Middle of the Road + Question

[kavaris]

Alright, i have a burning question i find myself asking now, internally... And thats how to *think*, act and dream in this sortve straight and very narrow path, but still discover new and interesting things... Like...

There seems to be this direct contradiction between: The thing we would want to do, versus the things we need so as for it to for realistic and like... real... like...

I realized theres these two parts that unfold in a world of possibility, its like... One is to approach the white and shining thought, and the other is like anticipating it (WHILE believing), on the other side... Where its ostensibly from a place that you hadnt actually thought of really, or not in a way that hasnt defied the whole premise of self discovery.

But when you are observing all thoughts, and entirely tracing everything from start to destination, its like... Well wtf is this now, i have to anticipate it as the second turn, before the final prestige can occur. But if you are observing it, anticipating, and having to force it like, "i tell my mind now i believe", then what even is that and is it even something that any person would ever feel like... Yes... Great, real fun...

To me it seems like, not very good... Good would be where you dont understand how anything is happening, and you are guessing at random ideas you have... before it all comes tumbling down for not working... iuno, i guess what im saying is that its kindve retarded, iuno like...

iuno what would be the right direction to go with that...

[Evelyna]

@kavaris Have you ever thought of discipline and freedom as complementary rather than contradictory? Think of it as setting an intention—a direction or goal—but allowing room for surprises along the way. 
In the end, you’re right: the most exciting discoveries often come unexpectedly. It’s about setting the stage for them to happen, then letting them surprise you.
Inspiration and self-discovery often have cycles. Sometimes you’ll feel clear and motivated, and other times it’s all about exploring random ideas without needing immediate results. Rather than ‘forcing’ belief, you could practice trust—trust that your ideas will evolve and take shape at their own pace, with moments of both control and spontaneity. 

[kavaris]

@Evelyna "Likes"👍

I suppose your right. I guess it has to do with the sudden influx of creative things that are now rejoining this sense of like, very deep pain that ive emerged from, coupled with trying to find a way to reverse it, but also trying to operate the control panel in such a radically different way...

Its like this nuanced mechanism that im trying to wrap my head around, like... A) you are approaching some undefined texture, B) You are anticipating/believing it to be, C) theres some nuances in there still, cause its like... like, its microscopic dingbats & gizmo's, and its like im trying to influence one variable in a multi-sea, multi-variable situation—that is to say its like its only having had *half* the influence, as we are not present from every direction possible. theres only so much we could ever acknowledge in that process, although its still enough to change it!..

Its like, the thing im tryin' to say takes awhile to pull apart, and i end up writing multiple pages in my attempt... which leads to erasing it, cause its like... ive changed my mind suddenly, typve thing...

Like, im selling you a misfit stuffed animal w/ the buttons missing, then im like, "WAIT, No.. its actually got poison in it, i just remembered srr..

and its a cycle of trying to make sense -> create/express it in a new way -> erase it cause its too absorbed w/ me -> and then i try to remember if its following the right sequence... because if i got too... silly.. or too.. dark or something, i have to do deep reconstrucion on that part... cause, in retrospect, it wouldnt just be about the mechanism in our mind, but what we were working on, or the final artifact thereafter that was passed the torch so to speak, in terms of being a kindve, "from our heart" typve enthusiasm, that is like a piece of the puzzle youve created so that the mind may continue (almost putting to mind to rest in some sense, by means of making sense—where sense could not be made prior)... and all of that becomes its own effigy, if that makes sense, lol.

Edited October 29 by kavaris

[kavaris]

i suppose we could just say, that theres a larger, dark cloud typve entity in the mix that is making it hard to do anything consciousness related, or to like... to  *fit* everything into a perfect frame, its like... theres no frame or box that can contain this picture. ... thats like a more simplistic, boiled, refined, many times - version.

Edited October 29 by kavaris