Social Isolation- Advice Needed

[Lincisman]

Hi everyone,

I rarely post, but I need perspective on something that's been weighing on me.

I have a girlfriend whom I see once a week, sometimes only every other week. Beyond this relationship, I have very few social connections, which leaves me feeling lonely during the longer gaps between our meetings.

I've learned some cold-approach (my only way to socialize) and that makes me even more frustrated then I go outside and see other girls. I feel angry about depending on just one person for most of my social interaction. I don't want to continue this way.

This situation consumes my thoughts daily, leaving me distracted and irritable. In addition, I started a part time job working 3 days a week 8-5 and it feels like I have less time for this social activity thing. It's the second time I am in this situation. It makes me depressed and angry (but at the same time I know that is is not doing anything for me).

What should I do in this situation?

[Leo Gura]

Why don't you see her more?

And make some guy friends?

Girls are not supposed to fill a man's socialization needs. That's what guy friends are for.

[Lincisman]

10 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Why don't you see her more?

She studies in other city and goes back on weekends.

12 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

And make some guy friends?

How does that happen? My only knowledge is about cold-approaching girls. The thing is I am very introverted and people generally dislike me or avoid meeting me (like I have noticed that in college and my job) not all of course

[Yimpa]

Try Meetup.com

Don’t be like me and join groups only to not attend. You need to join, RSVP, and attend. No excuses. 

[Lincisman]

What I would like to be able to do is to be positive, love and accept this situation and go take action socializing.

But instead I get into a negative/depressive state of mind that renders me unable to take action and I just lay in bed. And on top of that I get angry at this state I am in and it's like double unhappy.

I tried questioning my thoughts but I am still confused

 

[mmKay]

What causes that negative / depressive state? What stops you from being  positive, accepting your situation and taking action socializing?

Edited October 23, 2024 by mmKay

[Lincisman]

11 minutes ago, mmKay said:

What causes that negative / depressive state? What stops you from being  positive, accepting your situation and taking action socializing?

Idk, probably my thoughts and perceptions about the situation. 

What else can it be?

[mmKay]

16 minutes ago, Lincisman said:

Idk, probably my thoughts and perceptions about the situation. 

What else can it be?

what are some of the thoughts you have about the situation ?

[Peo]

2 hours ago, Lincisman said:

The thing is I am very introverted and people generally dislike me or avoid meeting me (like I have noticed that in college and my job) not all of course

Has happened to me a lot, but i just keep trying. I made a lot of friends by trial and error. Dont waste your time on people that dislike you and focus on finding someone that will like you. They exist just keep socializing and don't give up because of someone that dislike you. Making friends is also just a numbers game. No matter how good social skills you have someone will just not like you and thats life. 

[Clarence]

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

And make some guy friends?

Girls are not supposed to fill a man's socialization needs. That's what guy friends are for.

Why guy friends specifically, and not just friends? I mean, female friends are great too.

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=REiKHCZpU6Y

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F7ghrUIiyzM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yC2ZiPfwf1M

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cgSjIuKjM9c

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J__skvDOBG8

Edited October 23, 2024 by Raze

[Princess Arabia]

4 hours ago, Lincisman said:

I tried questioning my thoughts but I am still confused

Bad move. Can't question thoughts. What's going to answer back, thoughts. That's what you're also battling with, thoughts. 

[selasomes]

Hit the gym and read "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie—that should do the trick.

There are genuinely some interesting people at the gym.

Develop your charisma; being introverted is absolutely no excuse not to interact with the world.

If you’re feeling 'introverted,' consider starting a martial art as well.

I’ll be honest: if you were truly interesting, you wouldn’t struggle to make friends.

Trust me, I’ve seen both sides of the coin.

This is really what helped me.

[selasomes]

I’d also say to build a network and learn to speak to literally anyone and everyone.

You’ll start becoming a bit of a network funnel, connecting people together.

Good social skills can make life so much more enjoyable, so don’t sleep on this.

Don’t sleep on physical appearance as well. Building a nice physique genuinely made people like me more.

[Peo]

2 minutes ago, selasomes said:

Don’t sleep on physical appearance as well. Building a nice physique genuinely made people like me more.

Thats bullshit, if someone liked me for my physical appearence i would not want to be friends with them. I dont care about my friends looks, i like them for their personality.

[selasomes]

19 minutes ago, Peo said:

Thats bullshit, if someone liked me for my physical appearence i would not want to be friends with them. I dont care about my friends looks, i like them for their personality.

Don't get me wrong, i'm just saying that really helped. But it's not the end of all your problems.

I ask you have you ever taken the time to build a good physique for yourself?

Edited October 23, 2024 by selasomes

[Kid A]

23 minutes ago, Peo said:

Thats bullshit, if someone liked me for my physical appearence i would not want to be friends with them. I dont care about my friends looks, i like them for their personality.

A great body isn’t just appearance. It requires hard work and character to achieve. You’re likely to become the average of your friends and you want friends that inspire you rather than the opposite.

[Peo]

24 minutes ago, selasomes said:

I ask you have you ever taken the time to build a good physique for yourself?

I am working on it with diet and gym. 

Then again how do you define a good phyique? Are you talking about pro bodybuilder physique with six pact and large arms or normal people? 

[selasomes]

12 minutes ago, Peo said:

I am working on it with diet and gym. 

Then again how do you define a good phyique? Are you talking about pro bodybuilder physique with six pact and large arms or normal people? 

Yes, I’d like to apologize for my lack of specificity.

When I refer to a good physique, it can vary from person to person. Some might envision a professional bodybuilder's physique, while others may simply think of being lean with minimal muscle mass.

Then there are those who might aspire to look like Leo; he’s lean without much muscle mass but still appears healthy and fit.

Ultimately, it’s about the physique you envision in your mind, the one that makes you think, 'This is how I want to look.'

[selasomes]

16 minutes ago, Peo said:

I am working on it with diet and gym. 

Then again how do you define a good phyique? Are you talking about pro bodybuilder physique with six pact and large arms or normal people? 

A great physique really says a lot about a person’s character. To me, having a good physique is a form of self-love, and it often reflects positively on how we connect with others.

For me, getting in shape kicked off a whole chain reaction. Once I started building my physique, I began to think about how I could improve other parts of my life. I started reading books, meditating, journaling, and even working on my finances.

Along the way, I met a lot of like-minded people who were also focused on self-improvement. They were genuine and chose not to just follow the crowd, which made a huge difference in my life.

Now, here I am on a spiritual forum, discussing the nature of existence.

Sometimes building a physique is the first start to deciding you wanna build a really cool life for yourself.