How To Eliminate Introversion

[electroBeam]

Hey guys, I have a very strange problem, and i believe some others have this problem as well:

I genuinely dont like talking to people.

I mean I just genuinely can't be bothered talking to people. And i wouldnt, if i didnt force myelf to.

1. The present moment is fun, but when you talk to someone, you have to leave the present moment and and go into the weird world of whatever the other person is percieving and believing in.

2. Its generally boring. The topics that come up are boring as hell. 

3. Its mentally painful. Having to think about the stuff youre talking about is a chore. 

4. Talking to people doesnt feel in alignment with one's values. 

 

Anyone have some ways of changing this? Its very hard to resolve.

[egoeimai]

Too many people on this forum want to change things. Isnt that suffering? Isnt that resistant? Now,the previous guy wanted to be a bad guy,and now you want to talk to people more and not feel what you are feeling? 

Those beliefs u have are old beliefs,theyre in your head for a long time, but trying to get rid of something,doesnt work. If u accept yourself as you are, meaning..a person who doesnt enjoy talking to ppl? Now whats wrong with it? Nothing. Some ppl like you exist on this earth. Imagine If we were all gossipy and loud and eager for stupid conversations. It would be exhausting. Take your time and accept it.

1. I think there is a fear right there. That you will lose your precious moment. The present moment with your self. Its okay to be distracted some time. But embrace your situation.

2.3.4. All beliefs. Just beliefs that u hold.

[electroBeam]

@egoeimai sure but acceptance doesnt solve everything. Its not some magic pill.

After genuine acceptance, comes a time when you actually have to make change, otherwise you'll be miserable.

And im struggling to make a change on this one. Yes they are beliefs, but i feel an energy problem/sensation problem too, and im really struggling to manage it.

Its like asking how to get motivated to do homework. Its just painful. But you have to do it, you cant just accept not doing homework and then not doing it. Your parents will kill you.

Any resources will be great.

Edited May 4, 2017 by electroBeam

[Toby]

Why exactly do you need to change it? Is it you that wants e.g. more friends or a relationship? Or is it just other people telling you that you should be different?

[Scorpion]

I feel the same way even though I'm good with people. I would say talk to the people you want to talk to. Where there's something to talk about. 

Also determine whether or not the person is worth talking to. Life's too short for small talk that doesn't really go anywhere.

Talk about fun stuff, open up. Be social but still talk about things that get you excited or it's just gonna feel empty.

 

[electroBeam]

@Toby myself, after pushing yourself for 4 years say, your emotional body gets fatigued, and the resistance builds up and its getting very hard for me to keep pushing.

But also based on my currenr position in life I do feel as though i need to be more extroverted. But this isn't related to the problem stated above, its more of a fatigue problem.

Edited May 4, 2017 by electroBeam

[YaNanNallari]

Why force yourself to be social anyways? Did someone tell you normal people do that? Maybe they were right and maybe wrong. I mean I don't know, it can be fun for sure, you rarely learn anything if you're a person into self actualizing and it's mostly a waste of time apart from it being an inspiring experience with the right people and attitude.

Just look to understand people, life and love and accept it more if you want to enjoy it. Then you do not need to be worried that much about is socializing something you have to do and what you're getting out of it. What you get out of it is mostly an experience imo. So let go of your worries and be happy and enjoy the little things. For me if I was in your shoes and worrying about this I'd be very right brained and sort of letting my thoughts lead the way, not to a bad place necessarily, but with a critical attitude.

[Shin]

You can't supress introversion, doing that would mean changing how you brain works.

What you can do is to be so present that your introversion is hardly a problem anymore.

That doesn't mean that you won't want to recharge your battery after 2/3 hours of socialization, and there is nothing wrong with that, either you will accept your introvert nature, or you won't (in the second case you will never be yourself and happy though).
You won't have any problem talking to people about boring subjects, of course if you could just be by yourself or with like minded people, you would choose that.

Right now I have 0 problem talking to people and I don't feel it painful to have nothing to say, I just don't care, I love silence, and if it bothers people they will say something to keep the conversation going anyway.

And concerning the lack of similar values when you talk to "unspiritual" people, this is only a problem if you aren't conscious enough to realize that everything is presence, it's actually quite satisfying to be able to enjoy every moment whatever the people you are with

Edited May 4, 2017 by Shin

[ajasatya]

37 minutes ago, Shin said:

Right now I have 0 problem talking to people and I don't feel it painful to have nothing to say, I just don't care, I love silence, and if it bothers people they will say something to keep the conversation going anyway.

it has been said.

[h inandout]

Maybe you have some hidden needs that are not being met through your introverted self, but would be way easier to meet through genuine friendly interaction with otber people.  That could be any variety of things: survival, love, acceptance, a feeling of contribution, a deep sense of connectedness.  It's okay to be quiet around other people, because your emptiness is mirrored in them, which is probably beneficial to everyone.  If you feel like talking, maybe just be silly and fun.  You would be so surprised what magic pops out of the woodworks when you are just confident and kind.  Soften your eyes and greet everyone you meet with genuine gratitude for the role they are going to play in your life.  Perhaps you could disentangle some of that resistance by interacting more with people at the meditation center, or by just being involved in activities you enjoy.  We all need some thing to enjoy life.  Giving our monkey mind treats helps it to calm down.  When i interact with people who are overbearing, I like to see life from their perspective for a brief moment and actually help feed them thoughts that will help them complete whatever karmic cycle they are in by showing them examples of my own experience.  This can be taxing, but really rewarding.  Their healing is my healing.  We all reflect eachother's emotional states whether we are aware of it or not.

[Nahm]

@electroBeam Don't go into their world. Refuse internally. Stay in your world. Accept whatever losses and gains come from this, but stay true to your own reality. It will absolutely workout in the longer run.

 

[Ry4n]

@electroBeam I'm no expert when it comes to these things, but maybe you could try simply being extremely introverted for a certain period of time and let the desire for social interaction slowly build up, and once you start to crave it then you start talking to people often again.

[Natalya]

I feel the same way. And the more self-developed you are, the less topics in common you find with people who don't work on themselves. But you can't just exclude yourself from everyone's lives, so you have to maintain your basic social skills. For example, you can't skip meetings and happy hours at work, unless you want to  become an obvious black sheep and eventually get fired. But even though it helps to have a wide networking circle because it means more opportunities, you don't have to connect with many people and you don't have to try too hard to be everyone's friend. At least, that's what I was trying to do for a long time. Eventually, I've learned that long-term relationships with most people should be low-maintenance and even shallow enough because it's when you get too close to people or try to develop meaningful connections, you get disappointed. The good news is that eventually, you do meet some people who you do find some common grounds with, so the conversations are not as boring. What I'd suggest is try to be selective about who you're willing to give more attention to, and only if you must or if you truly like to. Otherwise, you don't need friends. Most of the time, friends hold you down, anyway.

[General 2]

why need to eliminate introversion? like it's a flaw...introversion is cool!

i would suggest you continue talking to people (regardless of everything you said which is also relatable to me), just maybe try to see a person as a unique being worth talking to, try to discover/uncover something special about him or her. we do not necessarily communicate to exchange information, sometimes this is just a simple social act that has some other logic behind it

[Shin]

Dude, the more you accept it and aline your life with it, the more accepted you will be.
Your level of social anxiety and lack of self-esteem plays a big role in social interaction (not saying you have these, I don't know).

I am amazed at how people actually like me, and how easy it is to socialize, despite talking 3x less than them and having huge lack of social skills.
Can't even imagine how easy and fun social interaction will be when I'll be extremely funny and increased my social skills in general.
I started from the very bottom, probably in a worst shape than you

Edited May 24, 2017 by Shin

[Dan Arnautu]

On 5/4/2017 at 9:07 AM, electroBeam said:

1. The present moment is fun, but when you talk to someone, you have to leave the present moment and and go into the weird world of whatever the other person is percieving and believing in.

2. Its generally boring. The topics that come up are boring as hell. 

3. Its mentally painful. Having to think about the stuff youre talking about is a chore. 

4. Talking to people doesnt feel in alignment with one's values. 

1. You can be present when you are in a conversation with someone.

2. Make friends with whom you share interests.

3. If you frame it as painful, it will be. Ex: An oral exam in college can be either a drag or an opportunity to have a deep discussion with someone intelligent.

4. You may tend to be introverted, but humans are social creatures. You can't fool your body's evolutionary memory, although it can be artificially surpressed by things like bad habits, limiting beliefs and social conditioning.

You don't need to find a way to eliminate introversion. You need to find a way to ENJOY interacting with people again.

Also, your mood may play a big part in this. If you are unhappy and lethargic, not only will you not want to put an effort and talk to people, but they will also not want to hang out with you because you are unhappy. 

Edited May 24, 2017 by Dan Arnautu

[Capethaz]

@electroBeam If you don't like it, don't do it.

[MattP]

Yes, start actually listening to what other people are saying. Don't worry about how you will respond. Sometimes all a person really wants is for someone to just listen to them. You may not be able to give a good response, but you may actually learn something from them. Give them a chance. This might seem painful at first, but it truly feels great when you can make someone else happy by giving them your undevided attention, and just listen.

Also, what values are you in line with? Perhaps you can steer the conversation in a direction that better suits you. You may be surprised to find someone just like you who shares your values. Would you want to talk to a person like that?