Social Isolation- Advice Needed

[Spiritedness]

@Leo Gura What are your top tips to make guy friends Leo? I got the same problem as OP...

[puporing]

Not to downplay your situation but you're already doing better than me.. I've accepted the cost of what I really am in exchange for social isolation (involuntary). There's basically nobody who I can be "me" around and that's not really a point for me for a true relationship/friendship built on who I am not.

So there's a cost to this work if you took it seriously is what I'm trying to say. 

I am literally in like an "isolation chamber" effectively, since the past 1-2 years as a result of this work lol. 

But that's still like nothing compared to what the first Christ had to go through after his death I imagine. He had about a 2 century worth of "isolation chamber" as far as I am aware.

Edited October 24 by puporing

[Lincisman]

11 hours ago, mmKay said:

what are some of the thoughts you have about the situation ?

That it shouldn't be this way.  That it will turn out badly for me, bc she will leave me and I will be left with nothing.

 

Thoughts like that

[Lincisman]

10 hours ago, Peo said:

Has happened to me a lot, but i just keep trying. I made a lot of friends by trial and error. Dont waste your time on people that dislike you and focus on finding someone that will like you. They exist just keep socializing and don't give up because of someone that dislike you. Making friends is also just a numbers game. No matter how good social skills you have someone will just not like you and thats life. 

Thank you for the reminder.

[Lincisman]

7 hours ago, Princess Arabia said:

Bad move. Can't question thoughts. What's going to answer back, thoughts. That's what you're also battling with, thoughts.

You know, Byron Katie "The Work" thing. I had this in mind. Not sure how helpful it can be in this situation. Just to shift my mind in a more relaxed way.

[Lincisman]

7 hours ago, selasomes said:

Hit the gym and read "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie—that should do the trick.

There are genuinely some interesting people at the gym.

Develop your charisma; being introverted is absolutely no excuse not to interact with the world.

If you’re feeling 'introverted,' consider starting a martial art as well.

I’ll be honest: if you were truly interesting, you wouldn’t struggle to make friends.

Trust me, I’ve seen both sides of the coin.

This is really what helped me.

Yes, I am already doing the physique building thing for like 2.5 years. Yes, I have met some of them, just by asking them to spot me.

Yes, I think I bring minimal value to the other person or to the conversation.

Martial arts gyms are too expensive right now for me.

 

Thanks for the book recommendations.

[mmKay]

2 hours ago, Lincisman said:

That it shouldn't be this way.  That it will turn out badly for me, bc she will leave me and I will be left with nothing.

 

Thoughts like that

do you think it's true that it shouldn't be that way? And if she were to leave you, you would be left with nothing forever?

How does having those thoughts make you feel?

[enchanted]

14 hours ago, Princess Arabia said:

Bad move. Can't question thoughts. What's going to answer back, thoughts. That's what you're also battling with, thoughts. 

14 hours ago, Peo said:

 

Questioning thoughts is a bad move?

[enchanted]

9 hours ago, Spiritedness said:

@Leo Gura What are your top tips to make guy friends Leo? I got the same problem as OP...

As good advice as any you will find

[Lincisman]

4 hours ago, mmKay said:

do you think it's true that it shouldn't be that way? And if she were to leave you, you would be left with nothing forever?

How does having those thoughts make you feel?

If what is true is that which is, then no, it's not true that it shouldn't be this way. 

It feels bad.

[Buck Edwards]

I have similar problems. I can't make a lot of friends. Solution is to find peace within yourself. You can still push yourself to socialize but it didn't work for me. Introverts be introverts.

 

[Peo]

1 hour ago, Buck Edwards said:

You can still push yourself to socialize but it didn't work for me. Introverts be introverts.

It worked for me. People these days tell me how confident and good social skills i have, when in reality i despise being social and perfer being alone. It just took a lot of suffering and putting myself out there to seem like a confident guy with good social skills. It can be brutal sometimes, but thats where i have got my biggest growth in life. 

[Buck Edwards]

2 minutes ago, Peo said:

It worked for me. People these days tell me how confident and good social skills i have, when in reality i despise being social and perfer being alone. It just took a lot of suffering and putting myself out there to seem like a confident guy with good social skills. It can be brutal sometimes, but thats where i have got my biggest growth in life. 

Maybe I didn't put it the right way. I suppose you're an introvert if I'm not wrong. Socialising will definitely improve social skills but it did not help my willingness to be around people, the more I socialised the worse I felt about people and humanity in general, I felt like people suck and so many bad experiences left a sour taste in my mouth. Now I keep to myself a lot. It helps to grow but it still sucks as usual. 

[Peo]

45 minutes ago, Buck Edwards said:

I suppose you're an introvert if I'm not wrong.

yes 

 

46 minutes ago, Buck Edwards said:

did not help my willingness to be around people, the more I socialised the worse I felt about people and humanity in general, I felt like people suck and so many bad experiences left a sour taste in my mouth.

I can relate to this. Although as i got older i found out that trying to find highly consoious people that are perfect is a pipe dream. I have come to accept that some people suck. Not everyone is going to be perfect angles. 

[Buck Edwards]

2 minutes ago, Peo said:

yes 

 

I can relate to this. Although as i got older i found out that trying to find highly consoious people that are perfect is a pipe dream. I have come to accept that some people suck. Not everyone is going to be perfect angles. 

True. 

[kray]

On 10/23/2024 at 0:16 PM, Leo Gura said:

Why don't you see her more?

And make some guy friends?

Girls are not supposed to fill a man's socialization needs. That's what guy friends are for.

Agreed, learned this the hard way and it had HUGE drawbacks. At the end of the day your woman is your woman, she’s at your side in times of victory and defeat, but she’s not your buddy!