Is a lot of Game/Pickup dependent upon momentum?

[Lyubov]

Go out a lot, without any expectations

Ground yourself in your truth

Go have fun

Give yourself permission to try new things

Great things (miracles) happen when you least expect them if you are consistently showing up and caring for yourself  

[Medhansh]

11 hours ago, Lyubov said:

Go out a lot, without any expectations

Ground yourself in your truth

Go have fun

Give yourself permission to try new things

Great things (miracles) happen when you least expect them if you are consistently showing up and caring for yourself  

Yeah man. 

[Medhansh]

Sunday, 8 December 

Field Report: 12 noon- 7pm.

Location: Busy Local Train Station in Mumbai

10 approaches total.

First 3 hrs till 3pm couldn't do any approach because of lack of a wing.
Alone I can't approach the approach anxiety is too much. 

Talked to a coach and he told me to do some warm ups by asking directions, did that.

Started approaching after wing came.

Opener is usually a compliment like- I really like your outfit, your hair is nice, etc.

9/10 approaches were immediate rejections. 

1 approach went for about 3-4 minutes. Exchanged intros with the girl, talked about her work and my studies, and then asked her if she was interested to go out for coffee with me sometime. She said no sorry, I have a boyfriend. I said okay, sweet talking to you, shook her hand and came back. 

Could have persisted by saying don't escalate so much so fast girl I don't even know you, I just wanted to have coffee with you. 

About the 9 rejections:

Some of them the girl said thank you and moved on (increased her pace to go away from me). I don't persist in such cases.

1 girl I said, excuse me, Hi! And she immediately said, No No and went away.

Some girls made ugly faces while saying thanks and went away.

Opened a double set saying, I really like both of your's outfits.

One girl smiled and looked at me, but her friend pulled her hand and took her away.

My negatives:

1. Still need a wing to approach. 

2. Hellish approach anxiety. Seen many sets but approached only about 20-25% of them. 

3. I tend to speak in a very low tonality whenever I am opening a girl and talking to her, so that people around don't listen to what I am saying. But it is so feeble that even the girl can't listen properly and I have to say the same thing 2-3 times. Bad impression and a bit creepy for the girl.

4. I still can't come to the point where the approach leads to a conversation. I am getting immediate blowouts. 

5. My order of operations is incorrect and I fuck it up majorly. Usually I start with a compliment, exchange intros and then lead to more personal things. Sometimes I interchange the order and fuck up the conversation. I don't do it deliberately, it just happened out of fear/ nervousness/ anxiety.

6. In 2 approaches, I tried to "save" the approach by saying that I am a student of psychology and am giving out compliments to random people to gauge their reactions. Didn't help at all. Sometimes I have a tendency to flip around my approach and lie about my intentions once I get a negative reaction/ or am sensing to get one.

7. My body language is not bold. I lean in towards the girl, also partially due to the fact that I am speaking feebly so leaning in (only a little bit) helps get my voice to her.


Overall I don't feel good after yesterdays session. It was extremely tiring and mentally fatiguing for me. Walking around for 7 hrs while dealing with approach anxiety, getting blowouts and rejections and scolding yourself for not approaching all at the same time is not fun. But this is the process I guess.

Yesterday's session felt more like a spam approaching session. Because of the low quality of approaches and the no. of immediate rejections I was getting. The approaches were not proper, quality direct approaches. I am not even talking about the conversation part, I am talking only about the "approach"- opening a girl and giving her a compliment. That also was not done properly. I am in a bad dissatisfied and disturbed state right now and am going to try my best to change my approaches from a shy, feeble, awkward, borderline creepy approach to a bold, confident, assertive an doyful one.

 

I just don't know how this will happen. Let's hope for the best.
Total Lifetime Approaches- 52

[something_else]

@Medhansh Well done for having the courage to do what you're doing, it's very hard. However, are there places you can go out and do nightgame in Mumbai? Like nightclubs or something?

Trying to meet women at random public places during the day is like hitting your head against a wall, most of the time. I'd say going out at night is a much better option.

It's counterintuitive, if you are anxious or shy, you want to go to the busiest and most sociable places you can to meet people. Because this is where people are most open to chatting to strangers.

Daygame has a very fundamental problem in that when you spam approach, most girls are asking themselves something along the lines of "why is this guy approaching women at a train station, if he was really worth my time he wouldn't need to do this."

[Medhansh]

@something_else

I am considering going to a night club with a female because couple entry is free. But for now haven't really made any strong plans for the same. I'll see how things keep turning out in the future and decide accordingly. 

[Princess Arabia]

On 12/3/2024 at 3:40 PM, Medhansh said:

Mumbai Daygame 3 day tour report. I went to Mumbai for approaching which is 150km from my current city, Pune.

Total 10 approaches- 8 single sets, 2 double sets.

 

Sticking points-

1. Very timid and low loudness. Not bold enough and only enough loudness to barely reach the girl. Reason is timidness, shyness, anxiety and fear of other people listening to my approach. 

2. Voice become very sheepish and feminine, usually my voice is heavier and deeper but in the approach I get a nice guy tone.

3. Body language- tilt/ lean towards the girl, constantly looking towards her to get her reaction.

4. Eye contact is not that strong, avoiding uncomfortable eye contact and sexual tension- trying to avoid confrontational scenario and want to keep the interaction sweet.

5. Run out of things to say. After the initial opener and intro exchanges and basic questions like where are you from, what do you do, I don't have much to say. Need to work on observational statements, and push pull flirting teasing. 

6. Fumbling, especially in English. Shows lack of boldness and confidence, assertiveness.

7. Approach anxiety.

 

Improvements- 

1. While approach getting attention is easy. Even though voice modulation and loudness is poor, my actions like hand wave make me grab her attention fully.

2. Automatic smile while delivering opener/compliment. Helps reduce fear in the girl. Also helps in giving a couple seconds gap between opener and my next line.

3. Opened 2 double sets which I never have before.

4. Walking sets I have learned to keep walking with them, it has become second nature. Earlier I used to give up if she kept walking.


Major Sticking Points-

1. Inability to carry conversation- approach goes: excuse me to get attention, then compliment, then intro exchanges. After that I go blank and convo starts drying.

2. Approach anxiety. I could have done 40-50 approaches but only did 10. All other sets I didn't approach. 

Too robotic. Notice you didn't have any problems communicating here. Don't say it's because this is anonymous and behind the screen because it doesn't matter. There are lots of people shy and reserved to even talk on the forum and just keep lurking even though it can be anonymous. 

This is a very casual setting, and most communicate freely because we're not that self-conscious behind a screen and also considering our intentions, which varies, but it's still not to impress or get intimate with anyone. Just expression of ideas, thoughts and insights.

When your intention is not pure or you're not sure of yourself or why you're even doing a thing, or you're not comfortable with how it makes you feel and you think you're going against your own principles and/or boundaries, you will tend to freeze up and approach the situation with more reluctance and go into your head more rather than just going with the flow. You think you need to be a certain way or say certain things (e.g compliment or smile), and now you don't see yourself as being genuine and just playing a role. You might think you have to be on eggshells to not mess up and a lot of energy is being used and going towards the mechanics of the situation, and that gets very tiring and can bring on feelings of frustration. Treating this as some kind of chemist lab with protocols and measurements will surely lead to someone not used to these things burning out and loosing the motivation to even continue on.

Look back and see in your own life the people that you had no problems communicating with and were not shy around or tried to make an impression with, see how the relation flowed and communication was effortless, even with platonic females. That's the difference. You weren't necessarily looking to get something from those people and were merely interacting for the sake of interacting. The approach of not trying to get something or achieve something with your interactions with the opposite sex works best for introverts in the beginning until you get comfortable with the basics and also getting used to your own style of communicating and not just what you believe is expected of you. You can sense your own reluctance first before it gets projected outward; and now you're basically battling with these feelings and trying to use the outside to settle the waters, but that's working from the outside in which almost never works and you need to get comfortable in your own skin before you can even attempt to get comfortable with anyone you're trying to pick up.

[Medhansh]

Saturday, 21December 

Field Report: 5pm- 5:30pm

Location: Pune

0 approaches total.

 

Went with a scummy-ish wing who first took me to a store for his personal shopping and then told he had some work. Saw a double set but he insisted on him opening the set and then introducing me to the set as well. I backed out and he scolded me for this.

Then he did a solo single set which went really good and he insta closed the girl.

I found this guy to be selfish and he wasted my time and money(I took cabs to and for just 20 mins in field), but he certainly has good game.

Hoping for a better day next time. 

Also, @Leo Gura can you share how did you structure your sarging sessions back in your hardcore pickup days? I am going out almost every weekend for daygame but still my approach anxiety is not going anywhere, also I am still utterly bad with my verbals. It seems like something is off here. How did your typical day went by (weekday+weekend, or night) when you were a complete beginner at game and grinding really hard for this? Also, did you game solo or only with wings? (You mentioned once that you had really good wingmen with you).