I just returned from a Darkness Retreat - A report

[Daniel123]

I wanted to share with you my experience of the past few days. I hope to answer some questions for anyone who is thinking about going on a dark retreat themselves.

 

The retreat took place in a monastery over 4 nights. I was very nervous before the retreat, as I had neglected my meditation practice a bit lately. What would await me in the darkness? Would all my demons, which I had more or less successfully suppressed so far, come to the surface and torment me? These questions occupied my mind on the way to the monastery.

Upon arrival, I was warmly welcomed and led to my room, which would define my life for the next few days. I could set myself up in the light and arrange my clothes and belongings so that I could find them later. The room consisted of a small anteroom with a table where the food was served, which also functioned as an airlock to the main room and bathroom. Meals were served twice daily, morning and evening, but not at precisely fixed times, to slightly unsettle my sense of time.

In the evening, I had my introductory talk with my guide. She asked me questions about my previous experience with inner work, and I had the opportunity to voice my questions. After the conversation, we went to the room together; she darkened the window and lit a candle, which she placed on the floor between us. After a moment of pause, the time came when she left the room along with the candle. From that point on, it was dark, very dark.

Orientation now relied solely on my memory and mostly my sense of touch. Showering, eating, brushing teeth in complete darkness was new to me, but I was surprised at how quickly I got used to it and felt as if I had never done anything else. When the food was served, there was a knock on the outer door. I then closed my inner door and confirmed this with a knock. Only then was the tray brought into the room. This ensured that I did not come into contact with light.

Once a day, my guide would come to my room to discuss the day's experiences with me. She was very empathetic yet sharp and trained, giving me no opportunity to get lost in philosophical concepts, instead always bringing me back to my current experience whenever I drifted off.

As the darkness enveloped me, my mind quickly became quiet. I did not find the darkness threatening, but rather a warm-hearted companion.

Interesting phenomena occurred. I often saw flashes of light that illuminated my visual field or formed into colorful patterns.

My mind constantly tried to imagine my surroundings, and I felt that I could see the room despite complete pitch-black darkness.

I had a lucid dream, entirely without my intervention, in which I was aware that I was dreaming and could control my dream.

Once, I woke up from sleep and felt as if I was outside of my body. I saw interesting visual scenes, but I was completely clear and awake.

My sense of time was drastically reduced. The only point of reference I had was how long ago breakfast or dinner might have been. This allowed me to descend into a timeless space.

On the last day, I became very emotional and realized how much I run away from the darkness of my soul in everyday life instead of facing it.

Gradually, I merged with the darkness that surrounded me, and my sense of self was drastically reduced.

During the daily conversations, my guide spoke to me, but I responded to the darkness.

When the day came to let light back into the room, I felt very wistful. The darkness had become very familiar, and I felt as though I was losing a beloved friend. The transition was disorienting; I was dizzy, and I was glad to have another day in the light at the monastery for integration.

Overall, it was a wonderful experience with lots to integrate into daily life, and it certainly won't be my last dark retreat.

Edited October 27 by Daniel123

[Yimpa]

This was an enlightening read, thanks!

[ExploringReality]

Wow thank you for sharing this. I will do a darkness retreat. 

[Salvijus]

Bravo, bravo. 

Where did you do the retreat, if I may ask? I'm interested aswell. 

[Daniel123]

@Salvijus

 

I was in an advaitan monastery in northern Germany. It's called 'Gut Saunstorf'.

[Davino]

Quite cool

Congratulations for the experience