Leo, you are making me confused again 😅

[wellbranding]

Hello, @Leo Gura, I could write this in private, but maybe it will be useful for others.

So to give some context, I have a computer programming degree, started coding at 15 (I am 25), and started watching Leo at around 14-15. Leo made a huge impact on me. Starting with Life purpose and following other spiritual explorations.

Now I take C level position at a local SaaS, whom I joined at the early stages and together we managed to make it a success and employ 50+ people. I made a fortune myself, but during all this time I was doing a lot myself, doing it very passionately and seeing a complexity and beauty in software, design and building robust ecosystems. I always had this negative reaction towards hiring people and making them work as slaves, I don't know where that came from, maybe my natural inclination towards independence (at least independence of the tasks, thoughts). 

2 years ago I have also co-founded a DeFi startup (crypto, blockchain, yea I know) and from what I saw you have a negative stance on that, labeling it as a scam industry. Bro, why can't you see a beauty in DeFi? Having your own private keys, contributing to liquidity pools. Just check projects like uniswap, aave protocol, look at how interchangeable they are, it is similar to your videos about holons. Also, you keep always talking about social contructs, etc. Well, what is money? A total social construct, it's laughable. Especially value, which is intangible thing and vastly relative, depending on many factors. Now I made a success again in terms of financial aspect.

But here is my internal struggle appears or perhaps it always was. If you actually check, you will see that I have messaged you like 7 years ago, asking on career direction. Now, look - I did archieve what I always dreamed and loved (I imagine you also love game design in a similar way). My struggle is that, your posts on your blog and also in forum make it look like that success is evil. I do get, and to be honest I do agree, how delusional in some aspects I have also become. But still I feel purpose is essential, and what is wrong with building software or blockchain projects which don't even need marketing. People use them themselves. And I do know about the scams, but some protocols are already 5+ years in and actually growing in adoption and value. And believe me, people there understand all the dirty stuff of traditional finance, etc.

Now it got into a point where I am constantly negative, reduced my socialization even more, having depressed moods. I do exercise and play tennis at a competitive level, but have 0 success finding girlfriend. I could use money to get more fame, build bigger social circle, but I don't want to. If people don't value my work ethic, my character- why should I try to bribe them? It is beyond disgusting. Also, who knows, maybe I look like a child for females, still have to learn a lot.

So yeah, my point of being is that I am very very confused on how to make a distinction between your life purpose, doing it consciously and not being a corrupted.

And also, for all these 7 years I always had a hinge that you seem to miss how evil and manipulative people are. Especially in business. I saw a post where you also concluded it, so I am happy for you. And that is also kinda my approach - to understand manipuliations, understand greed and try to remind yourself that. But also try to love others.

One more thing. I am more sensitive than others from the childhood. I think that played a part in me being to depressed about the state of the world. And now it feels to me that you became complete nihilistic which leads nowhere or just harming yourself.

 

And yes I did mushrooms, meditate, had profound realizations and try to continue to do so. Also saw your video on solipsism. What it did - was to distance myself from the people even more.

Edited Saturday at 10:13 PM by wellbranding

[RightHand]

1 hour ago, wellbranding said:

 And yes I did mushrooms

Do more 

[wellbranding]

24 minutes ago, RightHand said:

Do more 

One trip in the nature induced a major panic attack. 2-3 months was feeling less grounded and "out of body".

I think I need more integration, not new experiences - I already have a vivid imagination 😅