My personal development plan

[trenton]

On this forum, I noticed Leo make a post suggesting that most people don't do the work. Most of us use Leo to deepen our self deception. I decided to use this as a point of self reflection.

I did some of the work like doing the life purpose course and getting the book list. There are other things I likely don't do enough of. I don't want to fool myself into thinking I am advanced just because I listen to someone advanced.

I actually care about truth on some level, hence I do a lot of self education, researching, reading, analyzing and observing myself and developing insights, and so forth. Sometimes I question if I value the truth enough. I try to force myself not to be in denial wherever I can, but perhaps I can not simply will my way to the truth like I can't will my way out of depression.

There were times I used the ideas presented by you to form distorted views about politics and relationships such as my post about incest in which I tried to cover my shame around actual incest. Originally, I got into this work because spirituality and personal development gave me hope in creating a better life for myself. I became confused about my purpose because I wanted to be a professional chess player, but there was no clear path to achieve this. I was hoping to find a new purpose but I often still feel lost and confused.

That all said, I have a plan in place for changing my life. I came to this conclusion while in treatment for three months over mental health and medication issues. My family still denies they need mental help even though mom threatened suicide, so there is not much I can do for them.

After I move to Kentucky, I am going to set up a daily schedule along with annual goals. I want to explore a new career path in creative writing instead of chess. During this time I will be with the other side of the family with whom I have a healthier relationship. For work at the job I still hate, I will have around 25 hours a week to make sure I don't have constant and daily suicidal thoughts which still occur throughout the week. Unfortunately, no amount of therapy and antidepressant medication can solve This problem. This will also give me enough free time to work on myself and meet the annual goals, or likely surpass them. I plan to run this one year experiment to see if my life improves.

It was recommended that I continue therapy. I will try, but I have doubts. My therapists have recommended dating despite having severe depression. They think I am lonely and they want to challenge my OCD around the opposite sex because they think I would be a decent boyfriend despite my conflicted feelings about sex due to past incest and my fear of ending up like mom and dad in a dysfunctional hell hole from which I can't escape. I don't see how this solves the suicidal thoughts though.

Maybe one day I will realize I have no choice but to start my own business in order to have a decent living. You mentioned things like marketing in your wage slavery video. Living a passionless life with work you hate is too much suffering for me to bare. Maybe I have no choice but to do some other type of work I hate, but one which will make enough money for me to retire sooner so I can actually follow my passions and interests. As it stands my career interests are often impractical and complicated to actualize. This is part of where I got stuck in the life purpose course along with choosing a medium.

You can respond to this with any thoughts or suggestions if you want. It would be appreciated, but you're a busy guy, so it's not guaranteed.

[hyruga]

Here are some books which you can read when starting a new business:

https://www.amazon.sg/100-Startup-Reinvent-Living-Create/dp/0307951529

https://www.amazon.sg/Lean-Startup-Entrepreneurs-Continuous-Innovation/dp/0307887898/ref=pd_aw_fbt_img_m_sccl_2/355-5197574-5757543?pd_rd_w=8IMwn&content-id=amzn1.sym.19faa695-6c08-414b-b347-38d89a6e9afa&pf_rd_p=19faa695-6c08-414b-b347-38d89a6e9afa&pf_rd_r=TZTD88YX83C9V8R72JXJ&pd_rd_wg=GVdDK&pd_rd_r=31ae04e3-455f-4fc8-aac8-778be878de49&pd_rd_i=0307887898&psc=1

https://www.amazon.sg/Solving-Procrastination-Puzzle-Concise-Strategies/dp/0399168125/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?crid=1HFDC4HDFHQO6&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.ZgcOYZDwito5VwHilMqJ4j9jN_L1BBrMRGvCXGnRstXMzYD1b-R_rUtrT4LGxYXTCy2gYd2QXRUADXcQmwdnxrbxmLfjHR3cuYdlaWfgmMNv29vL1muQ2n0IbmJpCxXOR63eMriLDyAzyVMuSDy7f7g82aI_gONu4jMoqBIDtQa_UCHQdz1WlBTovaDQSymDnn-pKs8EevHg48q6Dnjlfw._6Z5Y1ywi6NbrO8YVWRz0Axzo7kcexQuOvFdERJp5VM&dib_tag=se&keywords=procrastination&qid=1732444994&sprefix=proceastin%2Caps%2C288&sr=8-3