Is a lot of Game/Pickup dependent upon momentum?

[Medhansh]

I have a naturally introverted personality. Barring 3-4 close friends, I don't feel very comfortable and fully at ease with new people. It takes time for me to open up. Overall I feel very low confidence with who I am whenever around new people. Also, I am very bad at small talk and non-awkwardizing things/ interactions. 

But whenever I go out and party, socialize, dance, laugh, etc. my whole personality opens up. I talk more loudly, care lesser about what people think, have these bursts of high confidence, want to meet new people, etc. This doesn't happen suddenly but takes some time of partying (like 2 back to back parties or a long full nighter party or a 1-2 days trip). After some time of partying/socializing like this, there comes an infliction point where there is a switch in my personality, which is quite opposite of what I naturally am. 

The same I can experience while cold approaching. I have only done about 30-35 approaches, but did some 18 approaches in a single day within 5-6 hours. And during those approaches, after the first 7-8 back to back approaches I got way less anxious. I started taking rejections lightly and started feeling more confident. Basically built State. 

But right now I have left partying and socializing since a few weeks, and haven't cold approached since 4-5 months. And I am back to the point of sitting alone in my room viewing online content and spending time with only my close friends. And I know for a fact that all of my state is back to zero. I will be 100% awkward, underconfident, unsocial, etc. when I next go out. But that will again be improved by me going out and consistently partying.

So my question- Is pickup/ cold approach/ socializing/ flirting skills/ small talk, etc- just a function of momentum? I see party goers in my college but they do it on a regular basis- atleast twice a week. I mean, to maintain my state do I need a constant flux of highly social, high energy activities happening every few days? Which would basically imply that a large portion of pickup is just building a lifelong snowball momentum by partying and going out regularly- and not letting a  gap of more than 1 week before 2 adjacent social activities? Is my interpretation right? 

[Leo Gura]

It's not just a function of momentum. Actual permanent skills are built.

But momentum is important.

One of the best guys in game who I know tells me that if he stops going out for some months, it takes him weeks to rebuild his momentum.

Your interpretation is incorrect. I haven't gone out for a year. I could go out tonight and my skills will still be solid. A bit rusty. In fact, thanks to consciousness work my skills will have deepened without even going out because I understand reality deeper.

Edited November 18 by Leo Gura

[aurum]

7 minutes ago, Medhansh said:

So my question- Is pickup/ cold approach/ socializing/ flirting skills/ small talk, etc- just a function of momentum? I see party goers in my college but they do it on a regular basis- atleast twice a week. I mean, to maintain my state do I need a constant flux of highly social, high energy activities happening every few days? Which would basically imply that a large portion of pickup is just building a lifelong snowball momentum by partying and going out regularly- and not letting a  gap of more than 1 week before 2 adjacent social activities? Is my interpretation right? 

Momentum is a huge component. The more socializing you can do that puts you in a good state, the easier it all is.

You can also improve your ability to just snap into the zone by improving your inner confidence.

[AION]

Huge breakthrough for me was that social interactions are mostly subconscious aka automatic. One has to let it happen instead of consciously putting effort into it. The best interactions happen in flow/momentum. And flow needs some acclimation time if you were out of the game for a while.

Edited November 18 by AION

[NoSelfSelf]

No its not its multitude of things brought together.Momentum is just covering over who you truly are.

[Kksd74628]

@Medhansh

Yes and no!

Of course if I have serious piano playing skills I don't have to play for months and still have 96% my skills and when I come back the rest 4% I pick up in couple of hours, because of muscle memory.

BUT, here's an interesting perspective people didn't here or basically anywhere tell you.

In life if you start doing lots of things everyday so you even forget most of things that you even did your energy will be stronger and that WILL lead to better socializing as for better anything. And here's the crazy part, when you do this long enough that energy will become permanent. Many people believe to the lies that in life some days are just more quiet than others, but I believe you can design all of your days to build your energy and skillsets as much as possible. I've never heard of the thing I'm now explaining so if somebody is interested in that side of GAME then hit me up in PM.

-joNi-

[NoSelfSelf]

This is what momentum in game is.(different from pick up momentum).

 

Edited November 18 by NoSelfSelf

[Amadeusz]

@Leo Gura

So you don't plan to have a girlfriend at all?

[Medhansh]

23 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

It's not just a function of momentum. Actual permanent skills are built.

But momentum is important.

One of the best guys in game who I know tells me that if he stops going out for some months, it takes him weeks to rebuild his momentum.

Your interpretation is incorrect. I haven't gone out for a year. I could go out tonight and my skills will still be solid. A bit rusty. In fact, thanks to consciousness work my skills will have deepened without even going out because I understand reality deeper.

How much continous effort does it take to come to the point of building those permanent skills? Is there any approximate benchmark? Or does it differ from person to person?

[Medhansh]

19 hours ago, Kksd74628 said:

In life if you start doing lots of things everyday so you even forget most of things that you even did your energy will be stronger and that WILL lead to better socializing as for better anything. And here's the crazy part, when you do this long enough that energy will become permanent. Many people believe to the lies that in life some days are just more quiet than others, but I believe you can design all of your days to build your energy and skillsets as much as possible. I've never heard of the thing I'm now explaining so if somebody is interested in that side of GAME then hit me up in PM.

I can relate with this. Whenever I am having a busy day, tackling multiple differing tasks at hand my social ability improves because my attitude changes and I start taking lesser bullshit from people. That sense of busy-ness and getting a lot of work accomplished makes me more confident, assertive and bold to ask people favours. And also increases my inherent value within my mind. But some days I have no tangible task at hand so I end up consuming content online and those days are the days where I am the least capable socially. 

[Kksd74628]

@Medhansh

Exactly, you got it!

[Leo Gura]

20 hours ago, Medhansh said:

How much continous effort does it take to come to the point of building those permanent skills? Is there any approximate benchmark? Or does it differ from person to person?

There's no good measure for this.

Realistically 1-2 years of hardcore going out are needed to start getting decent.

People learn at very different rates and in different conditions.

Edited November 20 by Leo Gura

[Medhansh]

5 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

There's no good measure for this.

Realistically 1-2 years of hardcore going out are needed to start getting decent.

People learn at very different rates and in different conditions.

A couple of intermediate gamers I talked to told me that they gamed sporadically and not continously, they gamed on and off a few months, then left game after getting a gf/ getting busy with other things. And then they got back into game after their breakup, getting free time, etc. They did not go out continously for years on end.  

Yet they are still at a very good level. And as for me, currently I can't game for more than 4 months at one stretch- my current studies don't allow continous gaming for longer than that. Also, during those 4-5 months, I will be sarging in daygame on weekends only: 2 days per week, target is 20 approaches per day, translating to 40 approaches per week. Accounting for buffer and some missed days (external events, approach anxiety, bad days, etc.) I am estimating nearabout 500 approaches in the timespan. But those approaches will not be continous- only on weekends, so every 2nd day of sarging is separated by 5 days. I would much rather sarge daily for state but that is not an option. 

My question is- does this approach have potential? Or should I change it and look for a better way? (Both for the purpose of building long term skills and also getting results in the short run).

[something_else]

I'd recommend not viewing this as learning game, so much as improving/enhancing your social skills in general. IMO it's a healthier way to view it.

In some sense it's the same thing but you aren't associating yourself with all of the negative stigma around game and pickup, of which there is a lot.

Just focus on having something social going on in your life at the very least every single weekend, ideally on a bunch of weeknights too.

Get a group of mates to go out with on weekends, and fill your weeknights up with activities like yoga classes, martial arts, sports, clubs, meetups, etc. It doesn't have to be about getting laid at the start, it helps a lot to have a solid social foundation which you can build upon.

The momentum comes from being sociable in general, not just talking to girls.

[Leo Gura]

20 hours ago, Medhansh said:

A couple of intermediate gamers I talked to told me that they gamed sporadically and not continously, they gamed on and off a few months, then left game after getting a gf/ getting busy with other things. And then they got back into game after their breakup, getting free time, etc. They did not go out continously for years on end.  

Yet they are still at a very good level.

That's because they were already fairly socially skilled or extroverted.

People don't start from the same place and don't face the same obstacles.

I am extremely introverted so for me the obstacle was as high as you could imagine. Most guys in pickup are not like that.

Quote

And as for me, currently I can't game for more than 4 months at one stretch- my current studies don't allow continous gaming for longer than that. Also, during those 4-5 months, I will be sarging in daygame on weekends only: 2 days per week, target is 20 approaches per day, translating to 40 approaches per week. Accounting for buffer and some missed days (external events, approach anxiety, bad days, etc.) I am estimating nearabout 500 approaches in the timespan. But those approaches will not be continous- only on weekends, so every 2nd day of sarging is separated by 5 days. I would much rather sarge daily for state but that is not an option. 

My question is- does this approach have potential?

It's still experience so of course you will grow.

Edited November 21 by Leo Gura

[Medhansh]

55 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

That's because they were already fairly socially skilled or extroverted.

People don't start from the same place and don't face the same obstacles.

I am extremely introverted so for me the obstacle was as high as you could imagine. Most guys in pickup are not like that.

Makes sense.

[whh2222]

On 11/20/2024 at 4:52 AM, something_else said:

I'd recommend not viewing this as learning game, so much as improving/enhancing your social skills in general. IMO it's a healthier way to view it.

In some sense it's the same thing but you aren't associating yourself with all of the negative stigma around game and pickup, of which there is a lot.

Just focus on having something social going on in your life at the very least every single weekend, ideally on a bunch of weeknights too.

Get a group of mates to go out with on weekends, and fill your weeknights up with activities like yoga classes, martial arts, sports, clubs, meetups, etc. It doesn't have to be about getting laid at the start, it helps a lot to have a solid social foundation which you can build upon.

The momentum comes from being sociable in general, not just talking to girls.

That approach helped me a lot. When it was about "game" it felt like this weird thing that subconsciously made me feel like I was doing something 'weird' or attempting to fix myself. When it became about having fun, socializing and expanding my horizons, it felt more natural and my authentic side shined. 

If you just socialize and talk to people in general, you'll notice within all that socializing that girls will naturally give you signals that they are interested.

I remember I asked a male barnes and noble employee where the comics/humor section was because i really wanted to get a calvin and hobbes book. We had a quick discussion about how great that comic was and how it was my favorite as a kid.

As I went to the aisle it was on, a cute female employee went right up to me to tell me how much she liked it too and started talking to me about it. I turned that interaction into getting her number because it was obvious she was interested. And all that happened because I was just being open, authentic, and sociable to everyone. I didn't specifically zone in on the cute girl to talk about calvin and hobbes with the soul purpose of gaming her. 

Attempting to quantify you approaches...something about that feels unnatural to me.

Edited November 21 by whh2222

[Medhansh]

Update:

 

Field report:

Background- I am a beginner in game and done only about 30-40 approaches in June this year. I used to live in Delhi.
Now in Pune (another city in India) for my studies.

Went to FC road and JM road (2 famous crowded spots in Pune) from 1pm till 5pm. Terrible day. Could not do even 1 approach. Till 4pm the streets were almost empty, after that crowd started coming in but all were mixed/ double/ triple sets. I spotted only about 7-8 single sets during the entire 5 hours. My experience in cold approach is very limited to the extent where I approach only single sets, and that too with hesitation. So approaching such mixed or group sets was out of question. I had a wing also coming by at 4pm (who's also a newbie), but he had some work so he got late by 2 hrs. I called it a day at 5:30ish and booked a cab back to my hostel. 

I think it's going to be very tough here in Pune. Delhi NCR was full of single sets in metro stations, malls and so forth. But here it's a completely different story. I am feeling utterly disappointed, tired and miserable. All in all I took 0 action and only burned my time and money.

Also logistics is a huge issue. My college is far from the city and connectivity is poor. The bus to city runs at odd timings (reason why I came at 1pm) and I can't afford a cab everyday. Even if I sort the logistics somehow, lack of single sets makes it very tough for me. Pune is full of college crowd and most of them hang out in the city with their friends. Not a newbie friendly place to begin from.

All in all
Theory- 100, Implementation- 0

[Medhansh]

Mumbai Daygame 3 day tour report. I went to Mumbai for approaching which is 150km from my current city, Pune.

Total 10 approaches- 8 single sets, 2 double sets.

 

Sticking points-

1. Very timid and low loudness. Not bold enough and only enough loudness to barely reach the girl. Reason is timidness, shyness, anxiety and fear of other people listening to my approach. 

2. Voice become very sheepish and feminine, usually my voice is heavier and deeper but in the approach I get a nice guy tone.

3. Body language- tilt/ lean towards the girl, constantly looking towards her to get her reaction.

4. Eye contact is not that strong, avoiding uncomfortable eye contact and sexual tension- trying to avoid confrontational scenario and want to keep the interaction sweet.

5. Run out of things to say. After the initial opener and intro exchanges and basic questions like where are you from, what do you do, I don't have much to say. Need to work on observational statements, and push pull flirting teasing. 

6. Fumbling, especially in English. Shows lack of boldness and confidence, assertiveness.

7. Approach anxiety.

 

Improvements- 

1. While approach getting attention is easy. Even though voice modulation and loudness is poor, my actions like hand wave make me grab her attention fully.

2. Automatic smile while delivering opener/compliment. Helps reduce fear in the girl. Also helps in giving a couple seconds gap between opener and my next line.

3. Opened 2 double sets which I never have before.

4. Walking sets I have learned to keep walking with them, it has become second nature. Earlier I used to give up if she kept walking.


Major Sticking Points-

1. Inability to carry conversation- approach goes: excuse me to get attention, then compliment, then intro exchanges. After that I go blank and convo starts drying.

2. Approach anxiety. I could have done 40-50 approaches but only did 10. All other sets I didn't approach. 

[NoSelfSelf]

Your major sticking point is that you dont believe in yourself because you dont have identity to believe in.So mind is forced into reaction mode.