I desperately want to kill myself. 〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️

[Genius100x]

30 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Don't worry about that. Save yourself first. Then you can patch things up with them.

You don't owe them your whole life.

Create a good life for yourself,

I get it. Thank you.

But they would be devastated by the grief. They are not very strong emotionally. The turmoil in my family would be so much....I can't write. 

But it's better than suicide. So your advice is good. 

Edited October 23 by Genius100x

[Spiritedness]

Never underestimate the gap your absence will leave, my friend. Tough times are ahead for all of us, I wish you strength and courage.

[Ajay0]

To get rid of the negativity, focus on all the positives in your life, no matter how trivial it may be, and write them down in a notebook for easy reference when you need it.

This worked a lot for me when I was in dire straits at one point in my life , and now I do not have any need for this at present. It does serve as a morale-booster at times.

In the Mahabharatha, when Arjuna became suicidal at a certain time, Krishna exhorted him to focus on his positives alone in solitude for a span of time. This helped him to get rid of his depression. Hence some Swamis at present recommend this technique for suicidal people which has been helpful as well.

In the book 'The power of positive thinking', Norman Vincent Peale similarly exhorts a depressed man to write down his positives ( Peale writes them down himself after questioning the man), and after studying all the positives, the man gets a new perspective and realizes that his situation was not that bad after all.

Realizing the positives in life generates contentment and gratitude which is said to attract even more positives to life.

Focussing on the negatives similarly generates discontentment and negativity which can attract more negative to life.

So I would ask you to first practice mental hygiene by getting rid of negative thoughts and emotions as well as systematically and diligently focussing on the positives.

I have had toxic relatives in my life, but I keep it a policy to keep a distance from them. I also try to focus on the positives they have , as well as the positives of having them in life.

In case you do not have a family, life can be very rough and hard and I know of some orphans who suffered a lot, had to earn their own livelihood and had to work harder and endure more privations and hardships than those who had the safety net of a family.

When I get angry with my own toxic relatives, I direct my thought process to such thoughts which helps in reducing the steam and emotivity.

Meditation has been a useful tool to me in regulating my mind, thinking and emoting. Imho, mind management is the ultimate management tool, and if you can manage your own mind, you can manage anything else well.

[Genius100x]

4 hours ago, Ajay0 said:

Imho, mind management is the ultimate management tool, and if you can manage your own mind, you can manage anything else well.

👍🏼 @Ajay0

4 hours ago, Ajay0 said:

To get rid of the negativity, focus on all the positives in your life, no matter how trivial it may be.

It helps. But not always. Our attention automatically goes to what's wrong.

This moment 1 billion things are going perfectly in this Universe and in my body. But who cares. 

Focusing on positives is some mental relaxation. But I need to do real things (root level solution). 

I don't want happiness (sometimes I do). I just want to escape the dungeon.

Edited October 24 by Genius100x

[Ajay0]

1 hour ago, Genius100x said:

👍🏼 @Ajay0

It helps. But not always. Our attention automatically goes to what's wrong.

I have stated this in my post as well.

Since our attention unconsciously and automatically goes to what's wrong and negative, we need to consciously focus on the positives. This obviously requires some effort but will build up your mental and emotional strength in the process. You gain the strength of that which you overcome, and you will find yourself overcoming other problems easily as well due to the increased strength.

Nothing good in this world will come without effort. If you need a good healthy body or mind, you will have to expend the necessary effort for it.

B.K.S.Iyengar, whom doctors had forecast would die before 20 due to the multiple diseases he had, overcame his problems with his diligent study and practice of hatha yoga. He lived a rich, fulfilled and successful life and finally  died at the age of 95 .

In his own words, “Health is not a commodity to be bargained for. It has to be earned through sweat.”

Edited October 24 by Ajay0

[Genius100x]

25 minutes ago, Ajay0 said:

B.K.S.Iyengar, whom doctors had forecast would die before 20 due to the multiple diseases he had, overcame his problems with his diligent study and practice of hatha yoga. He lived a rich, fulfilled and successful life and finally  died at the age of 95 .

Wow .👍🏼

Btw, in ur signature, it should be "Tolle" not "Tole". 

[Ajay0]

4 minutes ago, Genius100x said:

Wow .👍🏼

Btw, in ur signature, it should be "Tolle" not "Tole". 

Thank you for pointing it out. 

I have corrected it.