The person isn't looking to awaken, it's looking to fall asleep. Take that to the bank. 

[Princess Arabia]

The person goes on retreats to try to escape itself. It silences itself to not hear it's own bullshit. Then it tries to encourage others to do the same. There are no others. You are a person so to you everybody else is a person; but you went on that retreat as a person and the person you're trying to convince to go on a retreat is not. It's you you have to deal with. There's no other that needs to go on a retreat or be in silence. You're your own idiot, apparently. The one you're trying to convince is just a body, it's this telling this to go on a fucking retreat. How fucking cool is that. Loosen up everybody, this is just one big existential orgy between nobody for nobody and it's all a big fucking joke. 

Tell that to the starving child and when my foot gets chopped off? Ok, I will. 

[Princess Arabia]

Whatever THIS is, it's so annoying. I wish it would just disappear sometimes and stop with the appearing and disappearing, appearing and disappearing. Sometimes I wish nothing existed and all there was or is is a fucking black out in existence and everything was just a friggin' blackness of a whole with no one and nothing in it. 

That's the case for real but it just keeps on appearing as something. Can you just stop appearing period. Take a chill pill and rest. Go to sleep or something. Geesh, or start appearing as something that humans like and stop with the anti-human bullshit. 

[Princess Arabia]

The biggest question of all time to me is this. This question, to me, is the Mother of all questions. The question that so few asks. The question that I think would answer every other existential question especially the one about why are we here. Here goes:

WHY DOESN'T ANYONE MAKE IT OUT ALIVE. 

This question can be asked in different ways but the essence of it's nature remains the same.

Why do we appear to die. Why is there a limit on the human life. 

People will answer these questions correctly (maybe), and still believe they are someone in a body. Still believe they are in control and still believe they have a life, a purpose, and a reason for being here. That's how deep this thing goes. We stress on the secondary issues like life purpose and meaning but tend to not want to talk about death and why we die. Some might say, why focus on that. Just live. We can't control when we die.....but still believe they're controlling how and when they live. How convenient that life gives us control over certain things but not others. Who makes those decisions. I can't control my heartbeat but I can control what I say and do on a daily basis. Seems like it's the dying humans that have decided what they can control. 

 

[AION]

4 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

I cant control you to stop bullying me and you sucking cock on the corner of the street.

You are a grown ass man dude