Specialitis

[PurpleTree]

I’ve heard this term from Emerson once and liked it.

The need of the separate self to feel, be or appear as special.

I had and still have it quite strong.

Probably comes from early childhood.

i’ve always wanted to be special and then confirmation bias often confirmed how special i am.

Then spirituality can also get hijacked by it. I’m spiritual so i’m deeper/more special/have so e knowledge others don’t have.

I have a special path and so on.

I hope i can become enlightened so i can be very very moar special.

It is a part of separation obviously, how can one part be more special than the other.

Anyway it is a bit fun this specialitis the feeling to be special. 
 

Could be special in a good way but also in a bad way. Like I’m worse than everybody else.

Anywho it’s also exhausting this need to be, feel or be seen as special. I hope it collapses soon.

Pace 

[Sugarcoat]

There’s two ways to deal with this need to be special. Either you work on yourself and become special, or you accept mediocrity and settle for that. There’s also a difference between wanting to be special for yourself vs to appear special for the world. 

[PurpleTree]

1 minute ago, Sugarcoat said:

There’s two ways to deal with this need to be special. Either you work on yourself and become special, or you accept mediocrity and settle for that. There’s also a difference between wanting to be special for yourself vs to appear special for the world. 

There’s no me to become special.

The is nobody. Nothing.

How can no thing be special?

allegedly

[Sugarcoat]

1 minute ago, PurpleTree said:

There’s no me to become special.

The is nobody. Nothing.

How can no thing be special?

allegedly

Maybe it’s like that absolutely but it stills feels as if there is someone. The best thing would be to realize there’s nobody ofc

[Princess Arabia]

2 minutes ago, PurpleTree said:

There’s no me to become special.

The is nobody. Nothing.

How can no thing be special?

allegedly

Lol. You have gone mad. Lol. Oh I forgot there's no you to go mad.

Edited October 31 by Princess Arabia

[PurpleTree]

Just now, Princess Arabia said:

Lol. You have gone mad. Lol. Oh I forgot there's no you to go mad.

There’s just nothing appearing as madness 🦭

1 minute ago, Sugarcoat said:

Maybe it’s like that absolutely but it stills feels as if there is someone. The best thing would be to realize there’s nobody ofc

And even that apparent "someone" seemingly doesn’t have a free will to become special or become anything other than is.

allegedly.

[Sugarcoat]

1 minute ago, PurpleTree said:

And even that apparent "someone" seemingly doesn’t have a free will to become special or become anything other than is.

allegedly.

I wish I could realize that. 

[PurpleTree]

3 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

I wish I could realize that. 

I didn’t really realise it. It’s just what it seems to me.

[Sugarcoat]

Just now, PurpleTree said:

I didn’t really realise it. It’s just what it seems to me.

I can intuit that it’s true. But I haven’t “seen it for myself” because I still have a sense of self if that makes sense. I’m guessing it’s the same for you, that’s why those non dual talks resonate. 

Edited October 31 by Sugarcoat

[PurpleTree]

Just now, Sugarcoat said:

I can intuit that it’s true. But I haven’t “seen it for myself” because I still have a sense of self if that makes sense. I’m guessing it’s the same for you, that’s why those non dual talks resonate. 

Yes there is a sense of self. Often it can be seen through a bit though and sometimes the sense of self can be strong and contracted and sometimes the veil can be very thing seemingly. A part of me certainly doesn’t want to leave because apparently losing the self is also devastating. It’s seemingly losing all relationships, stories, time etc.

[Princess Arabia]

13 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

I wish I could realize that. 

You don't need to. Jim Newman also says, "there's no one there that recognizes there's no one there, while pointing to himself. There's something that apparently happened that allowed for that recognition. There's also an opening within infinity that can allow for this. I've just realized it because of everything that I've learnt and became aware of and understood. It all came together. It's just kind of obvious. It's not like I'm sitting here saying there's no one to myself. Who would be saying that. Jim Newman still lives his life Roses Roses still lives her life. They have realized, however, that the I never existed and i've realized it too. The I doesn't realize it never existed because there's no I to realize anything of the sort. Hard to put in words and realize and recognize aren't really the words but they're close enough,

Edited October 31 by Princess Arabia

[Sugarcoat]

5 minutes ago, PurpleTree said:

Yes there is a sense of self. Often it can be seen through a bit though and sometimes the sense of self can be strong and contracted and sometimes the veil can be very thing seemingly. A part of me certainly doesn’t want to leave because apparently losing the self is also devastating. It’s seemingly losing all relationships, stories, time etc.

I see what you’re saying. I’ve experienced a thinning of the self too and yes it can be scary. But apparently it’s supposed to be the most beautiful thing ever, for it to drop completely 

[Sugarcoat]

I wonder if there is any correlation between spiritual practice and enlightenment (total drop of self). Some non dualists , like Jim Newman for example I think, says that nothing is correlated to the drop in self. That it’s hopeless. Some teachers preach about practice. I wonder what the truth is. For me im more in the hopeless view. For me I feel the self has such a life of its own. Can’t imagine what could possibly make it fall away. Seems like endless hours of practice and endless psychedelics would be needed. And even from that I’m not sure it would fall away

Edited October 31 by Sugarcoat

[Princess Arabia]

4 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

I see what you’re saying. I’ve experienced a thinning of the self too and yes it can be scary. But apparently it’s supposed to be the most beautiful thing ever, for it to drop completely 

It's not there. How can something that's not there drops. You will always feel like how you feel. Don't be misled. The difference will or may come with how you see things and perceive things and respond. How can someone all of a sudden feel like they're not a person when they never were.

Edited October 31 by Princess Arabia

[PurpleTree]

Just now, Sugarcoat said:

I see what you’re saying. I’ve experienced a thinning of the self too and yes it can be scary. But apparently it’s supposed to be the most beautiful thing ever, for it to drop completely 

Yea i think it would feel very freeing (for nobody) Especially if that sense of separate self was very contracted and constricting and controlling. Like i have to be more like that, i can’t be like this, others have to be more like that and so on. Some people already feel quite free while others don’t seemingly.

[Sugarcoat]

Just now, Princess Arabia said:

It's not there. How can something that's not there drops. You will always feel like how you feel. Don't be misled. The difference will or may come with how you see things and perceive things and respond. How can someone all of a sudden feel like they're nit a person when they never were.

It’s difficult for the mind to grasp this and formulate it well. Maybe in absolute sense there’s no difference between before the “drop” and after, as they say. But in some sense there is a difference between when the sense of self seems to be there vs not

[Sugarcoat]

2 minutes ago, PurpleTree said:

Yea i think it would feel very freeing (for nobody) Especially if that sense of separate self was very contracted and constricting and controlling. Like i have to be more like that, i can’t be like this, others have to be more like that and so on. Some people already feel quite free while others don’t seemingly.

Exactly I agree. There’s a lot of tension all over associated with the self. 

[PurpleTree]

2 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

I wonder if there is any correlation between spiritual practice and enlightenment (total drop of self). Some non dualists , like Jim Newman for example I think, says that nothing is correlated to the drop in self. That it’s hopeless. Some teachers preach about practice. I wonder what the truth is. For me im more in the hopeless view. For me I feel the self has such a life of its own. Can’t imagine what could possibly make it fall away. Seems like endless hours of practice and endless psychedelics would be needed. And even from that I’m not sure it would fall away

Are you watching non dual talks often? Yes it’s hard to say. Some people seemingly seek for decades and decades without "liberation" while others hear something and the illusion of self fades away allegedly.

[Sugarcoat]

2 minutes ago, PurpleTree said:

Are you watching non dual talks often? Yes it’s hard to say. Some people seemingly seek for decades and decades without "liberation" while others hear something and the illusion of self fades away allegedly.

There was a period I watched quite a lot of non dual talk. I used to do meditation too and a little bit of other practice. But I don’t anymore. Nonetheless I still think if liberation is a desire, it’s a good idea to pursue it, like Leo says, regardless if the chance seems very small. Why not, can’t loose anything by trying. Maybe one day one realizes one doesn’t have to try at all, or something. 

Edited October 31 by Sugarcoat

[Princess Arabia]

2 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

I wonder if there is any correlation between spiritual practice and enlightenment (total drop of self). Some non dualists , like Jim Newman for example I think, says that nothing is correlated to the drop in self. That it’s hopeless. Some teachers preach about practice. I wonder what the truth is. For me im more in the hopeless view. For me I feel the self has such a life of its own. Can’t imagine what could possibly make it fall away. Seems like endless hours of practice and endless psychedelics would be needed. And even from that I’m not sure it would fall away

It's not about being hopeless. The "me" is what's believing that. There's nothing hopeful or hopeless in this regard. It really doesn't matter if you're enlightened or not. There's nothing that can change what is. You're saying to feel like a person or not a person. You will always feel like a person in this human form. All this enlightenment and awaken stuff are just experiences the I is having. There's only consciousness, how can consciousness be what it's not. It's all different states of consciousness. This is already freedom and liberation. It's so free and liberated that it can appear as not free and liberated. There are no limits or rules to freedom and liberation. It's the apparent I energy, that wants to be free and liberated. It doesn't realize it doesn't exist and it's a dream. The I's everywhere will deny this and dislike what i'm saying, but it is the case.