Who decides what behavior is 'socially calibrated'?

[mr_engineer]

There has been some talk about 'you have to go out to know what socially calibrated behavior is'. 

Here's my question - who makes the rules of what we define as 'socially calibrated behavior'? Why do we have to give someone else the right to define that for us? I prefer to make my own rules on this front and I prefer to be the judger of other people's social-calibration, not the other way around. 

[mr_engineer]

To those of you who consider yourselves as 'not having been socially calibrated' previously, and 'now you are socially calibrated' - why did you allow other people to define the social rules that you follow? Why didn't you just behave authentically and let the chips fall where they may? 

[NoSelfSelf]

Well its more like you become aware that none social calibration is not actually what you want to stand on.Its like why not walking around with holes in a shirt with your breakfest on it,well you dont want to be present yourself as such.

[mr_engineer]

2 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

Well its more like you become aware that none social calibration is not actually what you want to stand on.

Could you please use different words to explain this? 

[NoSelfSelf]

Just now, mr_engineer said:

Could you please use different words to explain this? 

Well standing on something is what you represent,so someone could stand on their money which they see is most important part of them,some can stand on their beauty which is what they showcase them as.

When you become aware about what you want to stand on and actually what represent your name, then you gonna most likely choose the most wisest option, which is being socialy callibrated because you stand on your intelligence,pierece insight,logic and best version of yourself vs being anything just because you feel like it.

[Sugarcoat]

I think social calibration should come naturally mostly. It’s intuitive, it’s not logical rules although one could maybe create a loose framework based on analyzing experiences.
 

There can be blockages to accessing this natural flow. If you for example are socially anxious, if you have low self esteem, if you’re autistic (sometimes), if you have judgements, it can make you act “stiff” and not in your natural intuitive flow. So by exposing yourself to social situations it forces you to face these blockages and hopefully can dissolve them to access your natural flow. And since people in general are somewhat in tune with this natural flow, it creates a loose definition of social calibration that many agree on collectively. It’s not there for no reason

[NoSelfSelf]

Just now, Sugarcoat said:

I think social calibration should come naturally mostly. It’s intuitive, it’s not logical rules although one could maybe create a loose framework based on analyzing experiences.
 

There can be blockages to accessing this natural flow. If you for example are socially anxious, if you have low self esteem, if you’re autistic (sometimes), if you have judgements, it can make you act “stiff” and not in your natural intuitive flow. So by exposing yourself to social situations it forces you to face these blockages and hopefully can dissolve them to access your natural flow. And since people in general are somewhat in tune with this natural flow, it creates a loose definition of social calibration that many agree on collectively. It’s not there for no reason

It comes naturally to women,for me(and most guys)to get on average woman level of social calibration takes years of work.

[mr_engineer]

And, what even is the point of 'being socially calibrated'? Is it to show off to others how socially calibrated you are?! 

If you're able to be authentic and connect with other people, the job is done, right?! Or, does all of this have to happen in a way that's 'acceptable to society'?! 

[NoSelfSelf]

2 minutes ago, mr_engineer said:

And, what even is the point of 'being socially calibrated'? Is it to show off to others how socially calibrated you are?! 

If you're able to be authentic and connect with other people, the job is done, right?! Or, does all of this have to happen in a way that's 'acceptable to society'?! 

So you can understand whats going on 😅

[Sugarcoat]

20 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

It comes naturally to women,for me(and most guys)to get on average woman level of social calibration takes years of work.

Never heard of that before. For me it took years too of dismantling social anxiety , but then it came naturally . So it was some work involved. But I’m not the common case so what u saying still applies probably

Edited November 4 by Sugarcoat

[NoSelfSelf]

8 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

Never heard of that before. For me it took years too of dismantling social anxiety , but then it came naturally . So it was some work involved. But I’m not the common case so what u saying still applies

Well you probably heared that women mature faster,so with that maturity and how women are naturally made for fitting in the groups, bonding and how in order to survive to be able to sense weakness vs strenght.

So women are socially superior naturally,if a guy doesnt learn but yeah your social anxiety could block it, but guy getting rid of social anxiety wont open him up for intuitive social calibration(typically). You could be different from the herd im speaking on the women as a whole.

Edited November 4 by NoSelfSelf

[Schizophonia]

Collective unconscious.

 

[Sugarcoat]

6 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

Well you probably heared that women mature faster,so with that maturity and how women are naturally made for fitting in the groups, bonding and how in order to survive to be able to sense weakness vs strenght.

So women are socially superior naturally,if a guy doesnt learn but yeah your social anxiety could block it, but guy getting rid of social anxiety wont open him up for intuitive social calibration(typically). You could be different from the herd im speaking on the women as a whole.

I’ve noticed that social superiority too all around me so I agree. I know you speaking of women in general. 
 

for me the getting rid of social anxiety opened up for intuitive social calibration but I didn’t know it doesn’t work like that for many guys so that’s an interesting perspective . It’s like that’s the first step then comes work after that 

[NoSelfSelf]

2 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

I’ve noticed that social superiority too all around me so I agree. I know you speaking of women in general. 
 

for me the getting rid of social anxiety opened up for intuitive social calibration but I didn’t know it doesn’t work like that for many guys so that’s an interesting perspective . It’s like that’s the first step then comes work after that 

You would be surprised how much average guy is clueless and dont understand anything.While women has so called emotional perfect pitch to sniff out average guy quickly,sense things without even trying.When i started to see things it opened up a new world,i can sense things really well when someone is lying or playing games so i can then cut them off like women cuts off the average guy when he approaches her.

[Sugarcoat]

6 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

You would be surprised how much average guy is clueless and dont understand anything.While women has so called emotional perfect pitch to sniff out average guy quickly,sense things without even trying.When i started to see things it opened up a new world,i can sense things really well when someone is lying or playing games so i can then cut them off like women cuts off the average guy when he approaches her.

You just opened me up to a new perspective. I knew women were better than men socially and emotionally but not to that degree. I feel those things came naturally to me as a woman as I got less insecure in myself . But then as you say for guys getting rid of insecurity is just first step , it won’t just come naturally after that

[NoSelfSelf]

5 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

You just opened me up to a new perspective. I knew women were better than men socially and emotionally but not to that degree. I feel those things came naturally to me as a woman as I got less insecure in myself . But then as you say for guys getting rid of insecurity is just first step , it won’t just come naturally after that

No that's why there is so much whining in dating circles, it doesnt come naturally to guys its completely opposite, they know so little and understand so little ,that the woman just leaves them or dont give a chance because they see how much they dont know what they are doing.

[Sugarcoat]

Just now, NoSelfSelf said:

No that's why there is so much whining in dating circles, it doesnt come naturally to guys its completely opposite, they know so little and understand so little ,that the woman just leaves them or dont give a chance because they see how much they dont know what they are doing.

And not all guys are willing to put in the work for it, so that’s what separates them

[NoSelfSelf]

Just now, Sugarcoat said:

And not all guys are willing to put in the work for it, so that’s what separates them

Yes even those who put in the work are so stubborn and wont put away their self importance aside to learn.2 things guys think they are experts at, in fighting and with women so there is no hope for alooot of them.

[Sugarcoat]

4 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

Yes even those who put in the work are so stubborn and wont put away their self importance aside to learn.2 things guys think they are experts at, in fighting and with women so there is no hope for alooot of them.

lol right.

[Schizophonia]

55 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

 

So women are socially superior naturally

We don't have the same sister/mother lol

Edited November 4 by Schizophonia