High desire seems to be inversely related to mental/emotional compatibility

[Javfly33]

There is a recurrent dynamic that always happens with women in my case:

1. With the women I emotionally/psychologically connect/match very easy, there is low desire/sexual attraction.
2. With the women there is high desire/sexual attraction, emotionally/psychologically we are very different.

In both cases, it makes a stable relationship kind of impossible.

1. Since in the first one it can easily last, but it usually doesn´t become romantic (due to lack of desire).
2. And in the second one it can rapidly become romantic but it usually does not last or even it lasts is not worth it because is a rollercoaster of ups and downs

I wonder if anyone on planet earth has actually matched with someone that where both intense desire and attraction is there, but also strong emotionally/psychologically compatibility. 

Or MAYBE actually Life is designed in such a way is literally impossible to find a person where you match in all these things so you are forced to find the satisfaction within. (As Sadhguru says, 'no one will be 100% your way')

Thoughts? Am I the only one with this 'problem'?

Edited December 4 by Javfly33

[Sugarcoat]

Sounds like the Madonna /whore complex or whatever it’s called. 

Edited December 4 by Sugarcoat

[Oeaohoo]

I have this problem too. For me I think it is because my mind and body feel somewhat disconnected. The higher part of myself has one desire - a connection at the soul level - while the lower part has another…

Like Morrissey said: “Does the body rule the mind or does the mind rule the body? I don’t know… Ask me why and I’ll die! Oh ask me why and I’ll die…”

 

[Tenebroso]

I don't think we are meant to be perfectly compatible with our partners, there are trade offs in every partnership.

[Norbert Somogyi]

For a long time I was thinking I am experiencing the same, however I realized I find myself with emotionally conflicted girls because I myself am one (disorganized attachment).

Girls of that sort I ended up being attracted to (or attracting), while with more secure and emotionally mature girls I just don't feel it clicking (even if they seem to be interested).

[Javfly33]

22 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

Sounds like the Madonna /whore complex or whatever it’s called. 

Are You calling me a whore? @Sugarcoat

5 hours ago, Norbert Somogyi said:

For a long time I was thinking I am experiencing the same, however I realized I find myself with emotionally conflicted girls because I myself am one (disorganized attachment).

Girls of that sort I ended up being attracted to (or attracting), while with more secure and emotionally mature girls I just don't feel it clicking (even if they seem to be interested).

And why you think is that? Do you find atractive those emotionally mature Girls?

 

[Sugarcoat]

Just now, Javfly33 said:

Are You calling me a whore?

lol. I’m guessing you’re joking but the term is about how the man feels about the woman

[Norbert Somogyi]

@Javfly33 I find them attractive, I just don't come across them very often. They don't blip on my radar, unlike conflicted ones (which for some reason I find myself more attracted to and seems to be vice viersa, maybe because they are similar and we attract alike). Someone commented recently that girls give us back what they receive (our subconscious beliefs), which I resonate with. 

[Javfly33]

5 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

lol. I’m guessing you’re joking but the term is about

Haha yes, sorta

5 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

how the man feels about the woman

I don´t get what you mean 🤔

 

[Schizophonia]

Because you are obsessed with your image.

 

[Sugarcoat]

4 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

Quote

 

I don´t get what you mean 🤔

The Madonna whore complex is about men not being able to find the same woman sexually and romantically attractive 

[Javfly33]

2 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

Because you are obsessed with your image.

 

how can that be related???

2 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

The Madonna whore complex is about men not being able to find the same woman sexually and romantically attractive 

oh yes, then that is absolutely my case 

[Schizophonia]

18 hours ago, Javfly33 said:

how can that be related???

I will respond.

[Emerald]

19 hours ago, Javfly33 said:

oh yes, then that is absolutely my case 

Madonna and Whore Complex has to do with a split vision of the Feminine in yourself and in women (as a result of the internal split).

You either see the Feminine as pure and motherly and the image of perfection of the Madonna. And this is what you might seek in relationship and marriage.

But all the sexual attraction is wrapped up in the image of the Whore, who gets all your sexual desire but none of your respect, commitment, or love.

From a female perspective, being in relationships with guys with this complex is sexually unfulfilling and stifling because that sexual half of the dichotomy isn't being accepted or getting its needs met.

And depending on the temperament of the woman and code of ethics she abides by, it either leads to self-sacrifice and sexual starvation or cheating.

But also in the guy's life, he has this dichotomy of sexual starvation or cheating to deal with this complex because he also can't get his sexual needs met in the relationship.

[Etherial Cat]

8 hours ago, Emerald said:

Madonna and Whore Complex has to do with a split vision of the Feminine in yourself and in women (as a result of the internal split).

You either see the Feminine as pure and motherly and the image of perfection of the Madonna. And this is what you might seek in relationship and marriage.

But all the sexual attraction is wrapped up in the image of the Whore, who gets all your sexual desire but none of your respect, commitment, or love.

From a female perspective, being in relationships with guys with this complex is sexually unfulfilling and stifling because that sexual half of the dichotomy isn't being accepted or getting its needs met.

And depending on the temperament of the woman and code of ethics she abides by, it either leads to self-sacrifice and sexual starvation or cheating.

But also in the guy's life, he has this dichotomy of sexual starvation or cheating to deal with this complex because he also can't get his sexual needs met in the relationship.

Isn't it fun dealing with all of these unconscious psychological landmines that maps the path toward reunion of the two polarities in the relative. 

God's funny sense of humor. 

--

Just a question, have you noticed any equivalent of that one complex in a woman's psychology?

[Emerald]

21 hours ago, Etherial Cat said:

Isn't it fun dealing with all of these unconscious psychological landmines that maps the path toward reunion of the two polarities in the relative. 

God's funny sense of humor. 

--

Just a question, have you noticed any equivalent of that one complex in a woman's psychology?

I was just thinking about this after I wrote the reply that you responded to.

I suspect it's a bit like tending to lie to ourselves about only having one of the polarities and going semi-unconscious to the raw sexual impulse.

Like, in recent times, I've been getting a lot more in touch with my sexuality. And I see how there's this muddied intertwining of my drive towards sex (purely for sexual gratification sake) with my drive towards relationship and my identity-creation drive.

My perception is that living in a society that has a huge Madonna Whore Complex tends to cause women to be more likely to wrap sex drive, relationship, and identity into one homogenized thing in order to have a "good identity" and to feel worthy of a loving relationship.

But then, raw sexuality feels deeply intertwined with identity as well because of the identity, sexuality, and relationship-drive interweaving.

And the experience of external desire or lack thereof, feels like it means something affirming of our identity or unaffirming. And there can be a sense of loss of identity in aging because of society being less likely to project sexual desire onto women over a certain age, so it shakes that underlying identity since sexuality and identity got wrapped into one.

Then, (though I don't have this one as much), there's also a tendency to create identity from romantic relationships.

But it causes women to be more likely to have a relationally dependent sex-drive that feels like it belongs to someone else, rather than having a sex-drive that feels like our own that roots in our own bodily sovereignty. 

So, I've been thinking in the past few days about how to unweave those strands of identity, sexuality, and romantic relationship more so that each of those can just be what they are without getting confused together.

[Jwayne]

Sense of humor is a major part of both sexual attraction and emotional connection. Perhaps thats your missing piece. You aren't being fun enough. If you are teasing, sincere and playful it will build magnetism and closeness.

[Breakingthewall]

Something similar has happened to me, with women with whom sex flowed perfectly, on an intellectual and spiritual level, something was missing. Over time I realized that the one who was missing something was me, my masculinity wasn't complete, I was looking for a type of relationship, friendship, complicity, that is not compatible with the romantic sexual relationship man/woman.

Perhaps this sounds sexist but for the romantic sexual relationship to work, the man must be complete and assume his role as a man, that is, not look for a partner/accomplice/mother/friend in the woman to take care of him and you care of her, but rather a female to whom than honor her femininity by making love her with the intention/possibility of making her a son and with the intention and capacity of being strong, whole, solid and never weak. 

I mean, your sexual romantic partner is not your friend, it's different type of relationship. It's a selfish relationship in the two sides with the purpose of making a family, starting a clan, continue your genetic line. Then it's a shit 🤣😅 but it's what it is. Kinda old times, that's why they invented something so horrible than the marriage. But if you are very lucky, who knows, maybe you find one and your souls merge and be one, thats beautiful, at least for some time

Then the question would be: do you want that game, or not? Not simple game imo

Edited December 11 by Breakingthewall

[Schizophonia]

2 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

Something similar has happened to me, with women with whom sex flowed perfectly, on an intellectual and spiritual level, something was missing. Over time I realized that the one who was missing something was me, my masculinity wasn't complete, I was looking for a type of relationship, friendship, complicity, that is not compatible with the romantic sexual relationship man/woman.

Perhaps this sounds sexist but for the romantic sexual relationship to work, the man must be complete and assume his role as a man, that is, not look for a partner/accomplice/mother/friend in the woman to take care of him and you care of her, but rather a female to whom than honor her femininity by making love her with the intention/possibility of making her a son and with the intention and capacity of being strong, whole, solid and never weak. 

I mean, your sexual romantic partner is not your friend, it's different type of relationship. It's a selfish relationship in the two sides with the purpose of making a family, starting a clan, continue your genetic line. Then it's a shit 🤣😅 but it's what it is. Kinda old times, that's why they invented something so horrible than the marriage. But if you are very lucky, who knows, maybe you find one and your souls merge and be one, thats beautiful, at least for some time

Then the question would be: do you want that game, or not? Not simple game imo

Why are you afraid to sexually dominate someone you respect?

 

[Javfly33]

2 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

 

I mean, your sexual romantic partner is not your friend,

Isn't that a bit radical? I know a lot of people that preach that your partner should be first and foremost your best friend.

Of course once you become Deep best Friends high sexual chemistry might get Lost, because imo the chemistry itself is based on dualities and certain psychological opposites.

2 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

it's different type of relationship. It's a selfish relationship in the two sides with the purpose of making a family, starting a clan, continue your genetic line. Then it's a shit 🤣😅 but it's what it is. 

Are You serious? People get in to such false relationships nowdays? 

In the past with arranged marriages ok, but now that people are free you can have to have more in common with your partner than just wanting to have a child. If not damn thats quite the distopy.