How Should One Raise Children / Teach Pupils?

[dice]

How should one raise children / teach pupils? 

In educational science it is often said rules are necessary whereas spiritual people suggest that rules are not required and you should become a good friend for the child / pupil. What are your thoughts? Do you have any valuable suggestions?

Edited May 4, 2017 by dice

[Harikrishnan]

I hope leo will do a video on how to raise your children soon.

[ChimpBrain]

1 hour ago, Harikrishnan said:

I hope leo will do a video on how to raise your children soon.

I second this request. 

[Emerald]

5 hours ago, dice said:

How should one raise children / teach pupils? 

In educational science it is often said rules are necessary whereas spiritual people suggest that rules are not required and you should become a good friend for the child / pupil. What are your thoughts? Do you have any valuable suggestions?

I am a both a mother and a teacher to school aged children and teenagers. I think the best thing you can do for kids is to help them develop a positive self-image and to help them develop skills while simultaneously conveying to them the sense of unconditional love and acceptance. But you must also prepare them for life and society and its rules. So, discipline and limits are necessary as well. But the trick is to make them aware of the negative effects of their bad behaviors, while making sure that they know that you care about them no matter what. 

But you, as the adult, have to be the one that leads them and not the other way around. They won't respect you if you don't set firm boundaries. If you start out too nice, then go stricter then you will be perceived as a jerk. But if you start out a little reserved and strict, then loosen up a little, students will respect you and see you as having "gotten cooler". And this is true even if the teacher in the second scenario is still stricter than the teacher in the first. Students may seem to like it when they can get their way and it can be flattering to be the "cool teacher" or "cool parent", but children (and even teens) crave positive leadership from a strong adult that they trust, care about, and aspire toward. They want guidance from someone who has been where they've been already, even if they also crave independence. So, from firsthand experience, I can tell you that the friend route doesn't really work that well. When my preteen/teenage students ask me if I'm their friend I respond, "Not exactly. As your teacher, I'm more of a mentor than a friend. I genuinely care about you, and I want what's best for you and I like being friendly with you. But a friend is a different type of thing. When you're an adult, we can be friends. But for now, the relationship is more of a mentorship." But it's also important to show them your similarities and your humanity. It's important that students be able to see themselves in you. I had a student ask me the other day if I watch 'Rick and Morty.' I like questions like this because it means that the student is trying to see if I have things in common with him. And if he can make that connection and see himself in me, he may choose me as a positive role model of his, which is much healthier than some of the role models that can be found in popular media. 

I also think that helping kids develop emotional and practical skills that will help them better their lives, is the best thing for a teacher to do. In some cases, this might mean preparing students for college or a technical career. But there are a wide range of intelligence levels, so for some students, this is not the best course of action. For some, teaching them how to toilet train might be a huge accomplishment. I've been in self-contained classrooms where there are some students that will never be able to do this on their own or to feed themselves without assistance. So, the trick is to always ask yourself, "What can I give this student to help them make their lives better?" And the answer will be different for everyone. But if you want a child to listen to you and if you want to be able to effect their behavior, they have to be able to 'buy in' to you. They need to know that you care about them. And if you challenge them to stretch just a little bit further than they're used to stretching, if they care about you they will be far more likely to reach those new potentials. 

[Emerald]

2 hours ago, Harikrishnan said:

I hope leo will do a video on how to raise your children soon.

I'm sure he would cover the topic to the best of his ability given his knowledge of having been a kid and how he would have like to have seen it done. But what I found in parenting and working with children/teens, is that all bets are off once the rubber meets the road. I had tons of ideas and theories about what good parenting was before I was a parent, that I now laugh at. I had all sorts of ideas about teaching before I was a teacher that I now recognize as either non-functional, too idealistic, or harmful. So, I don't know if Leo would be the best one to cover this topic, as he has a limited amount of experience and his focus would likely default toward raising children who have the capacity toward high degrees of self-efficacy, as he is a very intelligent person. I would imagine he'd probably gear it in such a way that it would be like, "How to raise self-actualizing children." But I don't necessarily think this is the best focus for young children, or even pre-teens. But this is just an assumption.

[Harikrishnan]

@Emerald I hope you will do a video on it since you have kids. Other thing is i love your channel and have downloaded all your videos they are deep and profound. Thanks 

[Emerald]

Just now, Harikrishnan said:

@Emerald I hope you will do a video on it since you have kids. Other thing is i love your channel and have downloaded all your videos they are deep and profound. Thanks 

I will definitely eventually address this topic. Thank you for watching my videos. I'm glad that you like them.

[Madson]

On raising children - I can't imagine a question that's more exciting to consider given what it means to the World in which we live. 

I believe it was Martin Buber who wrote, "in each hour a new generation is born." Imagine what the World might be like if we find the way to allow an entire generation to purely evolve into our fullest expression as divine beings. Sons and Daughters of God, growing together in community. Thy Kingdom come, Thy Will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven.

I've been living with this question for a long time. What follows is a list of 'guidelines' that I'm currently committed to as both teacher and parent. In no particular order:

 

* Treat each child, no matter how young, with the same intensity of love and respect that I give to any other person. Take extra care to be especially mindful and heart-full when I'm around the youngest. 

        (While children require guidance as they grow into their bodies - learning to eat, sleep, poop, walk, etc. - they do not require 'talking down to' or 'baby-talk.' Indeed, I suspect baby-talk can be quite damaging in that it projects a sense of ignorance and foolishness on the child. As closest to Source, a baby has the purest potential and can naturally inspire a response of unconditional love from beyond even the most hardened ego-mask.  On the flip side, a baby is a divine being in its most vulnerable form, and will be effected for better and worse by any and all energy in its area.)    

 

* Practice the art of Play in the company of children.

       (By the art of Play, I refer to a spontaneous creative activity that is stimulating, imaginative and, of course, fun! This is a great way to engage a child (or any other person) in an authentic way. This does not involve a board game or anything else with established rules; it's about stepping outside of our framework to relate to one another in a completely unique experience.

        (My daughter is 15 months old, and we engage in a new form of 'Peek-a-Boo Tag' every day. It might seem to start out the same way, I suddenly have a sly grin and she knows what that means. She laughs and runs down the hall, I become a creature of some bizarre shape and awkwardly chase after her. We come to a certain point, then she turns and chases me. With every turn, my creature has a new form and a new sound. These 'creatures' are not made up in advance, rather they take shape spontaneously the moment I turn. Hiding places become more complex, laughter reaches new heights, our traditional roles are entirely abandoned until we finally collapse together and catch our breath while our familiar world settles into its place.

         (As its practice cannot be replicated, the art of Play provides unlimited opportunities to for one-of-a-kind encounters. This is highest quality of time to be shared, Kairos, the 'time that flies when you're having fun.')

 

* Be Authentic.

         (This 'guideline' applies universally to every aspect of my life. I must not act differently around a child, I must not put on an act at all. As authentic as I'm capable of being, I must be nothing less. If I make a mistake, admit it. If I lose my temper for no good reason, apologize (even to a baby). If I pretend to be listening when really I'm not, confess. If I'm feeling sad, anxious, scared, frustrated, etc. and can't recognize why, express. Clearing my consciousness in the presence of children is one of the best ways to demonstrate the capability of growing with and through the challenges we face.)

 

* Allow the Child to Be.

         (This says it all, and I'm afraid it's much harder than it seems. If I have even the slightest idea of something that I hope or fear for concerning the child in my care, I'm at risk of interfering adversely with her process of genuine evolution...

 

To Be Continued...

         

 

 

   

Edited May 6, 2017 by Madson
The original post was moved to my profile page.

[Toby]

The main thing is to be at peace with yourself and life because children tend to pick up / mirror everything that is unresolved in you. You cannot really plan or take a certain attitude. If it's not real, it won't help at all. That's the main thing that I learned working with kids (age 3-10) for like 1 year - I don't have kids myself though. On a more surface level, there are things that might be better than others. But an underlying attitude of acceptance is most important.

Edited May 5, 2017 by Toby

[pluto]

You don't teach pure souls that just came from source, if you listen carefully its actually the other way around

[Madson]

Matthew 18:3 is directly to the point. "Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." My Goodness, this book throws pure thoughts like ninja stars. I especially appreciate the recognition that a "turn" is necessary. A turn to what, from what?

In years past, I would've said a turn back from the World of Becoming to the World of Being. Turning back from the projected perceptions of the "adult world" to the pure perception that is our foundation.

I'm deeply grateful to Leo for establishing this safe space. It feels exactly right for this work.

 

 

             

 

Edited May 6, 2017 by Madson
Brevity and clarity

[AlwaysBeNice]

I think it's often adults are having a hard time respecting and cherishing their already inherent self-love, imagination and openness.

Today there was like a 3 year old in the grocery store I shop, she was enjoying an apple, as I walked past her and made eye contact I greeted her by raising both my eye brows, and wow, I seriously got such a heartwarming awake smile/facial expression back it really shocked me, such a clear expression of the intelligence of love, very simple but so deep, animals have it too.

Kind of off topic now, but later I thought, man, it makes sense we tend to have a hard time remember childhood because we were walking buddhas, and it can be such an extreme contrast.

[pluto]

Hahaha i was just talking to my auntie about a similar subject which made me think of this thread, she was like when i was young i was very intelligent without being taught and quite the smart ass around ages 2-3 i would talk well and walk around the neighborhood always curious and fearless and sometimes i would come home with flowers for my mother and they would always wonder where i got them from because they did look familiar to them and one day the old lady from the house i used to pick the flowers from came over for tea and she noticed them and she said to me why did you steal my flowers little one?

Apparently this was my reply: No no no, i did not steal them, i simply took them

[Annie]

@dice If you raise a child you should always treat it with respect, unconditional love and patience. Also, learn from the child, it can teach you a lot about life.

I absolutely and wholeheartedly agree with @Emerald!

One might have many ideas and theories about how to raise children but if you haven't actually lived it your words are somewhat meaningless, therefore I also believe Leo wouldn't the right person to do videos on raising children.

[Nahm]

@Emerald you are so in the zone. awesome.  

[Emerald]

@Annie and @Nahm Thank you!

[Emerald]

51 minutes ago, Dead_Mouse said:

What do you think about when a parent has a mental illness? Should they refrain from trying to be a parent if it is severe, or do you think the added challenge can be overcome?

I think they should try to overcome it if possible, and seek help so they aren't struggling alone. I don't think anyone should sever ties to their children in any circumstance, as this will cause a lot of issues. But if you can't be around them for their own good, at least try to visit with them often with the supervision of others. This would only be in the more extreme examples though.