Leo's New Insanity Blogpost

[Xonas Pitfall]

Damn, this sounds hardcore! Could we maybe get a little more detail or even some storytime here? It sounds like it could be incredibly interesting and potentially helpful - does anyone else have similar experiences? What caused it for you?

I vividly remember having a trip where I completely detached from my hand. I started reinterpreting it as a tree branch - or a carbon-based object separate from me. As soon as that mental switch happened, I couldn’t feel pain or any normal sensation in it. To clarify, there was still a sensation happening, but it felt entirely different, as though it wasn’t mine.

At one point, I tried slowly bending my finger to see how far past its breaking point I could go. My ego snapped at the last second, realizing what I was doing. I also ended up with a few burns on my hand because I was so intrigued by completely recontextualizing pain in my mind that I'd keep burning myself out of sheer fascination. I managed to push it to the point where I couldn’t feel it in reality.

[tuku747]

Where does Leo keep most of his trip reports? I recall a few videos where's he's tripping live on YouTube, and I recall seeing one on his blog, but I can't find it now.

[Yimpa]

20 minutes ago, tuku747 said:

Where does Leo keep most of his trip reports? 

They’re now being fed to our AI crocodile overloads

[Loveeee]

I don't like that past tense

[tuku747]

27 minutes ago, Yimpa said:

They’re now being fed to our AI crocodile overloads

 

 

[Xonas Pitfall]

@tuku747 Mostly on his blog!

[decentralized]

On 12/4/2024 at 4:21 PM, Xonas Pitfall said:

I vividly remember having a trip where I completely detached from my hand. I started reinterpreting it as a tree branch - or a carbon-based object separate from me. As soon as that mental switch happened, I couldn’t feel pain or any normal sensation in it. To clarify, there was still a sensation happening, but it felt entirely different, as though it wasn’t mine.

I actually experienced something very similar. 

That was a little after the first peak of my Kundalini activation. I was sober, went to bed as usual but a dark energy “possessed” my body. During that moment I was aware that I “was” the energy itself. I was seeing visions of unspeakable cosmic horrors, formless dark/red spiral-like visuals and H. R. Giger style dark cosmic shapeshifter entities, also formless. Those visuals and the feeling were like the polar opposite I had experienced on my LSD trips.

I wasn’t afraid of any of them, in fact I was enjoying them, it felt almost erotic to ride the cosmic darkness. There wasn’t a single thought inside of the experience itself, I was experiencing the insanity part of consciousness. I was being shown the darkest depths of God’s consciousness, there was Love in there.

At one point, my ego -sort of- came back. I (ego) felt like “I can’t be enjoying this” and wanted to end the experience. I wanted to move my hand, but when I looked down to see it I suddenly came to the realization that “I have NO hands!!!” It was profound. I tried to move my body, as if I was in a sleep paralysis, but when I looked down I only saw the bed. I had no body. My ego started to get really nervous and tried to get control of my body by trying to shake my hand, then I saw a hallucination. My left hand was up and it got dissected between my middle and ring finger. New fingers were emerging from that gap in a fractal-like fashion. 
 

That horrified me. But then I stopped being horrified and kept on enjoying the endless ineffable darkness of the universe. It was orgasmic. There was Love in it, and by being “forced” to experience it I was becoming aware that I am “it”. I was experiencing the dark, “yin” part of God’s mind. At one point my ego came back again and I realized this could go on forever - I could keep riding the darkness, this insanity forever but I had to stop. Then I stopped and woke up.  It was sort of traumatizing, considering the rest of my Kundalini awakening was mainly revolved around the dark part of consciousness. 

If any of you have comments on this experience I had please send them over. I love to hear what you think. 

[Breakingthewall]

3 hours ago, decentralized said:

 wasn’t afraid of any of them, in fact I was enjoying them, it felt almost erotic to ride the cosmic darkness. There wasn’t a single thought inside of the experience itself, I was experiencing the insanity part of consciousness. I was being shown the darkest depths of God’s consciousness, there was Love in there.

At one point, my ego -sort of- came back. I (ego) felt like “I can’t be enjoying this” and wanted to end the experience. I wanted to move my hand, but when I looked down to see it I suddenly came to the realization that “I have NO hands!!!” It was profound. I tried to move my body, as if I was in a sleep paralysis, but when I looked down I only saw the bed. I had no body. My ego started to get really nervous and tried to get control of my body by trying to shake my hand, then I saw a hallucination. My left hand was up and it got dissected between my middle and ring finger. New fingers were emerging from that gap in a fractal-like fashion. 
 

That horrified me. But then I stopped being horrified and kept on enjoying the endless ineffable darkness of the universe. It was orgasmic. There was Love in it, and by being “forced” to experience it I was becoming aware that I am “it”. I was experiencing the dark, “yin” part of God’s mind. At one point my ego came back again and I realized this could go on forever - I could keep riding the darkness, this insanity forever but I had to stop. Then I stopped and woke up.  It was sort of traumatizing, considering the rest of my Kundalini awakening was mainly revolved around the dark part of consciousness. 

If any of you have comments on this experience I had please send them over. I love to hear what you think. 

On 5/12/2024 at 4:50 AM, tuku747 said:

 

That sounds a real trip .  I never considered that kind of exploration, the only psychedelic that I do lately is DMT to open the mind and sometimes weed to contemplate the life, and before 5meo to break my disgusting ego. But that what you mentioned seems deep. I only did trips to free myself, never to really "trip" , but reading you I felt that maybe there is a world to explore, a lot of depth to see. Sound fascinating 

[decentralized]

@Breakingthewall thank you for your comment. It definitely felt like a real trip. As Leo said, insanity is a domain of consciousness and it’s worth to explore. That darkness is also a part of Everything, which is you. It was quite interesting to experience that Love can reach the very depths of darkest consciousness. It changed my understanding of Oneness forever. Maybe you can explore it yourself by setting an intention of realizing this part of you, but your ego will do anything to protect you… until it falls apart and dissolves as a part of insanity. 
This shit can get very scary…

[Xonas Pitfall]

15 hours ago, decentralized said:

It changed my understanding of Oneness forever.

May I ask a little more in what ways? It sounds incredibly interesting to listen to. What did you see Oneness as before and after the experience? 😯💛

[decentralized]

@Xonas Pitfall I understood what this video meant very well. You are everything and you are going to experience everything, realizing this with a partially dissolved ego drove me insane though.

 

[Razard86]

On 12/4/2024 at 10:50 PM, tuku747 said:

Where does Leo keep most of his trip reports? I recall a few videos where's he's tripping live on YouTube, and I recall seeing one on his blog, but I can't find it now.

 

[Davino]

Quote

You are everything and you are going to experience everything

@decentralized This was the most frightening realization I ever had

The only time in Awakening I said: wait maybe this is too much even for me

Let me forget this shit

And now you mentioned it again. Thanks

[decentralized]

@Davino would you like to share how you experienced it? It’s hard to forget isn’t it 😄

[Breakingthewall]

1 hour ago, Davino said:

@decentralized This was the most frightening realization I ever had

The only time in Awakening I said: wait maybe this is too much even for me

Let me forget this shit

And now you mentioned it again. Thanks

more accurate imo is saying that you aren't going to experience nothing except your experience, because you are this experience. If you mean you as absolute, the absolute doesn't experience, is total. The totality doesn't have relative experiences, only the relative has relative experiences, and the relative is real only relatively. 

[Aaron p]

On 05/12/2024 at 4:32 AM, Loveeee said:

I don't like that past tense

@Loveeee i sense that psychedelics and awakenings may be slightly (or not so slightly) debilitating in certain respects, especially considering the "wipe away" effect they have on engrained behavioural patterns. Part of their power comes from the fact that they can remove unhealthy and unnecessary superfluous "behavioural baggage," allowing for a blank canvas on which more streamlined behaviours can be developed. However, their efficiency in their ability to create a clean slate (neurologically speaking) is unavoidably accompanied by the requirement for the individual to manually cultivate new behavioural patterns. Like programming a wiped computer, first of all you need to be skilled enough to know how to reprogram the computer and you need to allow time for the new programming to set and function. If all you have is wipes over and over again, it wont have much functionality. (i know this might not be the most harmonious meta-phore to the reality of awakenings but i sense this might have something to do with why leo has recently hinted at the tapering of his use of entheogenic compounds).

[Loveeee]

@Aaron p Hopefully we'll have his side of the story