How to deal with multiple conflicting interests and values across multiple months?

[Lucasxp64]

If someone looks at my life from far away, or they listen to me telling about the things I've done.

It sounds like I have severe ADHD and couldn't even spell in my own native language to save my own life.

But in fact, what has happened is that I always had at different stages in life multiple conflicting interests that I tried to find ways of making them work together, and I'd go back and forth between different things.

But the core of the issue, is that effectively, I somehow during the course of weeks, show the pattern of behavior that I don't have the discipline to accomplish a goal more complex than learning a new language, or constructing a written argument, keep a journal with disjointed parts that ends up organically growing over time, as opposed to following a very strict engineering-like kind of plan. Really, anything that is not very easy for me to build habits around it.

With this said, I and everyone thinking about an individuals' path also must acknowledge this has taken place across months and years, and they had different energy levels, different habits, different emotional baggage (i.e. stuck in some bad long distance relationship with constant toxic communication)

Or brainwashing oneself into watching a bunch of Netflix for a period of time to feel "inspired".

Or spending many days of one of those months masturbating to AI images, because systematically they didn't get that urge met in a high-quality kind of way, instead of using that technology for a project that they could have monetized like they intended, instead, the hungry ghost in them has rotten their decision-making process, any great power or resource gets used to feed it in the most direct animalistic manner.

Or backtracking on decisions of developing by themselves, specific skills specifically when they must focus the most, it triggers them negative feelings and their minds become hyper-aware of how long it would actually take to develop those skills and how they would meet their needs considering during that time, considering that they live with their parents... But then, always finding a reason to go backwards to any decision to find some local low-paying low-skilled odd job to try to go back to some other online venture that they were almost making work again, but then some extra complexity is hidden there, and they spend the next 2 weeks in a limbo kind of state, perhaps reading a book here and there, even journaling and taking notes, or writing on a forum, to the surprise to bystanders, their lives don't match a fraction of their possible abilities, due to lack at key specific success indicators: Getting paid instead of honing on skills on-off. Backtracking on skill development just before they become marketable, and repeating that pattern over and over again for 8 years after finishing high school not achieving financial aims, because their main aims were never financial to begin with, it just kept morphing into different things

Also, due to never really building the environment that would allow them to thrive, sort of catch-22 situation.

And let's not even begin what happens to the human self-steem when spending a lot of time within this kind of state.

I can just see if I simply could build enough resolve towards a specific direction and exclude other options and ignore my needs for female affection and a million other "a dead by a thousand cuts" things, it would reach that critical mass to exit this loop.

I could go on here trying to simplify and add more details, but I'll stop here.

[Buck Edwards]

You could devote a specific chunk of time to your different interests. 

[Kksd74628]

@Lucasxp64

What makes you connect with yourself the most?

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-jbueCNBB94

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QpBOcw5WQPg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MruNugpHDV0

 

Edited Monday at 02:58 PM by Raze