My Current Understanding of Mind - Comments Appreciated

[integration journey]

On 10/17/2024 at 0:27 PM, Sincerity said:

Introduction

I want to share my current understanding of mind, the dynamics of it and what I am in relation to it. Your comments (educated & relating to the topic) would be greatly appreciated.

Context

I have not taken psychedelics for a year now. My understanding has changed a lot in this year and it has been born from observing and interacting with myself. I haven't really heard people talk about this understanding I will lay out here. I haven't been watching or reading any spiritual teachings or anything of that kind lately (they disgust me). 

The Understanding

In my mind there is an interplay of forces/energies/selves. A full, inner universe with each force/energy/self being separate and unique. This universe cannot be called a society or hivemind (terms I contemplated) because they are not cohesive, they don't work in unison, they just ARE. These energies are mostly very primal and non-complex, representing mostly single sides/characteristics of what you could perhaps call the inner symbolic/archetypal universe. There's (probably) an infinity of them. They cannot be killed, all of them are alive always, but some are significantly more active at times while others are more asleep.

Every thought is a work of some energy. In fact my claim is you could have a vision of an energy behind ANY thought. Or perhaps this is unique to me and I'm more visionary than others, I dunno - but I can take any thought and visually see an "entity" behind it of some sort. Some of them are dark and devilish, some are more angelic, some are relatively normal. This is not just a theory, I can replicate this almost always in my mind. Or, if you're not particularly visionary, if you want to get a sense of them you can pick a particular energy and intent to have a dialogue with them audibly in the mind (which I very often do). You will sense their distinctness, otherness, their boundaries, ego.

What happens in this inner universe dictates what you do in reality. Behind every action is an energy. And the energy that is currently strongest is what entirely dominates the current moment. Two energies cannot dominate the now at the same time. The winner energy takes it all - in the moment.

Anything you're currently doing - YOU did NOT "choose" that. An energy arose that felt an attraction to do what you're doing. You perhaps hesitated for a while (a resisting energy of some sort was stronger) or not (you are open to this energy and it can take you over almost whenever) and once this energy took you, you did and are now doing what you're doing (reading this).

YOU DO NOT CHOOSE ACTIONS. You are open to energies or resist them. And you certainly do NOT choose energies. Even a "choice" to choose some other energy would be an energy itself. And also a resistance to an energy would be an arising energy itself. Any thought/choice/action is ALWAYS an energy and you basically have no power over them, you can't change them.

So basically we're helpless victims, right? We just can't do shit, we are doomed and life sucks, correct?

No. See, this is where it gets a bit weird and paradoxical, at least for me. If you believe you have no power (which is kinda true), you will be overtaken with energies of helplessness, victimhood and that's what you will become in life. BUT if you believe you DO have power you will be more engaged with energies of personal responsibility, taking action, better self-esteem, all that good stuff. So in a sense if you believe you do have power it becomes true. And if you believe you don't - that becomes true. 

So actually it doesn't matter what you believe and there is no "objective" truth about you. Or, thinking about this a bit differently, what you believe BECOMES the objective truth about you.

Belief could be described as an unconscious blockage/partial openness to some energy. Once you see the unconsciousness/unwholeness of an openness (see that it actually doesn't matter and you could believe the opposite and IT WOULD BE JUST AS TRUE), it disappears and that energy doesn't overtake you anymore. See, in order for an energy to overtake you, you have to believe in it! Or, differently: you have to be unconsciously clinging to one part and reject the opposite. ALL BELIEF IS PARTIAL. ALL BELIEF IS UNCONSCIOUS. And once the belief becomes conscious/you accept its second just-as-true side, it is not a belief anymore. Unconsciousness ceases to be with consciousness. An avenue/blockage for an energy is closed.

So this is why you get raped by energies of helplessness, unworthiness, negativity, idiotic pride, fear, shame, all that stuff. Your beliefs are shit. And these shit beliefs let in shit energies. You are unconscious of it. But it doesn't have to be this way.

How to fix beliefs and stop being susceptible to unwanted energies? It's quite simple actually. You just have to convince yourself otherwise, or rather: see fully the other side of the argument. You might remember I mentioned having a dialogue with energies before. This is an excellent way to reconcile "your" side (some energy) and the other side (some other energy) that IS inside of you, but you just haven't been letting in. Here's what I usually do: I sit with a notebook and write at the top: I AM LISTENING. Then very quickly some thoughts arise that would just LOVE to be questioned, to be killed, given attention. And so I talk to myself for an hour or two. At the beginning I ask the energy for its name and I ask to see it (that's not necessary though). Almost always these conversations reconcile something in me and my behaviour in actual reality CHANGES, because my beliefs have been changed. The energies have reconciled, or perhaps you could say they disappeared when they merged with their opposites.

So what is mind? I guess I could describe it as an inner universe. The mind is not a place for these energies, the mind IS these energies - once it becomes them. The mind is all of them combined and could be seen as an entity. What this entity does in the end is the result of what energy was strongest in the given moment. What this entity does is what others consider "you" doing.

But then... what is "you"?

In a sense you are the god of this inner universe. You can observe it. You are the attention from above, crazily intertwined with this full inner universe. You can see it as "you", yet know that you're not of it!

In a weird way, it feels like you can intervene in that inner universe's outcome at times. The main technique for this would be prayer. But how does the action of prayer come about? It must be some energy which you don't control begging to come through.

So you and this universe are this one intertwined organism. With no agency, yet also with all the agency. Influenceable, yet impossible to be directly influenced. Changing, yet unchangeable. Whole, yet expanding.

Conclusion & Ending Words

My understanding is obviously very incomplete. I don't understand reality. I don't know what's in front of me. I am not really self-aware. But that will come I'm sure. One day, one conversation, one attentive glance at a time... just wanted to share this out.

I have this funny thought: in the same way there's a universe in me and I'm sort of above it (yet it), what if I am also a single energy part of another infinite universe with a supreme god observing that universe. I wonder, would that god even be aware of me, or would they be unconscious of me in the same way I am so unconscious of energies in me?  Curious to think about haha.

I'm very happy to hear your related & educated feedback/comments. But if you don't have anything valuable to comment and you want to just be a bullshitter/clown/know-it-all mental masturbator, please spare me, I don't want to hear from you. I will delete your useless posts. Thanks in advance.

This is really well written. Thank you🤍

[Sincerity]

On 22.10.2024 at 10:22 PM, Davino said:

Regarding attention, I was obsessed trying to understand it, for years. It's boggling to realize the role attention plays in one's life. In magick it is said, where attention goes life flows. I realized that whatever I put my attention to, it shaped my whole life. I put my attention in my studies, I learn and become a professional. I put it in martial arts and I become body aware and strong. I put in spirituality and I'm having insane Awakenings.

What is this weird thing called attention? How is it possible that it plays such a role in my life? Moreover, how can I go meta from attention if I'm using attention to cognise attention? Is my attention located somewhere? Is there an arrow of attention? What are the mechanics of attention?

Like this I wondered compulsively for countless hours that became days and months. Until the insight hit me. Finally I was able to unhook from attention and rest in boundless infinitely spacious Consciousness. For the first time I was able to go outside attention, into meta Awareness from within which attention was happening as contractions in an Infinite field, that shape shifted as tight fists that opened and closed, everything fluctuated and danced. Oh finally attention was realized. What a beauty it is.

Very nice.  Great work!

On 22.10.2024 at 10:22 PM, Davino said:

Regarding the I, for sure I ain't gonna spoil that one for you. Leo already did it too much

Haha. I had my share of I am God awakenings for 2 years in the "good old days" when I was taking psychedelics. Of course I don't remember anymore.

I'm kidding with the "good old days" of course. It could be described as more exciting then, but now I feel I'm more mature and building understanding "from the ground up". Letting go of psychedelics for now was a conscious choice. But there will come a time when they'll return to my life.

On 22.10.2024 at 10:22 PM, Davino said:

Really looking forward to reading more insightful posts from you. It's been quite along time since I read anything in this section that I said oh that's real nice, independent and genuine. Lots of love

That's very nice to hear, I really appreciate it. My heart is breaking!

I tried to provide value to the forum with other posts of mine in the past but I decided to hide most of them a while ago (trip reports, "awakened insights/messages", etc). Then I especially wanted to show the emotional difficulty of this work and be an example there. 

Lots of love to you as well. 

@integration journey Thank you! ❤️

Edited October 23 by Sincerity

[Theplay]

@Sincerity Very well written was pleasure to read.

I agree with most of your points just wanted to add this:

I do feel I have the ability to completely halt the mental process.

In your vocabulary to suspend all energies for a while.

As I was writing this an interesting possibility arose:

Could you shape an energy that arisen?

Like a thought that came up and you direct where it is leading. 

[James123]

On 10/17/2024 at 10:27 PM, Sincerity said:

My understanding is obviously very incomplete. I don't understand reality.

Because, there is no you nor reality. Now is before so called birth, nothing has never happened. 

Knowing is the biggest illisuon. 

Buddha.