Curt suffered psychosis recently

[Thought Art]

@Miguel1 Honestly, I’m not overly impressed with a lot of the stuff I see here. I’m not overly impressed with anyone on earth right now though. Been feeling disillusioned lately. More just focused on myself and my work and purpose. 
 

I just feel like there is so much thick garbage in the social matrix right now. I can only focus on myself. I 

[Miguel1]

5 hours ago, Thought Art said:

Haha welcome to planet earth…

a bunch of Psychologically damaged people surviving to escape. 
 

I even cringe at myself right now.

Haha.

5 hours ago, Thought Art said:

@Miguel1 Honestly, I’m not overly impressed with a lot of the stuff I see here. I’m not overly impressed with anyone on earth right now though. Been feeling disillusioned lately. More just focused on myself and my work and purpose. 
 

I just feel like there is so much thick garbage in the social matrix right now. I can only focus on myself. I 

Welcome to Miguels’ world.

I’ve been feeling this way for a longer period already. That’s why you don’t see me much active here anymore. I never truly was but now I’m even less. I’m mostly here just to read the blog, follow Leo’s and couple members’ thoughts.

Focusing on your life purpose is key. The truth is, as Leo mentioned in one of his recent blog (paraphasing): if you Truly see what state humanity is in, you will get depressed and hopeless as hell.

At the beginning of this work, I was truly excited but now at this level, I dont know anymore. I feel like I was born a 1000 years too early.

Imagine if your current version were sent 10 000 years back into the past, how would life & happiness look for you?

There is a deep existential anguish in my life. Focusing on life purpose is the only solution to ease the pain.

Imagine, as an ENFJ, your number one tensency, desire and need is deep intimate connections with human beings & harmony between them in your environment and yet… it’s completely hopeless. Totally hopeless with my level of understanding.

And my own development is so far ahead most people that there ain’t a deep emotional connection happening. Not even with the spiritual bunch. Especially not them.

I feel like one of the main reasons I got into this Pure Understanding work was to understand people better so I can create the harmony I desire. But turns out, I completely destroyed that possibility with this work.

Now it’s all about settling down, hard. And being happy with bare minimum.

Thanks for giving me a chance to open my heart up and being vulnerable for a moment. I’ve been craving that. One of the core traits of ENFJ is being an open book. Open & honesty. Try being that with majority of people when you understand all this work..

Try finding a job to make your living, that even remotely aligns with the level of integrity you have developed from this work..

It truly is a blessing and a curse.

Edited December 2 by Miguel1

[Leo Gura]

59 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

Imagine, as an ENFJ, your number one tensency, desire and need is deep intimate connections with human beings & harmony between them in your environment and yet… it’s completely hopeless. Totally hopeless with my level of understanding.

Is that really true though?

Be careful that these kind of narratives don't become your own self-constructed illusion.

Dealing with people has always been difficult. Nothing new about that.

Don't forget to double-check whether your cynicism is actually true.

Edited December 2 by Leo Gura

[Miguel1]

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Is that really true though?

Be careful that these kind of narratives don't become your own self-constructed illusion.

Dealing with people has always been difficult. Nothing new about that.

Don't forget to double-check whether your cynicism is actually true.

Thanks for the challenge / pointer.

I’ll contemplate it.

Yes, certainly my writing came across more cynical than my situation really is (tried to make it more emotional / artful).

Ultimately, I do have a bunch of people around me with whom I have a nice time with. I just have to hold myself back a lot, when it comes to depth of conversation and intellect, and agree to disagree often - which does make me feel alone.

The thing that makes this the toughest perhaps is that I’m still pretty young, so my friends are also very young, especially the girls I date. Youngsters are generally more immature than older folks. Have less developed ego etc. And so, I have to often ”fake smile” at their ego excitements / accomplishments / self-deceptions / biases / immaturity / dramas / gossip / shit-talking etc.

But maybe this is a practice for me to practice loving everyone where they are at! Tier 2 stuff! And I do do that, don’t get me wrong. But at the same time, I desire and crave deep deep genuine and authentic, honest bonds and intimacy, both emotionally and intellectually! I crave intimate connection with people of highly advanced integrity!

Maybe I should try to befriend more older people. Certainly making new friends is not an issue for me.

So far, I’ve been separating the two. Emotional bonds from specific people and deep intellectual bonds from other people / sources.

Honestly, to shift this into positive, maybe this really is the way to go:

”This is a practice for me to practice loving everyone where they are at!”

That way, at least there is harmony and deeper connection on a metaphysical level.

Maybe I am just really stuck in cynicism.

To challenge you back tho, are you sure you really know how I feel deep down and what I crave / need as an INTP? In your own words: ”I should be in a cave contemplating, not going out to socialize”. I can see myself doing that sporadically here and there but ultimately, our personality types are almost complete opposites.

I will contemplate more.

Edited December 2 by Miguel1

[integral]

He’s young, he still has his hair, give it some time. He will be a nugget one day and he will join us. Agenda projected amen. 

[Miguel1]

28 minutes ago, integral said:

He’s young, he still has his hair, give it some time. He will be a nugget one day and he will join us. Agenda projected amen. 

Many things I’m looking forward in life. But not this one 

[AerisVahnEphelia]

On 12/1/2024 at 10:39 AM, Terell Kirby said:

@Leo Gura i watched both episodes of you on his podcasts. I do commend him for trying to understand what you were pointing to, but seems as though he was thoroughly entrenched in scientific/rationalist worldview, it was rough seeing him struggle to break out of it.

He’s a great thinker in his capacity to construct sophisticated models & TOEs .. but cannot transcend the construction process at a meta level.

Why he is a great thinker.

If so he would have thought himself out of rationalism.

[Florian]

12 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Almost nobody wants to talk to me. And frankly that is it for the best. My ideas are not for podcast chitter-chatter.

I had a conversation over instagram with a guy some time ago who does his thing and also has a podcast which gets pretty little views but honestly I was pretty impressed to see he has over 200 episodes that are hourlong with guests that for his size (only averages viewers in the 100s) are pretty impressive. He asked me if I got any recommendations for his podcast and I give him your name. I dont know if he reached out to you or not, but his name is Andy Mai and his Podcast is called The Flip Side in case you want to reach out to him.

[mmKay]

12 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Almost nobody wants to talk to me. And frankly that is it for the best. My ideas are not for podcast chitter-chatter.

12 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Almost nobody wants to talk to me. And frankly that is it for the best. My ideas are not for podcast chitter-chatter.

Jeffrey Mishlove from New thinking allowed maybe would be fitting 

[Thought Art]

4 hours ago, mmKay said:

Jeffrey Mishlove from New thinking allowed maybe would be fitting 

I always thought that too

[UnbornTao]

@Leo Gura What about the streamer guy?

Edited December 2 by UnbornTao

[Razard86]

On 11/30/2024 at 7:55 PM, Leo Gura said:

Curt is too scared to actually comprehend Consciousness.

He is afraid of insanity. But insanity is where its at.

He wants to put Consciousness in a rationalist scientist box. Which will never work.

As I told him, it's all a hallucination. But he doesn't want to know that.

Majority of your forum cannot handle that it's a hallucination. They are still arguing about Absolute Solipsism. I asked God why they can't handle it and God told me they are designed to be that way. The emotional work it takes to undo your programming is not something every part of God wants. Some would rather find out at physical death.

But the crazy part is how they try to argue against it. I'm like just admit you don't really care about investigating Reality that deeply. Its simple say that, and it becomes clear to you how deep down the rabbit hole you want to go.

[WritingHands]

On 12/2/2024 at 5:23 AM, Thought Art said:

Haha welcome to planet earth…

a bunch of Psychologically damaged people surviving to escape. 
 

I even cringe at myself right now.

 

[Hello from Russia]

@Leo Gura what about Rich Roll? He is pretty new agey

[AION]

On 30-11-2024 at 4:53 PM, Yimpa said:

I had my psychotic break on March 4th, 2019. I call that day the “Psychotic March For Truth”. Also notice how that day was 9 months before the first known COVID-19 case. Did I give birth to COVID?!

 

..

you don’t want to know the things I gave birth to

Edited December 6 by AION

[Letho]

To Curt though, there is, never was and never could nor would or will be any Curt to have suffered any psychosis. Therefore "Curt" is wondering what the fuck you're on about. Poor Curt.

[LordFall]

@Miguel1 I relate to how you feel a lot. I'm an INTP and I value knowledge and internal understanding most of all and now that I know most than most of the people I encounter I seem more disgusted at their low level of development rather than feeling blessed that I can share knowledge.

I think it's still out of ego and feeling insecure and like you can't trust/feel safe around people of a lower development but I still need to unravel that. I also noticed recently I have a crippling need for control so I tend to rig situations in my favour and that's been causing me a lot of suffering I now realize. 

[Miguel1]

On 12/12/2024 at 11:04 PM, LordFall said:

@Miguel1 I relate to how you feel a lot. I'm an INTP and I value knowledge and internal understanding most of all and now that I know most than most of the people I encounter I seem more disgusted at their low level of development rather than feeling blessed that I can share knowledge.

I think it's still out of ego and feeling insecure and like you can't trust/feel safe around people of a lower development but I still need to unravel that. I also noticed recently I have a crippling need for control so I tend to rig situations in my favour and that's been causing me a lot of suffering I now realize. 

Thanks for sharing. I can relate to the points you articulate.

Ego indeed is a sneaky mechanism.

[Puer Aeternus]

On 12/12/2024 at 3:04 PM, LordFall said:

@Miguel1

I think it's still out of ego and feeling insecure and like you can't trust/feel safe around people of a lower development but I still need to unravel that. I also noticed recently I have a crippling need for control so I tend to rig situations in my favour and that's been causing me a lot of suffering I now realize. 

Have struggled with the same things for so long honestly. Only now am I beginning to see the light. Our traumas affect how we see things and there's a lot in our projections of others that says about what we had about ourselves and our own insecurities. 

 

I think- I'm starting to come to terms with the fact I won't be able to get things from others. I will never find true understanding in others... Even though I've been chasing it my whole life. With a recentish romantic blow up I realized what I was chasing in others is what I wanted to become. Truth. Love. Virtue. Authenticity. I need to recognize the god in myself. That is where the wound is.

 

And? I wonder if it's similar for others. All my frustrations with other people were ultimately being pissed off that they weren't like me and thus.. felt like a threat? To my survival, to my ability to have relationship and get my needs met. But if I can find a way to become more resilient in ourselves, explore our interior castles. Maybe we can find this inner peace despite the exterior madness.

 

I dunno. But the process is happening by itself now. I wonder how my interactions with people will be then, how different. When I won't need people and can just hold space for them as they are even if they are "lower consciousness" or "in ego". I think Frank Yang demonstrates doing this fantastically

 

 

I wish you best of luck on your journey, I hope you find what you're looking for! 

[integral]

@Puer Aeternus You need to surround yourself with people who think similarly to you and have similar mental structures to minimize friction. And completely give up on most people. I understand that's not always possible. It's easy to look at people and think we're supposed to be compatible with a wide range of individuals, but that's rarely the case. Most people are in conflict with everyone all the time. If you're extroverted and gifted in that way, then you can have a wider range of compatibility, but even then, they're in a constant state of adaptation that comes naturally to them, and they don't mind differences in perspective. Meanwhile, you and even I might be sensitive to completely different perspectives that we've already surpassed.

It's true that you might aspire to reach a higher state where you're simply immune to everyone's nonsense. But in reality, when there's any incompatibility, it just causes resistance with everything around you, and it's better not to put yourself in that situation. It doesn't matter how mature you are; being exposed to the dysfunction of other people, say an unhealthy girlfriend for a long period, is not sustainable long-term. There are exceptions, though.

Edited 16 hours ago by integral