The Frog Prince

[Emerald]

17 hours ago, AION said:

I had the same with feminine nature. I was really disgusted by flakeyness, emotionality and flow of the feminine. Only when I accepted the outer(feminine nature of women), I could accept the inner (my own feminine). 

That makes sense. 

Rarely am I ever disgusted by the individual men that I interact with. But that could be because of the way I've cultivated my social circle. 

I've been trying to develop a root-level understanding about certain political patterns and values patterns in many men collectively that I sense as (and many that are) a threat to safety and sovereignty for myself and others. 

And to notice the underlying vulnerability as to why these patterns arise and why a large portion of men are drawn to them... even at their own expense. 

But the actual famous figures that were in the dreams are a bit harder to empathize with because they are spearheads. And some of them are even aware of the issues they're causing... like Tucker Carlson. He doesn't believe anything he's saying... but yet he puts on a charade for his viewers and is well-paid to do so.

So, individual men are very easy to be compassionate towards... men as a collective a bit harder... and these guys in particular, very difficult.

[Leo Gura]

19 minutes ago, Emerald said:

and these guys in particular, very difficult.

They're just grifters chasing fame and success. Why take them seriously?

Tucker Carlson has been a clown since 2001 and Crossfire. Don't give such people intellectual seriousness.

Edited December 6 by Leo Gura

[Emerald]

16 hours ago, Oeaohoo said:

Fascinating, it’s almost the exact reverse of the dream I shared with you. If you remember, I went to Donald Trump’s house where he was staying in England and ended up meeting Melania Trump.

Maybe my dream has a similar meaning. I have always found the Melania Trump type of woman very repulsive. Maybe I will kiss her and she will turn into a princess…

Thanks for sharing your insight!

I see they're both about connecting with the Queen archetype.

Mine is more about connecting with the Queen (which represents internal authority), via embrace, compassion, and acceptance towards the lower Masculine of the Frog (things that I find disgusting about the Masculine principle). And this transforms the lower Masculine into the higher Masculine of the Prince (Really positive exalted expressions of the Masculine). And it is only via the Prince that I can access the power of Queen.

For example, I am aware of the problems inherent within the current Capitalist economic system that are simply part and parcel to that system. And systems in general are Masculine... as is economics because value is a non-physical imaginal concept.

And I can sense all the exploitation within the way that Capitalism functions and how that's not a bug, but a feature. And this has created resistance to coming to an acceptance of imperfect systems (which is a Masculine value that I held as a teenager).

And because of that, I have resisted doing well in that economic system because of my awareness of the harm it causes to others. And it is a rejection of self-preservation (a Masculine principled value) in favor of staying in alignment with my ethical framework of valuing species preservation over self-preservation (which is valuing Feminine over Masculine).

And because of this disgust to the problems of the system, I have been out of alignment with success within that system because it feels somewhat dirty and unethical to be successful. And yet, I still want to be successful and have financial freedom. And it is only with success that I can live deliberately from my sovereignty (the Queen) instead of from a place of being on the backfoot and out of power because I can't come to peace with he way things are and kiss the frog enough to throw myself fully into pursuing financial self-preservation.

And this is just one example of a difficulty kissing the frog of the lower Masculine (like exploitation within the system) to access the higher Masculine (of embracing the system and doing my best to be successful and powerful without feeling ethical qualms about it).

For yours, it is accessing the Queen (which again, represents the internal authority) without the intermediary of the King (which represents external authority). So, it is about accessing the Queen archetype through direct connection with your internal compass... and without reference to external kings.

[Emerald]

6 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

They're just grifters chasing fame and success. Why take them seriously?

Tucker Carlson has been a clown since 2001 and Crossfire. Don't give such people intellectual seriousness.

Sure, they're grifters. That's part of the disgust factor and why they're the Frog. They play tough guy misogynist online to steal attention and money from insecure men and people who hate the passage of time.

But the bigger disgust factor is that they're effective and they're popular. So, it's more a a disgust at this Froggy Masculine side of humanity at large.

Edit: But this is where the large scale application of these dreams comes in. How to embrace this Froggy Masculinity in humanity in a way that doesn't enable it or excuse it... but yet transforms it into something exalted.

Edited December 6 by Emerald

[Emerald]

16 hours ago, LastThursday said:

@Emerald it seems to me that the common thread between your waking disgust and your sexual dreams is intensity of emotion, i.e. there is an emotional connection there and they're also both to do with men/masculinity. I've often woken up from dreams and had a certain amount of repulsion at what I dreamt, but I realise that's just my logical mind kicking in. Underlying the logic is a sea of emotion and often that involves giving yourself into it - despite how irrational it seems. In order to grow (and understand better) we need to experience what it is to give ourselves up to what we find disgusting or repulsive. Dreams are a "safe space" for that, I guess.

That is true. I feel a lot of anger and disgust in real life at this entire collective human pattern around the rise in authoritarian thinking. I intensely dislike it, and I fear the implications of what it could mean about where we're heading as a species. And I am especially disgusted by the famous people who are spear-heading and stoking the flames of it... often times just to grift and make money.

But I think that intensity of disgust and anger that I feel translates to me pushing away parts of myself to try to be "nothing like them". And in that disgust, I push these parts of myself away.

And then, I have these intense passionate and romantic feelings in these dreams about sexual union with these men I find repulsive in real life. But it's just me wanting union with the parts of myself that I've pushed away in my disgust.

[Emerald]

@Brittany That makes sense. I don't like gender essentialism because it fits people into boxes and creates polarization. 

Plus, I am naturally quite a bit Masculine in my energy as well. So, I want to own whatever is there.

I find it mostly helpful to know about these energies and archetypes to spot the biases and imbalances in myself and society at large. And it really opens ones eyes up about how polarized into the Masculine society really is... in ways that have almost nothing to do with human gender.

The key is really to use the understanding to pinpoint imbalances and deconstruct boxes... rather than using them to construct them.

Like, you can use the understanding of the Masculine and Feminine principle to create rules like "Men do/should behave this way. Women do/should behave that way." And then, it becomes an issue that creates more repression and polarization.

But if these understandings reveal a deeper pattern of resistance towards the Masculine or Feminine, they can be used to subtract and deconstruct biases that we may not realize are there without an understanding of the archetypal Feminine/Masculine.

And it's important to set the goal as integration and taking away barriers to wholeness.

[Emerald]

@mmKay I definitely think there's a lot to that love/hate dynamic.... both internally and externally. It's the resistance and dislike that creates the attraction to my own Shadow... and the Masculine qualities that I've been repressing.

But there's also this dynamic in the macrocosm with men and women... where there's this strong love/hate and difficulty with integration and harmony.

And I see this Shadow Masculine dynamic coming up like in the story of the Princess and the Frog, where the princess is disgusted with the frog. But she kisses it (accepts and loves it), and so it transforms into a handsome prince.

And we are all the princess... we are all the frog... and we all have the potential to be the prince.

That's why I'm putting this here in this subforum. I think it has a more macrocosmic application. Like, how can we all "kiss the frog" of things like exploitation, tyranny, authoritarianism, hegemony, war, and all the other 'disgusting' expressions of the Shadow Masculine... and allow for higher expressions of the Masculine to rise from them.

It's similar to how the World Wars of the early 20th century were the dirt that the flower of the peace and equality-related movements of the 60s to grow out of.

You can't have the flower without the dirt. And you can't have the prince without the frog.

[Inliytened1]

23 hours ago, Emerald said:

About a year ago or so, there was this pattern that kept coming up in my dreams that I felt a little perplexed by. But I have recently had some insights about.

I was having all these sexual dreams with famous right wing men that I find repulsive in real life. And funny enough, most of my sexual dreams feel very awkward and boring. It's like, just happening without any compelling feelings. 

But these dreams with these guys I find repulsive have all be super intimate feeling and very passionate... and arousing. And that never happens with my dreams. (I'll write out the dreams below.)

But it's occurred to me that there's something very archetypal about these dreams.

If anyone knows me, they know that I find the tendencies coming from these famous right wing figures really foolish, dishonest, heartless, and repulsive. And I see them as a net negative for humanity because I see them as harmful to the fabric of society. And that's because they're whole job is to froth people into a rage and direct that rage towards more vulnerable groups of people.

So, it is precisely the things I find most disgusting about Shadow Masculinity that these guys embody... tyranny, picking on the weaker, making career power moves at the expense of other and society at large, etc.

And I've realized recently that I've had a lot of difficulties with integrating my Masculine side over the past 15 years or so. I used to be really polarized into my Masculine side, but I've been more polarized to the Feminine side since I was about 20. And it's decreased my productivity and drive. I used to be crazy productive as a teenager, and now I'm only 50% as productive as I was back then.

And I suspect that these guys are a reflection about the disgust that I feel towards my own Masculine side (which I pushed away after realizing that I'd repressed my Feminine side so strongly in my first 20 years of life).

And I see them as a similar archetypal reflection to the one that's in the story of the Frog Prince... where the princess has to kiss the frog for the frog to transform into a handsome prince.

And it is in my rejection of the "disgusting" Masculinity of the frog that keeps me from integrating the higher expressions of the Masculine... which is symbolized by the prince. Like, I really feel aversive to most things that are Masculine in terms of values to the point where I can't really access a lot of the positive Masculine potentials that used to come to me so naturally as a child and teenager.

I even had a dream once that I went into a Burger KING to meet the QUEEN of England. But all these men were in line and I didn't get to meet her. But the Burger King was two stories. And the lower story looked like a Burger King, but the upper floor looked like a dark psychedelic space... like a cool roller rink with black, dark purple, and neon colors. And I could see it from the lower floor but didn't get there.

My sense is that, if I want to get in touch with the inner QUEEN (my personal sovereignty and leadership qualities), I must integrate and love the lower Masculinity of the frog... to open up to the higher Masculinity as symbolized by the upper floor of the Burger King in that dream.

And I sense that it comes from approaching these figures that I feel disgust towards from a more compassionate place, where I come to understand and find the love there at the deep level. This has come up in my medicine journeys anyway.

But I find it difficult because I tend to feel so angry and disgusted. It's hard to "kiss the frog".

___

Here are the dreams...

I had two really spicy dreams about Jordan Peterson where he and I were arguing and it turned sexual.

In one, he and I were teaching at the same school and his classroom was next to mine (btw, I used to be a school teacher in real life). And I found out from another teacher that he wasn't teaching the right curriculum to the students.

And I went to his classroom, and he was up in front teaching, but there were no students there. And I was SUPER angry. And I got into a big argument with him. And then, he was sitting down in a chair and I was standing up. And we were arguing with one another. And I got aggressive and climbed onto his lap and straddled him and was speaking very closely and intensely to him with my face really close to his. And then, were started kissing passionately and aggressively in the same way it happens in movies where the characters are arguing and it turns to suddenly into sex.

Then, in the other one he was just arguing with someone and explaining something with intensity. And he was inexplicably making love to me in doing so.

---

I had another dream that I hooked up with Andrew Tate at a party and it was really intimate friendly sex. And then, I knew by the look on his face that he'd fallen in love with me and that felt a little too intense because I wasn't looking for anything serious. So, I was taking all these random secret passages to avoid him so that he didn't get too clingy.

---

Then in another dream, I was outside at twilight in from of the high school that I went to as a teenager. And there was a bunch of mobile homes that these famous right wingers on tour had set up. And I was a teacher at the school, and another teacher was mentioning that some of them needed to move. And I volunteered to knock on Tucker Carlson's door to tell him this. 

And I walked over to his door and knocked. And when I knocked, I felt this cool breeze hit me. And I suddenly felt this sense of arousal and anticipation at the prospect of visiting with Tucker. And I was wondering/hoping it would turn sexual.

Then, I went in and he had pizza boxes everywhere and his place was messy. And he had all these papers everywhere with blue writing all over them. And I kept trying to engage him in conversation and to take things to a more intimate connected direction. 

But it was like he struggled to make eye contact with me. And he was so wrapped up in his own thoughts, that he couldn't really see me as I was. And it was like this longing to be seen and connected to and to take things in a physical direction... but it was impossible because he'd already written over everything with "blue pen"... which I think represents him being wrapped up in his own mind and projections onto reality.

---

Then a couple months ago, I had a dream that I was at a house party that Elon Musk had thrown... or was in attendence of. And I was a little tired, so I decided to take a nap on this long couch. And everyone at the party left the living room, except Elon Musk.

So, it was just me (awake but trying to sleep on the couch) and Elon Musk sitting close to where my feet are. 

And I can tell that Elon thinks that I'm asleep, and that he's going to try to do something sexual to me in my sleep. So, I decide to pretend to sleep so that I can see what he's going to do to me. And I'm curious but also aroused... but I'm also sort of disgusted by the behavior and waiting for him to incriminate himself with me.

I can't recall what happens after that, but I know that something sexual happened. If I remember correctly, things escalated to sex and I just let it keep happening because I wanted it to happen. But I was still pretending to be half asleep.

You seem to get arousal from power or men in power.   The right has won the election so they have power.  So it seems that you are aroused from that.  It's not much different to wanting to be dominated or someone that is into dominance or being submissive. 

Edited December 6 by Inliytened1

[Emerald]

17 minutes ago, Inliytened1 said:

You seem to get arousal from power or men in power.   The right has won the election so they have power.  So it seems that you are aroused from that.  It's not much different to wanting to be dominated or someone that is into dominance or being submissive. 

To be clear, I don't have any attraction to these guys in real life. I think Jordan Peterson would be somewhat handsome to me if he wasn't such an ideologue. But the other guys, I genuinely find unattractive in multiple ways, especially Elon Musk.

I think it's more about my own power... and pushing away my own potentials for power because of my disgust towards the misuse of power and the imperfect systems I'd have to leverage to increase my power.

But I do have a very strong will to power and very strong survival impulses. I just feel conflicted about it because I'm very sensitive the the sufferings in the world. And there's been this pattern of "Why should I get to thrive, when there are people in the world who are barely surviving?" (Of course, this is a question none of these guys from my dreams would ask themselves. They'd just be like "Who cares? I'm getting mine.")

But my concern for human suffering causes me to find self-enriching and empowering endeavors very conflicting because I need them to feel safe and comfortable and empowered... but "Why should I get to feel safe and comfortable and empowered when so many others don't?"

And I have a lot of feelings of responsibility over the suffering in the world. And it's this over-extension into the Nurturing Mother archetype that's left me drained because I've unconsciously felt like the mother to the entire world since I was a child because of certain patterns that were at play in my childhood.

And I don't like it when people use their will to power in a way that benefits themselves at the expense of others. 

So, I think this is about integrating and coming to peace with my will to power... even if others are still struggling out there. I have to basically leave them behind in the fire of the world to save myself and my family.... like an animal in the woods that must eat or be eaten

But there's still this self-sacrificing sense of, "I should go down with the ship" that I find difficult to shake despite its fruitlessness and the depletion it causes.

[RendHeaven]

Great awareness. This is not surprising to me.

[Bobby_2021]

On 12/5/2024 at 9:20 AM, Raze said:

Her analysis makes more sense. That is more about a narrative fulfillment usually centered around one person at a time.

She dreams of multiple figures who she isn’t normally attracted to. She probably harbors disdain for them partially as a projection of her repression of masculine sides like she said, and the dream is expressing some process to understand this.

Well if she is dreaming of fucking him, then they are appear attractive to her. While she is conscious considering them not attracting it's because there is societal baggage that is inhibiting her natural desire for such men. 

And disdain for these characters is healthy, and doesn't need to stem from her repression, although that could be the case too. I don't know. 

Very generally speaking, if women hates you she visualises you fucking her. I quite don't grasp my mind around it yet. It's a complex psychological phenomenon that needs more thoughts. Quite interesting though.

[Emerald]

7 hours ago, Bobby_2021 said:

Well if she is dreaming of fucking him, then they are appear attractive to her. While she is conscious considering them not attracting it's because there is societal baggage that is inhibiting her natural desire for such men. 

And disdain for these characters is healthy, and doesn't need to stem from her repression, although that could be the case too. I don't know. 

Very generally speaking, if women hates you she visualises you fucking her. I quite don't grasp my mind around it yet. It's a complex psychological phenomenon that needs more thoughts. Quite interesting though.

I see Jordan Peterson as somewhat handsome. And I could see being interested in him if the timeline was different and he wasn't such an ideologue.

But with the other guys, I find them to be physically unattractive and unattractive personality-wise too. That's especially true for Elon Musk's looks. I see him, and I just don't like looking at his face. 

So, I don't think it has to do with an actual attraction to them. But in the dreams, there's lots of spicy feelings. I think it's because they represent parts of me that I've repressed. And there's a strong desire for reintegration.

[Raze]

8 hours ago, Bobby_2021 said:

Well if she is dreaming of fucking him, then they are appear attractive to her.

That’s not true at all. You can have sex dreams of people you aren’t attracted to. Straight people can have gay sex dreams and vice versa for example. 

[Sincerity]

Just wanted to throw this in: I'm sure you're aware but it's not about these particular characters like JP or Elon Musk at all. The dream is conveying a symbolic message. It's about what these characters represent to you, your relation to that, it's your psyche.

People should not make the mistake of thinking that you're attracted to these people IRL. It has little to do with them. It's about your development. The dreams are trying to tell you something. I won't throw in my interpretations since it's purely about you - only you will know what resonates.

Edited December 6 by Sincerity

[Emerald]

1 hour ago, Sincerity said:

Just wanted to throw this in: I'm sure you're aware but it's not about these particular characters like JP or Elon Musk at all. The dream is conveying a symbolic message. It's about what these characters represent to you, your relation to that, it's your psyche.

People should not make the mistake of thinking that you're attracted to these people IRL. It has little to do with them. It's about your development. The dreams are trying to tell you something.I won't throw in my interpretations since it's purely about you- only you will know what resonates.

Yes, I think they represent parts of my repressed Masculine side that I find aversive.

I used to be really in touch with my Masculine side in my teens, but had all these realizations about the negative side of that. And these guys represent the excesses of that negativity.

So, I think the steaminess of the dreams are all about a need to integrate with those parts as I'm really disinterested in them in real life.

[Basman]

Stupid sexy Peterson 😣.

[Basman]

I can't imagine giving someone this much mindspace to the point that your are dreaming of them with such intensity of emotion. I think it really just reflects the degree of how ideological you are, since all of these conservatives and what they stand for is essentially just conservatism.

Its one thing to disagree politically and socially but another to wrap so much emotion and identity into it. I don't agree with Trump politically but I'd still break bread with him. Its not that serious.

[Etherial Cat]

On 05/12/2024 at 4:17 AM, Emerald said:

About a year ago or so, there was this pattern that kept coming up in my dreams that I felt a little perplexed by. But I have recently had some insights about.

I was having all these sexual dreams with famous right wing men that I find repulsive in real life. And funny enough, most of my sexual dreams feel very awkward and boring. It's like, just happening without any compelling feelings. 

But these dreams with these guys I find repulsive have all be super intimate feeling and very passionate... and arousing. And that never happens with my dreams. (I'll write out the dreams below.)

But it's occurred to me that there's something very archetypal about these dreams.

If anyone knows me, they know that I find the tendencies coming from these famous right wing figures really foolish, dishonest, heartless, and repulsive. And I see them as a net negative for humanity because I see them as harmful to the fabric of society. And that's because they're whole job is to froth people into a rage and direct that rage towards more vulnerable groups of people.

So, it is precisely the things I find most disgusting about Shadow Masculinity that these guys embody... tyranny, picking on the weaker, making career power moves at the expense of other and society at large, etc.

And I've realized recently that I've had a lot of difficulties with integrating my Masculine side over the past 15 years or so. I used to be really polarized into my Masculine side, but I've been more polarized to the Feminine side since I was about 20. And it's decreased my productivity and drive. I used to be crazy productive as a teenager, and now I'm only 50% as productive as I was back then.

And I suspect that these guys are a reflection about the disgust that I feel towards my own Masculine side (which I pushed away after realizing that I'd repressed my Feminine side so strongly in my first 20 years of life).

And I see them as a similar archetypal reflection to the one that's in the story of the Frog Prince... where the princess has to kiss the frog for the frog to transform into a handsome prince.

And it is in my rejection of the "disgusting" Masculinity of the frog that keeps me from integrating the higher expressions of the Masculine... which is symbolized by the prince. Like, I really feel aversive to most things that are Masculine in terms of values to the point where I can't really access a lot of the positive Masculine potentials that used to come to me so naturally as a child and teenager.

I even had a dream once that I went into a Burger KING to meet the QUEEN of England. But all these men were in line and I didn't get to meet her. But the Burger King was two stories. And the lower story looked like a Burger King, but the upper floor looked like a dark psychedelic space... like a cool roller rink with black, dark purple, and neon colors. And I could see it from the lower floor but didn't get there.

My sense is that, if I want to get in touch with the inner QUEEN (my personal sovereignty and leadership qualities), I must integrate and love the lower Masculinity of the frog... to open up to the higher Masculinity as symbolized by the upper floor of the Burger King in that dream.

And I sense that it comes from approaching these figures that I feel disgust towards from a more compassionate place, where I come to understand and find the love there at the deep level. This has come up in my medicine journeys anyway.

But I find it difficult because I tend to feel so angry and disgusted. It's hard to "kiss the frog".

___

Here are the dreams...

I had two really spicy dreams about Jordan Peterson where he and I were arguing and it turned sexual.

In one, he and I were teaching at the same school and his classroom was next to mine (btw, I used to be a school teacher in real life). And I found out from another teacher that he wasn't teaching the right curriculum to the students.

And I went to his classroom, and he was up in front teaching, but there were no students there. And I was SUPER angry. And I got into a big argument with him. And then, he was sitting down in a chair and I was standing up. And we were arguing with one another. And I got aggressive and climbed onto his lap and straddled him and was speaking very closely and intensely to him with my face really close to his. And then, were started kissing passionately and aggressively in the same way it happens in movies where the characters are arguing and it turns to suddenly into sex.

Then, in the other one he was just arguing with someone and explaining something with intensity. And he was inexplicably making love to me in doing so.

---

I had another dream that I hooked up with Andrew Tate at a party and it was really intimate friendly sex. And then, I knew by the look on his face that he'd fallen in love with me and that felt a little too intense because I wasn't looking for anything serious. So, I was taking all these random secret passages to avoid him so that he didn't get too clingy.

---

Then in another dream, I was outside at twilight in from of the high school that I went to as a teenager. And there was a bunch of mobile homes that these famous right wingers on tour had set up. And I was a teacher at the school, and another teacher was mentioning that some of them needed to move. And I volunteered to knock on Tucker Carlson's door to tell him this. 

And I walked over to his door and knocked. And when I knocked, I felt this cool breeze hit me. And I suddenly felt this sense of arousal and anticipation at the prospect of visiting with Tucker. And I was wondering/hoping it would turn sexual.

Then, I went in and he had pizza boxes everywhere and his place was messy. And he had all these papers everywhere with blue writing all over them. And I kept trying to engage him in conversation and to take things to a more intimate connected direction. 

But it was like he struggled to make eye contact with me. And he was so wrapped up in his own thoughts, that he couldn't really see me as I was. And it was like this longing to be seen and connected to and to take things in a physical direction... but it was impossible because he'd already written over everything with "blue pen"... which I think represents him being wrapped up in his own mind and projections onto reality.

---

Then a couple months ago, I had a dream that I was at a house party that Elon Musk had thrown... or was in attendence of. And I was a little tired, so I decided to take a nap on this long couch. And everyone at the party left the living room, except Elon Musk.

So, it was just me (awake but trying to sleep on the couch) and Elon Musk sitting close to where my feet are. 

And I can tell that Elon thinks that I'm asleep, and that he's going to try to do something sexual to me in my sleep. So, I decide to pretend to sleep so that I can see what he's going to do to me. And I'm curious but also aroused... but I'm also sort of disgusted by the behavior and waiting for him to incriminate himself with me.

I can't recall what happens after that, but I know that something sexual happened. If I remember correctly, things escalated to sex and I just let it keep happening because I wanted it to happen. But I was still pretending to be half asleep.

I don't know about a frog prince, but I've got a turtle prince for youuuuuu. 
 

🎵🎵Damn, he is a sexy Mitch. A sexy Mitch. Damn he is a sexy Mitch. 🎵🎵

And Trump is still missing so far, am I not right? Lucky youuu. 

 

Also, any chance you were that infamous demon who attacked Tucker Carlson? 

--


I am having constantly weird dreams lately. And they can turn pretty easily into lucid dreaming.

Last time I was exploring a very trippy dream, which contained lots of archetypical symbols and in which I woke up, knowing it was an epic dream that would be perfect for some analysis.

And what was super crazy, is that not only during this dream I woke up and turned it lucid, but I transformed the lucid dreaming into some sort of no-self awakening. Second time that this happens to me.

Anyway, while this was happening, while I was dreaming I felt clearly that the dreaming mind was looking for homeostasis. And there might be even several layer of homeostasis being looked for. And one of it might be the search for the unconsicious to heal into non-duality too, if it makes sense.

I just think the act of sex symbolize merging with what you still haven't made peace with in the relative world and is symbolized by these right wing chads. I share your analysis that you are longing for reintegration and what you dislike outside is disliked inside. 

End goal is discerning what actuality is made of without judgement and without any sort of repulsion for the ignorance that ends up harming out of innocence and trauma. I do think that the conscious repulsion you've got for these men might be a key element there.Maybe it's even more about you than it is about them. Somewhat making love to your masculine based repressed shame? 

Edited December 11 by Etherial Cat

[Emerald]

On 12/11/2024 at 3:34 PM, Etherial Cat said:

I don't know about a frog prince, but I've got a turtle prince for youuuuuu. 
 

🎵🎵Damn, he is a sexy Mitch. A sexy Mitch. Damn he is a sexy Mitch. 🎵🎵

And Trump is still missing so far, am I not right? Lucky youuu. 

 

Also, any chance you were that infamous demon who attacked Tucker Carlson? 

    

[Emerald]

On 12/11/2024 at 3:34 PM, Etherial Cat said:

I am having constantly weird dreams lately. And they can turn pretty easily into lucid dreaming.

Last time I was exploring a very trippy dream, which contained lots of archetypical symbols and in which I woke up, knowing it was an epic dream that would be perfect for some analysis.

And what was super crazy, is that not only during this dream I woke up and turned it lucid, but I transformed the lucid dreaming into some sort of no-self awakening. Second time that this happens to me.

Anyway, while this was happening, while I was dreaming I felt clearly that the dreaming mind was looking for homeostasis. And there might be even several layer of homeostasis being looked for. And one of it might be the search for the unconsicious to heal into non-duality too, if it makes sense.

I just think the act of sex symbolize merging with what you still haven't made peace with in the relative world and is symbolized by these right wing chads. I share your analysis that you are longing for reintegration and what you dislike outside is disliked inside. 

End goal is discerning what actuality is made of without judgement and without any sort of repulsion for the ignorance that ends up harming out of innocence and trauma. I do think that the conscious repulsion you've got for these men might be a key element there.Maybe it's even more about you than it is about them. Somewhat making love to your masculine based repressed shame? 

That's interesting that there was a search for homeostasis. Is there anything that corresponds to that search in real life?

And yes, that's what I was thinking. 

As a teenager and before, I was really polarized into the Masculine with a strong disdain for the Feminine. But I was unaware because I was of the mind that Masculinity and Femininity were purely social constructs.

So, I had layers of Stage Red, Blue, and Orange misogyny and anti-Feminine values that had been buried underneath my beliefs about gender neutrality and a very Stage Green kind of Feminist egalitarianism and a Stage Orange Feminist meritocratic sentiment.

Then, when I was 20, I had my first medicine journeys and realized that there was more to the Feminine beyond social construct. And I realized how polarized I'd been towards the Masculine.

But my polarization to the Masculine benefitted me in certain ways. I was hyper-individualistic and hyper-motivated. And I knew I could do anything if I put my mind to it. And the universe was this giant cut-throat competition, where I had to always be proving myself different than and superior to others to prove that I deserve to exist.

And it was very unhealthy. But I was also thriving in certain ways that I haven't since then. I used to be the most motivated person that I know. And I had a really strong resolve and a high tolerance for pain and discomfort.

And I was not aware of inequality and assumed everything to be on an even ground. So, I saw almost everyone as being on equal footing with equal abilities. And I would assume all of my victories were purely based on my merit and the fact that I was working harder than everyone else. And my life was chaotic, and I prided myself on being able to succeed in chaos.

Then at 20, I experienced so much hardship that I was humbled because I failed so much because of the chaos in my life. And I realized that people really can be totally taken under by chaos. And my victories were no longer so sweet because I could no longer celebrate my victories in innocence because I realized that there's a lot of luck to having the ability to overcome obstacles and that someone will always be more successful under greater levels of duress and chaos.

But before, I used to really pride myself on living this underdog story of succeeding in chaos. And there was this searching always to be superior to others in some way.

Then, I experienced how a lot of this was mostly just me trying to get away from self-hatred and shame. And all of my motivation was coming from self-hatred. And I experienced unconditional love and realized that that was really what I was looking for. 

So, I threw away all my hyper-Masculine coping strategies... even the ones that had been helping me survive and thrive. And I haven't really felt on top of life ever since. I've been half-assing it in life and I never quite feel like I'm riding the wave of life.

But the discipline and working class "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" values that I used to have remind me so much of the values these right wing famous guys claim to value. And I just don't like the vibe of the whole thing as it reminds me of my teenage self.

But I also kind of miss teenage Emerald and her hyper-discipline and will to power. Teenage Emerald would have taken over the world already if she knew what Adult Emerald now understands.

So, I think these guys remind me of the values of my teenage self that I repressed at 20. But that I find them disgusting is par for the course because I really threw the baby out with the bathwater... and those guys are the bathwater to me.