How can I become socially stronger?

[1337]

I realize the question is general.

I would be happy if you could share general useful tips about this concept

I don't like the idea of being alone and singular forever, and I hope i can change my situation.

Even if I'm an introvert, I don't want to admit it

Have a nice day!

[Davino]

Expose yourself to massive social interactions

You'll learn

Do you know how my grandfathers learnt to swim?

They threw them to the river when they were babies

They tried and tried to swim, crying and moving desperately

Everyone looking

They drowned

When their face was purple

They took them out

A couple of deep breaths

 

And threw them back to the river

At the third time they cognised how to swim

Do the same with yourself

Take the deep dive

To never return

Edited October 28, 2024 by Davino

[Rigel]

Just like anything you get good by doing it a lot with an intention of learning & mastering.

Open mind

Open heart; be emotional goddamn it

Put yourself in uncomfortable situations until they are comfortable & then push it even further. Few people discussions -> crowd interaction -> public speaking.

Get rid of all neediness. People will give themselves for free when you no longer need them to. Give & receive. Never take.

[1337]

@Davino The example you gave is good. So I'm going to bite the bullet. But how can I overcome this: when I interact with people, I regret the things I did during that interaction for a long time. I wish I had said this or did he misunderstand me? Did he get a bad impression? etc.

[1337]

@Rigel what do you mean by "Give & receive. Never take."  i didn't get what you mean. What is the difference between take and receive?

 

You're right about being emotional. That's why talking with artificial intelligence is so unpleasant.

Edited October 28, 2024 by 1337

[Yimpa]

17 minutes ago, 1337 said:

But how can I overcome this: when I interact with people, I regret the things I did during that interaction for a long time. I wish I had said this or did he misunderstand me? Did he get a bad impression? etc.

Don’t try to force the interaction to go a certain way. It doesn’t work. You don’t get to control how other people respond to what you say or do.

[Jacob Morres]

Observe how socially adept people interact and copy some things from them

Befriend socially adept people and learn through osmosis 

Gather best principles for social skills (through books, videos, your contemplations or other people)

Gain repetitions in some form (lots of different environments to learn from)  

Have a growth mindset and iterate *constantly*

 

Consider also your inner game - it's probably half the battle for a lot of people (Things like good mentality, self-esteem, mental health).

Also if you have something like social anxiety it can be worked through with exposure as well as some type of self-therapy 

Edited October 28, 2024 by Jacob Morres

[Basman]

1 hour ago, 1337 said:

I realize the question is general.

I would be happy if you could share general useful tips about this concept

I don't like the idea of being alone and singular forever, and I hope i can change my situation.

Even if I'm an introvert, I don't want to admit it

Have a nice day!

Experience is the biggest factor. It will expose you to your insecurities and force you to grow. How can you ensure that you get more interactions in your day to day? That is a deciding factor.

Get excited about becoming more socially comfortable. Socializing feels good and is highly enriching. Its core to your self-esteem. Its just that we tend to hold a lot of misconceptions and limited beliefs around it.

Find the principles that help make sense of it all.

[Basman]

1 hour ago, Davino said:

Expose yourself to massive social interactions

You'll learn

Do you know how my grandfathers learnt to swim?

They threw them to the river when they were babies

They tried and tried to swim, crying and moving desperately

Everyone looking

They drowned

When their face was purple

They took them out

A couple of deep breaths

 

And threw them back to the river

At the third time they cognised how to swim

Do the same with yourself

Take the deep dive

To never return

Its a fine analogy but I really hate this idea of chucking kids into the water. Like, just teach them. Why you gotta turn their childhood into a liberal bootstrap delusion.

[Rigel]

4 hours ago, 1337 said:

@Rigel what do you mean by "Give & receive. Never take."  i didn't get what you mean. What is the difference between take and receive?

 

You're right about being emotional. That's why talking with artificial intelligence is so unpleasant.

I mean give & if it’s reciprocated, fantastic. If it’s not, fantastic. You aren’t diminished by or aggrandized in anyway.

People can be socially anxious because they approach the interaction from a place of deficiency and are unconsciously looking for approval to fill it. Expecting approval from others is a form of taking. It’s transactional.

I mean give & then receive the outcome in whatever form it takes.

I don’t know, receiving & taking feel very different to me.

Taking is selfishness & neediness. Receiving is reverence, gratitude & appreciation for the mirroring of your own loving output.

Edited October 29, 2024 by Rigel

[Davino]

On 28/10/2024 at 9:21 PM, 1337 said:

But how can I overcome this: when I interact with people, I regret the things I did during that interaction for a long time. I wish I had said this or did he misunderstand me? Did he get a bad impression? etc.

You need to recontextualize that

See what is actually going on

This is how your mind is learning, working and growing. You are contemplating what you did right and wrong. In the same way the kid reflected upon its water experience and was a bit tramatized making sense of it all, so that when he got right back in, all that afterthought came in handy.

See, now when that happens you will realize. Oh! It is my mind learning how to ineract with other people, this is not an inconveniece but the process itself. I expose myself to massive experience and then I learn about it, I contemplate it: oh what did I do there! How weird and uncalibrated now that I see it from a bigger perspective, well it's okay I can laugh at myself!

Edited October 30, 2024 by Davino

[Davino]

On 28/10/2024 at 10:35 PM, Basman said:

Its a fine analogy but I really hate this idea of chucking kids into the water. Like, just teach them. Why you gotta turn their childhood into a liberal bootstrap delusion.

Why you gotta hide the harsh truths about reality?

My generation and the ones coming are all spolied, just saying

Life is brutal, we live in crystal bubbles of comfort

They did that to their kids because just five years afterwards their mother died of tuberculosis. Life is tough gotta learn quick, this is the context

From within the current economical and first world country context this sounds barbaric

A hundred years ago this was one of the best acts of love you could perform to your children

Edited October 30, 2024 by Davino

[Spiral]

Please don’t use the color yellow on a white background

[Basman]

8 minutes ago, Davino said:

Why you gotta hide the harsh truths about reality?

My generation and the ones coming are all spolied, just saying

Life is brutal, we live in crystal bubbles of comfort

They did that to their kids because just five years afterwards their mother died of tuberculosis. Life is tough gotta learn quick, this is the context

From within the current economical and first world country context this sounds barbaric

A hundred years ago this was one of the best acts of love you could perform to your children

What a load...

We live better lives now because we don't chuck kids into water.

If you want to teach a child something, just teach them. Abuse only teaches children fear. Its obvious and stupid.

[Davino]

@Basman Of course, at our current level of development and sitting in the shoulders of our ancestors it is quite obvious 

[Basman]

3 hours ago, Davino said:

@Basman Of course, at our current level of development and sitting in the shoulders of our ancestors it is quite obvious 

If you recognize it as barbaric why do you present it as aspirational?

 

[Davino]

@Basman I present it as a metaphor.

You're taking it literally 

Even in the barbaric literal facts, I understand them an do not demonize them. My mind perfectly cognises why that happens to be and how it was necessary as a stepping stone for us to be where we are today. 

Certainly not advocating to traumatize children, life will take care of that when they become adults 

[Kokorec]

On 28/10/2024 at 8:57 PM, Davino said:

Expose yourself to massive social interactions

You'll learn

Do you know how my grandfathers learnt to swim?

They threw them to the river when they were babies

They tried and tried to swim, crying and moving desperately

Everyone looking

They drowned

When their face was purple

They took them out

A couple of deep breaths

 

And threw them back to the river

At the third time they cognised how to swim

Do the same with yourself

Take the deep dive

To never return

Last part hit deep

[Aaron p]

Taking up the path is highly effective for social strength. If your looking for confidence just go into a few other dimensions and you'll automatically get very strong in all areas of life

[Emerald]

On 10/28/2024 at 3:57 PM, Davino said:

Expose yourself to massive social interactions

You'll learn

Do you know how my grandfathers learnt to swim?

They threw them to the river when they were babies

They tried and tried to swim, crying and moving desperately

Everyone looking

They drowned

When their face was purple

They took them out

A couple of deep breaths

 

And threw them back to the river

At the third time they cognised how to swim

Do the same with yourself

Take the deep dive

To never return

I get that you're using this as a metaphor. But I think your grandfathers were telling you an exaggerated tale.

And you definitely shouldn't take that as gospel regarding how to raise a baby... nor suggest that to anyone else. I'm sure you wouldn't feel very good if someone drowns their baby because of your suggestion.

These notions of "back in the good ol' days we used to _____. But now we're too soft and spoiled." are things that you can find every generation of older people saying about every generation of younger people.

And you find older people idealizing and embellishing stories about how they used to face with all manner of exaggerated dynamics.

You can even find accounts from ancient times of older people talking about how the younger generations are too soft, disrespectful, stupid, etc.

And you're not going to save society from "softness" by throwing babies in a river. Whoever does that would just go to prison.. and rightly so.

You teach babies to swim by getting them to feel safe and comfortable in the water as they develop the skill. Babies have a reflex called the "Moro Reflex" where a startled scared baby will automatically throw their arms out and their head back. 

And a baby who is drowning would just be doing the Moro Reflex in response to being thrown int he river and wouldn't be able to swim.

Plus, swimming is a learned skill... not an instinct.

You just traumatize them and make them feel powerless by dropping them in the water without an adult to help them get used to the situation... especially throwing them in the river that way because the river would just take them further and further away. And the adults wouldn't even be able to save them.

I worked with a client whose mom did that to her as an infant with the same logic.

She dropped her in a swimming pool as a baby thinking she would eventually swim... and a man nearby had to save her from drowning.

And even though that happened to her as an infant, she still has trauma patterns around that experience.