My Friend Wants to Commit Suicide

[Ayham]

What do I do?

he talks about how it is his freedom and he knows this is better for him and he has endured years, that is sound logically.

but man.. he is one of my best friends since 5 years, he comes from a very abusive and controlling family that is ruining his life.

 

I am very emotionally intelligent and good at communicating emotions, understanding and listening to people, which is why I am usually the "therapist friend" and why he told me.

He has been suicidal ever since I knew him, I have tried all the advice in the book.

Should I tell his father?
Even though his father is one of the main reasons for his misery, extremely manipulative and controlling.

If I let him do it, I would feel guilty my whole life.

If I try to stop him... I am not sure how that will work.

I love him very dearly.

[Buck Edwards]

Maybe you could have a joint IFS therapy session with his entire family to make them understand his situation. Generally IFS therapy has been found to be helpful in family related scenarios is what I've heard. 

[UnbornTao]

It's a tricky situation. Essentially, talk him out of it.

I don't know the person, and this isn't therapeutic advice. I could point out that this ideation might be based on a desire for acknowledgement, or on a belief that one's emotional pain is unbearable for oneself. This isn't true. Maybe bring up situations when you've felt similarly to him, and tell him they just pass and life moves on. Show him he's stronger than he thinks. Situations of that nature can be used as lessons in many ways. But suicide itself is an act of cowardice, and rather foolish. Maybe getting grounded and detaching oneself from the circumstances help him see the situation more dispassionately, impersonally, free of so much drama and turmoil. Just some thoughts.

Edited 11 hours ago by UnbornTao

[Raze]

28 minutes ago, Buck Edwards said:

Maybe you could have a joint IFS therapy session with his entire family to make them understand his situation. Generally IFS therapy has been found to be helpful in family related scenarios is what I've heard. 

IFS isn’t done with a family 

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OYYSR3Qni8o

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uYrDxkQTeLA

[Rafael Thundercat]

Sometimes this desires for self aniquilation is due to parasitic infection + dietary lack is some minerals and vitamins + Trauma. The trick is that one thing interact with the other, the diet make the parasites there intact  the parasits and their toxins keep the body in weakness and fogmind and lack of hormonal balance and the Trauma see no way to be healed so due to the Trauma being stuck in the body both diet and parasites thrive. One nee tonstart from the body first. 

[Rafael Thundercat]

When one is drown in mind ,more mind will not help, is more wood for the fire, one need first to build body capacity and nervous system to be able to have the energy flow easy and not get stuck in any part of the energetic system. Plus of course that a lack of purpouse or usefullness can lead to feelings of " Nobody will care if I go anyway" and more of the self-narratives that can ultimate lead to the final choice of "Bye"

Integral is the only way to any problem. But there is always a root cause  in the body,mind or Spirit. 

[Carl-Richard]

Immediately refer him to suicide helplines:

Quote

What to do if you’re in a crisis?

If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts and urges, ask for help!

If you are in Iraq: Call 80069999 or Text TALK to 741741.

Otherwise find a suicide helpline in your country of residence

https://www.unitad.un.org/content/suicide-prevention#:~:text=If you are struggling with,or Text TALK to 741741.

Edited 22 hours ago by Carl-Richard

[ChrisZoZo]

11 hours ago, Ayham said:

and he knows this is better for him

Killing him self is better for him? Surely you know that is nonsense. 
 

Say on this that it’s a waste of the knowledge/wisdom he gained so far to die. 

Here is a clip of someone with incurable depression getting cured it’s always possible to cure because you were always the self. I get this as far out there but it’s the best and only advice I can give on this.

 

[Buck Edwards]

11 hours ago, Raze said:

IFS isn’t done with a family 

[Hojo]

Tell him its a void of nothing and its scary and that all his problems will still be there because its about how he is witnessing reality and that can change in 1 second. You just have to ask God for help with your whole body. There is a chance that he is not right about his situation and is being tricked by a demon. When you want to commit suicide it means you have 0 life energy.

Edited 10 hours ago by Hojo

[Carl-Richard]

1 hour ago, Buck Edwards said:

AI will be the end of us all 🙈 I only had a vague understanding of IFS from before, and now I spent 1 minute reading through the wikipedia, and this is my understanding:

In IFS, the mind is conceptualized as many sub-personalities acting together like in a family relationship and quite logically uses lessons from systemic family therapy to inform that understanding. In other words, the "family" in this case is "internal" to the person (and is a "system"; a relationship between parts).

Go to wikipedia or other "real" sources for facts and theories. AI will rot your mind and enable your biases.

Edited 9 hours ago by Carl-Richard

[Davidess]

@Carl-Richard According to the book "Internal Family Systems Therapy" by R. C. Schwarz and M. Sweezy (https://www.amazon.com/Internal-Family-Systems-Therapy-Second/dp/B0D6NHXN29), there's an entire section about how to do IFS with external (physical) families. According to the book, doing IFS with external families can facilitate doing IFS, since, "burdens" and "manager/firefighter" parts are usually internalised from external (physical) families and doing IFS with families can facilitate letting go of the "burdens" and dysfunctional roles of parts that want to commit suicide, because the parts are more easily going to let go of dysfunctional roles since the therapist shows the parts that there's no more danger (if there is none) to participate in dysfunctional roles.

[Buck Edwards]

4 hours ago, Davidess said:

@Carl-Richard According to the book "Internal Family Systems Therapy" by R. C. Schwarz and M. Sweezy (https://www.amazon.com/Internal-Family-Systems-Therapy-Second/dp/B0D6NHXN29), there's an entire section about how to do IFS with external (physical) families. According to the book, doing IFS with external families can facilitate doing IFS, since, "burdens" and "manager/firefighter" parts are usually internalised from external (physical) families and doing IFS with families can facilitate letting go of the "burdens" and dysfunctional roles of parts that want to commit suicide, because the parts are more easily going to let go of dysfunctional roles since the therapist shows the parts that there's no more danger (if there is none) to participate in dysfunctional roles.

True. 

[BlueOak]

Day to day. That's all you can do.

Freedom from abuse and control. Sounds familiar.

He'll get freedom gradually as he moves away from them, but it'll still be with him even then. You can show him how he can find freedom now, and show him the path he'll get it if he keeps going. You can't give him the feeling but you can supply the conditions for the contrast. His own decisions, his own place, his own job, his own his own his own. Empower the very center of him, and help him keep it stable.

He's got the reasons. Now he needs the goals, and the support to make it happen. Maybe start something as a pair, a hobby, a business, a website, a project, a holiday, whatever.

Edited 57 minutes ago by BlueOak

[Razard86]

21 hours ago, UnbornTao said:

It's a tricky situation. Essentially, talk him out of it.

I don't know the person, and this isn't therapeutic advice. I could point out that this ideation might be based on a desire for acknowledgement, or on a belief that one's emotional pain is unbearable for oneself. This isn't true. Maybe bring up situations when you've felt similarly to him, and tell him they just pass and life moves on. Show him he's stronger than he thinks. Situations of that nature can be used as lessons in many ways. But suicide itself is an act of cowardice, and rather foolish. Maybe getting grounded and detaching oneself from the circumstances help him see the situation more dispassionately, impersonally, free of so much drama and turmoil. Just some thoughts.

This statement is very immature. It actually takes great courage to end your life. The most valuable possession you have is your life, a person has to really be pushed to the brink to end their life. You don't understand how much emotional pain, and physical pain it takes to drive someone to actually do it. Cowardice is actually a defense mechanism against suicide. Unless you can create a painless exit, a coward can't commit suicide.

[Vynce]

If he is acutely on the verge of suicide, medications like benzodiazepines or even ketamines are a good acute solution. They bring their fair share of innate problems with them, but in a die or live situation, you have to win time.

Also, you can't really talk someone out of suicide. Reasoning and logic are not solution to feeling inherently terrible with ones self.

Go find a doctor asap.

[BlueOak]

1 minute ago, Vynce said:

If he is acutely on the verge of suicide, medications like benzodiazepines or even ketamines are a good acute solution. They bring their fair share of innate problems with them, but in a die or live situation, you have to win time.

Also, you can't really talk someone out of suicide. Reasoning and logic are not solution to feeling inherently terrible with ones self.

Go find a doctor asap.

You can.

If he's at the logical choice point, which I did a few months ago again. You could actually appeal to the logical part of his mind. In the end though I had to choose myself to give life another go.

Its almost like a choice point after the depression or the events that have plagued you and you reach a calm eye of the storm choice moment. That's the best way I could describe it to you. Someone doing it in a state of despair is much more likely to need someone there, or a hug, or some relief, but what the OP is describing is a conscious choice moment.

Your friend needs to see for himself that there is more to life than what he's experienced till this date, specifically a path or two to freedom.

[Sugarcoat]

Does he have the possibility of moving out? That would potentially solve the problem of him having a toxic family

[Princess Arabia]

20 minutes ago, Razard86 said:

This statement is very immature. It actually takes great courage to end your life. The most valuable possession you have is your life, a person has to really be pushed to the brink to end their life. You don't understand how much emotional pain, and physical pain it takes to drive someone to actually do it. Cowardice is actually a defense mechanism against suicide. Unless you can create a painless exit, a coward can't commit suicide.

This world is backwards. It's usually the opposite side of what things appear to be that's true or closer to being the case. You're right, I've heard people say they want to do it but are scared. So your point rings clear to me and i totally agree.