So Far Away

[jimwell]

I have been VBA-coding my Excel-based trading journal for weeks to make it as comprehensive as possible given my resources. I was taking a break 30 minutes ago when the word “Staind” popped into my head. Staind was one of the most popular bands I listened to when I was a teenager.

I searched it on Spotify and then clicked on this song:

Wear a headset with deep bass and then volume up (but not loud enough to damage your eardrums)

Just took me 2 seconds after clicking on the Play button it to remember the music and message of the song. It’s amazing because the last time I heard this song was more or less 2 decades ago.

I felt intense emotions because aside from the length of time that I wasn't able to hear it, I felt the nostalgia but also remembered the intense trauma, anxiety, depression, etc., I was experiencing at that time. I have endured extreme mental-emotional torture every second, every minute, every hour, every day, every week, every month, every year, for decades. Yes, God can be that cruel.

https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/103242-how-to-stop-being-a-scapegoat-by-teal-swan/

The emotional impact while listening to it was significant enough for me to break my 5 to 7 consecutive weeks of forum non-participation. I understand the song much more deeply now than when I was a teenager because, now in my 30s, I have been experiencing So far away and I’m not ashamed to be the person I am today. I was too internally destroyed when I was a teenager; I even struggled to conceptually understand these phrases.

The songwriter was probably referring to the fame, money, and musical success he accomplished when he was writing the song. I have had my own successes in life, but not in the domains of what he was referring to. But, I still resonate with the song because I have accomplished things which are even much greater and more profound:

• SELF-CONQUEST

• SELF-GROWTH

• SELF-HEALING

• SELF-AWARENESS

• SELF-CONTROL

• SELF-MOTIVATION

• SELF-VALIDATION

• SELF-SATISFACTION

• SELF-LOVE

• SELF-RESPECT

• SELF-ACCEPTANCE

• SELF-ESTEEM

• SELF-CONFIDENCE

• INTERNAL STRENGTH

• WILLPOWER

• BRAVERY

• MASCULINITY

• INTELLIGENCE

• BEAUTY

Indeed, in a few ways, I have become the biggest narcissist. But, the fact that I am the OPPOSITE of a narcissist stays true. It’s akin to blending summer and winter into a unified SuperSeason.   

Edited November 10 by jimwell
changed "after playing it" to "after clicking on the Play button", modified title capitalization

[jimwell]

I had my late-night spiritual walk and run tonight. 

https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/94423-romance-with-existence-at-night/

This time, I wore my Samsung watch to document the workout data. It includes 3 runs and a series of walks in between. The first run is slow running; the second is a combination of slow and fast running; the third is slow running.

The Entire Activity:

 

Runs:

This should inspire and motivate somebody's ass.