How should I date?

[trenton]

I have been in treatment for about 2 months. Multiple therapists have recommended me dating. Dating is something I have been avoiding due to sexual trauma, distrust of relationships, and fear of being hurt. Dating triggers a lot of my defense mechanisms because I have been overprotective when it comes to sex, hence I'm a virgin. My therapists think I'm lonely. Watching how to get laid on actualized was pure torture for me.

As you guys know I have a lot of problems. Sometimes I hate myself for wanting vagina. Sometimes I have suicidal thoughts and depressive episodes. My mind has a tendency to be rigid and fixate on ptsd from my childhood. My rigid mind is a consequence of trauma and autism. You guys have seen the crazy posts I've made and I developed a negative reputation on this forum. I have a job I don't like and I struggle to see a good future for myself.

Most of my suicidal thoughts come from my struggle with life purpose. I feel lost and confused and it undermined my sense of self worth. I have been trying to compensate my trauma and self worth through a grandiose purpose but I never found it. I felt that love, sex, and relationships should be sacrificed to focus on leaving an impact and legacy on this earth. So far the only life purpose I came up with is being a better dad than my dad so I could give someone the love I never received. The problem is that this doesn't solve my career dilemma and Dating triggers a lot of my defense mechanisms for fear of winding up like mom and dad.

When I'm on this forum I show my true thoughts and the messed up things that go on in my head. In practice I'm not like that on the outside. This is one of the reasons my therapist thinks I would be very nice to women even though I have ocd about becoming a rapist because of the severe trauma I experienced.

What kind of Dating advice does the forum have for someone like me?

I'm sorry for disturbing you guys in the past.

[QVx]

My personal advice would be not to date, you’re clearly not in a fit place and it would be unfair on your partner to nurse you through your problems.

I do think you should find a social activity that you enjoy doing. This may lead to addressing some of your issues by experiencing life as opposed to being stuck in a mental maelstrom.

Regular social interaction through an activity that you enjoy doing will lead to exposure to dating in a more gentle and accessible way without placing pressure on you to act.

Unfortunately, you will have to leap from the nest and fly at some point; in reference to dating and sex. It will be uncomfortable but also liberating.

TLDR; find a weekly social activity you enjoy doing which exposes you to new people, new ideas, and new experiences.

Best of luck

[NoSelfSelf]

Well im idealistic, if you want the quality in simplistic terms to put it in %, become a man which is 60%, that should be priority and learn game which is 40% but one cant be a man if he doesnt have game, so it goes hand in hand.

Everyone starting out first thing to focus is becoming a man, then other things on top of it...

Edited October 22, 2024 by NoSelfSelf

[Buck Edwards]

First you could build your self esteem. Try to have positive thoughts about yourself everyday. Have a strong belief in your self. Find your core strengths. Dating is not the ultimate goal of life. 

So first try to build your life up. Seems like you are struggling in lot of key areas. Build them first. 

Women can come later. If you bring a relationship in your life now, you could end up creating a chaotic life pattern. 

Edited October 22, 2024 by Buck Edwards